Ty blew her a kiss, and she reached for the simple thoughts she’d had just days before about how hot he was and how lucky they were to have found each other again. How fate had worked its magic. She held on to the belief that they were the lucky ones. Weren’t they? There were billions of people in the world, and she and Ty had landed at the same place at the same time. Twice. But as she tried to hold on to those simple, lighter thoughts—the thoughts of a twenty-seven-year-old woman who didn’t have cancer—they evaded her. Was there even a world outside of the worries scrambling around in her head? She hadn’t been able to hold on to anything other than overwhelming fear since they’d learned of her diagnosis.
Ty ended his call, and as he closed the distance between them, her heart sped up. But it was the quickening of a worried love. He stretched his long legs out beside her and draped an arm over her shoulder.
“How’s my beautiful girl?” He touched his lips to hers and she felt him smile.
Her stomach fluttered and she didn’t move. She needed reassurance that she was still the same woman he’d fallen in love with. Still capable of all the same emotions, and strong. She needed to know that the diagnosis hadn’t turned her into something less.
“Are you okay?”
“Mm-hm.” They hadn’t talked much after leaving Jon’s office. She couldn’t. Every time she tried to, her throat closed up.
“Want a foot massage?” he offered.
She shook her head. “Want me to give you one?”
“I have another body part that needs some attention.” He brushed his lips over hers and said, “My heart needs to know you’re okay, baby. I know you don’t want to talk, but I need to know what’s going on in your head.”
“I’m okay.” She wound her arms around his neck and crawled into his lap. “Don’t think I’m a damsel in a distress, because that’s not why I’m doing this.”
“Of course not. You’re saving me from a broken heart.”
She smiled and kissed him. She believed in Ty’s love for her, and she was thankful for it. But that didn’t mean she was okay knowing that because of her, his life would probably change dramatically. If the cancer had spread, who knew how long she’d have left, or what that time would be like? And if it hadn’t spread, she’d surely have some sort of treatments to go through. Either way, his carefree, vagabond lifestyle had changed in an instant because of her.
“I love you so much, Ty. I’m not okay, but you know that. I just can’t talk about it yet. I’m too scared. But I need you to know that if this is too much for you, you don’t have to—”
“Don’t, Aiyla,” he said angrily, nostrils flaring. “Don’t make this disease bigger than our love. It’s not. It could never be. And it will never chase me away. Do you understand?”
The tears she’d been holding back all evening broke free. She nodded, her chest too tight to speak.
He pushed his hands into her hair, holding her face directly in front of his, his eyes damp. “You believe in fate, remember?”
She nodded, and he said, “I didn’t believe in it. I didn’t understand why you did when you’d lost your mother at such a young age. It didn’t make sense to me. But you told me that fate was bigger than anything, stronger than anyone’s will. You said fate had taken your mother and nothing could have stopped that, but it had also brought you to Ms. F. You said fate had brought Cherise and her husband together. Don’t start going back on your beliefs now, because Aiyla Lillian Soon-to-Be-Braden, the race was fate. Jon being at the race? Fate. My pushing you into going in for the appointment? Fate.”
Every time he said fate he tightened his fingers in her hair. “The universe isn’t going to put you through all of that just to steal you away from us. Away from this—”
He crashed his mouth to hers, and her entire body inhaled his love, his strength, his belief. Lust coiled deep inside her, spreading up her chest, through her limbs, and binding them together, stirring all the emotions that had been overridden by fear and sadness. This was real. Unbreakable. This was true, persevere-through-anything love.
“Don’t push me away,” he demanded. “Not now. Not ever.”
“I won’t, and I’m sorry—”
Her words were lost on the press of his greedy lips. They kissed feverishly, whispering I love yous and other sweet words of togetherness.
THEY ATE DINNER on the back deck with Phillip and Ty’s parents, and afterward Ty refused to let Aiyla help carry the dishes inside. She sat on the back steps, listening as Phillip told her all about caring for his two goats, Big and Little.
“If you don’t shut the gate, Dad has to chase the goats for a long time, and he doesn’t like that. Mommy says it’s good for the goats to run around, but Daddy says she just likes to watch him chase them.” A rascally smile appeared on his face, and he said, “You shouldn’t let goats in your house. They poop everywhere, and they eat the curtains, and then Mom chases them outside and Dad has to run after them again. Do you want to know about the chickens?”
“Absolutely.” As Phillip told her about feedings and checking for eggs, she imagined the fun they must have on their farmette. For a moment she even forgot about her worries, but when Phillip finished his story, her mind found them again in the silence. It was strange to be talking about goats and chickens when there was a disease growing inside her. She was glad Ty hadn’t pushed her to tell his family what was going on. They’d told them that she’d fallen and scraped her leg. She hated lying, but it was better than falling apart and not having the details they’d surely want to know. The details she didn’t want to know, like had it spread and did her life now have an expiration date?
She gazed out over the water, shoving those worries as deep down as she could, making way for other troublesome thoughts, like what impact would this have on Ty?
“Who’s ready for treats?” Ty came outside with a plate of goodies.
The shadow of sadness in his eyes was a sure giveaway that something was wrong. Had his family noticed? She tried to push away the guilt that came with knowing she was the cause of it, but there was no more room to bury anything inside her.
Ty put a hand on her shoulder, crouching beside her. “Want to come down to the fire and make s’mores?”
“I do!” Phillip exclaimed.
“Climb on, little buddy.” Ty patted his thigh, and Phillip climbed into his arms. “Come on, babe.”
Aiyla wasn’t hungry, but she pushed to her feet and followed them down to the blankets by the fire, still trying to bury the guilt she knew he didn’t want her to feel. The dull ache in her leg was constant, but knowing it was cancer made the pain inconsequential.
Maisy and Ace joined them a few minutes later and jumped right into the s’more-making fun. Ty placed the graham crackers and Hershey bars beside the bag of marshmallows while Phillip and Ace walked to the woods at the edge of the property in hunt of twigs to use for roasting marshmallows. Ace looked even bigger and broader walking with little Phillip. He crouched beside his grandson, pointing to something in the woods.
“Adorable, aren’t they?” Maisy sat beside Aiyla, bringing with her the scent of motherly love.
It was a scent Aiyla missed terribly. She wondered who her mother had confided in when she was first diagnosed with cancer. She knew from Ms. F that her mother had shared her diagnosis with her early on, but at the very moment she was told, was she alone? Did she have anyone to lean on? A lump rose in Aiyla’s throat. She would give anything to walk into her arms one last time and feel the sense of love and safety that only a mother could bring.
“I remember when your guy was Phillip’s age,” Maisy said, bringing Aiyla back to the moment. Maisy looked at Ty, who was crossing the lawn toward Ace and Phillip. “He used to gobble up the Hershey bars without any marshmallows or graham crackers.”
“I know. He told me when we were in Saint-Luc.” She remembered the snowy night when they’d joined a group of friends she knew from the resort. They’d sat around a bonfire, much like
this one, bundled up in blankets, sharing childhood memories. She’d told Ty about movie nights and working in the garden with her mother on the weekends, and he told her about going sailing, bonfires, and getting into trouble with his siblings.
Smiling with the memory, Aiyla said, “He said the marshmallows took over.”
Maisy reached into the pocket of her sweater and withdrew a package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. “And you must have been the one who introduced him to s’mores made with these.”
Aiyla looked at the orange candy wrapper, her chest constricting more than it probably should have over Ty telling his mother about that special night. “I can’t believe he told you about that.”
“He didn’t. But after he got back from that trip, he brought them to a bonfire.” She handed the candy to Aiyla and said, “Men are creatures of habit, and it’s the small changes that mean the most. The changes they don’t think anyone else notices, like candy at a bonfire. He has two of these in his pocket right now. Mothers notice these things.”
Aiyla didn’t know if that was Maisy’s way of telling her she’d noticed that something was off with Ty tonight, but it didn’t matter if it wasn’t. Aiyla suddenly wanted to share her secret with her. She wrestled with the selfishness of doing so. Maisy would surely worry about her, and about Ty. Wasn’t that what mothers were supposed to do? Worry about their children? Tears welled in her eyes, and she struggled to hold them back, but as she watched Ace hand Ty and Phillip twigs, a new worry settled in. What if the cancer treatments made it hard for her to have children? She knew Ty wanted a big family. They’d talked about it in Saint-Luc, and even if they hadn’t, it was evident in the way he looked at Phillip and loved his siblings.
“Maisy” came out shakily.
Maisy glanced over, her smile instantly fading. “What is it, sweetie?”
“I have…” She swallowed hard, swiping at tears spilling from her eyes, and forced herself to say the words. “I have cancer.” She gasped a breath, and her confession fell from her lips. “I didn’t fall or scratch my leg. I had a biopsy.”
“Oh, my sweet girl.” Maisy wrapped her in her arms, gathering Aiyla’s hair over her shoulder as her mother used to when she embraced her. “It’s okay. Let it all out, honey.”
Her kindness only made Aiyla cry harder. “I’m sorry we lied to you. It was my fault, not Ty’s. I couldn’t…”
“It’s okay. Shh. Don’t fret over that.” Maisy held her tighter.
Aiyla spotted Ty guiding Phillip down by the water. He must have figured out that she’d told his mother and didn’t want Phillip to see her crying. She drew back from Maisy’s warm embrace, instantly missing it, and wiped her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break down or to spring that on you.”
“Oh, honey. I knew something was wrong, but I also knew you and Ty would tell us when you were ready.” Her compassionate gaze drew more tears, and Maisy held her again. “Cry it out, sweetie.”
Maisy held her for a long while, reassuring her. She didn’t rush her or make her feel uncomfortable. She made her feel…loved. Safe.
When Aiyla finally pulled herself together enough to move from the circle of her embrace, Maisy smiled and reached for her hand.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Her mind screamed, No! but she felt herself nodding. “I’m terrified, and I don’t want to make Ty’s life harder, or make my sister worry.” Sobs bubbled out, and she forced herself to continue. “We don’t know anything yet, other than that I have a tumor in my tibia.” Her voice cracked. “I’m having a PET scan Thursday morning, and then we’ll know more.” A flood of tears fell as she croaked out, “I feel like I’m skiing down this never-ending slope, and I keep picking up speed.” Gasp. Gasp. She couldn’t breathe, but she had to get this out before it tore her apart. “Part of me wants to rush to the finish line, which in my head is getting the PET scan results so I’ll know what I’m facing. But then I see visions of my mom”—she clenched her eyes shut, sobbing with the memories—“and what she went through. I keep looking for a hidden trail where I can circumvent that finish line.”
“Oh, honey.” Maisy embraced her again.
“I don’t know where to have treatments, or how to tell my sister. I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I shouldn’t dump this on you. I was just watching Ty with Phillip, and”—she gulped in air—“I realized that if by some grace of God the cancer hasn’t spread, then treatments could make it so I can’t have children. And then…” Sobs buried her voice again, but her fears were too big to hold back. “Ty” was all she could manage.
Maisy drew back, holding her hands. “This disease does not change anything. Ty loves you, and there are plenty of other ways to make a family. And as for dumping? Honey, I’m a mother to six children and to all of their significant others. Including you.” She tucked Aiyla’s hair behind her ear. “A mother’s job is to be dumped on. We live for it, so we can help the people we love through the hard times and celebrate the good times. Do you know what that means?”
Aiyla dropped her gaze, tears pouring down her cheeks.
Maisy lifted Aiyla’s chin, smiling warmly. “That means we will get through this. All of us. And then we’ll celebrate.”
“But what if…?” I don’t live through it? “What if…?” She couldn’t say the words.
“We are not going to think like that,” Maisy said firmly. “We are going to have faith. And wherever you decide to have treatments, please know you are welcome here for as long as it takes and however long you want to stay afterward. And if you go back home, then you’re going to have a lot of Bradens there with you, because once you share—if you share—this news with the others, you are going to have more love and support than you ever imagined possible.”
It felt so good to get her secret out, she cried harder—and she felt infinitely better. “I will tell the others after we have the results of the scan. But you can tell Ace if you’d like.”
“Thank you. Do you want me to come with you when you get the scan?” Maisy asked.
“No. It’s okay.” She glanced at Ty, who was watching them with a concerned expression. “Actually, Ty might need you there. If you wouldn’t mind? He’s been so strong for me, but—”
“Ty is as strong as the mountains he climbs, but he’s also human. I’ll be there, honey. Don’t you worry. I’ll take care of him while he’s busy taking care of you. That’s what family is for.”
Chapter Twenty-One
AFTER A SLEEPLESS night, Ty lay awake long before the sun rose Thursday morning. He pressed a kiss to Aiyla’s forehead as she lay sleeping on his chest. She looked so peaceful, it broke his heart to know there was a disease poisoning her. She was the sweetest, strongest woman he knew, and she didn’t deserve to be dealt this hand. Anger simmered inside him. It had become his constant companion over the past few days, and he’d given up trying to fight it. He was supposed to be the man Aiyla could count on to protect her from anything, and he was powerless against this disease. He couldn’t rip it from her body and beat it until it was nonexistent. And he knew if rage stacked up inside him every time he thought about it, it was probably ten times as difficult for Aiyla to deal with, although she still didn’t want to talk about it.
Not until we know if it’s spread.
They’d spent the last two days trying not to overthink or over worry, both of which were impossible. But his mother had come through, helping to distract them as much as she could. She and Aiyla had made cupcakes with Phillip on Tuesday, giving Ty a chance to tie up a few loose ends and visit Cole. He’d gone in search of answers, but when he’d seen his brother, he’d lost it and unleashed days of fury that had been simmering inside him. He was so angry at the world, and so sad and hurt, he’d needed to let it all out. Thankfully, Cole had understood that need. He’d dragged Ty’s ass down to the gym in their building and let Ty duke it out with a heavy bag—and then cry it out on his brother’s strong, stable shoulder.
Yesterday Ty and Aiyla had taken a canoe out to a private wooded area by the river where Cole had taken Ty before Cole had gone away to college. Ty and Aiyla had stayed on the peaceful oasis overlooking the river until nearly sundown before canoeing back and then heading over to Tap It, Nate’s restaurant, for dinner.
He brushed his lips over her forehead again and whispered, “I love you.”
They were in his childhood bedroom, someplace he’d never been with another woman, and it felt like Aiyla had always been there. Like this was their room, their mattress on the floor.
She made a sleepy sound. “Is it Friday?”
He kissed her again, knowing she was really asking, Can we skip Thursday and pretend everything is okay?
“Almost,” he answered.
“I dreamed we were on a road trip but we had no destination. We just kept driving, and I was so happy.”
He wished they could get in the car right now and leave the disease behind.
“We’ll go on a road trip, babe.” He pulled her warm, naked body over his and ran his hands over her hips, palming her beautiful butt. “We’ll go on a plane trip. We’ll go on boats and hikes and ski everywhere there’s snow.” He believed that with all of his heart and wouldn’t allow himself to entertain anything short of having Aiyla by his side. Always.
She touched her lips to his, and he swept her beneath him, earning that melodic laugh he loved so much. He laced his fingers with hers and nudged her legs apart with his knees. Her eyes darkened, and his emotions came rushing out.
“How did I get lucky enough to have found you?” he asked.
Her eyes teared up. That had been happening a lot lately and he knew better than to ask if she was okay—she wasn’t—or why she was tearing up—he knew. “I am lucky, baby, and don’t you ever doubt that. For better or worse, sickness or health, I am yours and you are mine.”
She laughed, and a tear slid down her cheek. “We’re not married yet.”
Thrill of Love Page 19
