“Are you saying I am the reason your parents had Calie?” Aiva grinned. They both laughed softly at the thought, the tenseness of Callum’s muscles beginning to ease for the first time since he had sat down.
“For the most part, yes,” he nodded in agreement. “But it has been more than two decades since then. I’m not sure my mother would desire another child now. Perhaps Calie will provide a grandchild for her to dote on instead. Your parents, however – Imagine my surprise to return home and discover there to be two more little Levadises running about the palace.”
Aiva turned her gaze heavenward at the thought. It was astonishing to think how long ago it was that Callum had been in Sivaeria. Ehren and Sidonie had not yet been born when he went away for his training. “Goodness, yes,” she smiled. She missed her brother and sister. To picture them now brought a sense of peace, coupled with a stronger yearning to be back in Tanispa with her family. “Funny enough, my father continues to talk every once in a while of wanting another child or two. For now, my mother simply laughs at him. But they are young, for a royal couple, and due to my grandmother’s paranoia, had an early start in producing an heir. I may find myself with more siblings before long.”
“Your parents must really love one another.”
“Oh, almost disgustingly so,” Aiva laughed. “The palace was designed for the King and Queen to have separate chambers. I do not think my father has set foot in the King’s quarters since ascending to the throne. It’s no wonder they have the number of children they do.”
Collecting another handful of sand, Callum held it higher, the pieces sparkling from the natural light of the sky as he let them trickle to the ground once again. “I always found it strange that the King and Queen would ever live such separate lives from each other. It makes more sense the way your parents spend their time together. I think it promotes happiness to their people to see them so content.”
“Well, they are a special case,” she shrugged, trying to relax into the jagged rocks, finding her position more uncomfortable than it had been before. Desperate for some relief from the stabbing pain in her back, she scooted closer to Callum, twisting to rest her body against his arm. “I do not think the King and Queen were ever expected to share their feelings the way my parents do. If you think about it, throughout the ages, the marriage of the King and Queen was arranged. I suspect the separate quarters made living together more bearable. Especially for my poor ancestors who probably could not stand to look upon their chosen mate, let alone crawl into bed beside them every night.”
“Yes. I suppose I can see why someone might lack a fondness to the idea of an arranged marriage. But even the Queens of old who might have hated their husband still managed to produce an heir. Perhaps they grew to appreciate the company of the other over time.”
“Children are required of the royal family. I imagine they treated it like their duty rather than anything special between their mates. It is amazing what a person will do if it is expected of them.” Aiva glanced down, once again aware of her fidgeting hands. The topic was bordering on questionable between her and Callum. If allowed to continue in its current direction, it was likely to twist, forcing them to discuss their own predicament. She didn’t want it to come up. They were agreed upon the annulment. There was no reason to ponder their relationship against those of her ancestors. “What about you?” she asked, struggling to keep her voice even. “Do you think you will ever have kids?”
Callum gave an almost painful laugh, his hand dropping with a dull thud onto the sand. “I never really thought about it, I guess,” he stated quietly. “I’m still young. There is plenty of time yet.”
“Young?” Aiva chortled. “Callum, do you realize – you are nearly the same age my parents were when they had Edric.”
“You said it yourself, your parents had an early start for the sake of your grandmother. Besides, Edric is older than I am,” Callum frowned. “If anyone should be questioned about intentions for children, do you not think it should be him? He is nearly fifty.”
“That is still young, you’re right,” she conceded to his argument, not wanting to press the matter. She’d intended it in jest, though the defensiveness of his tone told her that he was more attached to the topic than he was letting on. “On the other hand, I do not see myself as a mother,” she shrugged. “I think I would be a terrible parent. Truthfully, I find myself doubting my ability to follow in my mother’s footsteps as Queen. I can barely make up my mind about trivial things. To have an entire country relying on my decisions – I don’t think I can do it.”
Taken aback by Aiva’s admission, Callum twisted around to face her, almost causing her to topple backward at the loss of his body to support her weight. She managed to steady herself, glancing at him, embarrassed.
“Sure you can do it,” he stated matter-of-factly. “We aren’t all born prepared for our roles in life. When I first left for my training, I wasn’t capable of leading myself, let alone an entire unit. You just need more time to get to know yourself. You’re young, Aiva. It’s expected of you to be unsure. By the time your parents relinquish the throne; that will no longer be the case. Experience is the key. You have only been in society for – six years? That is hardly enough to know anything about what kind of leader you will be.”
“You appear to feel very strongly about this…”
“I do. You have demonstrated great potential over the past week. I only wish you would give yourself more credit.” Callum drew in a deep breath, lightly taking Aiva’s hand in his. Carefully he ran his fingers along the bandage she wore on her palm, protecting the wound there. “Underneath your – rather harsh – exterior, I have faith that there is a kind, nurturing soul still hidden inside you. I don’t know what it will take to break down the walls you have built, but they are what hold you back. They make you insensitive to things around you. At times selfish. But that is because you refuse to let people in. You refuse to accept that you might need help. Perhaps that is somehow my fault. If so, then I truly am sorry for whatever I did to hurt you.”
The passion she heard in his voice swept her away. He was so sincere. Not a drop of condescension despite how easily his words could be taken in a negative connotation. He spoke from his heart. Not trying to put her down; but encouraging her to be better. To be the woman she wanted to be. She just didn’t know how. It was so easy for him. To lead an army, all he needed to know was how to swing a sword and shoot an arrow. Being Queen was something completely different. He could never fully understand the burden she bore.
In that moment she felt taken in by the sight of him. The moon was only a soft crescent glow in the sky, illuminating the area with the help of the stars, creating a gentle white light around him. His umber eyes gazed at her, filled with the same passion she’d heard in his words, hands clasped tenderly around hers. She felt all of her suspicions and the desire to hate him washed away, focused on nothing but the way he looked upon her now. Her heart pounded unusually hard against her chest. Echoing through her head. Thud. It almost hurt to feel the pressure of it. Yet it came again, quickening its pace. Thud.
Lost in his eyes, she was unaware of her body leaning forward, closing the distance between them. He was right there. Within her grasp if she chose. But it wouldn’t be right. She’d told him they could never be so close, and yet here she was, drawn to him, hypnotized. A part of her was curious what it would feel like to kiss him now. After all the years that passed since the day he’d first touched his lips to hers in the little gardener’s shed. Would it be different?
Before she could register what her body was doing, she felt her lips press against Callum’s, eyes opening wide, fearful of what she had done. He looked equally shocked, blinking in confusion at her sudden advance. She didn’t know what to do. Although not with words, her mouth had gotten her in trouble once again, only this was not territory she was familiar with how to recover from.
He didn’t fight her. Tentatively she could feel his arms move to embrace
her lightly, returning the pressure of her lips. It felt so right! No. She couldn’t allow it to continue. They had an agreement. This was inappropriate. So why was she leaning further into his arms? Maybe just a little longer…
Frantic, Aiva pushed Callum away, fumbling backward onto the sand, reaching up to her lips in confusion. Her head reeled from ambivalence, the chaotic tumult of her thoughts making it impossible to focus. “What are you doing?” she gasped, both of them staring at one another in shock. She hadn’t intended to speak the words out loud. The question was directly aimed at herself, though for some reason she found her gaze locked with Callum’s. Go with it. Somehow it felt better to pass the blame than admit her blunder.
“What am I – what?” Callum stammered.
“That was horribly uncalled for!”
“But Aiva, I didn’t… you…” he looked wretched. Aiva felt terrible for placing him in that position, knowing it was her fault they’d ended up in each other’s arms. With a grimace he averted his gaze, shaking his head in bewilderment. “I’m sorry?”
“You should be sorry,” she scoffed, rising to her feet, unable to remain seated with the rush of adrenaline pulsing through her veins. “I think it’s time for you to go.” She didn’t want him to leave. Why did her words have to say the opposite of what she wanted? But it was better for him to go. I do not trust myself with you… “I do not trust you around me anymore.”
Stricken by her words, Callum hung his head. Guilt clutched Aiva’s heart to see him so afflicted. Why had she been so stupid? This was all her fault. “I don’t know what just happened,” he breathed, struggling to keep his composure. “I must not have been thinking.”
Aiva’s lip quivered, trembling from an overwhelming desire to burst into tears. She wanted to run to Callum. To tell him he hadn’t done anything wrong. At the same time she couldn’t let him know she was so conflicted. If he was given the chance, he might try to play to her weakness and use it against her, convincing her to abandon the annulment. That couldn’t be allowed to happen. He couldn’t know that she had felt something this time when they kissed. Something she’d never felt before. A sensation she was afraid of feeling again. “Please, just go,” she begged quietly, motioning him away from her. The tears were coming. Burning at the corners of her eyes. Why wouldn’t he just leave?
He took a step forward, as if wanting to console her, thinking better of it at the last second. Fists clenched at his sides. Jaw locked. Speechless. Almost angry. Not that she blamed him. With a final shake of his head he moved past her, making his way toward the center of the camp where the other men were beginning to stir, roused by the commotion.
Gadiel was already on his feet, moving swiftly toward Callum in the darkness. His voice was faint, too muffled for Aiva to comprehend the words. Callum’s motions were sharp as he dismissed Gadiel, moving further into the darkness beyond. Gadiel stared after him, knowing better than to follow. Sweeping the area with his eyes, he came to meet Aiva’s tortured gaze. Silently she pleaded with him to leave them be. She was far too vulnerable for company until she was able to rein in her emotions.
Seeming to understand the look in her eyes, Gadiel nodded, turning away from Aiva toward the resting place from which he’d been disturbed. Satisfied with the peace she was left in, Aiva hurried back to her blankets, feeling a sudden chill, deeper than that of the usual desert air. As if someone was watching her. Concealed by the cover of night. Pausing, she looked out over the dunes, letting go of her discontent briefly in fear of what might be hidden in the darkness. But there was nothing. You’re imagining things, she assured herself, lowering onto the sand, blankets clutched tightly against her to keep out the cold. She just needed to sleep. The desert was starting to get to her. She feared if they remained there much longer, she would lose her mind before they ever found the pirates. Sleep. Just sleep. It was an empty word amidst her scrambled thoughts. She could only hope rest might come to her before the heat of the morning was upon them.
Aiva’s head ached when the light woke her the next morning, eyes heavy, burning. Something tickled her stomach. The sensation was uncomfortable. Unsettling. Blinking to clear the blur of sleep from her vision, she lifted her head, her mouth opening in a silent scream of horror. There on her abdomen was a scorpion-like creature, although its size was larger. Oddly shaped. It looked stretched, the tail longer, curling to a deadly point twice that of anything Aiva had ever seen of its kind before, looking more like a small dagger attached to the tip.
As the initial shock wore off, she tried to sit up, paralyzed by fear, not wanting to risk startling it into an attack. “Somebody!” she cried out. “Please!”
Rushing over in response to her shouts, it was Kaemin’s face she saw appear overhead, making no attempts to conceal his own repulsion at the sight of the creature. “My gods, Aiva. Don’t move.” He drew his sword, slowly lowering the tip of the blade over the animal’s tail. Aiva’s breaths came in short, frantic bursts. It took every ounce of willpower to keep from swatting the creature away.
“Kaemin, get it off me!” she pleaded. They were drawing the attention of the others, gathering a crowd, curious to know what the noise was all about. Several utterances of concern made their way through the soldiers, though none of them dared make a move to help. It was safer for them to keep their distance.
Once the blade was in close proximity of the tail, Kaemin slipped it under the arc of the dagger-like tip, lifting it from Aiva’s stomach in a quick, deliberate motion. Immediately upon feeling its weight removed from her skin, she scrambled to her feet, brushing at her stomach in disgust, a shiver coursing through her spine at the mere memory of its touch. Stumbling backward, she would have fallen if Gadiel hadn’t been there to catch her, steadying her on her feet.
“Whoa there, Princess,” he chuckled. “That’s a rude awakening if I ever saw one.”
“I probably deserved it,” she huffed, stepping from Gadiel’s grasp to brush the sand from her clothes, ignoring the curious stares of the other men. “What is that thing, anyway?”
“I don’t really know. But something tells me you wouldn’t want to make it mad.” Eyes opened wide, Gadiel suddenly stepped away, pulling Aiva with him. Distracted by the movement, Aiva glanced up, a short, shrill scream escaping her to see Kaemin standing in front of them, the creature still dangling from the end of his sword.
“Would make a cute pet, don’t you think?” he grinned.
Appalled, Aiva wrinkled her nose, disgusted by the mere sight of it. “Get that thing away! We don’t know what it will do if you drop it. For all we know it will kill us all.”
Callum’s voice rang out from somewhere behind them, more authoritative than Aiva was used to. She was afraid to look at him. After the incident between them the previous night, she wasn’t sure she was ready to face him quite yet. Possibly not ever. “We leave in five minutes. I recommend you gather your things and be ready, or you will be left behind…” Walking up beside them, Callum tilted his head inquisitively toward the creature on Kaemin’s sword. “What in the world is that?”
“Seems the Princess found a new friend while she was sleeping,” Gadiel chuckled. Callum’s nose twitched, his lips forming a faint smirk before it vanished almost as quickly as it appeared.
“A fitting cohort,” he nodded, turning away quickly toward the horses. “Dispose of it. Preferably somewhere that it cannot follow us. The poison on Aiva’s lips is more than enough as it is without adding to it.”
Humiliated by the public insult, Aiva took a step after Callum, refusing to let it go without a fight, hands rested on her hips, recalcitrant. “Captain, that was uncalled for.”
He threw a laugh over his shoulder, making no move to turn and face her. “Yes. I have heard that before.”
Heat rushed to her cheeks, her ears burning crimson. Swallowing hard, she looked around, feeling the eyes of the soldiers staring at her, questioning. Puzzled by the scene they witnessed. She couldn’t win with them. Her presence w
as nothing more than a source of personal entertainment, just waiting to see what she would do next. Not wanting to give them the satisfaction of seeing her speechless, she stormed over to her makeshift bed, angrily scooping up the blankets to carry them to the wagon. There was no point in confronting Callum. Any harsh words he might have for her, she knew she deserved. She only wished he would keep the acid of his tone to the privacy of their conversations rather than opening the others up to their personal issues.
Callum held true to his warning. Within a few minutes they were pushing forward again through the expanse of seemingly endless sand, the heat already bearing down with overwhelming intensity. It didn’t take long for Aiva to feel the weighted sensation start to take over her limbs the way she’d become accustomed to of late. Stomach grumbling from hunger, she pressed onward. Inevitably night would come and allow her to rest.
As the day progressed, the heat only grew worse. The horizon wavered in the distance. No sign of reprieve or civilization. Aiva was beginning to doubt whether the Feh Noq really existed. How could an entire race of people call the desert home and have no cities? No villages for trade? By now they should have come across something which would indicate their presence.
Beside her Aiva could sense Kaemin’s desire to ask about the display that morning. She did her best to appear unapproachable for conversation; occasionally lagging behind or pushing ahead, to avoid staying at a distance where private matters could be discussed without being overheard by others. His heart was in the right place. She simply lacked the desire to talk about it. No one needed to know what transpired between her and Callum. It would raise more questions among the men. More suspicions which might hinder their request for the annulment if anyone believed them to have behaved inappropriately.
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Two: Beyond the Veil Page 26
