“And I’m not sure that’s a good thing,” Kate said.
“Why not?”
“Because love shouldn’t be one-sided. It’s not healthy.”
“Listen, Kate, I’m not about to promise you something I can’t deliver.” Losing Kate wasn’t something he was prepared to do. Having had her, he didn’t know if he’d ever be ready to let her walk out the door.
“I appreciate that, Lance. But I have to do what’s healthy for me, too. I just can’t keep loving a man who never puts me first.”
“That’s not fair. I’ve put you first.”
“Yes, but in the privacy of your office or your home,” Kate said quietly.
She was tired of being hidden from the world, which suited him fine—he got that. But he didn’t want Kate to think she could manipulate him into doing whatever she wanted. It was important to him that she let him take the lead in their relationship.
“What can I say?”
She bit her lip and then leaned forward so that her face was turned away from him and her arms rested on her knees.
“If I have to tell you, then I guess that means there isn’t anything to say.”
Lance wasn’t sure what she wanted. Hell, that was a lie, he knew exactly what she wanted. “I’m not going to say I love you, Kate. I just told you I have no experience with that emotion.”
“I don’t understand how you can say that. You have dated a lot of women.”
“None of them have loved me.”
“Well, your mother did and your father, too, right? And Mitch loves you.”
Lance shrugged. The devotion his brother and he had didn’t fit into the mold of what he’d call love. It was just a bond that had been forged in the fire of their upbringing. And there was little in the world that would change that. “I don’t know. What’s between Mitch and me isn’t like you saying you love me.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because I want you to love me. That feels right to me, Kate. A part of me thinks you belong to me. Right or wrong, that’s the way I feel.”
“Belong to you?” she asked.
He nodded. What would he do if she said to get out? Not just out of her house but out of her life? He’d just told her that she was his. And she was. That was as much as he could feel for a woman.
“I like the thought of being yours, Lance. But I’m confused.”
“I can appreciate that. What would it take to clear things up for you?”
“You are still engaged to Lexi,” Kate said.
“I’m ending that, Kate. I can’t marry another woman when I’m involved with you.”
Lance realized in that moment that he’d do whatever she asked if it was in his power. He needed everything in his relationship with Kate to be resolved. It was past time for him to figure out what he wanted as a man.
And everything kept pointing to Kate.
“I guess I need some time to think about that,” she said. “I feel like I’ve been loving you forever and maybe it’s time to figure out what that really means to me—and to you.”
Lance didn’t like the sound of that. But he wasn’t about to beg for her affection. He’d heard too many fights between his parents that had gone the same way.
“I’m not going to play games with you, Kate. If you want to be with me—if you love me—then I think you can put a little effort into being with me.”
Kate crossed her arms over her chest. She looked at him and he knew he’d said the wrong thing. “I’ve been loving you for a long time, Lance Brody, and you never even knew I was alive. So you do what you have to. I’m not playing games with you. I’m just standing up for myself. And I don’t like you trying to push me around.”
“I’m not pushing you around,” Lance said.
He should have guessed that her love wasn’t real. It was probably tied to the sexuality of their relationship and the fact that he was the first man to make her feel like a woman.
Kate shook her head. “I didn’t say you were doing anything wrong. I just need to think. And you need to end things with Lexi. I’m not going to stop loving you overnight, Lance.”
“Well, I’m not too sure about that. It seems like you have a checklist of things I need to do to win your love and once we check them all off you’ll be mine.” Lance stood up and walked to the front door. “I guess you haven’t changed as much as you’d like to think you have because you are still standing on the sidelines of life, waiting for it to happen to you.”
Kate watched Lance walk away and fought not to call him back. But he’d lied to her. He was still engaged to another woman and worst of all, he didn’t love her.
She closed the door and went back inside. She walked through the quietness of the living room, seeing the remains of their dinner.
She didn’t understand how a man could be so perfect that she’d fall in love with him, and yet so disappointing.
She didn’t know if it was just a sop for her heart or not, but she couldn’t force herself to believe that Lance didn’t care for her at least a little bit. Even if he didn’t call it love.
Her house phone rang and she checked the caller ID.
“Hello, Lance.”
“Listen, Kate. I’m not sure what I said back there that made things get out of control the way they did. But I don’t want to end this relationship.”
Kate didn’t, either. But as she looked around her lonely little town house she knew they couldn’t continue the way they had been. There was a reason why Lance’s engagement had spurred her into action. A reason why she’d been motivated to change things that she’d been content to leave before. And that reason was that she’d finally figured out that no man—especially not Lance—was going to fall in love with her if she just kept being there.
“I can’t do this right now. I really need to think.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Talk to you. Because I’ll agree to whatever you say and that’s not healthy. Not for either one of us. You said you didn’t know what love was, hadn’t experienced it like this, and I know what you meant.”
“What did I mean?”
He’d meant that he’d never had anyone like her in his life, someone who’d been so in love with him that they’d take whatever scraps of affection he threw their way. But she was done with that. She had more pride than that…she deserved better.
“You meant that it was okay for me to keep loving you,” she said.
“More than okay,” Lance said.
“Why? Do you love me?” Kate asked.
He hesitated and she had her answer.
“Damn it, Kate. I don’t know what to say. I want you like I’ve never wanted any other woman,” Lance said.
That didn’t matter. Her physical appearance could change. Would that mean he wouldn’t want her anymore?
“That’s not enough.”
“It’s a start,” Lance said.
“Yes, I guess it is. But I want the man I love to love me back. I want you to need to be with me the way I need to be with you.”
“Katie-girl, you are making this more difficult than it has to be. Let me come back to your place and I’ll prove to you that I need you just as much as you need me.”
Kate was tempted to say yes. She almost did, but then she thought about the fact that sex wasn’t love. It didn’t mean that it couldn’t be but with Lance, right now sex was just sex, no matter how good it was.
“I don’t mean making love, Lance.”
“Making love—you just said it yourself. It’s an expression of our emotions.”
“Ours? Do you love me?”
“Hell, girl, I just said I don’t know.”
“I know. I was pushing and I’m sorry. But I just don’t know what else to do. You broke my heart when you got engaged. And tonight I found out you are still engaged.”
She was rambling, so she just stopped talking. But she knew that some element of truth had been revealed there. She couldn’t just keep loving him. Not now that
she’d realized that he didn’t really love her. And not now that she knew he was still engaged to Lexi.
“I’m not going to marry Lexi Cavanaugh, Kate. I can’t marry another woman if I’m involved with you.”
“Good. That makes me feel better. But until things are resolved between the two of you, I have to keep my distance.”
“Why?”
Kate thought about it. She’d left the office feeling ashamed and didn’t like that. And she knew it stemmed from the fact that she wasn’t sure that Lance was her man.
She needed that certainty. If she had that then everything they did together would be motivated by love. And that would be enough for her.
“I just have to. I’m sorry.”
Silence buzzed over the open line and she wondered what Lance was thinking. No matter how well she’d come to know him over the last week, he was still an enigma to her.
And she realized that he probably always would be. That was part of what had made her fall in love with him to begin with. There were secrets and pain in Lance Brody’s eyes and those very things had drawn her to him.
No matter what she did she had a feeling she was always going to love him.
“Goodbye, Lance.”
He cursed under his breath. “Are you quitting Brody Oil and Gas, as well as quitting me?”
“Yes. I am. I won’t be coming back to the office at all. In fact, I need to get away from Houston.”
“You do that,” he said. “Run away if you think that will help. But to be honest, I don’t believe it will.”
“How would you know?”
Lance didn’t strike her as a man who’d run away from anything.
“My mother did it and I don’t think she was any happier after she left us.”
Lance hung up before she could say anything else. Kate was faced with the fact that she’d hurt Lance more deeply than she’d imagined she could. But she couldn’t keep putting him first. She needed to take care of her heart, which felt as if it had been broken in two.
Ten
Figuring that this evening wasn’t going to get any better, Lance put a call in to Lexi. He got her voice mail and even he knew better than to break an engagement via a message, so he simply asked her to call him back.
He didn’t want to go home or to the office. Those two places were haunted by Kate even in his mind. Instead he drove to the Texas Cattleman’s Club. Drinking with his buddies was exactly what he needed.
He tossed his keys to the valet and went straight inside to the game room. He needed a drink and a game to set his mind straight.
His cell phone rang as he went to the self-service wet bar and poured himself a whiskey.
The area code was Virginia. That could only mean Lexi.
“Brody here,” he said, answering the phone.
“It’s Lexi. I got your message. What did you need to talk to me about?”
Lance took a swallow of his drink and sank down onto one of the large leather chairs.
“I wanted to have a word with you about our engagement,” he said.
“Good. Father was asking me about it earlier today and I told him we hadn’t talked about the arrangements. I know we didn’t talk about dates but I was thinking the sooner the better.”
Lance felt like an ass. There was no other way to put it. But he couldn’t make the same mistake his father had. That marriage to his mother had ruined the old man. And may have been the trigger to all that anger in him.
“Lexi…I don’t know how to say this.”
“Say what?” she asked. “I was at Papyrus earlier today and found some beautiful invitations. I am having them send you a sample so you can let me know if you approve or not.”
This was getting worse by the second. He took a deep breath.
“Lexi, I can’t marry you.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. But I am involved with another woman and I…” Lance choked on the words he had to say. He loved Kate. Hell. He loved her. Suddenly all of his doubts were gone and he knew why he couldn’t let Kate go.
Love.
The one emotion he’d never let himself experience until Kate. That was why nothing had seemed right earlier when he was walking away. But Kate was the first person who should hear those words.
“I just can’t marry you feeling the way I do about someone else.”
“Who is it?”
“Kate Thornton.”
“Your secretary. Lance, please, men of your station don’t marry secretaries.”
“I don’t care. Kate’s the woman I can’t get out of my mind and I would make all of us miserable if I went through with a marriage to you.”
Lexi was silent, and Lance knew that this wasn’t the best way to deliver this kind of news. He should call Mitch and ask him to go to her and make this right.
“I’m very sorry.”
“I am, too. My father really wanted this marriage.”
“I know. And if it means he can’t back the bill we asked him to then we will have to find another way to expand our operation. I just know that I don’t want to consign either of us to a miserable life.”
He took another swallow of his drink and then realized the truth he’d just spoken. Happiness was very important to him. He’d been searching for the happiness that had eluded him his entire life, and he wasn’t going to find it unless Kate was by his side.
“I guess there’s nothing more to say to you,” Lexi said.
“I am sorry. But I think that you’ll thank me for this one day.”
“Please don’t say that. This isn’t something that I’m going to recover from easily.”
“I didn’t realize that you cared for me,” Lance said.
“Well, I wouldn’t have agreed to marry you if I didn’t.”
“Lexi—”
“I’m being cruel. You are a stranger to me as I am to you. I don’t blame you for breaking this off.”
She hung up and he sat there, feeling as if his life was like this empty room. And it had been for a while now. But he knew how to fill it.
The answer was Kate. But before he could go to her he had to take care of Lexi, had to make sure that Mitch ran interference with the senator.
He dialed his brother’s cell phone. Mitch had just gotten back from DC. And he knew his brother wasn’t going to be pleased.
“It’s Mitch.”
“I broke off my engagement with Lexi Cavanaugh,” Lance said.
“What?! Why?”
“I couldn’t marry her feeling the way I do about Kate.”
“Kate? Since when do you care about her?” Mitch asked. “Does Lexi know this?”
“I just called her and she sounded upset. Listen, I know it may have complicated things with the senator but I think I love Kate and I can’t let her slip through my fingers.”
“This does more than complicate things, Lance. Damn it. I wish you’d spoken to me before you called Lexi.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be. I have no idea how I’m going to fix this. We need the senator on our side,” Mitch said.
“If anyone can figure out how to make this work, it’s you.”
“I will figure it out. So you love Kate?” Mitch asked.
“Yes, I do. Damn it. I wanted her to be the first one I told.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Go tell her.”
Lance was nervous as he drove to Kate’s town house. He had no idea what to say. For once he had no idea how to handle a situation. This wasn’t at all what he was used to. But then neither was Kate. And he was damned sure whatever happened he was going to make her listen to him.
When he got to her town house it was empty and her car was long gone. Where was she?
Lance searched for Kate for as long as he could but then realized he needed a professional. He called Darius the next morning around ten. He stood in his office, unable to sit at his desk without seeing Kate as she’d been last night when she’d taken control of their lovemaki
ng. He’d never realized that a woman could complete him on so many levels.
“It’s Lance.”
“Hey. I don’t have any news on your fire,” Darius said. Lance heard the sounds of a radio in the background.
“I’m not calling about that. I need a favor.”
“Another one? They are stacking up. You are going to owe me.”
“Yes, I am. But this is important.”
“What do you need?”
Lance took a deep breath. “Kate Thornton is missing and I need you to find her.”
“Okay, did you call the cops?” Darius asked.
“No. I don’t think there has been foul play. I just need to find her and she’s not taking my calls.”
Darius started laughing. “You’ve got woman troubles.”
“Yes, Darius, I do. And this woman—I need to find her. She’s not like anyone else.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I will help you. Give me her cell number.”
Lance rattled off the number.
“Did you try her friends and family?”
“I called Becca Huntington, her best friend, but only got voice mail. And her parents haven’t heard from her.”
Lance looked out of the skyscraper window, wondering where the hell she was. He needed her and she wasn’t here. He was going to tell her about this moment when he had her back in his arms.
Love should mean that they could count on each other. He knew she was hurting and that was why she’d left, but he needed her back.
“Give me a chance to work on this and I’ll get back to you.”
“Thanks, Darius.”
“You’re welcome, man.”
Darius hung up and Lance paced around his office. He should be working. Work had always been his refuge when life got complicated but he just couldn’t make himself do it this time. The only thing he could think about was Kate.
He saw her as she’d been when he’d first come back from DC, with her horn-rimmed glasses and baggy clothes. He pictured her in that short skirt and sleeveless sweater of yesterday and he realized that he’d cared about Kate for a long time. He just hadn’t been paying attention.
Taming the Texas Tycoon Page 9
