She looked stricken as she stood. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m not a good person. I was created with the sole purpose of hurting people. My father named me after him because he knew his family hated him. He wanted them to hate me as well and did everything he could to make it so.”
Madison looked at Edmond and he prayed she was considering changing his name.
He turned back toward the mantle, crossed his arms, and planted his face there.
Madison’s arms went around his waist, and he felt her settle her head on his back. “Leo, do you honestly believe you are anything like your father?”
“Yes,” he said immediately. “He hurt people. I hurt people. He hurt Oliver. I hurt Oliver. Over and over again. Year after year. While other children were learning to dance, my father was teaching us how to survive being skinned alive.”
She tightened her arms around him and he knew she wasn’t listening. She didn’t understand. He was a monster. She would have never let him into her life.
“Would your father have saved me?” she asked. “Would your father have cared for Wess? Given him a fine education and bought him a grand piano? Would he have woken in the middle of the night to attend to Edmond? Helping his tired wife in any way?”
“No, but that’s not the point.”
“That’s the only point that matters.”
She let him go.
Leo ignored the urge to turn around and grab her, to remind her that she couldn’t leave him now. He owned her. She’d married him. She’d be his until death.
“Leo, turn around and look at me.”
He did as he was told, because he was owned just as much as she was. His heart beat for her.
And he hated making her angry.
“Your brother said you live in the past.”
He didn’t ask which brother spoke to her. Oliver wouldn’t dare. He hated confrontations and stayed clear of them as though they were the plague. Undoubtedly, Nick was behind this reunion. “Nick is right. I live in the past. I see myself cutting into my brother every time I close my eyes. I hear the sound of the blade cutting through his skin. I smell the metal in his blood. I feel the warmth of it dripping in my hand.”
“Enough,” she whispered. Her face had paled.
He stopped, but he didn’t think it was enough. Reliving those moments would never be enough penance for his crimes. “I’d like to leave tomorrow morning.”
Her eyes widened. “Aren’t you going to speak to Wess?”
Leo sighed. “I already have. There’s nothing more to say. I’ll visit him in a few weeks.”
“A few weeks? Leo, he’s hurting. He’s upset.”
“Good. I want him to hate me.” He walked past her and sat on the bed again. He removed one boot and then the other.
Madison stilled his hand before he could pull off his shirt. “I’m not even going to ask why you’d want such a stupid thing. I know why. You think he’d be better off without you. You think that by pushing him away he’ll become nothing like you.”
“Yes.”
“Because having a father who upset you worked so well for you, didn’t it?”
He looked away. “That was different.”
“Did you love your father?” she asked.
He yanked off his shirt and threw it across the room. “No. I wish it had been me who’d killed him.”
Madison grabbed his shoulders. Her hands were warm against his skin.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and dragged her closer.
His head landed on her chest. He breathed her in. “You smell good.”
“Leo, this isn’t a good time.”
He ignored her, picked her up, and settled her on the bed. “You’ve too many clothes on, my love. Allow me to assist you.” He undid a button.
She grabbed his hand. “Leo, don’t do this.”
He stilled. “You’re not to refuse your husband, Madison.”
She kept his eyes and a second later spread her hands out at her sides. “Very well.” Her bold expression challenged him.
He slipped his hand under her skirt. “You’re upset, but we both know you want this. Even if you don’t, it doesn’t take much to change your mind.” She melted at his touch. Every time.
“You’re right,” she said. “If you want me, take me. I am yours forever.”
“Good.” He bent and kissed her.
“Even when you make me angry,” she said. “I love you.”
“That’s good.” He kissed down her throat.
“Even when you hurt me and I feel as though my heart might break, I love you and will never stop loving you no matter what you do.”
He lifted his head and sighed. “Darling, you’re talking too much. You’re ruining the mood.”
“Well, if the mood is ruined then I suppose you should stop being such a child and face your fears.”
He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and brought her face to his. “What did you say to me?” He dared her to repeat it.
“You’re running,” she said. “You run when things get hard. Leo, it must stop.” She reached out and he let her go.
“I’m a child now?” he asked.
She pointed a finger at him. “You had a ten-year-old son and failed to inform me of it. You don’t get to be upset. I get to be upset. Wess gets to be upset. Your family gets to be upset. Open your eyes, Leo. Everyone you know loves you and do you know why? Because you’re a good person.”
He looked away.
“People don’t love bad people, not by the majority. Your brothers love you. I love you. Wess loves you.” Then her voice broke. “The only person who hates you is yourself.”
He went to the door.
“I’m not surprised,” she whispered.
He didn’t turn back to look at her. He didn’t want to see her pain.
“Go if you must, but I won’t,” she said. “I’m staying.”
He pressed his head against the door. His hand rested on the doorknob.
∫ ∫ ∫
4 9
* * *
Madison held her breath and didn’t release it until Leo closed the door behind him.
“Stubborn man,” she whispered.
She didn’t understand him and yet she understood him so well. He was so strong, but he was scared. She thought about the way he’d been hot and cold with her. She thought about the moments he’d been at his weakest emotionally. She remembered the cracks she’d seen in his well-placed armor and the vulnerability that shined through with hope bright enough to battle a thousand stars.
He was scared, though he wouldn’t admit it, not even to himself.
He’d watched what he called ‘normal’ families as he grew up, yet what he saw wasn’t the whole picture. He didn’t know that parents fought, some more often than others. Even her mother had stood up to Madison’s father. She’d even heard her shout once.
It had happened while Madison had been young. The sound had frightened her from her sleep in the middle of the night and she’d feared what she’d find in the morning. But everything had been back to what Madison supposed Leo thought would call ‘normal’ by breakfast time.
Madison didn’t know if there really was a normal. Geneve’s mother had died when she was young and her father had remarried. Her younger brothers were from that second marriage. She called her stepmother, “mother” because that was the only mother Geneve had ever known.
Madison was a mother, not only to Edmond but Wess as well. It was how family worked, wasn’t it?
She felt a rush of nervousness and could sense what Leo’s trepidation was about. Would Wess reject her if she tried to be his mother? Would he grow us wishing for a better woman with more experience? Would he want someone different?
These had to be the same questions that went on in Leo’s mind. Would Wess grow to hate his father? Would he wish for someone different?
But they didn’t stop her from wanting to reach out to him.
> She would try. Not only for Wess but for her husband as well.
She was Leo’s wife. She didn’t think she’d be overstepping if she made an effort to get to know Wess.
She changed Edmond, fed him, and then left the room.
She found Wess sitting with a group of children in an upstairs drawing room. A governess was with him. A pretty young girl with unruly blond hair was reading.
Wess’ expression was distant, but he straightened and his eyes widened at the sight of Madison.
“Miss Baxter,” the governess called. The girl who’d been reading stopped and looked up.
“Oh, no, please. Don’t stop reading,” Madison said. “You’re very good.”
The young woman smiled and after a nod from the governess went on.
Madison sat by Wess. She could see his rushed breathing and the nervousness in his eyes. She smiled at him and hoped her expression conveyed everything she wanted him to see.
It’s all right. We’ll work everything out together. I’m here for you. There’s no need to be afraid.
Then she sat back and tried to enjoy the reading.
Slowly, Wess relaxed and he turned his eyes back to Miss Baxter. But every once in awhile, Madison could feel his eyes on her. She ignored it mostly and allowed the boy to take her in. She felt like she was dealing with a small rabbit. She sat still and prayed he’d grow comfortable around her.
She glanced at him every so often. His gaze flickered away the first few times, but then eventually, he held her eyes and she’d smile again. He finally returned it.
“Wess, would you play for us?” the governess said.
“Oh, I would enjoy that,” Madison said.
Wess hopped up like the seat had been lit on fire and ran to the piano. He looked back at Madison and said, “What would you like to hear?”
Leo had said the boy was good so she decided to test him. She selected a composition from Bach and the boy did not disappoint. She was moved by his skill and told him so when he finished.
The children made room to play a few games and Madison thought she would leave, but then Wess sat down next to her again.
And Edmond started to fuss.
“Does he do that often?” Wess was leaning over her so he could see into the basket.
“No, he’s a very good baby. Sometimes, he just likes to be held.” Madison picked Edmond up. “He gets heavier every day.”
“Can I hold him?” Wess asked with hope in his eyes.
Madison gave Edmond over without question and helped position Wess so that he was holding the baby properly. Edmond looked up at him. He’d been smiling more often and had started making noises in the last few days. He did so now and Wess was more than fascinated.
No sooner was Wess holding Edmond on his own then a pack of young girls came over.
“Is that your little brother?” one girl asked.
Wess’ mouth fell open.
“Yes, this is Wess’ brother,” Madison said. “His name is Edmond. He’s a month old.”
The girls fussed over the baby and Wess beamed with pride. Madison felt the air shift and the hairs on the back of her neck rose all before Wess’ expression changed and turned troubled.
Madison had her back to the entrance, but she felt Leo sit down beside her, knew it was him before he spoke.
“I decided to stay.”
She looked over at him. The fear in his eyes hit her squarely in the chest and made her throat feel thick. His face was hard. He’d have looked angry if she didn’t know him better.
He relaxed his features as he turned to speak to Wess. “Is he heavy?”
Wess shook his head. “No.”
“Well, he weighs more than half a stone and jerks a bit, so be careful.”
“I will.” Wess looked at the baby and then at his father. “Do you…” He looked ready to pass Edmond over. The tension grew.
“No.” Leo lifted a hand and smiled. “It seems he likes you. Besides, you do a better job of holding him than I do.”
It wasn’t true, but Madison smiled and remained quiet.
Wess smiled and looked down at the boy again.
The girls, who’d moved away at Leo’s approach, moved back in. They all wanted to hold the baby, and touch him, and speak to him. Madison didn’t know what it was with women and infants, but they didn’t seem able to get enough of him.
With Wess distracted by all the attention he was getting, Madison turned to Leo and whispered, “I’m glad you stayed.”
He didn’t look happy. “I didn’t have a choice.”
She went through her memory and tried to think of a reason Leo hadn’t run.
Then she remembered. “Anson.” He was working. This was not just about the summons from the marquess anymore. This was about his work.
But Leo shook his head. “No, any man here could handle The Circle on their own. I’m staying because I told you I wouldn’t leave you again. Not like this.”
She was moved that he not only remembered his promise but planned to keep it.
Then he jerked his chin to Wess. “I’m staying for him as well. You were right.” He looked at Madison. “Hating my father didn’t help me become a better man. It only made me angry. I don’t want Wess angry.” Yet at his eyes turned back to his son, Madison saw no pleasure in his decision. His smile was only half full. The other half seemed haunted.
She prayed in time, that would change.
∫ ∫ ∫
5 0
* * *
Leo followed Nick and Oliver down into the cellar. His stomach was churning and his vision became spotted with white dots. Every step down made it all the worse. His blood was cold by the time they made it to the damp bottom.
There were footmen down there. They were taking beds up, making room for Anson. Leo didn’t know if the man was bringing a guest, but they’d decided to prepare for that as well. The activity in the space made it harder for Leo to remember the night terrors that had been born in this room.
This had been where he’d slept. He remembered how the rough floor had chafed his ankles. Sometimes, he’d enjoyed the flagstones’ coolness. On the nights Leo had been beaten into exhaustion, the floor had been a comfort, cooling his abused skin and aching muscles.
Heat laced through his groin as the phantom memory of Madison’s hands slipped into his mind and over his skin. He remembered how she’d worked his body into a fever, dulling his pain while building an entirely different ache between his thighs.
Thinking of her now, in this place of misfortune and sin, made breathing easier.
Leo took a deep breath. Madison’s memory vanished at the remembered scent of the room. The other old scents came back as well. Blood. Sweat.
Leo gagged.
“I forced myself to come here sometimes,” Oliver said. His voice pulled Leo back to the present. Oliver had asked Leo and Nick to come with him while the footmen gathered what would be needed for the other bedchamber.
“Why?” Nick frowned and looked around. “Why come here? It looks just how he left it. If I were you, I’d change it around. It’d never want to see it this way again.”
The chains were gone, but their rings were still mounted as though ready for a new prisoner to be brought inside.
“This space makes me sick,” Oliver said. “I still fear him, so I come and try and learn not to.”
Leo realized the three brothers had very different ways of handling their fears. Oliver faced it head-on. He had one of the strongest wills Leo had ever met.
Nick enjoyed peace. It didn’t surprise him that he’d have changed the cellar into something that would bring pleasure as opposed to keeping it as a painful memory.
As for Leo? He’d have run. He never would have seen this cellar again were it not for Oliver asking him to come with him.
It was strange hearing Oliver speak about fear. He was five years older than Leo and since they were boys, he’d always looked up to Oliver. To know that Oliver was afraid of anything only
made Leo feel worse. Their father had won. They’d never be rid of him.
“Can someone else start this conversation?” Leo asked. “Let’s talk about one of you.”
“I already told you my news,” Nick said with a prideful grin. He seemed anxious for fatherhood.
Leo smiled and nodded.
Oliver said after a moment, “I am officially a Good Fellow.” The Good Fellows was an Order that their grandfather belonged to. They focused on advances in education and science.
Their motto: Only the Best for Our World.
Their father had never joined, but they’d offered a place to Oliver who happened to be very good at chemistry.
“Congratulations,” Leo said. He couldn’t help but hope this Royal Society offered Oliver better brothers than Leo. “Are any of your brothers here?”
Oliver must have heard something in Leo’s voice, since he narrowed his gaze. “Actually, I did invite a few. You’ll meet them at dinner.”
The servants left and Nick thought it the perfect time to turn the conversation back to Leo. “How is Madison taking all this?”
Leo put his hands in his pocket. He’d suspected his brothers wanted to discuss his family and had been mentally prepared. “She’s doing well, I suppose. She likes Wess. She’s acting like everything is… fine.”
“Is everything not fine?” Oliver crossed his arms.
Leo shrugged. “In a month, I’ve gone from a bachelor to a husband with two sons. I can’t think there have been many in my situation.”
“I’m sure there have been,” Nick said. “Think about men who marry widows. They inherit the children as well.”
Leo shrugged again. “I suppose…” But this felt different. It felt wrong.
And he only had himself to blame.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know,” Oliver said. “Wess is you.” He smiled. “He even makes the same broody expressions you do.”
Leo scoffed. “Wess is far from being me.” He would never hurt Edmond. Leo had no fear where that was concerned. As Wess had held Edmond, there had been nothing but happiness in his eyes. He’d held Edmond tightly and had appeared quite protective of his little brother as the girls had gathered around him.
The Long Awaited Lord Page 24
