by Lexi Lawton
Kylie wrapped her arms around his neck and arched into him. Her soft moan was the only permission he needed to keep going, to give her what she’d wanted and to take the same in return. And God, her kiss was pure perfection. His mind raced as he backed her up against the door, pinning her between it and him.
He plunged deeper, harder, devouring her mouth, swallowing her soft moans and gasps for breath. Her tongue sliced over and around his, the motions slightly hesitant as if she were unsure of what she was doing, and that only spurred him on. Her innocence was precious, something to be cherished. And there wasn’t another man on the face of the earth who would cherish her like he did. He wanted to fall to his knees and worship her.
She dragged her booted foot up his leg and hooked it under his ass, jerking him closer as she pushed her hips forward. He dropped his hand to her waist, flexing his fingers on her hip before clutching her thigh and grinding against her. He was so damn hard he couldn’t see straight.
“Kylie.” He groaned. “Fuck.” He slammed his palm on the door right above her head, hoping the sting would ease the war raging inside him.
Dropping her foot back to the floor, she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and looked up at him under her long lashes. That look… His cock thickened even more. She fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, and all he could think about was how it would feel to have her plump lips on his bare chest.
He rested his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. She was destroying him, shredding every last ounce of willpower he had left, which wasn’t much to begin with. Xander took her hand and slid it down his stomach until her palm was firmly on his crotch. His dick was hard enough to pound nails. Because of her. Because of that kiss.
“Now tell me you’re not good enough, Ky.” He nipped at her bottom lip. “Or whatever other ridiculous bullshit you just spewed from this sexy-ass mouth.” He rubbed his thumb across her lips. “I dare you.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kylie sucked in a sharp breath. Holy shit. I’m touching his junk. His very large, very hard, very impressive junk. She’d fantasized about this moment for so long. Of course, she never imagined it would happen in a hotel hallway or right after he’d kissed her to prove a point. As much as she wanted to believe that kiss was something more, she knew better. She’d called him on his bullshit, and he had to prove her wrong.
She gave him a firm squeeze, then massaged him through his jeans. The deep, rumbling groan that emanated from within his chest made her smile. Lowering her head, she looked down to where she touched him, wanting to burn the image into her mind.
He subtly moved his hips forward, and then he captured her lips again, lifting her head with his kiss. Her head fell back against the door, and Xander kissed her harder, deeper. The passion behind his kiss, the determination in his touch made her head spin. She craved more.
Her body melted against his, and she arched into him, loving the feel of his body pressed to hers, of his tongue in her mouth. His kiss was a series of perfectly timed licks and nips and soft moans, leaving her breathless and unable to do anything but exactly what he wanted. Then again, everything about Xander Collins demanded obedience, and she was more than happy to comply.
“Come in and spend the night with me,” she mumbled against his lips.
He sighed, stepped back, and dragged a hand through his hair. “That’s not a good idea.” He shook his head, a frown tugging at his mouth.
“Why the hell not?”
“Because you’re not in the right frame of mind, Ky.”
“Excuse me?” She crossed her arms and glared at him.
“You just lost your grandmother. You’re emotional and vulnerable, and I just think—”
“I don’t care what you think. You don’t know anything about my ‘frame of mind.’” She closed her eyes and silently counted to ten. Then she pushed away from the door, fury burning through her veins. What the fuck was his problem? Did he get off on kissing her like that, teasing her, and then telling her no? Was this all a game he was playing? And who did he think he was, telling her she was too emotional and vulnerable, like she didn’t have a brain in her head she could trust to make a choice on her own? She stepped up to him and poked his chest. “Then don’t you dare kiss me like that ever again.” She spun around, unlocked the door, and then slammed it in his face, taking a little bit of satisfaction in his shocked expression. Jerk.
Letting out a frustrated scream, she banged her fists on the door, pretending it was Xander’s face… His sexy face. And his dark, lustful eyes. And his sweet, luscious lips. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, which still tingled from his kiss. How could he so easily tell her no? She’d felt how hard he was, how ready. She hoped he got a wicked case of blue balls. That would serve him right.
With a deep breath, she took off her boots, throwing them across the room, and shuffled toward the bathroom. A long, hot shower would help calm her. It always did. She turned on the water to the hottest setting she could stand, stripped out of her clothes, and then stepped beneath the water. Tilting her head back, she rolled her shoulders to ease the tension in them.
She’d never fully understood sexual frustration before, not like this, anyway. And she cursed Xander for making her experience it so intensely now. At least she knew she wasn’t the only one suffering. She imagined him in his room with a swollen dick and no relief in sight. Frowning, she grabbed the tiny bar of soap. What was his problem? Was she completely stupid for thinking she could convince him there was something between them?
After washing up and shampooing her hair, she stood beneath the water until her skin was wrinkled. She stepped out of the shower and dried off. It had done nothing to ease her frustration. The more she thought about Xander and the way he was always pushing her away, the angrier she got. She balled up her towel and threw it forcefully on the floor. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her, dammit. In fact, she was better than all those other girls he’d been with, and it was about time he knew that.
Kylie pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt, her movements jerky. She grabbed her key card, then headed to Xander’s room. She banged on the door, everything she wanted to say to him racing through her mind. Once and for all, he was going to know exactly how she felt and what she thought of his recent behavior. No matter how badly she wanted him, she was not going to—
The door swung open, and Xander stood before her wearing nothing but a towel. Her eyes widened, and her throat went dry. Holy mother of God. Water beaded off his chest and shoulders, dripped down his abs, and disappeared into the towel that hung loosely around his waist. The memory of her hand on his crotch hit her hard, made flames of desire erupt on her face. She cleared her throat and forced her gaze back up to his.
He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. His biceps flexed, drawing her attention away from his face again. Damn him. “Did you come over here just to stare at me?”
Her eyes darted back up to his face, and she scowled. “You’re a jerk.” She put her hand on his arm, intent on giving him a shove, and then she yanked her hand back. “You’re freezing.”
He shrugged. “I took a cold shower.”
She drew a deep breath and nodded slowly. “You’d rather take a cold shower and freeze your dumb ass off than get the relief you need from me?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” He narrowed his eyes. “That’s not what I said, and you know it.”
“No.” She shook her head. “All I know is that you keep pushing me away, telling me we have to take things slow, but not once have you told me why. You kiss the shit out of me in the hallway, and then you leave me high and dry. I’m not leaving here until I get an explanation.” She crossed her arms over her chest, mimicking his stance.
After a moment’s hesitation, he stepped back and opened the door. “Come in.” He sounded defeated, like her demand for answers was the worst possible thing in the world to ever happen to him.
She entered, and he closed the door. Xan
der sat on the couch and hung his head, his legs parted slightly. If she bent her knees just a little, she’d be able to see right up that towel. She cleared her throat and waited for him to speak.
“You’re a virgin,” he said softly, not looking up at her.
Her body became an instant, uncontrollable inferno, and she could only imagine how red her face must be. “Yeah, so?” She cleared the lump from her throat and shook her head—or maybe it was an involuntary twitch, she wasn’t sure. “What difference does that make?”
He finally looked up at her, and his eyes were darker than normal, sad. “It matters more than you realize.”
“Wait, that’s why you won’t sleep with me? Because I’m a virgin? So all that bullshit about needing to focus on your classes and getting good grades and me being too vulnerable was nothing but a lie? A lame excuse to make me go away?” She glanced around, wondering if she’d slipped and fallen in the shower and this was some bizarre alternate reality brought on by a serious head trauma.
“None of that was a lie.”
She threw her hands up in the air. “I thought guys liked virgins. Isn’t that the Holy Grail for a guy like you?”
“No,” he bit out through gritted teeth. “I’m sure for some it is, but not me.” He stood.
“Right.” She laughed bitterly. “Hooking up with girls who’ve been around the frat house several times is cool, but someone like me, someone who doesn’t jump into bed with every dick she encounters, isn’t?” Before she realized what she was doing, she was standing in front of him, their bodies much too close and, at the same time, not close enough. “Just say it, Xander. I’m not experienced enough for you. That’s the real reason you won’t have sex with me, isn’t it?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He once again crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at her, his face tight with frustration.
“Then fucking explain it to me! Because, God, that kiss… That was the hottest damn thing I’ve ever experienced, and I don’t care what you say, I know you enjoyed it, too. How can you react to me like that and then walk away?”
“I’m not walking away. I’m just taking a step back.”
“Oh please.” She huffed, anger simmering beneath her skin. “Look, if you don’t want me, just say so, okay? Because all these mixed signals are getting old.”
“Don’t want you?” He narrowed his eyes. “I cannot believe those words just came out of your mouth.”
“Well, what the hell else am I supposed to think? Things were going so well until I told you I was a virgin, then suddenly, you’re putting on the brakes and keeping your distance. I don’t understand.”
“Because virgins want the perfect first time. They want candles and soft music and damn rose petals on the bed. Then they want romance and pillow talk and commitments.” Despite the vehement emotion behind his words, his tone was level, controlled. “Because someone like you deserves all of that. You deserve more than that.” He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs rubbing over her cheeks. “And I can give you all that. I know I can. But I’m not sure you’re ready.” Dropping his hands from her face, he took a step back.
Kylie stared at him, a myriad of emotions battling inside her. Anger and frustration that he thought he knew how she envisioned her first time. She didn’t need any of that crap he described. All she wanted was for her first time to be with someone she truly cared for, and he was that person. He made her laugh, and he challenged her, and he’d been there for her at her lowest time. Without a second thought, he’d gotten in his car and drove her across the country for her grandmother’s funeral.
She swallowed hard and blinked back the unshed tears that pricked behind her eyes. “You don’t get to tell me when I’m ready, Xander. I can make that decision on my own.” Her body was weary with exhaustion, but they were finally talking, and she didn’t want to lose this moment. A flicker of hope started in her chest and spread to her limbs. Maybe she could make him understand how much she wanted him, how ready she was to take their relationship to the next level.
Or maybe she was being naive, and Celeste had been right. Maybe she should’ve hooked up with someone before she’d set her sights on Xander. At least then she’d have a fighting chance with him. But no. Instead, she’d repeatedly thrown herself at him, and he’d repeatedly turned her down.
She straightened her shoulders and stuck out her chin defiantly. “So, if I wasn’t a virgin, if I’d gone out and had sex with some random guy to get some experience first, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“No!” he shouted, finally losing his composure and slicing his hand through the air. “God, how could you even ask me that? The thought of anyone else touching you… I’d fucking kill anyone who tried.”
“Oh, that’s just perfect. You won’t touch me, but no one else can, either? That’s nice.” She shook her head with disgust.
He let out a frustrated groan and paced away from her, shaking his head as if he couldn’t figure out what else to say.
“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t not want me but expect me to stick around.”
“Not want you?” His laugh was terse and shaky, bordering on maniacal. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He stalked up to her, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths. She held his gaze, and his eyes darkened as she watched him. “I have wanted you since the moment I met you.” His tone was once again controlled, his voice smooth and sexy. “Every second we spend together is worse than torture, knowing how badly I want to kiss you and touch you, but I can’t.”
“You can. You choose not to.”
“No, I can’t. All I know how to have are sexual relationships. Meaningless hookups with random women. You don’t deserve that. So don’t stand there and tell me I don’t want to touch you or be with you. I do. It’s all I can think about.”
“Maybe it’s time you stop thinking about it and just do it already.” She held out her arms. “I’ve been right here the entire time.” She let her arms fall back to her sides. “I’ve never told you no. You made that choice for me.”
“Is that what you want? You want me to throw you on the bed and fuck you like I’ve fucked every other girl I’ve been with? You want me to kiss you when it’s over, walk you home, and then pretend nothing ever happened when I see you on campus? Because that’s the guy I’ve always been, Kylie.” He stabbed his chest with his finger. “And I refuse to be that guy with you. You are not going to be another one-and-done for me. I want more than that with you.”
She swallowed hard and blinked rapidly. “So why do you keep pushing me away, then?”
“I’m not trying to push you away.”
She gave him a dirty look.
“I’m not. I swear I’m not. But God, Ky. You don’t get it.” He paced away, hands laced on top of his head.
“Then help me understand, because all I see is you pushing me away and giving me one excuse after another about why this can’t happen.” Her hands shook, and she tucked them under her arms to hide how upset she was with this whole situation.
“I have never cared about anyone like I care about you.” He dropped his hands from his head and turned to face her. His expression was tortured, and her breath hitched. “The depth of my feelings for you scares the hell out of me, and the thought of messing up your first time…” He shook his head. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “And I really don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
Regret? Why would she ever regret being with him? “So, that’s it, then? There’s no chance for us?” She bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling and stared up at him, waiting for him to say the one word she didn’t want to hear.
Chapter Twenty-Five
No chance? Ramming a knife through his heart and twisting it would’ve hurt less than hearing that come out of her mouth.
“I’m not a virgin by choice, you know.” She went to the couch and
sat. “I spent most of my childhood dealing with my drunk father, and then Nammy Joyce started to get sick, so all through high school, I was taking care of her. I never really had a serious boyfriend or the chance to have sex.” She dropped her face into her hands and shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to, or that I’m not ready.”
Shit. Xander’s eyes widened.
“I mean, Nammy Joyce tried to make sure I was able to do all the things other kids my age did. School trips. Sleepovers. Parties. Dating. Prom. But I always felt guilty being away for too long, so I never got involved with anyone beyond casual dates. There was never anyone important enough to me for anything more. Not until you.”
He ran his hand through his damp hair and looked down, realizing he was still in a towel. “Give me one second.” He went into the bathroom and slipped on a pair of jeans. “There, that’s better,” he said as he took a seat next to her on the couch.
“I preferred the towel.” She nudged him.
“Sorry.”
“You could always go put it back on.”
He laughed. “I have a feeling me sitting here in a towel would be distracting for both of us.”
“You’re probably right.” She sighed. “The thing is, I’m not as innocent as you might think. Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I haven’t done other things.” She twisted her hands in her lap and averted her gaze. A blush bloomed across her face.
His heart thrashed in his chest, and he shifted on the couch so he was facing her. This is exactly the conversation they needed to have, but now that she was talking, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear what she had to say. “Like…?”
“Making out.” She shrugged. “Hand jobs. Blow jobs.”
