“That is only speculation,” Aiva lowered her gaze to the ground, saddened by the thought. She knew Callum was right. There was nothing more they could do. The size of the sea couldn’t be altered. The distance would take time to cover regardless of what she wished.
“Everything is speculation. We can’t know with any certainty until we reach the mainland.” Carefully Callum brought his index finger under Aiva’s chin, lifting her face toward his. “Try to be happy, Aiva. We have a ship. By this time tomorrow we will be on our way to Dackdyn.”
She stared at him, wishing she could conjure the happiness he desired to see in her eyes. The uncertainty of her brother’s fate made it impossible to feel the joy she thought would come with the news of their departure to Luquarr. After everything they had been through, her patience was starting to wear thin. She wanted to be with Edric. She wanted to see her father. And more than anything, she wanted to know that her sister was safe. “I will try to think positive,” she whispered, lightly turning her head away from Callum’s grasp. She couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing there was still so much she longed to say, but now was not the time or place.
“Come,” Callum urged, clasping her hand to gently lead her off the pier. “We have the day to explore the city. You should enjoy the shops and the scenery. In a few days you will wish you had them back. The sea may be beautiful at first but it doesn’t take long for the novelty to wear off.”
“Very well,” Aiva conceded, knowing it wouldn’t do her any good to disagree. Her only hope was that she would find herself in a position where she could tell Callum her true feelings before they took to the sea. He was the only certainty which remained in her life. Even if the world came crashing down around her in the next few weeks, she wanted to know that there was nothing left unsaid between them. It pained her enough to know the things she wished to have said to her family before their separation. Life remained variable and she had too many regrets to allow any more.
Overhead the clouds started to darken, a scent of rain noticeable on the soft sea breeze. The sun had begun its descent below the horizon. Throughout the city people began to make their way toward the taverns, laughter and jovial chatter ringing through the streets. Callum was more alert, watchful of the shadows in case of an attack, his arm held in a protective arc around Aiva’s waist as he led her toward the inn. She hesitated, unwilling to return to her room so soon.
“Callum, I’ve been thinking,” she started, flustered by her inability to say the words she so desperately wanted to say. The day had been so perfect! Now was the best opportunity to speak with Callum. There was no chance of interruption. No one to eavesdrop on their personal affairs. Why couldn’t she just say it? The words were so easy to string together in her mind.
Before she could say more, a droplet of rain fell upon her cheek. Damn, she cursed silently to herself, casting an irritated glare toward the heavens. Why were the gods against her?
Callum turned his gaze to the sky, a deep frown creasing his handsome features. “Maybe we should call it a night,” he said softly. “You look tired.”
No. She wasn’t going to give up. A little rain wasn’t enough to stand in her way. She was tired of playing games. Callum had to know the truth. “Can we go for a walk along the beach first?” she asked, praying the desperation wasn’t as obvious in her tone as she feared it was. Callum looked her over, surprised by the request.
“In the rain?”
“It’s just water. We’ve survived worse.” Her hand slid into his, closing tightly around it. She had tried subtle signs of affection in the past with little result. It was time she started making her feelings more obvious so there could be no mistaking her intentions toward him.
Returning the pressure of her hand Callum gave a slight nod, leading her away from the building toward the shore. The beach was less crowded at this hour, providing ample privacy for what Aiva hoped to accomplish. Even through the rain, the sunset remained a beautiful sight. The perfect backdrop for a romantic stroll. Aiva stared out over the sea, breathing in a deep swallow of salty air. It was oddly refreshing. Away from the bustle of the taverns she could hear the crashing of the waves upon the sand. So beautiful, yet so deadly. Never again would she look upon the water without the memory of the dangers which lurked within its depths.
“What’s on your mind?” Callum asked, cutting through Aiva’s distracted thoughts. She was so wrapped up in the image of their conversation in her head, she had forgotten him there at her side, her eyes slowly coming to focus on his concerned gaze.
“There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time,” she fidgeted nervously. “For some reason, whenever I get the courage to say it, we always get… interrupted.”
Callum’s head perked up, muscles tensed. Protectively he pushed Aiva in front of him, hastening their steps. “Unfortunately, we may keep that tradition,” he said through gritted teeth, hurrying her away from the water’s edge back toward the main street. Aiva tried to look behind them, afraid of what might have spooked him to such a degree. She heard nothing, aware of only shadows behind them.
“What is it?”
“We are being followed,” he replied. In a sudden motion he pushed Aiva forward, causing her to fall onto her knees in the sand. Her screams cut through the air to hear Callum’s sword drawn from its sheath, metal crashing against metal almost deafening to her ears. “Aiva, run!” he shouted. “Get somewhere that no one will see you.”
Confused, she twisted her body to see who their assailant was, recognizing the dirt-covered face of Odell. Her hand moved to rest on her sword, stopped by Callum’s insistent protests. “Go! I’ll be right behind you.”
In the distance she could see the shapes of others coming their way. If Callum didn’t move quickly, he would be outnumbered by them. She couldn’t leave him there. Not like that. “Callum, I won’t leave you!”
“You are wasting time!” In a powerful display of strength Callum brought the hilt of his sword across Odell’s face, a loud crack sounding from the blow as Odell’s body twisted under the impact, dropping him hard into the sand. Aiva gasped, securing her sword in place as she scrambled to her feet. Content that Callum was right behind her, she kept her eyes straight ahead, searching for a familiar marker to direct her toward the inn. There had to be something somewhere that she would recognize. They weren’t that far away.
Up ahead she could see the weathered building they considered home in Vailetta. Gathering every ounce of speed she could muster, her feet pounded along the street, bringing her closer to the inn, rushing through the door in a burst of dirt from the road outside. She paid no attention to the clerk at the desk. He cast her a questioning glance, saying nothing as she hurried up the stairs, never slowing her pace until she came to a stop outside her door. “We made it,” she exhaled, breathless. Leaning against the door to her room she struggled for air, her blood running cold to see that she was alone. “Callum?” she gasped, clutching fearfully at her stomach. “Callum, where are you?”
She had to find him. Oh gods, what if he was dead? What if those men caught up to him? And she had just left him! How could she have been so stupid? In a flurry of motion she rushed toward the stairs, skidding to a halt at the edge of the landing to find Callum there, running toward her, two steps at a time. “I think it best we stay inside the rest of the night,” he stated with forced calm, guiding her firmly in the direction of her room. “We can’t risk anyone else seeing us. Odell knows I’m in the city. If he finds us, he will kill us both.”
“How did he know it was you?”
“I don’t know. He must have recognized me in town. It’s my fault. I should have been more observant. Somehow he slipped past my notice.”
Unlocking the door Callum helped Aiva inside, his long legs carrying him toward the window, drawing the curtains closed. “Callum, what happened?” she asked, still suffering from mild shock at his momentary disappearance. Her knees trembled in fear. She could have lost him. I
n that split second he was out of her sight, he could have been killed.
“Took one more hit to keep him down,” Callum replied with a half-hearted smile. “I’ll be right across the hall if you need anything. Do you think you’ll be alright?”
“Yes, of course.” Shakily she lowered herself onto the bed. She just needed a moment to regain her composure. Everything happened so fast. Her head hadn’t had a chance to catch up with her heart.
“I’ll be here to get you in the morning. Your belongings are packed and ready in my room. Just make sure you don’t oversleep.” He favored his left leg as he moved to the door. Aiva watched him, afraid to ask what was wrong. She wasn’t convinced he would answer truthfully. “Get some sleep, Aiva,” he smiled, ducking quickly into the hallway.
She stood up, determined not to let him go, calling out his name only to be met by the click of the lock twisting into place. Overcome by a rush of emotions she slumped to the floor, face buried in her hands, weeping softly into her palms. There had to be something she could do. He had to know! They couldn’t keep going the way they were. The horror she experienced in that instant when she discovered him not at her side – it haunted her. Plagued her mind with the fear of what she would have done if he hadn’t returned. No. There was no more time. No more waiting. She would tell him now. That was all there was to it.
Climbing to her feet she wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn’t very well go over there looking like such a mess. The mirror revealed the redness around her eyes, though she didn’t know what could be done about that. She refused to wait until it went away.
As she went to step away she did a double-take, staring deeply into the eyes of her reflection. Something there spoke to her. Deep down she knew the possibilities she faced in going to him this way. There had been too much building between them over the past few weeks. Gadiel spoke of his concern when they were still in Palinon. At the time she argued with him, but she couldn’t deny it. And why should she? If they chose to express their feelings for one another, there was nothing to stop them. He was her husband. As the next Queen, it was her right to decide when she shared a bed with her Prince. It was just frightening to consider. A step she wasn’t sure she was prepared for.
Lightly she let her hands run along the fabric of her bodice. There was nothing more she could do for her appearance. Callum would have to accept her the way she was. Puffy eyes and all.
She gave a final look around her room with a definitive nod. She didn’t expect to return there. If she managed to get everything out that she wanted to say, without interruption, she expected they would need the rest of the night to discuss what they were going to do about the annulment. There was only so much time between now and their departure for the mainland.
Soundlessly she slipped through the door, twisting the lock out of habit. It wouldn’t matter if anyone got into her room now. There was nothing of value inside. No reason to fear the thieves.
Her hand trembled as she lifted it to knock on Callum’s door, the sound so timid and soft, she wondered if he even heard. Curious, she twisted the knob, surprised to discover it turn without resistance, unlocked. At her intrusion Callum looked up from where he was seated on the bed, shock evident on his face to find her there.
“Aiva,” he breathed. “I thought you would be in bed.”
“Do you always leave your door unlocked at night? That seems a dangerous practice,” she mused, closing the door behind her. “I hope you weren’t expecting someone else.”
“No, not at all,” he replied quietly. “You looked distraught earlier. I wanted to leave it open in case you needed something.”
She stood, frozen, gazing at Callum, at a complete loss for words. He had removed his shirt, a large scrape visible on his right forearm. It looked fresh. No doubt caused by an unexpected fall in the sand. She didn’t dare ask him about it. Seeing it there was enough to tell her what caused him to lag behind on their way back to the inn. He was there with her now, and she couldn’t ask for anything more.
Forcing herself into motion, she let her hand slip behind her to turn the lock. She didn’t want to risk unexpected visitors. He watched her, clearly curious by her behavior. “Aiva, is something wrong?”
With an almost eerie calm she glided along the floor toward the bed. Her eyes remained on his while she climbed onto the mattress, slipping under his arm, head rested against his bare shoulder. “Nothing is wrong,” she whispered. “We just… never got to finish our conversation and I cannot sleep until I have said everything I need to say.” Under the weight of her body she felt Callum tense. He was very aware of her presence, on guard for something unknown. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” she asked. “I can move if you would rather I not sit so close.”
“No, it’s fine,” he smiled, his nervousness barely concealed. “I’m just confused. Did I do something wrong?”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Aiva let her hand settle over Callum’s chest in hopes that the gesture might reassure him. “I’m not entirely sure how to begin. Gadiel made me realize how important it was for me to tell you something and ever since then, it seems everything has been against us.”
“Gadiel?”
Aiva nodded in agreement. “Yes. He noticed the truth before I did and confronted me. Regrettably Lorand’s misunderstanding kept you and I from talking for so long and then with the divastru and the hunt,” she sighed miserably. “I’m already talking too much. Please forgive me. I am… very nervous.”
“My interest is certainly piqued. Many nights I have thought on what you and Gadiel had reason to discuss so privately in Palinon.” Callum tilted his chin to look down at the top of Aiva’s head where it laid against his chest.
She stared at her hand for a long while, saying nothing. Everything that came to mind sounded foolish. It had to be perfect. She couldn’t feed him some ridiculous line and expect him to forgive all the terrible things she’d done to him over the past few months. Her fingers traced the lines of his chest, delicately trailing down along his abdomen. He shifted uncomfortably at her touch, sitting up straighter against the headboard. “Sorry,” she stammered. “Your muscles are distracting.”
“I can put a shirt on if you prefer…”
“No, you are… fine,” she waved dismissively, moving her hand away from him. Gently she pulled herself up further to meet his gaze. It would be impossible to say anything if she continued to avoid looking him in the eye. “Words fail me,” she frowned. “Let me try something else.”
Before she could change her mind, she leaned forward, eyes closed, counting on her instincts to guide her as she let her lips press against Callum’s. He inhaled sharply, flinching at her advance. At least he didn’t push her away. When she moved back she could see a look of exasperation on Callum’s face. “Okay,” he stated firmly. “I think some words are necessary.”
“Was it not obvious what I’m trying to say?” she asked, her voice trembling noticeably from her overactive nerves.
He stared at her, unmoving, seemingly afraid to blink in fear of what she might do. “Aiva, the last time you kissed me, you claimed to have no idea what you were doing. As I recall, that ended with you loudly accusing me of somehow violating you against your will. Forgive me if your lips tend to send mixed signals.”
A grimace contorted her features at the memory. She deserved that. He had every right to question her. “A lot has changed since that night, Callum. I jumped into the sea and dragged your dying body halfway through a jungle. I think I have a better idea of what I’m doing now than I did then.”
“Then say it, Aiva,” he said quietly. “Why can’t you put it into words? Because I would really like to know what’s going on inside your head.”
This was her moment. It was now or never. Swallowing her pride, she choked back her fear, gazing into Callum’s eyes with every ounce of sincerity she possessed. “I love you, Callum,” she whispered. “I have since before you left me in the gardener’s shed that afternoon.�
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“Then why have you pushed me away?”
“Because I was afraid. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” She felt tears building in her eyes. Focus. There was still more to be said before she let herself weep in his arms. “I didn’t realize how I felt until you kissed me. I heard nothing for so long and when you came back, I tried to hate you for leaving. I’ve been so afraid to let you in out of fear that you will leave me again. But I’ve realized if I don’t let you in, then I have already lost you… and that hurts more than I can bear.”
Callum stared downward, breathing heavily as if someone had punched him in the stomach. She longed for him to say something. Anything. She needed to know what he was thinking.
“Can you forgive me, Callum?” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a desperate embrace. To feel close to him. She could sense that he was hurting but she didn’t know how to make it stop. “Can you kiss me and promise you will never leave me again?”
He was battling himself in the depths of his mind. Oh, how she wished she could get inside his head! She gasped at the sudden movement of his body twisting toward her, taking her in his arms, lips pressed passionately against hers. Her heart raced from the unexpectedness of the motion, giving in to the experience. It was pleasant. There was no fear the way she’d felt with Dacian. No uncertainty like that night in the desert. This was what she wanted. In that moment everything felt right.
Pulling away only enough to get a breath, Callum continued to hold Aiva’s head in his hands, forehead rested against hers, his chest rising and falling with every haggard intake of air. “I could never leave you again,” he whispered. “I have regretted doing so since I climbed into that carriage to leave for my training. You have no idea how much it has eaten away at me inside.”
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Two: Beyond the Veil Page 66
