Leavesly

by Reni Huang

  Still she found it difficult to drone out what Pastor Jenson’s was saying. “God repeatedly call to His children, but the condition of each heart determines the result.” His words struck a raw chord. “To the same voice, some believers are motivated to a deeper and more obedient relationship with the Lord, while others reject and refuse Him.”

  Even after the church service was over, and Julia was back in Geoff’s car heading back to his place for lunch. Suzy was sitting next to her happily chattering away, but Pastor Jenson’s words continued to echo uninvited in her head.

  “Since hardening is a slow process that’s often accompanied by rationalizations and excuses, the danger signs may not be readily recognized. Carefully consider the following characteristics of a hardening heart.”

  They pulled into the driveway in front of Geoff’s house. There was no sign of a dark grey Honda Element parked outside. And Julia was convinced her heart could not get any harder than it currently was.

  * * *

  “Julia, wait up!”

  She turned around to see Geoff loping around a low wall towards her, a bright smile stretching across his face and she smiled in return. Geoff had that same infectious enthusiasm as Lexi. It was another sunny afternoon, and Geoff was making the most of the warmth by wearing trendy aviator sunglasses and long cargo shorts.

  “Hi, Geoff, what’s up?”

  “Did you hear about the Boyz II Men concert a bunch of us are planning on attending together?” he asked.

  “Are they still around?” she said, at the mention of the popular 90’s R&B band.

  “Three of the original four members,” Geoff said while casually slinging one arm around her shoulders. “So what do you say?”

  She looked up at him, confused, “About what?”

  “Want to come with me?

  Slipping out from under his arm, Julia took a step back and looked intently up at him, “You and who else?”

  A slow grin spread across his face as if he had expected her to react this way. “Relax, Julia. Like I said, a bunch of us are going together.” When she still didn’t answer he said, “Dan, Randall, Mudd, Wynn, Alison, Heather, and Natalie … the usual.”

  “Are any freshmen going?”

  “Yeah, anyone can come. Tickets just went on sale, so there’s plenty of seats left, I’m sure.”

  She considered this then said, “Sounds like fun.”

  “Cool. I’ll buy your ticket then.”

  “How much are they? I might have to pay you back later.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Treat’s on me. It’s going to be at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre in Chula Vista. Parking’s a disaster, but they’ll have tons of booths with food. So we’ll probably go a little earlier before the concert starts to avoid traffic, grab something to eat at the concession stands there and hang out before the show. Alison’s masterminding the whole thing, so I’ll let you know the details as they come.”

  “Thanks, Geoff.” She grimaced at the mention of Alison. But if her friends were there, it could be really fun.

  “Alright, I’ll see you later,” he said in his easy-going relaxed manner, and Julia walked into the lecture hall.

  “Wait,” she said, poking her head back out the door. Geoff was already midway down the stairs. “What day is this on?”

  “February 14th.”

  “Valentine’s day,” she stated.

  He grinned. “That’s the one.” He threw her one last wave, before turning and jogging down the remaining flight of stairs.

  * * *

  The day was warm and cloudless, the temperamental coastal weather apparently brushing off the recent rainstorms away in exchange for sunnier days. Julia climbed out of Geoff’s black Escalade dressed lightly in a rose colored scoop-neck top and skinny jeans. But she folded over one arm the brand new coat she had ordered online, just in case the fickle weather decided to change. She couldn’t shake off the heavy foreboding feeling darkening her mood. For one thing, Geoff had given her a strange look when he had pulled up the back cul-de-sac behind her dorm to pick her up. Or rather, he had given Suzy and Gracie, who had been standing next to Julia, an odd look.

  Julia had originally asked Lexi and Elliott. When she told Geoff about it, he had happily agreed to purchase their tickets for them. Then after one of their weekly dance class, she told Suzy and Gracie about the concert. She reassured them this was a group event and they didn’t need to bring dates. Excited, they also agreed to come along.

  Then a couple of things happened. First, Lexi and Elliott backed out because Wynn had scheduled another outing to the Homeless Shelter for Leavesly Church on that day. Coincidentally, when Suzy tried to purchase tickets she found out the concert was sold out. So Julia passed the extra tickets on to her and Gracie without mentioning the change of plans to Geoff.

  But now, as Julia double-checked the other cars that had caravanned with them to the dusty parking lot outside the Cricket Amphitheatre, her fears were confirmed as everyone was coming out of their vehicles in pairs. There was Randall and his girlfriend, Dan and Jane, Mudd and Rob with two girls she didn’t recognize, but who were clearly their dates, and some other people. The only person who wasn’t paired up was a fuming Alison.

  After Geoff had picked up Julia and her friends, he had driven them back to his place where the rest of the upperclassmen had gathered around the driveway and lawn. One look of the girls climbing out of Geoff’s SUV turned Alison’s usually pale face bright red with indignation.

  Their appearance didn’t seem strange to just Alison, as several other people also threw them quizzical looks. “Alright, Geoff,” Dan had hooted, as Geoff slammed his car door shut and strutted over to the lawn outside the house. “Three freshies, huh? Nice going,” he had joked, giving Geoff a couple hard thumps on the back.

  “Are you sure we were invited?” Suzy had whispered to Julia as the three girls headed into the house to use the restroom.

  “He said it was a group event.”

  They were in the hallway when they overheard Alison ranting at Geoff, “What were you thinking bringing those girls along?” Not wanting to eavesdrop, Julia quickly pushed her friends back into the bathroom.

  “What did we get ourselves into?”

  “I don’t get it. Is Alison supposed to be Geoff’s date or what?”

  “How can he be if he asked Julia?”

  “He didn’t ask me out,” Julia quickly clarified. Both Suzy and Gracie gave her a look and she sighed. “I didn’t know it was supposed to be a date!”

  “So what’s Alison’s problem?”

  “Maybe she thought she was supposed to be Geoff’s date?”

  “Can she really be that delusional?”

  “You know,” Suzy said, “People can fool themselves to believe pretty much anything if they really want to sometimes.”

  Now, after riding in the car for an hour and a half inland away from campus and standing in the dusty parking lot outside the concert grounds, Julia knew there was no turning back. The curved and half open rooftop of the outdoor amphitheatre jutted out into the clear blue sky like a white snowcapped mountaintop. Music blared from the speakers, and the smell of grilled meat and onions wafted through the dry warm air. The thick mass of people crowded past her in waves, more cars and shuttle buses pulling in through the multiple entrances in a slow but consistently congested pace.

  Julia followed behind Geoff, weaving their way out of the parking lot and into a fenced picnic area filled with concession stands selling a variety of different types of food and drink. Additional vendors for cell phones and concert t-shirts lined themselves row after row with people snaking around the booths.

  Somewhere between Geoff buying the girls tacos and waiting at their row of seats for everyone to reconvene, Alison had somehow decided to change tactics. Instead of avoiding Geoff, she was now unabashedly flirting with him. Julia exchanged baffled looks with Gracie, as Suzy barely bothered to conceal her snicker.

  “If she
tries to feed Geoff one more time, I’m going to lose my appetite,” Suzy whispered to Julia as they watched at the awkward scene before them. Alison’s ticket had assigned her to the seat next to Geoff’s. After throwing vicious glares in Julia’s direction, Alison had practically climbed over everyone’s laps in order to now wedge herself capriciously on the armrest separating Julia and Geoff’s seats.

  “Uh, thanks, Ali, but I’m good,” Geoff said as Alison tried for the fourth time to stuff her fries into his mouth. Geoff leaned forward, peering around Alison, “Hey, Julia, can you hand me my soda?”

  “Sure,” she said, reaching for it on the ground, where Alison’s red leather high heel boots had kicked it aside.

  “I got that,” Alison sneered as she wrenched the tall paper cup from her hand. “Here you go,” she purred sweetly at Geoff, repositioning her body to fully block the freshmen girls from his view.

  The sun had disappeared over the grassy green hill behind the amphitheatre, and in its place the multicolored stage lights flicker its beams from the edge of the open roof. Julia craned her neck to see the three R&B singers walk up on to the stage dressed sharply in pinstriped suits and hats as the crowd went hysterical.

  “I just love this song, don’t you?” Alison shouted over the music. She stood up and swayed provocatively to the song, throwing Geoff a teasing smile.

  Huddled in her seat, Julia listened to the familiar lyrics about love and grimaced. Did “love” even really exist? It seemed such a temporary feeling, tied to so many complex mind games and rules she didn’t understand. Or cared to play.

  How do you know when it’s love and not just an obsessive infatuation?

  And what are the odds that those feelings will be returned?

  And how do you keep the other person from no longer loving you?

  It all seemed so meaningless in the end, this chase, this search for true love.

  When “love” doesn’t last.

  Not in her experience.

  In her world, she couldn’t trust anyone. The people she was supposed to be able to trust the most continually let her down: her parents, her boyfriend, and even God.

  She knew God’s love was supposedly “unconditional,” everlasting.

  So why did she feel so let down by Him?

  Didn’t He know how much she hurt?

  After the first couple of songs ended, Geoff leaned over to ask, “You having a good time?”

  Julia mustered up a smile for him and nodded. Then Alison swooped back down and dragged Geoff up on his feet to join her.

  Wrapping her wool coat tightly, Julia sat back in her seat. She grimaced at Suzy while trying to avoid Alison’s hips swinging a couple inches away from her face. This was going to be a long night.

  * * *

  Hours later Julia was being bustled back through the crowds to the parking lot, while Geoff made last minute plans to go Karaoke singing with his friends.

  “Is it bad if we ask Geoff to drop us off back at campus?” Gracie said, leaning her head wearily on Julia’s shoulder.

  “If you don’t, I will,” Suzy muttered unapologetically. Then she quickly straightened and the scowl on her face disappeared, nudging them to attention. Julia turned around to see Geoff making his way over to them.

  “Hey,” Geoff said his usual grin in place, “You girls up for some sushi and Karaoke?”

  Suzy and Gracie glanced at her. Julia took a deep breath and said, “We’re pretty tired. Is it ok if we just go home?”

  “C’mon, just hang out a little longer. It’ll be fun,” Geoff smiled. Giving them some privacy, Suzy and Gracie slowly backed away. “Is everything ok?”

  “Everything’s fine,” Julia said, tucking her chin into the upturned collar of her coat.

  Satisfied with her response, Geoff stepped closer and lifted a hand to touch her face, “Cold?”

  Julia took a step back and blurted out, “Was Alison supposed to be your date?”

  Geoff ran his hand through his hair as if stalling to sort out his thoughts. “Alison planned this whole thing. She wanted to hang out on Valentine’s Day. She didn’t come right out and say it, but she was hinting pretty hard about wanting to make it a couple’s thing.”

  “Did she ask you out?”

  “No. I’ve known her for three years now. Alison’s not the type of girl to ask a guy out. She thinks she can manipulate guys to play along with her whims.”

  “But you didn’t feel like playing.”

  “She’s not my type of girl.”

  “But you were equally as vague with me,” Julia said, not letting him off the hook.

  Geoff laughed. “Yeah, but the difference is you haven’t known me for three years yet. You don’t know what a great guy I am. I was just easing you into getting to know me better, let you know what I have to offer.”

  Julia shook her head but couldn’t help laughing at his cockiness.

  “You could’ve just asked me out. I like guys who are straightforward.”

  “But then you would’ve come up with some lame excuse to get out of going. Right?” he teased her. “Alright,” he said, mustering up a serious face. “Julia, will you be my date and go with me to get some sushi?”

  She sighed.

  “C’mon,” Geoff coaxed.

  “I really can’t. I’m sorry. I’m tired. I already owe Suzy and Gracie my kidneys and liver for putting them through tonight. And,” she peeked at him and admitted ruefully, “I really can’t take any more of Alison.”

  Geoff laughed. “Did they really have a bad time tonight?”

  Julia gave him a look and said, “Sitting through hours of Boyz II Men’s love songs on Valentine’s Day surrounded by couples with no date? What do you think?”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s pretty bad. Alright, let’s get you girls home.”

  Julia reached for the car door when Geoff stopped her.

  “Uh, Julia, this isn’t my car.”

  She pulled her hand back and gave the car a double-take. Geoff threw his arm around her shoulders as she sheepishly moved away from the dark colored Honda Element. Silently she walked with him back towards his group of friends.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Julia’s stomach grumbled reminding her that she’d barely eaten anything at the concert. Their mini-fridge was bare except for some old leftovers Lexi had stashed away that she didn’t dare to eat. Grabbing her bag, Julia headed out the door for Beans. Soon the homey warm aroma of her favorite coffee shop surrounded her.

  “How was the date?”

  She swung around and stared at the face she knew belonged to that voice. “What are you doing here?” she blurted. “I mean, I thought you were going to the Homeless Shelter today.”

  “We did. I just dropped your friends off back at the dorms.”

  “Oh, I must’ve just missed them.”

  She wanted to ask how the day at the shelter had been, but Wynn’s attention had already turned back to his open laptop. He was sitting at one of the small tables against the window, steaming mug of coffee next to him.

  Ignoring the way her heart sped up knowing he was sitting a mere few feet away, Julia placed her order then walked to the restroom at the back of the café to wash her hands. Staring at her face in the mirror, she grimaced at her windblown appearance. Running fingers swiftly through her tousled hair and reapplying her lip gloss. Feeling a little more composed, Julia walked back out to retrieve her drink and bagel.

  She didn’t see her order on the counter and signaled to the Barista.

  “Did you call my order?”

  “It’s over there,” she pointed towards the tables by the windows. Then she wordlessly began to restock the paper cups on the back counter.

  Julia turned to see Wynn watching her, leaning back on his chair. A somber look was on his face.

  She walked over slowly. She was tempted to plaster a smile across her face when she remembered he wouldn’t be fooled.

  “Thank you,” she said as she
scooped up her food and turned to leave. She was abruptly stopped by a tug on her sleeve.

  “Chloe misses you.”

  She laughed hollowly. “I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

  Wynn didn’t smile. Instead he said, “You should give yourself more credit.”

  He pushed the chair opposite his away from the table with his foot. When she didn’t react, he looked up expectantly. She debated for a split second then sat down.

  “Tell me about your day at the Homeless Shelter.”

  “Ok, but only after you tell me about your date,” His mouth lifted a bit sardonically on the last word. But he caught himself and gave her an apologetic smile. “Did you have fun?”

  “First of all, I did not know it was a date.”

  “Dude, Geoff,” he said, tilting his head and rubbing the side of his face as if embarrassed for his friend’s blunder.

  “So yeah, long story short, Suzy and Gracie were not very happy when they found out they had unknowingly become each other’s Valentine’s date.”

  Wynn shook his head with laughter. “That’s unfortunate.”

  With that he gave her a run down of the youth group’s visit back to the Homeless Shelter.

  “Koda is really stepping up,” Wynn continued. “I was worried he’d turn out to be a punk, but he’s proving me wrong. I’m pretty proud of that kid.”

  The thought of missing out on the different ways God was growing and transforming the youth group made her feel wistful.

  “So,” Wynn began quietly, “How have you been?”

  “Been trying to figure some things out for myself,” Julia confessed.

  “Like what?”

  “Suzy said something tonight that kind of struck a cord, and not in a really good way. She said that people can fool themselves into believing anything if they really want to. And if made me wonder if that’s what I’ve been doing all this time? Like, how do you know if something is true or not? Isn’t it all just feelings and unreliable?”

  “You mean whether those feelings are based on the truth or not?”

  “Yeah, is anything 100% guaranteed true? Or is it just based on people’s opinions?”

  “Ok, back up. What truth are you talking about?”

  “I don’t know, everything, God, people, facts. How do I know I can trust them?”

  “Well, facts can be proven by evidence,” Wynn pointed out. “Like gravity, you drop something it falls to the ground. Or math, every time you take two apples away from three, you’ll always be left with one.”