by Alexis Angel
“Misty, listen,” I start, taking a deep breath as I try to find the right words. “You can’t be my client anymore,” I tell her, deciding to get real right from the start.
Taking the flask out from her lips, she looks at me with her wide bloodshot eyes.
“What?”
“I can’t find anything on Liam,” I tell her softly, feeling as if I’m trying to disarm a nuclear bomb that’s about to go off. “I just can’t do what you’ve asked me. I’m sorry, Misty, I failed,” I continue, choosing the safest route available.
“No,” she whispers, going up to her feet as her eyes keep on widening menacingly. “NO! NO! NO!” She wails, throwing her head back and yanking on her own hair.
Alright, get on board - crazy train has arrived into town.
“Misty, please, sit down so that we --”
“NOOOO!” She continues, gritting her teeth as tears stream down her face. Then, as if something snapped inside her head, she narrows her eyes and turns her gaze to me, her demeanor going from wild and loose to cool and controlled in a fraction of a second. “Quit thinking with your pussy, Cara,” she tells me, her words hitting me like a brick.
“What?”
“You heard me. Stop thinking with your pussy. You’re probably just blinded by his eight-pack and huge cock, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes,” she whispers, taking one step toward me and narrowing her eyes into slits. She’s so close that the smell of vodka in her breath is probably enough to get me drunk.
“You’re mistaken, Misty, it’s nothing like that. I simply can’t find--”
“Oh, please. Don’t try to fool me. It’s as clear as vodka to me - you’re protecting him! Well, you better start doing your job, or else I’m going to expose you online and on TV. How would you like to see Lust Muscle going up in flames? I bet all those broken hearted guys that you crushed and humiliated would bandy up together to destroy you, wouldn’t they? I bet they can sue you for emotional distress.”
“Misty, stop. You’re crazy.”
“Crazy? You might be doing well, but I doubt that even you would be able to survive if Lust Muscle were to be exposed. The cost of surviving in court would bury you,” she tells me with a grin, toying me like a cat would do to a mouse.
I stare into her eyes, rage welling up inside of me, but Misty just keeps on grinning wildly.
“I want results, Cara. Or else,” she finishes off and then grabs her purse from my desk and bolts out of my office like a hurricane. Then, a few seconds later, she’s back in the doorway. “Cupcake, cutie! Come on with mommy!” She chirps happily, almost as if she is a different woman now, and her Yorkie jumps out of the couch and trots after her.
“Fuck,” I whisper, sinking down into the couch as she slams my office door. Noticing her open flask forgotten on the couch, I grab it and take a few sips, closing my eyes as the vodka spills into my bloodstream.
How the hell am I going to get out of this mess?
Cara
“I’m so fucked,” I mutter under my breath again, leaning back against the couch. I throw my head back and close my eyes, allowing the darkness to take over my mind. Taking Misty’s flask back to my lips, I take an hearty sip… and then another. It’s so much easier to deal with all this with a slight buzz going on.
Even though Misty has just threatened me, there’s no way I can keep on fooling Liam. Not after knowing him like I do. I might not be the most righteous woman on Earth, but even I have limits.
Of course, that’s easier to think than to do - I don’t want to break his heart, but if I don’t do it… Everything I worked so long and hard for will be at risk. And I sure as hell don’t want to throw it all away on a whim. I mean, I’ve sacrificed all of my adult life to Lust Muscle, trying to grow it as a respectable company. I can’t abandon my company this easily.
But how the hell am I supposed to do it, when saving my business means breaking two hearts at once - mine and Liam’s? God, I can’t believe that after so many years of mocking those women that fall in love, I’ve became one of them. Karma really is a screwed up thing, isn’t it?
Ah, I can’t even think right now.
Rubbing my temples with my thumbs, I take deep breathes and finally open my eyes again. I look at my wristwatch and, even though it’s barely 3 pm, I make a decision: I’m going to get out of here and go home.
Yeah, maybe I’m hiding from the world, but so what? It’s not like I’m doing any good here, in the office. If I remain here, soon enough my brain will melt inside my skull and that’d definitely be the end of Lust Muscle.
Forcing myself to stand up, I drag my feet across my office and step outside, already feeling the vodka wrapping itself around my brain like a heavy blanket.
“I’m going home for the day,” I tell my assistant, and she looks at me, surprised. This is the first time in years that I’m leaving the office earlier just so I can go home - whenever I leave early, I do it because there’s a job I’m working on. “You can take the rest of the day off,” I tell her, and then the surprise in her face is replaced by an exultant expression. Everybody loves to take the afternoon off.
“Thank you! But, uhm, are you okay?” She adds, and I just force myself to smile at her.
“I’m fine! But we deserve a few hours off, don’t we? Let’s enjoy the rest of the day,” I tell her, even though I know for a certainty that I won’t be enjoying my afternoon off - unless ‘enjoying the afternoon’ means getting drunk and depressed while watching romantic comedies from the 90s.
Walking out of my office floor, I step into the elevator and press the button that’ll carry me all the way down; meanwhile, I grab my phone and call for an Uber. Lucky for me, there’s a free car just around the block, and it’s already waiting for me the moment I step one foot outside the building.
Thirty minutes later and I’m already home, a deep sadness taking over me, wrapping itself around my heart and brain like one of these snakes that crush you before it finally decides to devour you, bones and all.
Taking my dress off, my limbs suddenly feeling as heavy as concrete, I take my old college pajamas out of my wardrobe and slip inside them. I grab a blanket and then drag it after me to the living room; there, I just collapse on my couch and grab the remote.
I put The Biggest Licker on, and prepare to forget about the real world for the duration of the show - there’s something about watching billionaires fighting for their chance at deflowering a virgin while your own life is in disarray. There’s just something about that show that makes you believe that, maybe, you also have a shot at an happily ever after. Although, right now, I doubt that’s how this story will end for me.
It’s hard to accept that I’m on the verge of losing Liam. I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere along the way I started to believe that things would work out in the end. Oh, I was so naive.
But it was bound to happen - no man has ever made me feel like he does… And I just can’t stand the thought of being apart from him. But what did I expect would happen? I deserve this. After all, I fooled him just so I could break his heart… And I did it for money.
Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? I spent my whole adult life crushing men’s hearts and ruining their lives without breaking a sweat, and all for what? Just so I could buy myself expensive clothes and live in a modern apartment? I always told myself that Lust Muscle was about empowering women and going after bad men… But now I can’t help but wonder: maybe I’m as bad as the men I’ve destroyed.
“Oh, crap,” I whisper as I watch my phone’s screen light up. It’s sitting on my coffee table, and it’s vibrating so hard that, if I don’t grab it, it’s going to tumble down onto the floor.
Reaching for it, my heart sinks down as I watch Liam’s name blinking on the screen. My mouth goes dry, and my heart starts racing inside my chest. I can’t run forever, can I? Sooner or later, I’ll have to face him.
But I’m not ready - not right now.
And so I shut the phone down and
put it in flight mode, effectively cutting my only connection to the outside world.
Right now, I just want to be alone.
Cara
I can’t believe it’s already been one day.
I even slept on the couch last night, for God’s sake! Instead of going to work this morning, I simply dragged myself to bed and collapsed there. I slept till noon, had some Thai delivered for lunch, and then crawled back to the couch. I spent the whole day laying here, watching old Friends reruns and old movies from the 90s, and I did it all with a bowl of ice-cream on my lap. Yup, that’s right, I’m turning into a living cliché.
And that’s where I am right now, staring at the screen but not really processing what’s going on in there. I mean, I don’t even know what the hell I’m watching right now.
My brain is just too busy, you know? And, despite all that busyness, I still haven’t reached a conclusion. A reasonable conclusion, I mean, since eloping with Liam to the Bahamas isn’t that reasonable. This is the classical paralysis-by-analysis situation, and you can trust me when I tell that having your life in a limbo isn’t fun. Nope, not at all.
And, to make matters, worse, Liam has already called me again - twice in the morning, and twice after lunch. I turned off flight mode earlier today, but now I already regret doing so - I’ve been avoiding his calls all the same, staring at my phone screen until it goes dark again, and that really hasn’t helped to improve my mood.
I might be hiding right now but, sooner or later, I’ll have to talk to him.
God, this isn’t like me at all. Where’s the old Cara? The one that shoots first and asks questions later? The one that always knows what to do, even when the going gets tough? Right now, I look like the sappy female lead in a romantic comedy - except, of course, there’s nothing comic about this whole thing.
Okay, okay… I know, I need to get my shit together, and I need to do it fast. Allowing this situation to drag endlessly won’t do me no good. In the end, depressed Cara won’t solve anything - what I need is to bring the old Cara back. Or, at least, try to.
Alright, screw it, it’s time for me to face the music.
Grabbing my phone, I unlock the screen and write Liam a text. I need to see you. Can you come over? I write, and then grit my teeth and force myself to press Send. A minute later, and his reply comes in: sure, will be there soon.
Kicking the blanket off me, I jump up to my feet and march straight into my bedroom. I take my pajamas off, take a long warm shower, and then squeeze myself inside a pretty decent red dress - I don’t want to look too sexy for when Liam arrives.
Yup, that’s right… I’m going to break up with him, and I’ll do it because it’s what I must do to protect my company... and because it’s also the right thing to do. As hard as it might be, in the end, it’ll be for the best. After all, I started this whole relationship under false pretenses, and Liam deserves better than that.
And so, in the end, Misty will get what she wants. But, even though I’m going to break up with him, I sure as hell won’t do it in a humiliating way. Let Misty think whatever she wants, but I’m not going to attack Liam viciously. No, I’ll just cut things off swift and painlessly - or so I hope.
“Liam, I think it’s better we go our separate ways,” I start, running the tip of my tongue over my lips as I stare into the full body mirror in my bedroom, trying to keep a straight face. “We’re not right for each other and, as fun as this was, it’s time we end this. I’m sorry, I really am,” I continue, rehearsing my breakup speech and failing miserably. Why do the words coming out of my mouth sound like the most obvious lie ever told?
“This was just fun, Liam. Harmless good fun, sure, but I don’t want anything serious. Right now I want to focus on work,” I say now, trying a new approach. Jesus, this sounds even worse.
“We’re done, Liam. You can’t be with me, and I can’t be with you. This wasn’t meant to be,” I whisper, lowering my voice as my reflection in the mirror seems to grow cold and soulless. Oh, God, am I really going to do this? The words don’t even sound right on my mouth.
Maybe… Maybe I’m afraid of telling him the truth. But how could I do that? That’d be the one thing that would break his heart for good - and, more than that, it’d make him hate me. And that’s the last thing I want, Liam’s hate. I can survive and endure his absence in my life, but I don’t think I can keep going if I know that he hates me. That’d be too much for me.
“It’s over, Liam,” I repeat once more, trying to push all that fear to the back of my mind, and that’s when I hear someone knocking at my door. “Alright, it’s showtime,” I whisper, feeling a knot in my throat, my heart hammering hard against my chest.
This is it.
Steeling my face, I pat down the front of my dress, straightening it, and then walk toward the door. I take deep breaths as I go, and then I stop right in front of the door, my hand hovering over the handle.
For a moment, I feel tempted to pretend that I’m not home, to simply ignore him until he goes away. But no, I can’t (I won’t) do that. And so, I curl my fingers around the metallic handle and push it down, the sound of the lock turning making my heart speed up even more.
This is it - and no matter how hard it is, it must be done.
Liam
When Cara’s door swings open, I’m hit all over again with straight up happiness just seeing her standing there.
Fuck, the last couple days have been hell with her not returning my calls, ghosting on me like she did. I missed her so much. And not just like those first couple days when I couldn’t get her out of my head. No, it was like totally consuming.
It doesn’t even make sense. I mean, it’s not like we’ve been dating long or anything. But it doesn’t matter. I missed her all the same. Just that little bit of time away from her was torture, especially after the intimate moments we shared in my apartment.
It killed me that I couldn’t reach her. When she called me today and invited me over all I felt was straight up relief.
And right now all I can think about is getting close to her again.
I step inside and kick the door shut, then sweep her into my arms, crushing her body against mine and lowering my mouth to hers before she can even say anything.
Our hands are everywhere, groping and clutching and exploring as we fight to get closer and closer. It’s like we can’t get close enough. As if every millimeter of space between us is too much. I want to sink into her, not knowing where I end and she begins.
Fuck, I want her. Not just that. I need her. I fucking crave her like she’s air, like I can’t breathe without her. Like she’s what keeps me alive.
And my body comes alive under her touch, her hands tangled in my hair as she kisses me back just as passionately as I kiss her. Hungry. Needy. Desperate.
I fucking love that she craves me the very same way I crave her. She needs me just as much. It’s obvious by the way she strains against me, fighting to get even closer.
I devour her mouth as my hands consume her body, staking their claim. She’s mine.
“Fuck, Cara,” I mutter against her neck as we break the kiss, gasping for breath. “I missed you so fucking much.” I rain hungry kisses down her neck to her shoulder. I nip at her sensitive flesh and feel her heartbeat racing in time with my own.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Every single second.”
It’s nothing but the truth. My mind has been consumed with her. I’ve barely been able to sleep, unable to focus on my work. Nothing has mattered these past couple days. No one has ever gotten to me the way Cara has. Ever. It means something.
Connor initially said that maybe she was the one. That her getting under my skin so quickly had to mean something. And it does. I don’t dare admit, even to myself, what it is, but it’s there nonetheless. I can’t fight it.
I don’t want to fucking fight it. I just want to be here with her. That’s all that matters.
“Cara,” I say, cupping her cheeks and staring
down into her eyes. “Do you have any idea how crazy I’ve been without you? All I could think about was you and why you weren’t answering my calls. You have no clue how happy I was when you called.”
She stares up at me, wide-eyed, and I catch another glimpse of something that fills me with unease. “Liam.” She places her hands on my chest and bites her lip, looking away. I watch her carefully, my stomach doing a weird little flip when she pushes lightly on my chest, trying to put a bit of space between us.
But fuck that. I just tighten my arms around her waist, not letting her move. She’s not getting away from me.
She takes a deep, shaky breath before looking back up at me again. “I need to tell you something important.”
My eyes narrow and my mind spins. I don’t want to hear it, whatever it is. Though I have a sneaking suspicion of what it might be. I’d hoped things wouldn’t play out like this, especially now that I recognize just how much I need her. Being here with her after the short time apart only cements it.
I shake my head. “We can talk later.” I grin. “After.”
I’m not waiting another second. It’s been torture being away from her, and me and my dick both need to make up for that lost time.
She doesn’t resist when I suck her lower lip into my mouth. She simply goes limp in my arms, giving in to the sensations I know I’m evoking in her. Her breath hitches, and I feel her nipples harden into tight little nubs as I press her closer to my chest.
Her arms run up my chest and tangle in my hair again, and I take advantage of the opportunity. Sliding my hands under her dress, I trail my fingers around to her stomach, feeling it jump at my touch, then I pull the dress up and over her head, discarding it quickly. I immediately bury my face in those perfect tits, inhaling the scent of her that’s haunted me at night. Her scent that lingered on my bed sheets, mocking me with the fact that she wasn’t there.
