“Is someone there with you, Naomhan?” the Father asked again.
Naomhan stared at Theodora as though he was betraying her by answering in the affirmative.
The door slid open and Father Damian smiled at the both of them with opened arms. “I am glad the two of you are safe.”
They all headed out of the chapel without a word spoken between them. Theodora said her goodbyes and thanked Naomhan for the lesson. Naomhan nodded. There was no suitable word to use to describe what he felt. The guilt at betraying his friend, and most of all, his disappointment that he had not been able to kiss her. Watching her ride away, he knew she felt the same way.
“A letter came for you, Naomhan. It is from your brother,” Father Damian said as he handed the sealed paper over to Naomhan. Naomhan excused himself from the Father’s presence to read the letter. It was in Logan’s hand as the Father had said.
Naomhan’s face went pale as he turned back to Father Damian, who had remained when he was.
“Is anything the matter, Naomhan?” he called out to him.
Naomhan turned away from the priest without a word.
I have to return home to Scotland, he knew.
18
The ride back to York had been awkward at first. By her lonesome, Theodora had thought about the silence of Father Damian. Perhaps the older man suspected her, she thought. Riding along the countryside, she could feel her face burn with a familiar blush as she thought of Naomhan. Her hands still pulsed from where he had held her.
It was the first time that she had an attack in years. Mostly her mother had been there to help her. It was the first time she had been with another person, other than family, during any of her attacks and she was glad it was Naomhan. His eyes had held her heart hostage, pausing time itself as he had made her calm. It had been similar to her mother in that she had trusted him wholly. The difference between those moments was that she had wanted Naomhan to kiss her.
They had been so close to one another, closer than they had ever dared to be, before Father Damian entered. A part of her, which she scolded, disliked the Father for his imperfect timing. A few seconds later and perhaps she would have tasted Naomhan’s lips and he would have had the pleasure of hers.
What Theodora did not care to think about was the consequence of such an action.
She rode home and allowed the manservant take her horse away. Her frequent visits to Embleton were taking a toll on the beast. They never had cause to ride far. Theodora practically danced into her home. Her mother was downstairs with her friends.
“Good afternoon,” she sang, before heading up the stairs. Her mother called after her but she did not hear. She could hear nothing above the sound of her happy humming.
“Hey, have this taken to my daughter,” Mrs. Kent waved over to the nearest maid, who responded promptly.
“Your daughter seems quite jolly today, Penelope,” one of the women pointed out.
“Perhaps she knows already. Young lovers make the most beautiful sight, makes me wish I was younger again and could run around with my husband,” Mrs. Kent replied to her friends.
Along the stairs, Theodora heard her name called behind her by her maid.
“Milady, I was told to—” the maid wasn’t done with her words before Theodora turned around and quickened her steps. The maid checked once to be certain that Mrs. Kent could not see her before she gave chase to her mistress. They were of similar ages and friends when Theodora’s parents were not watching.
She caught up to Theodora at her door.
“You seem faster today. I swore I was going to catch you but I did not,” the maid said, panting. “And might I say, you look different, as though you were kissed by a handsome prince.”
Theodora froze as though she had been doing mischief. The maid could not have known about it. Or was her face such a giveaway?
“Oh, milady, I was ordered by your mother to have this letter delivered to you,” the maid said, blowing on the folded paper before handing it over to Theodora with a bow. Theodora took the letter from her hand, fearing whose it might be from.
“I fancy it would be young Colt Ayers, son of the Duke,” the maid said with a smile that Theodora could not replicate. Ghost-faced, she headed into her room without a word, letting her door thunder in her wake.
Theodora did not want to open the letter. The guilt she had so easily avoided all day came rushing back to her. Colt Ayers was the man she had chosen to marry. However quick it had been, there was no changing it. It was unheard of, lest her parents would consent. Her mother would cry if she told her that she wanted nothing to do with Colt Ayers because she believed herself to be in love with a man of the cloth.
Naomhan was probably as hand-tied as she was, she realized. Would he betray his vow for her? She knew it was asking too much as it would have been if he had asked for her to betray Colt Ayers and her parents.
Theodora put the letter on her desk and hopped onto her bed, wishing that the letter would disappear but it did not. She tried to think of other things but they all tracked back to the letter on the desk, the letter from her rightfully betrothed. She took a bath and had a change of clothes but the white paper sat conspicuously on her desk still. There seemed to be no escaping it.
Taking a deep breath, Theodora gathered her resolve and got off her bed. She pulled her wooden chair from the desk so she could sit in it as she pried open the letter. It was indeed from Colt as she had known in her heart. Her eyes stung as she read the words of the letter.
Dear Theodora,
The days seem quite short here but the night long. Our host is quite hospitable as is his family. Despite their old age, they love one another in a way that I envy. In many ways, they remind me of us. I long to return home to see your beautiful face again. We shall wed, go on our honeymoon and every day shall be perfect. These are the thoughts that fill my head as I write to you.
I have come up with a proposition to make my host, one he cannot refuse. If this works, which I do pray it does, I shall be home in your embrace sooner than expected and you shall have the most elegant wedding in all of England, second only to the Queen’s.
From Your Beloved,
Colt Ayers
Theodora sank in her seat as she looked over the letter again. Colt was coming back earlier than he had promised. With that singular and individual decision, it meant that her life had been quickened in its pace. She was going to get married soon and all her freedom would be gone from her, tied to that of a man who would be good to her but to whom she could not reciprocate. Her heart belonged to another, however insane it was to believe.
She needed to know for certain what bargain she was making for her freedom. She took a quill and some ink to scribble her own letter. It held her truth and she hoped someone would find it at a time when its consequence would not reach her.
When she was done, Theodora lay on her bed till it was dark. She had tried to sleep but sleep was never easy for those who sought to make decisions like hers. The cover of darkness she had been waiting for came quicker than she had anticipated and with it also came her doubts.
Theodora was a young woman who wasn’t used to making her own decisions, no matter how strongly she felt about them. The one decision she had come to make without her parents, was to agree to marry Colt Ayers, and she was already regretting it not so long after.
“Listen to your heart,” her mother had told her once.
“How do I do that, Mother?” she had asked
“You just know.” That had been her mother’s answer then. It had sounded both mysterious and shallow at the time; words that had seemed so simple and yet hard to comprehend.
Theodora put on a cloak over her gown and headed out of the house quietly. Because her mother was a woman with a system of getting things done, the servants were always at places she wanted them to be. These posts, Theodora knew about, and it aided her escape from her home without detection. She made her way into the stables and took her horse.
> Shush! She told the animal as she led it quietly across the courtyard to the gate.
“A little too late for a ride, milady. Does the master know of your ride?” the man by the gate asked.
Theodora put on her best smile, one that often deceived men into thinking her harmless—which could easily be mistaken for submission—a lesson taught to her by her mother.
“I have to run a quick errand. It would fetch you a rather handsome reward if you keep my little errand between the both of us. I shall return before daybreak,” she offered the older man. The guard was an old English soldier, strict and disciplined, which was why her father had hired him after he had fallen ill during the war. Knowing her father, she knew he would have foreseen such a circumstance but what he did not put to mind was that men grew soft when there was no trouble.
“I wish you a safe return then, miss,” he said as he slid open the gate quieter than she had managed with her door. With a smile and a tip of his hat, he bid her farewell.
Theodora could not quite believe her luck as she rode out of the house into the dead of night. It was very dark and she could barely see anything but the moonlight seemed enough for her trusty steed.
Free with the cold, rebellious wind of the night and her cloak over her face, Theodora felt truly alive for the very first time. Whatever the outcome was, she was certain that she had found the woman that she wanted to be, one that was free to do as she pleased. What pleased her at that moment was the thought of being next to Naomhan again. So she rode for Embleton.
19
The night was quiet and full of its many demons which tormented Naomhan’s soul. He should have waited till the morning but he feared his resolve would fail him.
Father Damian, for all his wisdom and virtue, was like every other man when he was taken by sleep. He slept deeply and snored so loudly that the old house creaked. Naomhan never minded but that night, the sounds of his snores ate at him with guilt. He owed Father Damian his life but his family was more important. What Father Damian never realized was that he could never change a person completely. Naomhan would still be a warrior at heart, a man who would risk his life in the place of those he loved—his family.
He packed himself a small bag, enough to avoid stopping and make the rests shorter throughout his little journey. His collar lay on his bed, as did his robe, for Father Damian to find when he awoke in the morning. About two years back, he had come to England as an exile, wishing for death as he was nothing without his honor. Yet, it was not so as he planned to leave. He had Father Damian, the people of Embleton who showed him love, and Theodora Kent—the woman he should not have.
There had never been a woman he had wanted as much as he had wanted her. She was beautiful beyond compare, smart, and confident in that way that endeared her to him. For her sake, he would have betrayed his friend. He wanted her but this world was not theirs to fall in love in. There was no time to fall in love in the world that Naomhan had been plunged in. He was an exile and a dishonored Scot.
He thought of riding over to York and taking Theodora with him. Together, they could leave England behind and run away to the Highlands. But it wasn’t safe in Scotland, not for him. The life of a criminal deemed by the Crown herself was not the life befitting any woman and he would be a selfish man if he forced her to live that life.
The neigh of a horse drew Naomhan’s attention outside the old chapel. He picked up his working machete as he headed outside to meet the nocturnal visitor. There had only been one occasion in two years when hooligans had come into the church for relics.
“Please, do not be trouble, not on my last night here,” Naomhan muttered under his breath as he tiptoed towards the door. There was not a sound outside the house except for the crickets in the night. Readying himself, he pulled open the door and came out to see Theodora. The machete fell from his hand.
“What brings you here this late at night? It is dangerous for a lady such as you to journey so late at night. Did you leave something behind?” he asked her.
Even though her cloak was over her face, Naomhan knew it was Theodora. He knew her by her scent, by her height, and by his prayers, for he had wished to see her one more time. The greatest regret he had stomached all day long was that he never got to tell her how he felt about her. His decision to journey away from England meant that he would probably never return. He knew this. The fate that awaited him in the Highlands was either death or redemption. Either way, his Scottish skin would never feel the English breeze again.
She lifted the cloak off her face and looked up with her glazy blue eyes. Her lips parted perfectly as she sought to speak but Naomhan also had much to tell her.
“Colt is coming back sooner,” Theodora said before Naomhan spoke.
“I love you,” he said without hearing her words. His ears only caught her words after he had spoken. They darkened the features of his face as he remembered the reality of his life and she saw this, too.
“That does not matter much to me as I am leaving tonight,” he told her, putting his hand on the door to indicate his impatience and growing lack of interest in the conversation.
“What do you mean by leaving? Where would you be going?” she asked him. Naomhan turned his face away from her, trying to hide the sting in his eyes.
“It matters not where I am going. It is perhaps for the best that I leave Embleton. There is nothing for me here.”
Theodora grabbed his hand before she could stop herself. It was instinctive, an action prompted by the fear of losing him forever. He had just told her that he was in love with her. It made no sense that he would leave, Theodora thought, as her eyes welled with withheld tears. Looking at his eyes, she saw pain, a pain that melted her very heart. He could not bear to stay around her knowing that she belonged to another.
“I do not want you to leave, Naomhan,” she said.
“My mind is made up, Theodora. Nothing and no one has the power to change it,” he told her. Naomhan knew he should have left her presence lest he would fail in his resolve. He had wanted to head out that night and he had not wanted complications.
He thought of home and family, and realized that he had to make a choice. He dropped his arm so her hand would slip off his.
“I am sorry,” he said, as he closed the door far enough before her hands stopped the door from shutting her out.
“Because I love you,” she said.
The door did not move even though she could feel Naomhan’s hand behind the door.
“I know this goes against everything I believe in, everything my family believes in. I cannot betray my heart any longer. I know for certain that I do not love Colt. It is you that I love and I know that—it seems almost impossible that we be together—I do not know what to say, Naomhan, please let me look at you,” she pleaded with him.
She pushed the door and he let her. The look on his face was not one she had thought she would see.
“You cannot love me, Theodora. I am not the man you think I am,” he told her.
“But I know the man you are, Naomhan. You are a good and wise man. You have a heart. That man is standing right here in front of me,” she assured him. She wanted to hold him but he took a step back from her. His eyes held so much guilt that she feared the truths he might tell her.
“I am not who you think I am, Theodora. I am a fraud. I am an exile from my own country, a warrior without honor. I have brought shame to my family and I would bring to you also if I do not leave this night,” Naomhan spoke. It was the first time he had told anyone about his true identity since he had confessed to Father Damian. He saw Theodora was not moved by his words, so he continued.
“I am a Scot and a criminal. I am accused of treason in my own country. My father is dead because he lost his son. I am the reason my father is dead, Theodora, and soon, those who framed me for the crime will go after my brother and mother. I need to be there to protect them,” he told her.
“You may be Scot but you are still the man I thought you to be
.” She reached to cup his face in her hands and he did not stop her. “You are willing to risk your life to protect your family. I do not want you to leave, Naomhan. It might be selfish and even I think this is impossible but I—”
Theodora’s words were caught in her mouth as Naomhan wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to himself. She gasped for air only moments before his lips seized hers in his. For a moment, Theodora froze, her mind unable to process the shock soon enough. She had wanted it but had not expected it. The fear was of the fact that she had never kissed anyone before and did not know how to.
Naomhan had not heard all her words before he had kissed her. He had not needed to. She believed him despite it all. She loved him despite her bind and his also. Naomhan believed he had never loved Theodora as much as he had at that particular moment.
Under a Highlander's Spell: A Steamy Scottish Historical Romance Novel Page 13
