by Reni Huang
“What’s the main arch that holds the whole adventure together? What is this girl ultimately searching for?”
“The Truth-Speaker.”
“What does that represent?”
“All her life this girl feels like she’s trapped under a web of lies and half-truths,” Julia explained. “For example, The Ice Queen is afraid of the truth and hides under this mask of perfection that comes across as being very cold and fake and distant. When the girl first meets The Charmer, she is fooled by his promises and thinks maybe he is her escape from her old world, but she soon realizes he is just another form of dishonesty. The girl is tired of the deceit. And she comes to the conclusion that if and when she finally meets the Truth-Speaker she will be set free.”
“Does she eventually find him?”
“Well, at first she thinks she’ll find him in a form of a man,” Julia admitted. “But in the end she realizes He’s greater than just a mere man.”
“So how does The Ice Queen story fit into this series of short stories?”
“I guess, in the beginning, the girl has a pretty narrow perspective. You know, believing the world revolves around just her. But after the different adventures and challenges she goes through, she grows up a little bit. She realizes everyone is on their own journey, and it widens her perspective on things. Which leads into this newest story, where she returns to the castle and realizes The Ice Queen isn’t as evil as she once thought.”
* * *
The next weekend, Wynn called a meeting for the original youth group members to meet at his parents’ home after church. Most Friday nights they were averaging around twenty-five teenagers with all the school friends they were bringing in, and he wanted to organize a leadership team to accommodate the growing ministry. Everyone was gathered around the coffee table overflowing with plates of cut up fruit and pastries set out by Wynn’s mom, and the homemade brownies and Rice Krispie squares that Lexi brought.
They spent the first twenty minutes eating and goofing off, until Wynn finally called the meeting to order and opened with prayer.
“Alright, guys,” he said, passing out handouts to everyone.
“Wow, a formal agenda,” Koda joked, “So official.”
“You guys are leaders now. You’ve heard all the Bible stories in Sunday school. You’ve gone out and invited your friends to church. It’s time to take that next step.”
“But Vangy and I are younger than all of Shep and Koda’s friends,” Pamela pointed out anxiously.
“In this case, experience is more important than age,” Wynn said. “You know God, many of your friends are still learning about Him. But if you’re uncomfortable with taking on a leadership position, then you can wait another year.”
“What kinds of things do we have to do?”
“I don’t want to preach a sermon or anything,” Pamela said in a panicked voice.
“No one is asking you to preach a sermon,” Koda scoffed at her.
“If you’ll just look at the agenda,” Wynn said holding up the paper he had photocopied for them. “I have a couple categories for you to choose from.”
“I want to be in charge of icebreaker games and activities!” Vangy called out immediately.
“Can I be in the same group as Vangy?” Pamela wanted to know.
“Sure,” Wynn said. “Actually I was thinking Lexi could head it up, but you two can be her helpers.”
“What’s In-Reach?” Koda asked, reading from the handout.
“Stuff like keeping our youth group directory updated, making sure newcomers fill out a contact sheet, getting people to sign the monthly birthday cards,” Wynn answered.
“I can do that,” Chloe offered. “Will I be working with Julia?”
Wynn looked over at her, and Julia nodded back. He jotted her name down on the column next to Chloe’s.
Shep glanced at Koda. “So which one do you want: Worship Team or Missions?”
“Missions? What the heck is that? I don’t want to join a monastery or anything,” Koda said, grimacing at both choices.
“The Homeless Shelter or we could take a trip down to one of the mission organizations down in Mexico. Our AACF team partners with an orphanage there,” Wynn replied, his voice tight. Julia could tell he was struggling with being patient with their questions.
“I guess the Worship Team would be the lesser of two evils,” Koda mumbled, when Wynn abruptly stood up.
Sensing he was about to say something harshly straightforward, Julia quickly stood up as well and motioned for him to step out of the room with her.
“Argh,” Wynn raged the moment they were down the hall and behind closed doors. It was Julia’s first time in his bedroom and she was tempted to look around. But Wynn needed her attention right then so she focused on him instead. “Why are they so frustrating? Don’t they understand the privilege of being a leader? I don’t know why I thought this would work.”
“It’s a really good idea. We just have to be patient with them. It’ll be a training process, you know? We’ll have to lead by example.”
“The only one qualified to be a leader is Shep, and he’ll be going off to college next year.”
“True,” Julia admitted. “Shep is the most mature. But the others have potential.”
“Even Koda?”
“Yes, even Koda. You said so yourself, he’s changed a lot. I know he’s not there yet, but he’s moving in the right direction.”
“It’d help if he’d move a little faster,” Wynn grumbled.
“He’ll get there,” Julia laughed. “So you’re ok?”
He nodded. “Thanks, I guess I just lost sight of who’s in charge for the moment.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was trying to do this on my own strength. But you’re right. God’s the one who’s ultimately in control. He can grow and transform these kids better than I ever will. It’s just according to His timing, not mine.”
Did she say that?
Calmed down, Wynn opened the door to leave.
Julia gave the room one brief look over her shoulder as she followed him out. Her eyes landed on the small picture frame with the pineapples sitting on top of his dresser. It was left blank inside its frame.
Back in the living room, Lexi was regaling the youth group with stories about the music tours she had gone on back when she was a teenager.
“Can we do something like that?” Vangy asked Wynn the moment they rejoined the group.
Wynn glanced back at Julia and shrugged. “We’ll see.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Lia, are you planning on typing up the rest of your journals?” Lexi asked her one evening.
“Probably not, why?”
“I need to make some robot costumes,” she answered, “for my acting class.”
“Well, I already finished the first box, so feel free to use that,” Julia offered, motioning to where the cardboard box was folded flat and wedged between the wall and the mini-fridge.
“But I need two,” Lexi smiled imploringly. “I’m making a matching one for Ellie.”
“I thought Ellie was assigned to another skit group. Didn’t your professor split the two of you up?”
“Yes, but his costume’s not for class.”
Julia stared at her. “I don’t even want to know.”
“So does that mean yes?”
By way of answer, Julia got up from her desk and walked over to where her earliest diaries remained hidden. Tugging open the secured flaps, she lifted out the remaining journals and gestured at the box, “All yours.”
That night as Lexi took over the common area with her littering array of materials for her craft project, Julia holed up in her dorm room treasuring the brief period of privacy. Knowing her childhood journals lay tucked under her bed frame, nostalgia spurred her to pull one of the journals out and she climbed between her blankets to read it.
She smiled at her excessively curly handwriting back in seventh grade. The first coup
le of passages were filled mostly with her then new obsession with clothes. It was when she had first understood the importance placed on designer brands. Every page was crammed with detailed descriptions of what everyone wore, and Julia was surprised at how judgmental she had been depending on how someone dressed.
Then she came upon the entry of her baptism day.
It amused her how even back then she had disliked being the center of attention. Although it was supposed to be a joyous occasion, her childish account of that day read more like a horror story. Her mother had picked out an expensive dress for her, purchased at an uptown boutique. But Julia had felt uncomfortable in the frilly dress, especially standing next to Lexi in her faded but favorite simple summer dress.
Julia remembered feeling like a circus freak being a head taller than both Lexi and Elliott, and dressed like a fancy poodle.
And she had been horrified when everyone started crying: Lexi’s dad who was their pastor, all the parents who had watched them grow up in their Sunday school classes, and even Lexi and Elliott next to her.
It wasn’t the tears that unnerved her … but the lack of her own.
Everyone was so emotional. She remembered looking beside her at the tears streaming down Lexi’s face. Even Elliott was a little red around the eyes. She remembered wondering why she hadn’t experienced the same heartfelt transformation from being a sinner to a redeemed child of God.
That had really bothered her.
Reading the words she had scrawled in her diary the night of her baptism, Julia remembered how after setting aside her journal and turning off the lights, she had still been unable to sleep.
Was she a fraud?
Frightened that her conversion hadn’t been real, she had scrambled back onto her knees and prayed her first earnest prayer. It was not like the others she had prayed before, out of routine before meals or in front of other people like her Sunday school teachers.
This prayer wasn’t meant for anyone to overhear. It wasn’t said to impress anyone with elaborate words, but stemmed from the deepest, rawest part of her soul.
Turning the page, Julia ran her fingers over the molted paper where her teardrops had finally fallen.
“I’m back, couldn’t sleep,” she had written, her broken seventh grade self not bothering with the fancy cursive. “Thank you for being patient with me, God. Please don’t ever let me go, no matter how much I mess up.”
She leaned against the wall and sighed. How blind she had been to her own pride and sin, unable to see how ungrateful she’d been towards her mother, unable to forgive Craig and Sharon even though she was no better than them.
But God had forgiven her, even though she didn’t deserve it. How small her faith had been. The second things didn’t go her way, the moment life got hard, she turned her back on God, doubting Him, thinking she had a right to get upset.
But she was the one who had been wrong. She was unfaithful … in so many ways. And yet God was still here, talking to her through people like Barb Johns and her friends.
He was still revealing Himself to her through her Biology classes, and in sending her journals to her when she needed the reminders of where she came from. He had never stopped reaching out to her, and she finally knew she could no longer ignore Him.
Thank you for listening to my prayers back when I was a child, she thought. Even though I might not have completely understood everything about You, You’ve always been here for me. I’m so sorry for all the mistakes I’ve made, for my short-sightedness. Thank you for not giving up on me. Help me to live in obedience to You, even if it’s difficult to do.
* * *
One of the best things about the new quarter was once again being a part of Leavesly Church and it once again filled her weekends. And just like Wynn had promised, the church was soon covered with a blanket of pale pink blossom snow. It fell on everything, the grass, the church roof, the cars parked in the parking lot, and even them as they sat under the trees eating their lunches after Sunday school. The high school guys found it annoying, as they repeatedly had to brush away the petals off their plates of rice. But Julia found it enthralling.
To her, it was the most beautiful sight. And as the small flowers fell gently over her hair, she felt covered by God’s love and grace.
While Julia was excited about experiencing part of Leavesly Church’s history in witnessing the Cherry blossoms in full bloom, the youth group kids were looking forward to experiencing part of her past.
Ever since Lexi shared about her own experiences in being a part of a youth group, the kids were excited about the prospect of going on a summer tour. Lexi had met with Wynn’s dad and the Deacons and Elders at the church to explain her experience in coordinating such an event. Soon even the parents were won over with this idea and Julia once again set to work on writing a new play.
But as the weeks went on, it was clear the kids were there just to have fun. During lessons, they would pass notes to each other, constantly talking or texting messages. During the lessons, a number of the newer teenagers would try to find excuses to repeatedly leave the room.
One Friday night a couple weeks into rehearsals, Wynn unexpectantly called a group meeting in lieu of going through the musical.
“The music tour for this summer is canceled,” he informed them.
The kids protested at once, demanding reasons and who had made this decision.
“I don’t think we’re ready for it,” Wynn answered.
“It’s still early, with more rehearsals everything will be fine,” Lexi assured him.
“That’s not what I’m concerned about. I don’t think we’re spiritually ready to be going out and sharing to other people about God.”
The questions started up again, with people talking over each other. The group grew more out of control. Finally Lexi suggested excusing the kids to go out and unwind while the leaders talked this through.
“These kids are showing up at church for the wrong reasons,” Wynn stated the moment the youth group cleared the room.
“But you can’t cancel the tour. You have to realize that most of them are here because they enjoy performing, that’s the draw for coming out to church,” Lexi pointed out.
“Exactly, if their motive for going on this music tour is just for fun they should just join a local theatre group. The reason we’re doing this is to tell others about God. And they can’t do that if they don’t know Him.”
“So what now,” Lexi wanted to know. “We just call it quits? We’ve all put a lot of work into this already. You made Julia write a whole new script.”
Wynn looked over at her. “What do you think?”
“The kids and even their parents might be upset, but you’re right,” Julia admitted. “You can’t share what you haven’t experienced.”
“You don’t always have to take his side,” Lexi grumbled.
“I’m not taking sides,” Julia defended herself. “I’m giving my honest opinion. I know you want to make this work. But they’re not even listening to the lessons about why we’re putting on this performance. It’s more than just acting and singing. They’re supposed to be reflections of who God is. And I don’t think that’s going to come across when they’re on stage.”
“Fine,” Lexi huffed as she marched off the stage. “That’s just fine.”
Julia looked over at Elliott, but he just shook his head.
“She’s just upset. Give her some time to think it over.”
“But you understand, Ellie?”
Elliott laughed. “There’s no point in having the blind lead the blind.”
* * *
Elliott was right. The next day Lexi acted as if nothing was amiss and was happily chattering away about all the fun end-of-the-year activities. There seemed to be one or more taking place everyday, filling up the last couple of weeks of school.
One of these events included a last Bible study meeting at Natalie’s apartment.
“Natalie! Thank you, I love it,�
� Lexi gushed, unwrapping her gift. Natalie had photocopied a collage of pictures of all the freshmen girls and framed it for each of them.
“Here are some Sharpie markers,” Natalie said, bringing out her container of pens. “I thought it’d be fun if everyone signed the back, like a yearbook.”
The girls squealed, excited about the idea, and quickly dug in. Julia found a shiny purple marker and handed it to Lexi. Choosing an iridescent green pen for herself, Julia smiled at Gracie when she handed her collage to sign.
“And last but not least, who remembers these?” Natalie asked, holding up a stack of index cards.
“Our goals from the beginning of the year!” Suzy squealed, and the girls laughed at her uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
“Oh, no. It’s starting already,” Natalie teased.
“What?”
“The roommate-syndrome, you know, when people who live together start acting like each other.”
Suzy laughed then added, “Which reminds me, can we get the number to your landlord? We need to find an apartment to live in next year.”
“I’ll give you the info before you leave. Ok, girls, before we get even more sidetracked, let’s go around and share about the different ways God has revealed Himself to us this year, in answering our prayers, in bringing us closer to Him.”
Sitting back and listening to all the different testimonies from this group of girls she had learned to call her friends this past year, Julia was amazed all over again how faithful God was to them. Time and time again, the girls ended their sharing with the same sentiment but in different words. “I didn’t realize until now what God was doing, how everything that happened was leading me towards the thing I had asked for.”
Again and again, it was said “God is sovereign,” “God is good,” “It didn’t happen the way I expected, but now I see His way was better,” and “God is faithful.”
“God is faithful.”
“God is faithful.”
The sharing finally wrapped back around to Julia.
She took a deep breath.
“In the beginning of the year, I asked for God to increase my faith. I wanted to grow in Him during the good and the bad times. And,” Julia laughed, “For a while, it seemed that all God heard was the part about the bad times. I think I loved God because I believed He was just there to bless me. I was like a spoiled baby bird that had never tested out my wings. But the moment I asked God to make me stronger in my faith, it was like He pushed me off the tree branch. And at first it was really hard, really scary. It was like I was freefalling, out of control, careening headfirst towards the ground.”
