“That’s not what I mean.”
She sat upright and removed her top, then laid on her back. She noticed Aiden gazing at her chest. “Come over here.”
He propped himself on his elbow. “Frasie… I want to be with you, but…’
“But what?”
He took another look at her naked body, then averted his gaze. “I want to be more than your lover. I want to be your husband.”
“Can we not just spend some time together?”
“We spent all night together,” he replied. “And I loved it. But I want more than this.”
“We don’t have the time to get married in the middle of a war.”
“People do it all the time,” he said. “But I’m not even talking about the ceremony. I need to know you want to be my wife.”
She sat up in bed. “I’m just not ready—”
“You’re ready for me to be as close to you as anyone can ever be, but you aren’t willing to agree to be with me for the rest of our lives?”
“Why are you making this complicated?” she asked. “I want you.”
“Believe me, I want you too.” He got out of bed and started getting dressed. “But we should be engaged. All you’d have to do is say yes. It’s not difficult.”
“I told you I’m not ready for that!”
He finished lacing up his boots. “I care for you too much to lose you, Frasie.”
“You’re not going to lose me.” She shook her head in disbelief. “What does having sex have to do with any of this?”
“I know how much I care for you now. And I know I’m going to care even more after we’re that close to one another. Then if you decide you want someone else—”
“That’s not going to happen.”
He walked to the door. “Then agreeing to marry me won’t be a problem, will it?”
She scoffed. “I can’t believe this. I’m offering myself to you and you’re just going to leave. I thought guys mostly wanted sex.”
“I can only speak for myself.” He opened the door. “And I want something more.”
The sound of the door slamming reverberated through her very core.
Chapter 40
Frasie knocked on Nivvy’s door. She knew it was early, but she had to talk. Her weary-eyed friend answered.
“You weren’t asleep, were you?” she asked.
“No, I was about to get up. Is everything alright?”
“I’ve made a mess of things—again!”
Despite her just having awoken, Nivvy flashed her warm, empathetic smile. “Come on. But I hope you don’t mind if I crawl back into bed.”
“Of course not.” She piled under the covers next to her. “And I hope you don’t mind if I join you.”
Nivvy chuckled. “I expected it.”
She cuddled up to Nivvy, and her friend put her arm around her. “I needed to talk. We haven’t talked in a while, you know. I mean, we talk every day, or nearly every day. But, not like this. Like we used to. Do you remember we’d lay in your bed and stare at the stars through your window?”
“Of course, I do.”
“I loved that,” she said.
“I did too.”
“But all of that is changed, now,” she lamented. “It’s not bad. We’re not kids anymore, you know?”
Nivvy sighed. “I know.”
“Aiden and I had another argument.”
“Oh no. What happened?”
Her mind raced in a million different directions. “I don’t know where to start.”
“You already know what I’m going to say.”
“At the beginning…well, after I received the news from Farius, I was upset. I kept my composure throughout the evening, but eventually it caught up to me. We went to his room and I laid down on his bed. I asked him if he would sleep with me. Not sexually. Just as a friend. He held me and I drifted off to sleep.”
“That was nice of him,” Nivvy said.
“It was. Well, I woke up feeling…”
“Upset?” Nivvy asked.
“No. Well, yes, I am still upset, but…this morning I just wanted to be with him. I wanted him close. Closer than he was, anyway. I wanted him to make love to me.”
“Oh,” Nivvy said.
“I teased him a little, but he didn’t seem interested. I finally told him what I wanted. Even took off my gown. But he turned me down.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“He wants me to agree to marry him first.”
“I thought you resolved that issue?” Nivvy asked.
She shrugged. “I explained why I told him no, and I thought we were back on good terms. He held me so close last night. I could feel how much he cared.”
“Do you want to marry him?”
“I still don’t feel I’m ready.” She exhaled in frustration. “How do I know?”
“You’re thinking about this sideways,” Nivvy said. “You are answering the wrong question. He’s asking if you want to marry him. Do you?”
“Well, yes, I do.”
“There’s your answer.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that simple, Nivvy.”
“I think it is. You love him, don’t you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You know when you’re in love,” Nivvy said.
“How?”
“Do you want to spend all your time with him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you miss him when you’re not with him?”
“Of course.”
“Do you crave his touch? His hugs and kisses?”
She smiled as she thought of their embrace. “Oh yes.”
“How does it feel when you think about having that feeling for the rest of your life?
“That would be wonderful.”
“Do you want to have children with him?” Nivvy asked.
“Well…maybe. I don’t know. I’m a bit scared of that.”
“It sounds like you fear being a mother more than being a wife.”
“I don’t know how to be a mother or a wife.”
“I didn’t know how to be a wife when I married Shareis,” Nivvy said. “And now, even though she’s far away—and quite possibly in mortal danger—I can’t imagine being anything else.”
She turned over and embraced her friend. “I’m so sorry, Nivvy. I shouldn’t be bothering you with all this when you’re worried about Shareis.”
“It’s alright,” Nivvy said. “I am glad to have the distraction. You know how it feels when someone you love is missing.”
“I do.”
Nivvy brushed a crazy curl out of her face. “Look. You’re quite a catch, and Aiden knows it. He clearly feels the same way about you. He’s looking for a commitment from you. And I understand that’s hard.”
She frowned. “I’m being a gigantic fool, aren’t I?” She didn’t give her a chance to answer. “Come on, Nivvy. Be honest with me.”
“You’re not being a fool. You’re being human. I think you’re asking me if you are making a mistake. And…well, yes, I think you are.”
She knew the answer before she asked it. “I should agree to marry him.”
Nivvy nodded.
“He said he just wanted a promise, not the ceremony.”
“I will be happy to wed you both whenever you’re ready.”
The stubborn curl fell back in front of her face as soon as she sat upright. “I need to tell him. And this time I don’t need to look like the business end of a mop.”
“Do you remember Shareis’s dirty dress at the wedding?” Nivvy asked.
“Of course. She was a mess!”
“I didn’t care. Not one bit. Aiden won’t either.” Nivvy pointed to the door. “Go. Tell him how you feel.”
Chapter 41
Olivia awoke to a peculiar sound. On a ship full of all sorts of noises, one caught her attention enough to rouse her from sleep. It wasn’t hard to wake her, as she slept most of the time. Being locked in a cabin leaves few alternatives.
She stood up in bed and peered through a vent above her and noticed someone crawling through the narrow passageway. She ducked, hoping no one saw her. Her captors didn’t trust her with anything dangerous, so she had no weapon. And with no magic, her options for defending herself were quite limited.
“It’s Olivia,” she heard in the faintest of whisper.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“Lilly and Shareis.”
She hurriedly removed the vent and helped them from the duct. “How did you two get on board?”
“They are overconfident,” Lilly said. “But we cannot make the same mistake. When will they come for you?”
“They usually bring me breakfast after daybreak. Sometimes Cadrin comes in to talk, or that annoying doctor…”
“Should we wait until then?” Shareis asked
“No,” Lilly replied. “It would be easier to escape at night. Olivia, do you know where Cadrin is?”
“No idea. Why?”
“We are going to capture him,” Shareis replied.
“And here I thought you were going to rescue me,” she said.
“We didn’t know if you were alive, let alone your location,” Lilly said. “But finding you is advantageous. With your magic…”
She scoffed. “Advantageous?” She glanced between them. “I’m not going to get much of an emotional reunion from two Proctors, am I?”
Shareis offered a slight shrug.
“Anyway, surely you know magic doesn’t work on these people. Besides, they injected me with something they call verdic acid. For a short time, it suppresses magical ability.”
“How soon does it wear off?” Shareis asked.
“They said two days.” She flexed her palm and tried to cast an illumination spell. A faint ball tried to form then quickly vanished.
“It appears it’s effect is not complete,” Lilly noted.
“Doesn’t matter—it’s useless against them,” she said.
“We may have a way around that,” Shareis said. “Regardless, for now, take this.” Shareis handed her a bow and a quiver of arrows.
“That should work well in the close quarters of this ship,” she quipped.
“It’s all we have to spare,” Shareis said.
“We’ve surveyed all the rooms in this deck—at least as many as we could reach from the vent.”
She pointed to the duct. “I’m not a super slender Proctor. I can’t fit in there.”
“Yes, you can,” Lilly said.
She hesitated. “Believe me. No, I can’t.”
“If we use the corridors, someone will surely see us,” Lilly added.
Shareis put her hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s dark, and it’s too small. I won’t fit.”
“You’re the same size as me,” Lilly observed.
She stuck out her chest. “Not up here.”
“That’s not it,” Shareis said.
“Oh yes, it is,” she replied. “These things get in the way all the time.”
“The truth, Olivia,” Shareis said.
“I… I don’t do well in small spaces.” She rubbed her sweaty palm on her skirt. “And there’s no light.”
“This room is small,” Lilly said.
“I know,” she said. “And I do well to forget that fact.”
“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic,” Shareis said.
She started to pace. “Yes…well, I don’t talk about it much. I’m usually outdoors, or in some large building, like the Temple of the Ael’Shanar.”
“There is no other viable option,” Lilly said. “If you wish to stay, it is your choice.”
Lilly climbed on the bed, but Shareis stopped her. “It isn’t that simple. Fear can be a powerful motivator in humans and Skilla.”
“I am merely stating the facts,” Lilly said. “If we go out that door, we will likely die. We will be safer inside the duct.”
The thought of crawling through that narrow space gave her the chills. But she couldn’t deny Lilly’s logic.
“You don’t have to put it like that,” Shareis said.
“I’ll go,” Olivia interjected.
Lilly nodded. “Good. We shouldn’t waste any more time.” Lilly removed the cover and entered.
“She doesn’t understand,” Shareis told her.
She shook as she approached the entrance. “I’m not sure I do either.”
“Do you want me to go first?” Shareis asked.
“Yes, but don’t. I’d rather not have the option to back out of this.”
“You will do well, Olivia,” Shareis said in a reassuring voice.
She climbed into the duct and immediately started shaking. She paused as a wave of intense anxiety overtook her. She moved forward a bit and tried to put it out of her mind.
“How are you doing?” Shareis asked.
“Quite fantastic. I’ve heard soot is great for the skin.”
“Don’t fight it,” Shareis said, immediately cutting through her sarcasm. “Do whatever you have to do to let it out—except make noise.”
She wanted to scream. It took every scrap of restraint within her to remain silent. She continued, but the fear again overwhelmed her. She balled her fist and banged against the metal.
“Stop,” Lilly whispered loudly.
Shareis touched her ankle. “It’s alright.”
Even though Shareis’s word had no magic power over her anxiety, it did make her feel better to know she cared. She sweated profusely and shook as she proceeded. Eventually, they reached a connection with a wider vent. This calmed her nerves as they took a right to cross to the other side of the ship.
She focused on Lilly ahead of her, or, more precisely, Lilly’s butt. At first, she shunned the idea as now was certainly not the time to entertain her hormones. But she quickly realized it might provide a useful distraction. As they continued checking each room, she allowed her mind to drift toward entertaining this beautiful Proctor ahead of her. Eventually, a smile pierced her previously panicked expression.
They continued through the maze of ductwork, checking each connecting room as best they could, for any sign of the captain’s quarters. Eventually, after at least a grueling hour of climbing through tunnels of various configurations of torture, they reached a large room. She figured it was the wardroom, so they stayed at the vent a moment and listened.
Soon, two people entered. After hearing their voices, she was certain one was Cadrin. The other sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. She tapped Lilly on the bottom, beckoned Shareis’s attention, and informed them they had reached their target. Through relayed whispers, they hatched a plan.
Lilly waited until Cadrin and his companion weren’t looking, then descended from the vent into the room. She was impressed with Lilly’s stealth, a skill she found herself lacking. She exited as quietly as she could, then Shareis followed immediately after her. Lilly rushed to Cadrin and put her dagger to his throat while she and Shareis restrained Morgan.
“Don’t even think of yelling,” Lilly said. “My blade is quick.”
Cadrin chuckled. “You wouldn’t kill me. You need me.”
“Don’t be so sure,” she warned. “I had to beg and plead with this woman to let you live. I told her I had a soft spot for you.” She looked at Morgan. “We’ll be leaving, now.”
Morgan stared intently at her.
She gasped. “It’s you…”
Morgan flashed a thin smile. “You’re the prime minister’s whore.”
She recalled the sparkle in Morgan’s eyes from their previous encounter in Steelcove. It bore a slight resemblance to the swirl in a Skilla’s iris but twinkled with far greater intensity. A strong, magical pull toward Morgan intensified as she continued to examine them. The mysterious woman’s enchanting gaze caught her breath.
“Go,” she managed. “We need to go.”
Shareis and Lilly forced Cadrin on his feet and moved toward the door.
> “You’re going with us,” she told Morgan.
A dreaded swirl circled in Morgan’s eyes. “No, I’m not.”
She found it hard to look away. She knew if she didn’t break free, she would soon be under her thrall. She released her grip on Morgan.
“What are you doing?” Shareis asked.
Olivia stepped backward toward the door and drew her bow. She had trouble aiming at Morgan.
“We’ve got to go,” Lilly said.
Cadrin scowled. “You’ll never get out of here alive.”
Lilly grinned as she tightened a gag across his mouth. “We shall see.”
She broke her gaze with Morgan and focused her attention on the Proctors. They left with Cadrin, and before she closed the door behind her, she felt compelled to take a parting look at Morgan.
Morgan laughed. “You fools have accomplished nothing.”
Chapter 42
Frasie went downstairs and noticed Mauria sitting by the fire, eating a bowl of soup.
She sat on the arm of the chair next to her. “Good morning, Mauria.”
“Morning, Frasie. Have you eaten?”
Her stomach rumbled, yet she didn’t want to eat. “No. I suppose I’m too worried to be hungry.”
“I didn’t eat anything yesterday, and I couldn’t sleep a wink last night,” Mauria said.
“I know you’re concerned about Lilly,” she said.
Mauria frowned. “It seems Lilly is always doing something dangerous. What has you in knots?”
“Aiden.”
“I see,” Mauria said. “Well, I saw him leave not too long ago.”
“Did he say where he was going?”
“I don’t think he noticed me,” Mauria replied. “He seemed quite preoccupied.”
She looked to the window. “I need to apologize to him.”
“Apologize?”
She hung her head. “He wants to marry me. And I’ve been turning him down.”
“If you don’t want to marry him—”
“Oh no, I do. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready.”
“You’re never ready,” Mauria said. “That’s just how life works. I felt like I wasn’t ready when I married my husband.”
She tilted her head. “So… You like both men and women?” She immediately regretted asking, realizing she was being too personal. “I’m sorry.”
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