by Ruby Dixon
“Who else would it be?” I chuckle.
“But they’re so…ugly.”
I roll my eyes. “Does it matter?” I do not find them ugly. Different, yes. Intriguing? Definitely. They could be as beautiful as a kas-fish with its opalescent scales, and she would find them ugly because they are competition. Poor Asha is threatened – before, she had all the young hunters in the tribe at her beck and call. Now she watches them pair off with their own mates and feels unhappiness at her situation.
She pouts. “I miss you,” she says, trying another tactic. “Aehako, please.”
I give her a quelling look. She’s wasting my time, and all the while, Kira is outside alone. This is a rare moment I can spend with her and not have others peering over my shoulder.
“I must go,” I tell her firmly, and adjust the gift I am hiding under my clothing. Asha gives me a curious look but steps aside. I jog to the cave entrance, looking for Kira’s small body. The humans barely come to my breast, and I am not even the tallest of males in our tribe. They are delicate things, and I worry that Kira will not be safe out here.
There are tracks in the snow, and I follow them out of the caves and onto the nearby ridge, where Maylak’s healing plants grow in abundance. They are wedged into a small valley, buffered from the worst of the winds. Kira is here, grabbing leaves off of a plant angrily, a scowl on her face.
She turns and glares at me as I approach. Am I the recipient of some of her anger? I grin to myself. Her cheeks are flushed with that unusual pink color that some find ugly in humans. I find it charmingly adorable. She’s so many interesting colors – pink and brown, and her eyes are the vivid khui blue courtesy of the symbiont. “Hello, my small friend,” I call out in greeting.
“Not your friend,” she mutters. “And I’m not small.”
I chuckle at that. “You should pull a few of the intisar plant there,” I tell her. “It’s good for eyesight.”
She shoots me another glare.
I don’t mind. I prefer her angry expressions to the sadness in her eyes that is so often there.
“I don’t need herbs for my eyesight,” she tells me.
“No?” I tease and move to her side, then point at another bush. “That one is for potency.”
She gives me a shocked look, and the pink returns to her cheeks.
“I do not need it, of course,” I tell her. “My cock can stay erect for many hours without flagging. It is mostly for the elders or men that have been ill for a long time and wish to couple with their mates.”
The noise she makes is strangled. “I don’t want to hear about your…penis.” She shoots me another vicious look. “Maybe you should go and talk to your friend about it more. She seems interested.”
“Are you jealous?” I ask, pleased. I’ve tried to make it clear to Kira that I am interested in courting her, but she’s rebuffed me at every turn. Has she changed her mind? I admire her fine brown hair as it blows in the wind and imagine it spilling over my chest.
And then I have to adjust my breeches again.
“Jealous? Ha! Why should I be jealous? I’m ugly, remember?” She taps the shiny metal shell attached to her ear. “I heard every word of your conversation!”
I cannot keep the delighted grin from my face. She did hear me speaking to Asha. And she is jealous. This pleases me greatly.
Perhaps Kira is not so aloof after all. It’s time to present her with my courting gift.
KIRA
But they’re so ugly.
Does it matter?
The words ring in my ears as I rip leaves from one of the wintry plants. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. I like how he doesn’t care what I look like as long as he gets laid. “Why don’t you just go inside and leave me alone?”
“How can I leave you alone?” Aehako still has that teasing note in his voice that makes my stomach flutter…and makes me want to punch him at the same time. He puts a hand over mine. “You’re plucking all the leaves from this plant. If I leave you, I’ll find the entire hill bare.” He tsks. “Maylak will be most displeased.”
I glare over at him, but I stop denuding the bush I’m attacking. He’s right – I’ve taken way more leaves than I should have, but the man gets me so darn frustrated. “I’ll stop with the plant. You’re free to go now.”
He doesn’t leave, though. Instead, he reaches out and touches the translator sticking out of my ear. His fingers brush against the shell of my ear where it’s attached, and I have to fight back a shiver. “Does this thing hurt you?”
“It doesn’t feel good.” His touch does, though. His finger feels insanely warm against my skin, and a prickle of awareness runs up my arms. “It’s heavy and I can’t sleep comfortably. It gets cold, too.” That, and I can hear every conversation for a mile around.
“Can you take it out? Do you want me to try?”
I pull away from him. A rush of horrible memories burst through my mind and I hug my furs tighter around my body. “They surgically implanted it. I tried pulling it out myself but it’s in deep. I’ll just have to live with it.”
It could be worse. They could have raped me like they did Josie. They could have removed my baby like they did Megan.
“I want to help you,” Aehako says softly, and all the teasing is gone from his voice.
I give him a faint smile. “That’s sweet and all, but I’m fine. Really.” I drop the crushed leaves into a leather pouch. He’s right that I’m squeezing them to death. I don’t even know if I can give these to Maylak. They look pretty mangled.
“You’re angry at me, aren’t you, Sad Eyes? Is it something I said or did?” He leans in close and I catch a whiff of his scent. He smells like the berries they use for soap, and a hint of sweat that somehow smells wonderful on him. “My goal is to make you smile, not bring more sadness to your face.”
“I’m fine,” I say, even though his earlier conversation with the female sa-khui still stings. To me, it matters if he finds me attractive or not. I’m only human – ha.
“You’re not fine.”
“Yes, so you like to point out,” I respond automatically, then mentally wince. Ugh. Why did I go there?
“What is this word? I am not understanding.” He tilts his head. “Is ‘fine’ the wrong word? Raahosh says he doesn’t understand half of what Liz says, so I worry our language barrier is worse than we thought.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say quickly. I step away since he’s awful close and it’s making me fluttery. “I think Maylak needed more tea leaves.” I hurry over to the next plant.
“Fine means…ahhhh.” He chuckles and follows me. “You heard my conversation.”
I shrug my shoulders as a non-answer.
“You did, and your feelings are hurt because you think I do not find you attractive.”
‘That’s not it at all,” I lie, averting my face. I feel like my emotions are painted across my forehead and he’s going to be able to see right through me.
“Mmm. Is that so? Then look me in the face, Sad Eyes, and tell me this.”
I don’t. I pluck a few leaves off of the newest bush, because it’s a nice distraction.
“Look at me, Kira,” he commands again.
I peek over at him. It’s weird that I’m so attracted to an alien. Back on earth, my relationships were nonexistent. I’m the type of girl invisible to guys. I don’t dress in sexy clothing, I don’t flirt, and I rarely wear makeup. My hair’s an uninteresting brown and sits flat against my head, and my face is a little too long to be pretty. I’m not even a great conversationalist. I’m not a virgin because I’m holding out for marriage.
I’m a virgin because I’m boring and unsexy. Normally I don’t care. But Aehako? He’s masculine and utterly breathtaking. He’s one of the few sa-khui who keeps his hair cropped super short against his skull. It’s a short buzz against his scalp, which just draws attention to his big, handsome smile and the enormous horns that jut from his browline. The plated, bumpy ridges down his face are also more prominent, a
nd it makes his face – especially his nose – seem blunter than most. But he’s got such an endearing smile that you can’t help but find him handsome. He’s tall and muscular, thickly built instead of lean like Liz’s Raahosh, and his entire body is a pale slate-blue that I find intriguing.
To say he rings my bell is an understatement. And I hate that I don’t do the same for him. I look away again. “I don’t care if you think I’m ugly.”
“I don’t think that at all,” he murmurs, and I feel the heat of his big body as he moves closer to me again. “I simply did not correct Asha because I wanted to get rid of her, not continue a conversation.”
So he thinks I’m pretty? A happy shiver races through me.
I squelch that line of thinking. It doesn’t matter if he finds me attractive. Leading him on is just a mistake, and I can’t afford to get my heart caught up in matters.
I’m sterile. There’s no way he’s ever going to resonate to me. He can flirt all he wants, but a relationship with me is a dead end. “We’re just friends,” I say, when he leans in even closer.
“If we are just friends, why do you care so much?”
“I don’t,” I protest again. I look over and his face is inches from mine. It makes that weird flutter start in my stomach once more. “Why…why are you standing so close?”
That lopsided, too-sexy grin curves his mouth. “Because you keep backing away.” He leans in. “And I like the scent of you.”
“Aehako,” I say, my voice soft. I can’t lead him on. He needs to know that flirting with me will get him nowhere. He should save his attentions for a woman that might someday be able to be his permanent mate. “Listen…” I stop, because he’s pulling something out from under his tunic. “What are you doing?”
“I am giving you a courting gift.” He pulls something long and thick and wrapped in leather out of his tunic and holds it out to me.
“A gift?” I take it from him, touched. We humans have so little and I already feel like a big mooch with all the things that the kind sa-khui people have given us. Now he’s giving me a gift?
“A courting gift,” he emphasizes. “I worked very hard on it.”
A…courting gift? Is this a sa-khui thing? “I see.” I shouldn’t take it, but I have to admit that I’m curious as to what it is. It fills my hands and is about a foot long, and thick like a baseball bat. I unwrap it slowly… And then stare. Surely that’s not…”Is this your, um, penis?”
He nods proudly. “It’s a very good likeness. I worked hard to get it just right. Of course, the others think I’m mad for staring at my own cock for hours while I whittle.” He shrugs. “Do you not like it?”
It’s a dildo. I stare at it in a mixture of horror and disbelief. It’s made of bone, and I’m a little terrified of what sort of creature comes with bones this…thick. Oh God, I’m blushing. It’s really thick, though. And long. Surely these cannot be the actual dimensions of his penis. But there’s no mistaking the heavy crown on the end, and the veins tracing the length of his, ahem, equipment. It’s definitely a penis. There are even ridges along the top like the ridges on his brows and big muscular arms. And there are even balls attached, and something that looks suspiciously like a pinky finger above the cock.
Dear lord, that has to be the ‘spur’ Liz mentioned. I thought she was making fun of us.
Turns out, not so much.
I push the…thing…back toward him. “I can’t take this!”
For a moment, he looks crushed. His laughing smile disappears and his expression turns fierce. “Is it another? Has your heart already been claimed?”
I give my head a small shake. “What are you talking about?” I’m baffled. I push the dildo back toward him.
His brows draw together and his hands go to his hips. “Is this not an appropriate courting gift?”
“Humans don’t do courting gifts!”
“But Liz…” He breaks off as realization crosses his face.
“I am going to kill her,” I say grimly.
Instead of being angry, Aehako throws back his big, horned head and roars with laughter. He clutches his sides, incredibly amused. I’m glad one of us is having fun at this little joke. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here. “Take this back,” I say, pushing it toward him.
He raises a hand and shakes his head, still chucking. “Ah no, it was meant for courting, and I do intend to court you, my sad-eyed human. Keep it.” His eyebrows wiggle. “Unless you would like to see the real thing?”
“I–what? No!” I sputter. “I don’t want to see your penis!”
“Are you sure? It’s quite a nice one. Look at how fine my gift is!” He gestures at the bone dildo. “I would give you much pleasure with it. I’m quite good in the furs.”
“I don’t want to hear about your sexual prowess,” I hiss. I wrap the thing in the leathers again because I’ll be damned if I’m going to wave a big dildo through the entire cavern, and he doesn’t seem to be taking it back.
“No?” He looks momentarily frustrated. “How do human men court the women they like, then?”
“Not with dildos. They give them flowers and chocolates and kisses and things.”
His arms cross over his chest. “I thought you said they did not give gifts.”
“Kisses are not gifts!”
“What are they?”
I blink at him, stumped. He doesn’t know what a kiss is? Is he joking?
“This is a trick, right?” I say, gazing at him suspiciously. “I’m supposed to tell you what a kiss is and then you insist on demonstrating and then the next thing I know, we’re playing tonsil hockey together.”
His brows furrow as I speak, and it’s clear he has no idea what I’m going on about. “Tonsil…hah-kee?”
“Stop it already.” I’m exasperated by both him and Liz, since they seem to be conspiring against me. “I can’t believe Liz would tell you about dildos and not kissing.”
“So they’re similar?” A speculative gleam enters his eyes.
“I’m done with this conversation.” I move away, edging closer to the bushes. “You should go.”
“Why is it so hard to believe that I wish to be with you, Kira?” He moves closer to me, ever determined, and his big hand touches my shoulder. It takes everything I have not to lean into that small touch. I’m so starved for love and affection that I don’t trust myself not to just fling my panties off simply because he represents some stability in this weird new life.
“Because we didn’t resonate to each other,” I say, tired. And we won’t, because my body won’t produce children, no matter how much I might want them. Or the guy standing next to me.
“Can we not take what pleasure that our bodies offer us?” He leans in closer, and I feel the heat of his body against mine even though I won’t look at him. “Can we not know the joy of touching another?”
“And then what?” I ask. “What happens when you resonate to someone else, or I do?”
He shrugs, his big body utterly casual. “Then life goes on and we celebrate the new union.”
And no one has any hard feelings? I find that hard to believe, but I keep my thoughts to myself. No jealousy? No burning resentment? No envy that someone else gets your lover?
He might be able to turn his feelings off with a switch, but I know I’m not built like that. I know that when I commit, I’m going to want to actually commit. To have a relationship, not just a fuck-buddy. To be loved and love in return.
Unfortunately for me, all Aehako can offer is a fuck-buddy.
“Not interested,” I lie, and give him my best Serious-Kira-is-Serious face. “So you might as well give up now.”
He sighs and gives his big head a small shake. “We will talk again, Sad Eyes. I am not giving up on you even if you have given up on yourself.” He reaches out and brushes a finger over my cheek, then walks away.
I’m left tingling from that small touch, and full of aching need. Why me? Why must I be the unluckiest girl alive?
/> Because I know the moment I give in to my wants and have a relationship with Aehako, that’s the moment he’s going to resonate to another woman.
And I’ll be left alone. Again.
It’s not until he’s halfway down the ridge that I realize I still have the leather-wrapped dildo in my hands. “Wait,” I call. “Take this back!”
He ignores me.
• • •
I remain outside until I can’t stand the cold any longer. Then, my fingers nippy with frost, my face chapped from the wind and my bag full of herbs, I finally return to the caves. The dildo is shoved into my herb bag since I don’t know what else to do with it, but it sticks out an obscene amount. Fact of the matter is, it’s huge. There’s no way any guy’s dick is this big. Not that I’m an expert on dicks, of course. I thought briefly about burying it in the snow but after all the time and effort Aehako put into it, it seems wrong.
Plus, I might want to study it a bit more when I’m alone.
I head inside and blow on my fingers to warm them. Gloves are a priority, as are snowshoes. Actually, we need a little bit of everything, if I’m being honest. Bras, panties – and I shudder to think what it’s going to be like when I get my period again. I missed it last month, but I’ve never been regular. Thank goodness, because these people wear leather, and it doesn’t make a great pair of underpants. Our options are pretty limited, though, and beggars certainly can’t be choosers. We’re lucky to be warm and fed.
The main cave is fairly quiet, though I wave at a few people that are hanging out in the central pool. During the day, a lot of the men go out and hunt for small game nearby, and the crafters work. Josie mentioned to me that Maylak’s husband Kashrem has a cave a short distance away that he uses for tanning, since it smells so bad that even our blunted senses get offended.
I head for the healer’s cave, and tap the wall outside since the leather curtain is drawn over the entrance. “Maylak?”
“Kay-sah,” she calls out. Come in, the translator intones in my ear.
I enter, and she’s not alone. Megan’s lying on the mat in front of the healer, and Maylak’s three-fingered hands are spread wide over her belly. Her eyes are glowing fiercely, which I have learned happens when she’s deep into her healing. In the corner, Maylak’s little girl, Esha, plays with a few bone toys.
