Maybe I do love her.
Tina’s face lights up at my words. She either didn’t catch my insult or didn’t care.
“Good!” she squeals excitedly. “Not the words I expected, but it’s the right sentiment.”
She gets up and quickly dumps the contents of her tray into the garbage can before coming back and babbling happily at me again.
“You’re a good guy, Owen. Go with my blessing,” she tells me, grinning from ear to ear. “My threat still stands, though! Hurt her, and I’ll kill you.”
“Are you really worried that I’m going to hurt her?” I ask, bouncing my knees nervously under the table as she puts on her coat.
“No, not anymore,” she answers, still smiling brightly.
She waves goodbye and heads out into the cold, leaving me behind with an awful lot to think about.
––––––––
It’s still warm outside at eight o’clock when I leave my apartment and start the short walk to Maria’s place. Well... warmer, at least. It’s maybe fifty degrees at best, but it’s a nice change from the sub-zero Ithaca winter. It’ll be spring soon.
A sudden pang of nervousness hits me as I realize Spring Break is only a week away. I’m going to have to fight with my parents about not coming home again. Mom texted me twice today, each time begging me to come home. I didn’t answer either of them. She already knows why I don’t come home.
How could she not know? She was there for most of it, pretending nothing was happening while Dad beat me again and again. She took me to the hospital, lied to my school and did nothing to help me.
I can’t go home. I don’t have a home.
The light is on in Maria’s kitchen, and I push the negative thoughts into the back of my mind as I approach the door. I want tonight to be for her and me, not for my problems back home.
She opens the door before I even knock, and I immediately hear the blaring television and loud talking from inside the apartment.
“We’ve got a problem,” she tells me embarrassedly as she invites me in.
“What’s wrong?”
“Lacey and Dinah invited guys over and took over the living room before I got home from lab,” she explains, pointing into the living room. Her roommates and their boyfriends are all packed together like sardines on the couch, and open beer bottles and bags of popcorn litter the coffee table. They’re watching some crappy reality TV show.
“Can we go to your place instead?” asks Maria, and I shake my head.
“Craig and Tina are camped out in the living room doing their own movie date,” I answer, and she sighs disappointedly.
“Well, how about a rain-check this time? Are you free next weekend?” I ask, trying to salvage the night and not let my disappointment show.
“Actually... what if we just watch a movie upstairs on my laptop?” she offers.
“Works for me!” I tell her excitedly, and she flashes a gorgeous smile and points to the stairs.
I’m nervous about being alone with Maria in her room. Tina’s warning is still fresh on my mind, and my interest in her is piqued already. She’s wearing a tight-fitting blue tee shirt with a happy-looking penguin on the front, and the way the shirt clings to her curves fires up my imagination. The sway of her hips mesmerizes me as she walks up the stairs, and I can’t take my eyes off of her.
Her room is at the far end of the hall on the right. It’s small but sparklingly clean apart from a folded pile of laundry on her desk chair. The first thing my eyes latch onto is the white bra strap poking out of the laundry pile. I wrench my attention away from it and back to her as she sits down on the bed.
She scoots over close to me as I sit down beside her, and my heart skips a beat as our legs touch. Her shoulder brushes against mine, and I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. Why am I so excited by being here with her? She’s beautiful, yes, but it’s just a movie date!
She pulls up a list of movies on the screen, but every time I try to look at the monitor, my eyes go straight to her instead. They keep latching onto her long black hair and the soft curve of her neck, not to mention all her other curves as well. I can’t keep my eyes off of her.
“What type of movie are you up for?” she asks.
“Um... I don’t know. Do you have any suggestions?”
“Not really. Do you have a favorite?”
She looks up at me, and I get lost in her beautiful green eyes for a long time before finally snapping out of my reverie and answering her.
“Not really... I don’t watch movies very often.”
“Oh come on, help me out here,” she presses, elbowing me and smiling warmly. “I can’t just pick a movie for you.”
“Why not?”
I’m teasing, but she answers me seriously all the same.
“I don’t want to pick the wrong movie,” she tells me, her voice nervous and quiet. “I had such a good time dancing with you, and I wanted tonight to be a fun night for you too.”
“Stupid Dinah, hogging the television,” she mutters as I stare at her in awe. “I even told her I wanted it tonight.”
“Maria, any movie will be fine,” I tell her, slowly putting my arm around her waist. She leans into me, and I sigh happily as I feel the warmth of her body against mine.
“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”
“I didn’t come over tonight for the movie,” I tell her, and then I kiss her on the cheek. “I came to be with you.”
Her eyes light up at my words, and I can feel the invisible wall of nervousness between us crumble and collapse.
“Would you rather not watch a movie, then?” she asks quietly. “What if we just make some snacks, grab some drinks, and spend the night talking?”
The mention of food makes my stomach grumble again. I’ve had nothing to eat since my apple this morning.
“I can’t think of anything I’d like better!” I answer gleefully, and matching smiles, we head down to the kitchen.
Maria puts me to work chopping carrots and picking out crackers while she makes cocoa, but then she turns to me with a mischievous grin on her face.
“Don’t say anything,” she whispers, putting a finger to her lips, and she pulls a box of Girl Scout cookies out of the cabinet and dumps half the box onto our plate.
“They’re Lacey’s,” she whispers as I stare at her confusedly, and now I finally get it.
“Serves her right for hogging the television,” I whisper back. She giggles and then kneels to rummage through a cabinet.
“Oh where is it?” she grumbles from somewhere in the back. “Ah! Got it!”
Maria emerges from the cabinet with her hair ruffled, a triumphant grin on her face and a bottle of brandy clutched in her hand.
“Let’s make the cocoa extra special tonight,” she whispers, pouring a shot into each of our mugs, and she winks at me.
She hurries back up the stairs with her penguin mug and stolen cookies and then waves to me impatiently from the top. I don’t know how I got this lucky, but I have the best girlfriend in the entire world.
––––––––
“Girl Scout cookies taste great on their own, but they’re even better dipped in alcoholic cocoa,” I babble, my mouth stuffed with delicious, chocolatey goodness. I know that I’m being a terrible pig, but I’m starving.
“Do you think anyone’s ever uttered that sentence before?” she asks, smiling at me in between sips.
“Eh... first time for everything.”
She’s let her hair down again tonight, and I still can’t get over how beautiful it is. Her pale skin and green eyes stand out in sharp contrast against her black hair, and I feel like it somehow draws me in. She’s stunningly pretty.
She daintily picks up a mint cookie and dips it in my cocoa.
“Hey!”
“Oh fine, you can do it to mine if you want,” she moans, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.
I dip a carrot in her cocoa just because I can, and she s
ticks her tongue out at me.
“Happy now?”
I make a face at her and she laughs.
“So... we’ve got alcoholic cocoa and plenty of cookies,” I say, leaning back against the pile of pillows on her bed. “Now all we need is a game to play.”
She raises an eyebrow as she munches on a carrot stick, but says nothing.
“Hell, let’s go back to high school again!” I exclaim, clapping my hands together.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, clearly confused. “High school was horrible.”
“Truth or dare?” I challenge her, and she stares blankly at me. My words finally click in her brain, and she bursts out laughing.
“You can’t play that with only two people!”
“Sure you can! It’s so much better like that,” I argue back. She puts her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes at me.
“Go on,” she groans, humoring me. “I can’t wait to hear how it’s better with only two.”
“Because you trust the other person already and there’s nobody else around to overhear your secrets,” I whisper. Her eyes widen and she takes in a sharp breath before turning away from me.
“Then why not just play ‘Truth’ and skip the dare thing if you’re never going to pick it?” she counters, quickly regaining her composure.
“Hey, sometimes they’re fun,” I tease. “Also, there’s brandy in our cocoa, so we can blame it for anything stupid we do.”
“Ah! An important consideration indeed,” she exclaims, raising both a finger and an eyebrow, and she laughs. “Okay, I’ll play your stupid game just as long as I can blame the brandy.”
“Fine by me! Truth or dare?” I demand, pointing a celery stick at her.
“Truth.”
“I... well, give me a second,” I stammer. “I didn’t actually think of a question yet.”
She laughs and pretends to check her watch.
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever did?”
“Oh you’re a jerk,” she groans, and I grin at her.
She leans back next to me on the pile of pillows with her hands behind her head as she thinks, and I try my hardest not to stare at her shirt. I can’t believe how hard it is to keep my eyes from drifting.
“Um... I was thirteen, so I think this was seventh grade. I was feeling really sick and went up to tell the teacher I needed to go to the nurse,” she finally blurts out. “Before I got to the front, I threw up all over this cute boy I had a crush on.”
“Oh wow... that’s awful,” I groan, covering my face. I’m embarrassed for her and I wasn’t even there.
“Yeah, it was pretty bad,” she agrees, and she takes a sip of her cocoa. “Your turn now. Truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
She makes a face at me, but then her eyes light up as she figures out what to say.
“I dare you to tell me the truth to this next question...”
“Hey, that’s cheating!”
“House rules,” she solemnly declares, “and this room counts as my house.”
“Oh, fine. Truth.”
“Good choice,” she says with a wink. “Who’s the first girl you ever kissed?”
“A girl named Jessica, back when I was a freshman here,” I answer.
“Oh...”
Her voice trails off, and she looks disappointed that my answer wasn’t her.
“Didn’t work out?” she asks hopefully, and she perks up again as I nod in reply.
“Nope. She was kind of a bitch, and we ended up hating each other. Easiest breakup ever.”
“Back to you, Maria.”
“Truth,” she states matter-of-factly, and then she turns and kisses me on the cheek. My face gets hot and I feel my smile spread from ear to ear.
“Were you worried that I would say I was still interested in Jessica?”
Her face turns red as she nods.
“Yeah... I was worried you might be interested in someone else,” she quietly confesses.
I put down my cocoa and squeeze her tightly. A smile works its way across her face, and she laughs and hugs me back.
“You’re the only girl for me, Maria,” I whisper in her ear, and she practically glows as she kisses me. Her nervousness melts away as her lips touch mine, and as she hugs me tightly, I wonder how long she’s been waiting for me to say those words.
“Okay, back to you again. Truth or dare?” she asks.
“Dare!” I call out, grinning wildly. She’s ready for me this time, though.
Maria takes one sip of her cocoa and then whispers, “I dare you to give me the best kiss you’ve ever given anyone.”
My body reacts instantly to the longing in her voice, and my heart pounds in my chest.
“You’re okay with that?” I whisper back, and she nods.
“I wouldn’t have dared you if I wasn’t.”
Her eyes widen in anticipation as I lean toward her, and then they slowly flutter shut as our lips meet. I can feel her shiver as my lips brush against hers, and my arms somehow find their way around her, pulling her close to me as we lay back on the pile of pillows. She shivers again as I run my good hand through her hair, and I passionately press my lips into hers.
Her lips slightly part and mine match hers on their own. I can taste the brandy and chocolate as my tongue dances with hers. She moans as I gently drag my teeth gently along her lower lip and then release her. Her face is pink and she looks as turned on as I feel right now.
“Your turn again,” I whisper. “Truth or...”
I don’t get the last word out before she’s on top of me and pushing me down onto the bed. Her lips crash into mine in a long, ardent kiss that takes my breath away. I draw her in and my heart skips a beat as I feel her chest press against mine. She kisses me again almost frantically as I run my hands through her hair. I feel like I’m going to catch fire and burn away from longing and desire. Something about the way she trembles with her eyes closed as she breaks away, gasping for air, is so intensely intoxicating that I pull her right back in again.
Maria lets out a soft moan as I hold her against me and leave a trail of kisses down her neck. Her skin feels like it’s burning, and I can taste the salt on her skin with each kiss. Her mouth hangs open as she gasps in please, her eyes are closed, and she’s almost shaking now.
I can’t help myself anymore; she’s too irresistible. Before my brain even realizes what the rest of me is doing, I grab her by the hips and roll her over so that I’m on top, looking down at her, and I kiss her with a passion I’ve never felt before. She cups my face in her hands and moans in delight as our lips find each other’s again.
With her eyes still tightly shut, Maria grabs my hand and pulls it to her waist. She’s not wearing a dress tonight—just her usual black jeans—and I don’t understand what she wants until she starts dragging my hand slowly up her side.
“Touch me, Owen,” she almost begs, her eyes wide and her voice barely above a whisper, before kissing me again. Her lips quiver as they press against mine, and now it’s my turn to start trembling. I’ve never felt this connected to anyone, and it’s as if we’ve picked up right where we left off after our dance. I want her so much that it’s all I can do not to give in completely to what my body wants right now.
Maria moans softly, still quivering as I explore her body. My fingers run gently up from her hips to her ribs and then trace alone the underwire of her bra through her shirt. I want to touch her so badly, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Maria? Are you okay?” I whisper, kissing her softly on the cheek. “You can tell me to stop.”
“No,” she gasps. “Don’t stop!”
She grabs my hand and pulls it higher, pressing it to her breast. She’s soft and warm, and I feel her chest rise and fall beneath my hand with every frantic breath she draws.
I can’t do it like this. I’m nervous that I’m pushing her too far, too fast. If I don’t stop—if I let myself do what my body is begging me to—I’m goi
ng to hurt her. I just know it.
“Maria,” I whisper, lying down on my side next to her and putting my arms around her, “I need you to lead me. Show me what you want me to do.”
She leans into me and her back burns against my chest even through our clothing. She gently takes my hand in hers and trembles as she slides it down her body again. This time when she reaches her waist, she pushes me beneath her shirt and back up her body.
My heart races frantically as Maria releases my hand. Even though I’m scared to keep going, my body is reacting to her desire. She presses back against me as my fingers reach the underwire of her bra again, this time beneath her shirt, and she rolls her hips against me with longing. I cup her breast in my hand, gently squeezing her through the smooth, soft fabric of her bra. I feel a tiny lace bow sewn in the middle where the two cups meet. With a deep, nervous breath, I slide my hand slowly underneath her bra and touch her bare skin.
“Please don’t let me hurt her... please God, don’t let me hurt her,” I silently pray over and over as she writhes at my touch.
Her breath comes in short, intense gasps as she presses herself against me and, and I nearly faint from excitement as she reaches up and grabs my hair. Her eyes roll back in her head as I fondle her and leave a line of kisses from her neck up to her cheek.
How can I ever go back from this? I’ve never felt more alive or wanted in my life, and I hope more than anything else in the world that she feels the same way.
She suddenly grabs my hand again and pulls it down and away from her breasts. A lump of panic forms in my throat as she drags my hand gently down to her jeans. She stops with my fingers barely touching her beneath the waistline, and she releases me again.
“Maria...”
“Please, Owen!”
Raw emotion fills her voice and sets my mind on fire as she pleads with me. I hesitate, lingering at the waist of her jeans even after she unbuttons them.
“I need this,” she whispers.
She turns and looks back at me over her shoulder, her beautiful eyes wide and filled with longing. I’d do anything for her—anything in the world—but I’m still scared. I’ve never gone this far before and I know she hasn’t either.
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