by Lexi Lawton
Chapter Seventeen
It had been a little over a week since Xander had told Kylie they needed to slow things down. They’d been hanging out daily, laughing, joking, holding hands, and stealing innocent touches, but he hadn’t kissed her again; even though that was all he could think about when he was with her, which wasn’t helping him focus on his grades.
He yawned as he headed across campus. He hadn’t had any luck finding a tutor who could help him with the specific classes he needed help with, so he’d resorted to going to open study three nights a week. Held on the fourth floor of the library, there were TAs, professors, and other students to assist those who needed the help. It was a controlled, quiet environment that was conducive to learning. At least, that’s what all the flyers had said, and he agreed—even though it took some extra focus to study when Kylie was there. Thanks to open study, he’d passed his last two statistics quizzes and had gotten an A on his Business Ethics paper.
Climbing the stairs to the top level of the library, he found Kylie seated at their usual table near the railing. He dug in his bag for the item he’d bought earlier, then headed toward her. He stopped behind her and reached around, holding a single red rose in front of her.
She took it, her hand grazing his, and then she glanced at him over her shoulder. A gorgeous smile lit up her face, and his breath caught. “Thank you.” She brought the flower to her nose and inhaled, her eyes fluttering. “It’s beautiful.”
“So are you.” He leaned down, planting a quick kiss on her cheek. Flopping his backpack onto the table, he pulled out the chair next to her and sat. “What’re you working on tonight?”
“An English paper.” She made a face.
He chuckled. “I have to work on a paper, too.” As was their routine, they worked quietly, side by side. Between classes and studying and hanging out with Kylie and his frat commitments, his sleep was suffering, and his eyes burned with exhaustion. After almost an hour, he tossed his pen on the table and stretched his arms over his head, tipping his chair back. He glanced around the library. Normally, open study was packed, but tonight there were barely a dozen people. Probably because it was a Monday.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Kylie tuck her pen between her teeth and comb her fingers through her hair, pulling it up into a messy ponytail. Then she rubbed her neck and rolled her shoulders. He lowered his chair back onto all four legs and put his hand on the nape of her neck, rubbing it softly.
She groaned and let her head fall forward. “That feels really good.”
He turned in his chair and then patted her legs. “Turn around.” She did, sitting so her back was to him, and he massaged her shoulders, gently but firmly pressing his thumbs along her neck and shoulder blades.
“You sure you want to major in business?” she asked. “Because you could have a hell of a career as a masseuse.”
“Oh yeah?” He scooted forward so his mouth was near her ear. “Told you I was good with my hands.” She hadn’t seen anything yet. He brushed his lips across her neck and then kissed the soft spot below her ear.
She let out a low, barely audible moan. His heart thundered, and his face heated with lust. What the fuck had he been thinking telling her they had to slow down? It was unnecessary torture, cruel and unusual punishment. But until he knew how far she’d gone, he couldn’t rush her, and so his only option was to control himself. While he wasn’t as freaked out about her being a virgin as he had been, he still refused to rush things, because that would undoubtedly lead to regrets, and the thought of her regretting being with him… That would destroy him.
“Xander.” Her voice was a needy plea.
“Hmm?” He showered her neck with tiny, heated kisses. If he didn’t stop soon, he was going to suggest they leave. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”
She looked at him over her shoulder. “You tell me.” The corner of her mouth lifted in a faint smile.
“You do now…” His eyes widened, and he froze. This weekend! His mother’s birthday. He’d been so busy, he’d almost forgotten. Shit. Neither of his brothers had called or texted to remind him. His dad hadn’t, either.
Kylie twisted back around in her seat so she was facing him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I just realized I forgot to call my brothers about something. It’s no big deal.” He smiled. Having already broken one date with her when he freaked out about her virginity, he didn’t want to cancel on her a second time. And it was way too soon to invite her home with him. Wasn’t it?
“Oh. Do you need to go call them now?”
“I’ll do it later.” When he was alone and could ask for advice on whether or not he should ask Kylie to go home with him for the weekend. That sort of invitation didn’t exactly scream, we’re taking things slow. “I don’t know about you, but my concentration is shot. Want to get out of here, take a walk?”
She was already packing up her books. Once outside, he took her hand and laced their fingers. “I love this weather,” she said.
The moon was high and bright, and the air was warm. It was a perfect night. He squeezed her hand. “Considering we bailed early tonight, I’ll probably have to go to open study tomorrow.”
She nodded. “My RA keeps inviting me and Celeste to her events. We promised her we’d go to arts and crafts tomorrow night. I guess the whole building is having a hall decorating contest, so…” She shrugged.
The thought of not seeing her tomorrow night made his heart sink, especially if he wouldn’t see her all weekend, either. “Maybe we can grab some food after?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
They looped around campus and stopped in front of her residence hall. Xander took her other hand and tugged her closer until he was able to wrap his arms around her in a hug that lingered until he reluctantly released her. “See you tomorrow?”
“If you’re lucky.” She laughed.
He waited until she was safely inside and then headed toward the frat house. He called his brother Tanner on the way.
“Hey, Xander, what’s up?”
His steps faltered. “Jules?” Since when did she answer Tanner’s phone? “Is Tanner around?”
“He’s in the shower. Do you want me to have him call you back when he’s done?”
“Please.” He arrived at the frat house, but instead of going inside, he sat on the curb. “You’ll be at Mom’s birthday party this weekend, right?”
“Of course. I’m looking forward to it. And I’m pretty sure your mom would be really disappointed if I didn’t go.”
“Yeah, you’re right about that. You don’t want to be responsible for ruining her birthday.”
“Oh stop.” She laughed. Jules had charmed his parents from the moment she’d met them, and he understood why. She was a great girl. Sweet. Smart. And she made Tanner an even better man than he already was. “Hang on, here’s Tanner.”
After a moment, Tanner got on the phone. “Aw, did you miss me?”
He grinned. “In your dreams. What’re we doing for Mom’s gift this year?”
“I honestly have no idea. I’ve been so busy with classes I haven’t been able to find the time to sleep, let alone do anything else. I’m sure Ryder is on top of it. Have you called him?”
“Not yet, but I will.”
“Well, let me know when you do.”
Xander rubbed the tension from his forehead, nerves twisting his stomach. He knew asking his brother for advice about Kylie would result in some good-natured teasing—it would be fair considering the shit he’d said when Tanner first mentioned Jules—but he was at a loss about what to do, and he needed his big brother. “So, there’s this girl…”
“There’s always a girl, isn’t there?” Tanner chuckled.
Scowling, he grumbled under his breath. Not because he was upset with Tanner for saying that, but because it was the truth. There was always a girl, someone to occupy him, satisfy his desires. “It’s different this time. I haven’t had sex with t
his girl. Shit, I’ve only kissed her twice.”
Tanner whistled. “Damn. Is there something wrong with her?”
“No. She’s perfect.” He smiled at the thought of her. “I want to do things right this time, but I’ve already fucked up a few times.”
“What did you do?”
Xander hesitated. He didn’t really want to get into all the details about Kylie’s virginity—it wasn’t his secret to tell. “I promised we’d hang out one weekend, and I blew her off because I had to study. I didn’t even call or text to let her know.”
“And she’s still talking to you?”
Frowning, he said, “I feel bad enough about it. I don’t need you piling on the guilt.”
“All right, all right. Take it easy. Seriously, is she even talking to you?”
“Yes. I asked her to hang out this weekend.”
“This weekend is Mom’s birthday.”
“Exactly.”
There was a pause and then a drawn out “Oh.” Tanner cleared his throat. “Okay, so what’s the problem?”
“If I cancel on her, I’m afraid she’ll stop talking to me. But I’ve only known her a few weeks. I can’t possibly ask her to come home with me. Can I?” He held his breath, waiting for Tanner to make another joke at his expense.
“I asked Jules early on to go away with me for fall break to meet you and Ryder. In fact, I think it was our first date.” He laughed. “She thought I was crazy, but she went.”
Xander remembered that weekend and meeting Jules for the first time. He hadn’t realized Tanner invited her so early in their relationship. Hope sparked in his chest. Maybe things could work out the same way for him and Kylie. “Thanks, Tanner.” He stood. “Okay, I’m going to call Ryder. I’ll let you know what’s going on.”
“Thanks.”
“Bye, Xander!” Jules called in the background.
He said good-bye and blew out a breath. Tanner’s advice gave him a lot to think about.
…
Xander was hurrying toward the social sciences building when someone plowed into him, almost knocking him down. “Christ! Watch where you’re…” The words died on his lips when he realized Kylie was the person who’d run into him.
She looked up. Her lips trembled, and her eyes were red and puffy. “Sorry,” she mumbled and tried to step around him.
Xander gently clutched her arm. “Kylie? What’s wrong?” Adrenaline spiked his system, making his pulse race and his breaths sporadic. “Are you hurt?”
She covered her face with her hands and burst into tears. He dropped his bag to the ground and pulled her into his arms, cradling her head against his chest. Her cries became more intense, shaking her whole body, making her words incoherent.
“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered and stroked her hair. God, she felt good in his arms. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring the sweet scent of her fruity shampoo. “Kylie, honey, what’s wrong?” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
She buried her face deeper into his chest, and her shoulders shook uncontrollably. He eased her out of the way of students trying to get into the building and ushered her toward an empty bench near the corner of the brick hall. She sat and took a deep breath, but her tears didn’t stop. In fact, they seemed to come harder and faster.
He brushed away strands of hair that were stuck to her wet cheeks. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”
“My…grand…my grandmother…” Her words broke off into a sob. “Oh God. Nammy Joyce.” Kylie hiccupped and was lost to another round of gut-wrenching tears.
She didn’t need to say anything more. He knew what she would say—her grandmother had died. He put his arm around her shoulders, and she buried her face against him again. “I’m sorry,” he said as tears threatened to fill his eyes. Seeing her cry tore him up inside. He pulled her closer and rubbed her back.
They sat, unspeaking, for a long while. The buzz of students rushing to class disappeared. The grounds were all but empty now, and the only sound was of Kylie’s muted sobs. He rested his cheek on her head and closed his eyes. “Tell me what I can do to help.”
“She was all I had left,” she mumbled, her voice strained with emotion. “And now she’s gone.” She clutched at his shirt as if she were afraid he’d leave her, too.
“I know. I’m sorry. So sorry.” His heart shattered. What else could he say or do? No words would lessen her pain or bring her grandmother back.
“I’m sorry.” She straightened and wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t mean to cry all over you.”
“Don’t apologize.” He used his thumb to wipe a few stray tears from her face. “Losing someone close to you is never easy. You have every right to cry.”
She forced a tight smile. “Thank you.” Kylie blew out a shaky breath, wiped her hands on her jeans, then stood. “You have to get to class.”
He stood, tilted his head, and gave her a confused look. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No, but you can’t afford to miss any classes, and I’m not going to be the excuse you use if you flunk.”
“My classes aren’t important at the moment,” he said.
She stared at him with a tear-stained face and red eyes. “Seriously. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. You need to get to class. I’m headed to my room anyway.”
He wanted to pull her back into his arms and hold her until she felt better. “Let me at least walk you to your res hall.”
She shook her head. “I really need to be alone.”
“Ky.” He sighed heavily, hating the idea of her being alone right now. “Please let me help you.” He reached for her, and she willingly stepped into his embrace. “I’m here for you, for anything you need.”
“Please.” She pushed away from him, and her bottom lip quivered. “I need to go back to my room and talk to Celeste.”
His gut twisted, and he gave a reluctant nod. “Can I bring you lunch? I know you probably don’t want to eat, but I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” She wiped at her face again and then tucked her hands under her armpits as if she was trying to hide the fact she was still shaking. “Really. And yes.” She nodded. “That’s very sweet. Thank you.”
“Are you sure I can’t walk you home?” He shifted on his feet. “There’s no way I’m going to be able to sit in class knowing you’re so upset.”
She gripped his biceps and tried to smile, but her lips trembled and pulled down into a frown. Fresh tears pooled in her eyes. “If you want to help me, please just go to class. I won’t be able to handle knowing I’m the reason you didn’t go and that you’ll get in trouble with your dad and Brad.”
Sighing, he removed her hand from his arm and kissed her palm. Even in light of what she’d just lost, she was worrying about him. His chest constricted at the knowledge that no woman had ever cared like she did, and if anyone had, they never showed it. His muscles twitched with the need to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go. “I’ll come to your room as soon as class is over, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Xander hesitated. He was already late. Taking a few extra minutes with her wouldn’t make that much of a difference, but she was slowly moving away from him. His hand fell to his side. “I’ll see you soon, then.”
Reluctantly, he turned and walked toward his class, each step heavy as if he had lead weights tied to his feet. He flexed his fingers and stretched his neck, trying to work out the urge to chase after her. Was he a total ass for walking away? Should he have insisted on staying with her? He didn’t know, but he did know that when he saw her again, he was going to do everything he could to make this difficult time a little easier on her.
He slipped into class unnoticed and took a seat in the back of the room. Opening his notebook, he doodled pictures of cars instead of paying attention. The professor’s voice was nothing but background noise. Halfway through class, he checked the time on his cell phone. Actually, he was hoping there might be a text from Kylie, but no such luck.
Each second that passed only intensified his worry, and he shifted in his seat. The girl sitting next to him gave him a dirty look, then scooted over in her seat as far as she could to get away from his fidgeting. He closed his notebook and blew out a breath. Kylie really hadn’t looked fine when he’d left her. The only comfort he had was that she’d been heading back to her room to talk to Celeste. She would make sure Kylie was okay.
Finally, when his class ended, he was out of the lecture hall and racing across campus toward Kylie’s residence hall, completely forgetting he’d offered to bring her lunch until it was too late. When he reached her bedroom door, he stopped to take a deep breath and calm his erratic heart. Then he knocked.
She opened the door. Her eyes were still red and puffy, and her cheeks were wet with fresh tears. His shoulders slumped at the sight of her. Stupidly, he’d hoped Celeste would’ve somehow managed to make her feel better.
“Hey.” She stepped aside.
He entered her room. “Where’s Celeste?” His stomach rolled. Had Kylie been here alone all morning?
“She left for class about ten minutes ago.” She sat cross-legged on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. “We were fighting anyway.”
“What?” He dropped his backpack to the floor and sat beside her. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I don’t even know. It’s stupid.”
He waited for her to elaborate, but when she didn’t, he said, “I’m sorry you’re fighting with Celeste. That’s the last thing you need right now.”
She nodded. They sat in silence for several moments before he opened his mouth to speak again, but she beat him to it.
“The funeral is Wednesday.”
“Wednesday? As in tomorrow?” Who had a funeral in the middle of the week like that?
She nodded.
“That’s really soon.” He frowned.
“Nammy Joyce said she was going to have the most inconvenient funeral arrangement so that people wouldn’t fuss over her.” She cracked a smile. “She made sure everything was taken care of. She didn’t want me to have to worry about it.” Kylie tossed the pillow on the bed, then stood. “I’m glad she did. There’s no way I could deal with this, and my father won’t be any help.” She paced the room, alternating between crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her hands in her pockets.
