by Kris Shamloo
Chapter 5 – Blind
The seven archways stood before me, tall and slender. I studied them quietly; they each ran off windingly into some massive unknown. Nothing but blackness could be seen. Nothing but emptiness could be heard. The air was thick and stale down each corridor. It was impossible for a human mind to comprehend the vastness of the maze.
I walked cautiously down the rightmost archway. Twenty paces into the darkness and the brick tunnel sharply changed direction. I could no longer see the light of the entrance. I panicked.
Leaning against the gate staring into the arches I thought, I don't want to go in there. I can't go in there. I spent some time trying to reopen the gate; the lever was well out of reach. I knew my efforts were in vain; I wanted only the distraction of the effort.
Maybe an hour had passed; no courage had mustered within me. I need a plan, wandering in a pitch black maze is suicide with no plan.
I imagined a simple maze in my mind. I saw myself running around aimlessly, covering the same ground repeatedly. The maze began to unfold in my mind, if you unfold it and it's just a long walk to the finish.
I stood with the acceptance of the blankness I was about to enter. I set off into the rightmost archway again. I placed my right hand on the inner wall of the tunnel. This is it; you can't take your hand off this wall. Stepping slowly and methodically, my right hand was my guide and anchor. Stay right and it’s just a long walk to the finish. You have to stay right…
Fifteen minutes into the maze and the emptiness started to assault my mind. Only the rough feel of the brick and the quiet tapping of my footsteps filled the space. My brain urged for some concrete sense of spatial awareness, there was nothing; there was only the jackknifing, hair pinning, impulsive, indecisive brick walls. Every moment I felt comforted by the rhythm of my footsteps I would hit a wall or my right hand would touch a void. Turn left, turn right, turn right, turn left, dead end, crossroads, turn left, turn right. It was maddening. Keep it together, follow the right wall.
My left hand was now permanently stationed in front of my face; my scraped nose throbbed from the repeating collisions with the shifty walls. I passed the time trying to figure out if it was darker with my eyes closed or open; I couldn't tell. Were they still open? Were they closed now? I stopped to touch my face. I poked myself in the eye. Tears dried salty as I cried in the emptiness.
The drum of my heartbeat was the loudest noise I had ever heard. I wished it would be quiet. Just shut up for one second. Please be quiet. Thump. Thump.
Just one step at a time. Keep your hand glued to the wall. Ignore your heartbeat, listen for danger. What danger? The only danger down here is my growing insanity. My pulse quickened. Dammit! Another dead end. Relax, stay calm, keep moving, keep your hand against the wall. Keeping my right hand against the wall was the only way through the maze, it was the only way to survive, it was my lifeline. Anxious. Shaking. Filled with fear of the unknown.
My head smacked against the ceiling. What was that? I pressed my left hand up, the ceiling greeted it instantly. The space was tightening. How long have I been in here? It must have been hours, my heartbeat was so obnoxious. I can't think over all this racket.
My left hand now stayed tight with the ceiling. The aching from holding my arm aloft slowed my progress. Periodically drop my left hand dropped to rest. The ceiling height was constantly changing now. Some places I had to waddle through crouched down. This is bullshit. The ceiling sloped aggressively downward, pressing me tight to the floor. This is such bullshit. This isn't fair. Why the hell am I in here? I'll be trapped here forever. Get a grip man! Relax, stay calm, you can beat this.
The corridor narrowed tightly. I'll have to crawl through. Cautiously, I lowered myself to my stomach. Slithering was all I could manage. My right hand stayed adhered to the wall. Crawling with one arm was awkward. My elbows and knees scraped against the rough brick. The narrow shaft seemed endless.
There was a sharp ninety degree bend that required painful contortion to pass through. After twisting my body through the tight turn I lay for a moment to collect myself. How long is this tunnel? The darkness seeped into my pores.
Lying motionless in the tight corridor my minds defenses fell. I can't turn around! Oh Christ I can't turn around! What if this is a dead end? How can I turn around? I'll be trapped here. Why did I come into this hell hole? There was another way, I missed it, I missed it and now I'll die in a brick coffin. My heart pounded, my lungs screamed like bellows. I pounded and kicked at the brick walls. I screamed. I shouted. I pleaded for mercy. I wept uncontrollably.
The panicked feeling never fully passed. It took every ounce of strength to keep moving forward. The terror of the void I had fought for so long in the maze had free reign in my head now. Thoughts of dark creatures silently stalking. Thoughts of invisible traps waiting to spring their steel teeth. Thoughts of burning fire. Thoughts of drowning water. Thoughts of every painful torture and method of destruction loomed in my periphery.
The tunnel widened, I could almost stand again. I walked hunched through the blackness. My right hand led me through the maze. My mind continued to rebel. I fought it back. Stay calm. Breathe. Keep moving. Keep your right hand to the wall. Listen to your senses. Don't invent danger. Keep moving. After hours of walking I needed to rest. I sat leaning against the right wall; my hand still touching it. The urge to sleep became unconquerable.
I awoke violently. You idiot you fell asleep! I was still slumped against the wall, but my right hand lay limp at my side. What if I got turned around? All that progress wasted. I could only hope some silent force hadn't shifted me while I slept. I put my right hand back on the wall. My anchor had been destroyed. I'm sure this wall is the correct one. Am I really sure? I stood up and continued on.
Doubt. Is this switchback the same as the other one? Every change in the wall triggered it, what if I had been turned around? The thought of crawling through that claustrophobic tunnel a second time terrified me. What if there are multiple tunnels like that? How could I know? In the absolute darkness I once again wrestled with my mind, this time against self-doubt. Shut up and keep going. I continued forward. A ghost in the maze.
Don't Minotaurs live in labyrinths? My inner monologue was interrupted by a sensation. Was that a noise? I couldn't be sure. Maybe I felt it. Something, some subtle ripple had reached me. I stood motionless, I strained every sense. My eyes widened in the inky black. My ears twitched in the still air. My skin sat poised to alarm the slightest touch. Ten minutes. I'll wait ten minutes, then I have to keep moving. In ten minutes I grew into the maze, I was just a black vine scratching a living off the walls. Ten minutes of listening to blankness with every bodily instrument I had taught me the unknown art of nothingness. I swam in it. My mind played in it.
I reflected on the anxiety attack I had in the tight corridor. It seemed childish now. My body wouldn't lie to me, I am my body. If there was a danger in this maze it was only myself. Ten minutes turned into many more. For once I let my guard down. The darkness didn't hide my enemies. The darkness was my haven from the enemy.
With a new sense of comfort and nonchalance I marched onward. My right hand drifted loosely against the brick wall. I turned left. I've done it! The hint of a hint of light winked like a stick of incense burning in the distance. My pace quickened.
The light grew with each step. Then with sickening disappointment I emerged back at the iron gate. I had exited from the archway adjacent to the one I had entered. The crushed hope was almost humorous, "figures." I shrugged and unhesitatingly swung around the open archway into the next corridor, "oh well." The second endeavor into the permanent shadow was easy. Occasionally an imagined fear or feeling of helplessness materialized but it was quickly dissolved. I estimated I had been in the labyrinth devoid of my senses for more than two days.
Down the third archway I encountered two more narrow corridors. The only struggle now was physical as I moved endlessly hunching or crawling. I rested briefly, limp ag
ainst the right wall. Continuing my journey the frequency of sudden turns and dead ends began to lessen. The hallway was widening as well. Am I close? I turned the corner and a faint breeze kissed my forehead. The air smelt fresh and clean. The center of the maze was near.
My pace quickened, this time it was different than when I had looped back towards the iron gate, this time I was going to make it. Excitement. Joy. One last corner and in the distance a pale blue glow beckoned me. I stood in disbelief at the edge of the brick archway. I made it.
Before me was a cramped circular courtyard. The brick walls extended high up. Pale luminous icicles hung in the thousands. Their length was incredible, they climbed to infinity.
Thick snow filled the courtyard. In the center was a small white chest. A wooden bench sat dutifully supporting a thick drift of snow. Two other archways ended in the snowy opening. The achievement refreshed my mind while the cold air refreshed my body. I brushed the snow off the wooden bench and sat staring at the beauty of the ice chandelier. I was smiling.
