by Lexi Lawton
Her mewls of pleasure grew louder, and she involuntarily tightened around his fingers. With a sudden jerk, her entire body tensed, and her thighs clamped around his head. She pulled at his hair, trying to get him to move or stop. “I can’t…Oh God…” Every cell in her body was on fire, every nerve raw and exposed.
“Yes, you can.” He used his free hand to pry her knees from his head. “Just relax, baby. You know I’ve got you.” She knew that, and she trusted him with her life, but the orgasm building deep in her core gained momentum and threatened to destroy her.
“I know,” she whimpered. “But it’s too much.” Her body trembled.
She teetered on the verge of orgasm, that precipice where her body felt like it was on fire, every touch like a knife grating on raw nerve, that intense moment right before he tipped her over the edge and she succumbed to the pleasure. She was so close.
One more lick was all it took. He’d barely put his lips on her clit when she cried out and bucked beneath him. She screamed as he swallowed her release, giving herself over to him, branding him as hers.
He eased his fingers from her and kissed up her body, each touch of his lips to her skin made her tremble. Her body went limp, and he kissed her tenderly, stroking the side of her face. “Are you okay?”
She nodded and licked her lips. “That was amazing.” She laughed. “You can literally do that whenever you want.”
“Whenever, huh?”
“Yeah.”
She adjusted so her head was at the top of the bed, and he wrapped his arms around her as he settled next to her. “Well, you can bet your ass I’m going to do that again. And again. And again.”
“We really need to have a serious talk about you betting my ass.”
His deep, rich laugh filled the room and her heart. Closing her eyes, she sighed with contentment. Tracing the lines of his muscles, she wiggled closer.
“I talked to Finn today.”
He tensed and draped his arm over his face. “And?”
“He told me about the letter Brad gave you, and that the vote is Sunday.”
“Son of a bitch.” He shook his head. “I told him not to tell you.”
She stared at him with disbelief, eyes wide, jaw slack. Not only was she shocked by his words, she was floored that he’d so quickly go from hot and heavy to cold and distant. “Why wouldn’t you want me to know?”
“Because I didn’t want you to worry about it.” He dragged his hand through his hair and ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “Because it’s a done deal, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”
“You don’t know that. And you have no right to tell me not to worry. I’m your girlfriend, Xander. That alone gives me the right to worry about you, and when I know how much this means to you, I—”
“That’s the thing. I don’t care anymore. Neither should you.”
What was with him? Why was he acting like he didn’t care? Was this some twisted defense mechanism? She glared at him. “Well, I do care. It’s my fault, after all.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” He released her and sat up. “That right there is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.” He snatched his jeans from the floor and started to put them on. “You’re taking all the blame for this, but guess what? It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” He pointed to his chest and stood. “I’m the one who fucked off last semester and failed my classes. I’m the one who chose to miss classes this semester. Me, Kylie. Not you.” He shook his head. His face was red, and his voice was tight.
She swallowed hard and bit the inside of her cheek to stop from crying. Sitting up, she attempted to cover her bare breasts with her arms, wishing she weren’t naked. What had she said that was so wrong? “Why are you lashing out at me like this?”
“I’m tired of you trying to take all the blame for this. It’s not your fault,” he repeated. “And this isn’t about you. It’s about me, all right? I have enough to worry about without worrying about how it makes you feel.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he hung his head. “Shit.”
She stood and grabbed her robe from the hook on the back of the door. She forcefully shoved her arms into it and cinched the tie tight around her waist. “That’s real nice. Glad to know my feelings are inconvenient for you.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
She snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it at him, then opened the door. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“Damn it.” He sighed and stepped up to her. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I’m sorry.”
She averted her gaze, knowing if she looked into his eyes, she’d lose it and start crying. She was barely keeping the tears at bay as it was.
Without a word, he walked out of her room. She swung the door closed behind him and then flopped down on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. The first tear slipped down her cheek. What the hell just happened? How could he suddenly get so angry with her, so mean? She knew he was stressed out and having trouble dealing with everything. But his words had cut deeply. Did he really not care about her feelings?
Even though he’d said he didn’t mean it, his apology had been hollow. He didn’t even try to make things right. He’d just left without a fight. Why would he do that? Kylie sat up and wiped the tears from her face.
Maybe he was right, though. She was trying to take all the blame for the situation he was in, and that wasn’t fair. He wanted to do the right thing, to fix what he’d messed up, but how could he do that when she wasn’t willing to allow him to take responsibility? She let out a shaky breath, grabbed a tissue from the box on her desk, and blew her nose. The minutes ticked by, and a heaviness settled in her chest. What have I done?
Chapter Thirty-Six
After his fight with Kylie Friday, Xander had spent the night in his room, drinking alone until he passed out. Then he’d spent all day Saturday going over what he’d say during the vote. Kylie had texted him a few times, but he hadn’t responded. Mostly because he was too pissed at himself, and because the things that needed to be said couldn’t be said in a text message. He needed to face her. And he would. Tonight. As soon as the vote was taken and his fate decided.
He sat silently and listened as Brad read a list of academic offenses he had committed. As an added bonus, Brad announced Xander’s GPA from last semester. What an embarrassment. But, that was Brad; he liked to be a prick, gloating about his own accomplishments while tearing down everyone else around him. As far as Xander was concerned, not having to deal with Brad would be the best thing to come out of this whole fiasco.
“And so, my fellow brothers, we must now decide if Xander Collins is worthy of wearing our Greek letters,” Brad said.
Xander rolled his eyes. Would the pompous windbag ever stop droning on? He shifted in his seat, annoyed, agitated, restless. He stretched his legs out in front of him and rubbed his hands over his face. He’d been pulling all-nighters for the past week trying to get caught up and back on track. Lack of sleep burned his eyes. He wanted to get the hell out of this house and go find Kylie.
“Before we vote, though, Xander has the right to plead his case.” Brad turned to him and nodded. “The floor is yours.”
Taking a deep breath, he stood. He looked out at his brothers, able to pinpoint the ones who were in Brad’s pocket. But he could also see the ones who were on his side, his true friends and brothers. Finn smiled and nodded, giving Xander the boost of encouragement he needed.
“Brad’s right. I fucked up last semester. A lot.” He paused, his brows furrowed. Now that he thought about it, every wrong thing he’d done, every bad choice he’d made was somehow tied to this frat. All the partying. All the meaningless sex with random women. All the missed classes and failing grades. All the disagreements with his father regarding his poor choices. His fight with Kylie…
This fraternity had caused him so many problems. Granted, he was equally to blame, but what good would come from fighting to stay here? The parties would conti
nue. The sorority girls would keep showing up, throwing themselves at him. He’d have to keep choosing between parties and classes, studying or girls.
That wasn’t the life he wanted anymore.
He wanted to pass his classes. He wanted to graduate on time. He wanted to spend his free time hanging out with his close friends. He wanted to enjoy the simpler things in life.
He wanted Kylie.
And the longer he held onto the RAT house, the further away all those things would get. Friday night, when he’d been banned from the annual pledge initiation, he thought he’d miss being a part of it, but he hadn’t. He’d been relaxed and happy. It had given him the freedom to be with the most important person in the world. And then he’d gone and fucked that up.
“There is absolutely no excuse for my behavior. I’ve enjoyed being in this fraternity, but not for the reasons I should. I overindulged. I made mistakes. I’ve also made some great friends, had the time of my life, and I’ve learned a lot about myself.” He shrugged. “But I don’t belong here. I never did.” He shook his head. “I came here because I was running from a mistake, and all of you gave me the home I needed. I will always be grateful for that, but c’mon, let’s be honest. This whole thing—the speech, me standing up here blabbing, the vote—it’s pointless. We all know how this is going to end.”
He paused to take a breath. “I’m not going to make you guys vote. That’s not fair to any of you, so…thank you. Thank you for giving me a great three years and some of the best memories of my life.” He turned to Brad. “I’ll see myself out.” With that, he walked out of the house.
“Xander!” Finn chased after him. “What the hell was that? You’re supposed to be pleading your case. Not giving them a big fuck-off.”
“Oh, come on. We both know I’m out. Nothing I say will change that, so why fight it? This fraternity is nothing but one big temptation I don’t need. I’m trying to straighten out, remember?” He laughed.
Finn kicked at the ground. “Things won’t be the same here without you.”
“We won’t stop being friends.”
“You know damn well Brad’s going to put pressure on everyone to cut ties with you. But he can kiss my hairy ass.”
Xander laughed. “Thanks, man. Guess it’s a good thing Brad’s tenure as RAT president will be over soon.”
“True.” He nodded. “So, what now? What’re you going to do?”
“For starters, I’m going to go find Kylie and beg her to forgive me for being a dick. Then I guess I’ll start looking for someplace new to live.”
“Sounds like you got it all figured out.”
“For the first time ever, I really do.” He smiled. “I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.” He turned to leave, then stopped. “Hey, Finn. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. I’m sorry if I let you down in there.”
“I’ve never been prouder of you.”
There was a brief pause, and then Xander grinned. “This is getting too mushy for me. I’m outta here, dude.”
The sound of Finn’s laughter followed him as he took off at a jog toward Kylie’s residence hall. His heart raced the closer he got to her room, praying she was there because if she wasn’t, he highly doubted she would answer his phone call or messages. The need to fix things between them consumed him, and he wouldn’t rest until he had her in his arms.
“Kylie!” He banged on her door. “If you’re in there, please open up. I need to talk to you.”
Silence.
He rested his forehead on the door and closed his eyes. “Kylie, please. I’m sorry about the other night. Please open the door so we can talk.”
“Xander?”
He spun around to find her coming down the hall. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel, and she wore a thin robe, carrying her shower caddy. He sighed with relief. Walking up to her, he took her face into his hands and pressed his lips to hers.
“I’m sorry,” he said, staring into her eyes.
She pulled away from him and opened her door, leaving it open for him to follow. His stomach dropped at her cold demeanor. She wasn’t going to forgive him easily, and he couldn’t blame her.
“How’d the vote go?” She put her shower caddy on the edge of her desk, then faced him, arms crossed.
“There wasn’t a vote.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “What? Why? Does that mean you get to stay in the frat?” Hope filled her gaze.
“I realized it didn’t matter. The whole reason I joined that fraternity was for the parties and the women. And because I was trying to hide from what had happened with Trisha.” He frowned, hating how stupid he’d been as a freshman.
He swallowed hard and took a few tentative steps toward her. “Everything that frat stands for, every reason I joined…it doesn’t matter to me anymore.” He took her hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing each one before holding them over his heart. “Only you matter, Kylie.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes were wet with unshed tears, but she remained silent.
“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”
Her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile, but she didn’t.
He licked his lips and continued. “Those things I said to you Friday night… That wasn’t fair to you, and I am so, so sorry. Your feelings matter to me more than anything else in this world. Please don’t ever doubt that.”
He cupped her cheek, and she leaned into his hand. He smiled softly, hoping he could make her understand. “I know you feel guilty about me missing classes to take you home, but I made that choice on my own. And it killed me, Kylie. It killed me to know you blamed yourself. On top of everything else, I worried about you, about the toll all that guilt was taking on you.”
“Xander…” she whispered.
“You buried your grandmother. You stood up to your father. God, that night I saw you curled on the floor, sobbing and shaking…” His chest ached at the mental image of her like that. “You had too much to deal with, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you also blaming yourself for my choices.” He took a deep breath. “I wanted to take you home for your grandmother’s funeral. I want to be that guy for you, because I love you. I—”
She silenced him with a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, relief flooding his senses. Her tongue eased into his mouth, playing with his, teasing and dueling for dominance. He pulled the towel from her head and then speared his fingers into her damp hair, holding her in place so she couldn’t get away. He never wanted her to get away. She had become his reason for living and breathing.
“I love you, too.”
He kissed her again, harder, deeper. He’d never said those words to a woman before, not even as a ploy to get one of them into his bed. And he was so glad he hadn’t, because Kylie was the only one who deserved to hear those words from him.
“When you left here, I thought that was it, that we were over.”
“Oh, baby.” He smoothed the hair from her face and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. “We are so far from over. We’re just getting started.”
She nodded and snaked her arms around his waist. “I told Celeste I’d hang out with her tonight. She’ll be here soon.”
“Celeste can wait.” He toed off his shoes and then yanked off one sock, which he proceeded to hang on the outside of the door. “Tonight, you’re mine.” He closed and locked the door.
“Just tonight?” She smirked.
“And tomorrow night and every night after that.” He untied her robe and pushed it down off her shoulders until it was a heap on the floor. Sucking in a sharp breath, he admired her gorgeous body. The sight of her perky, bare breasts had his cock thickening. He took each one in his hands before his mouth closed over her nipple. The taste of her was intoxicating—so sweet, so smooth, so damn perfect.
Kylie moaned as he teased her nipples into tight, hard peaks. She arched toward him, thrusting deeper into his mouth, threading her fingers through his hair. “Take this off.” She tugged at his shirt, a
nd in one smooth move, his shirt was on the floor.
Her hands and fingers roamed over his chest, making him tremble with anticipation. She lowered her head and planted kisses on his bare flesh, her tongue tracing circles around his hard nipples.
“I need you.” It was a need bordering on obsession. He lifted her into his arms, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The heat from her sex seeped through his jeans, teasing his already hard, sensitive cock. The past week had been pure hell, not being able to spend every night with her, lying awake, his arms aching to hold her. He laid her on the bed and kissed her. She kept her legs locked around his waist and her arms around his neck.
His hand roamed the length of her body. Her skin was like heated silk beneath his fingers, and he couldn’t stop touching her. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
“I know the feeling.” She smiled and let her legs fall from his waist. Reaching up, she traced his jaw, her eyes hazy with desire.
That look was lethal to his senses. He turned his head and kissed her wrist, noticing the goose bumps on her arm. Putting all his weight into his arms, he pushed up to his knees. With his gaze locked on hers, he took the condom from his pocket and set it on the bed. Then he undid his pants, removing them completely.
Seeing her like this, her naked body on display for him to touch and kiss—it was glorious. It was something he surely didn’t deserve, but he would never take her for granted, never make her cry or make her think she wasn’t the center of his world. Because she was. She was that and so much more.
He caressed her wet folds, staring at them with admiration and need. Spreading her lips ever so slightly, he pressed his finger to her clit.
Her ass came up off the bed, and she gasped. “Xander!”
