by Aileen Erin
I closed my eyes, wishing I could unsee it or make it untrue, but I couldn’t do either. I would never forget what she looked like.
“Tessa’s a skeleton—skin and bones and nothing else. She says it doesn’t matter how much she eats, she’s always hungry and always losing weight.” I swallowed down the fear to get the rest out. “It’s her wolf. She’s fading. She’s going to die if we don’t do something. Fast. I honestly don’t know how her heart hasn’t given out yet.”
Cosette was quiet, and it wasn’t comforting at all.
“I can’t get this close just to watch her die. I need you to find a way to break your mother’s magic. Please. I—”
Cosette hissed. “I saw through the magic. She looked okay, but…I was just trying to break the magic. I saw her, but maybe I didn’t see her.”
I knew what she meant. “I had to really push to see through all the magic.”
“Did you touch her again? Or was it just the one time?”
“It was more than one time. There was this pop, and it hurt, and then after that, every time I touched her, I could see the real her under it all. What does it mean?”
“I don’t know. My mother’s magic is…it’s tricky. It’s why she’s the queen of the most powerful fey court and has kept her throne for thousands of years.” I heard some tapping, like she was flicking her fingers against something hard. “If what you saw is true and not some other illusion, then maybe what you’re doing is working? Maybe having you close is allowing Tessa to break through the magic. Have you felt for your bond yet?”
“No.” I stopped walking and reached for it, but my tie to Tessa was still gone. “It’s not there.” There was more growl to my voice, and I fought to push my wolf down again.
Apparently, I was doing a terrible job of it. I was waiting with a group of people for the light in front of me to change color, but they suddenly all backed away, letting me cross by myself.
“Look. It could be the magic that’s eating away at her, but maybe it’s not the magic. Maybe it’s just that she’s trying to eat like a human.”
If it was just a food problem, then fine. But what if it wasn’t? “What do I do?” I yelled. The few people on the street were staring at me, but I ignored every one of them. Let them stare. I didn’t care if I looked crazy as I stormed down the sidewalk.
“Feed her.”
“I wish I’d thought of that, Cosette!” I screamed at her, not caring about being civil anymore.
“Well, then, what do you want me to say?” She screamed back at me, and I knew I’d lost it.
“I don’t know,” I said, much softer this time. “But I can’t be around her all the time, shoving food at her. Not if I’m supposed to take this slow and make her fall in love with me and everything else. I’m scared that I’m too late already, and I…” I needed to know that what I was doing would work.
But no one could tell me that. Not even Cosette.
“I—” There was a rustling noise, cutting off whatever she was going to say.
“Hey.” Chris’s raspy voice came through the phone. “You kept away after she first changed, but Tessa had a real problem getting enough to eat. She kept thinking that her stomach couldn’t physically hold more. It was tough for her to let go of eating like a human. So, we stayed on her. I followed her with sandwiches and shoved food in her locker in between classes. At mealtimes, we all piled more food on her plate—more than what she originally served herself. Meredith got a fridge for her room—”
“I remember that.” I’d forgotten that she had a fridge in her room. It was weird because that wasn’t standard. There was plenty of food around, especially in the common room of the dorm.
“It took all of us to make sure she stayed healthy that first week.”
As I waited at the next crosswalk, I wondered if it really could be that easy. “And now she doesn’t have that.”
“I’m saying she hasn’t had that for over a year. If you round up, it’s been nearly two years.” Chris sounded as stressed out as I was about that. “How thin is she?”
I closed my eyes to picture what I’d seen. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was nearly translucent. Her cheekbones were too sharp, giving her cheeks this sunken hollow look. I couldn’t see under her clothes, but I’d bet my life that if I did, I’d be able to see every rib, every knob on her spine, every joint protruding.
“I’ve never seen someone that was literally skin and bones and nothing else. I always thought that was an overly dramatic description of a thin person, but there’s no meat or fat on her that I could see.” I was so afraid I thought I might throw up. “It’s bad, Chris. It’s really bad. I’m terrified that I’m too late.”
He was quiet, and I knew he had to be taking the news hard. Not as hard as I was, but nearly.
“And you know the really fucked up thing?”
“What?” He sounded like he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but I had to tell him. I needed someone to talk to.
“I wouldn’t have noticed. I was just so glad to see her—that I didn’t really see the rest. Not until I heard her stomach growl.” The memory of it made my skin grow cold. “I’ve never heard her stomach growl like that, and…” This was the part that really scared me. “I think this is a little like what happened to Meredith. I think her wolf has been keeping her alive this long, but it’s paying the price. This has been killing her wolf slowly. We’ve got days. If that. What do I do? I push her, and the magic kills her. If I don’t, she could still die.”
They were quiet.
I started walking faster to keep myself from shifting because in that moment, I wished part of me could disappear into my other form. “Someone. Please. Tell me what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can fix this.” There was a panicked edge to my voice, but I couldn’t stop it now. The panic was back and stronger than before, and it was like my lungs weren’t working right. I just couldn’t get enough air. There wasn’t enough air. I—
“Okay.” Chris took a breath. “Okay. We’re coming.”
“What?” I was relieved and grateful. “Are you sure?” I had to ask, even if I wanted the help. “You just got back to Texas.”
“And now we’re going to LA again.” Chris sighed. “Look. You need a wingman. And if there’s a girl there, she’ll feel more comfortable. You’ll also feel better with us there. You’re not yourself, dude. You’re just not. Your wolf is unstable, and your confidence has been shot to shit. You’ve been without the support of a pack for way too long. We should never have left you in LA alone. It went against everyone’s instinct to leave you there. So, Cosette and I are coming back. We’ll make Van take us, which will save some time. Might take Cosette a minute to find him, but we’re coming.”
“Thank you.” I wanted to cry with gratitude. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do this alone. There was too much on the line. “Seriously. Just—”
“We shouldn’t have left,” Chris said each word carefully, clearly, so that I knew he meant them. “We thought that it’d be easier with just you there and no one else to take her attention away from you, but we didn’t realize her life was on the line like it is. It was our bad.” He was quiet. “When do you see her again? Where is she now? What—”
“The Wayfarers are watching her. She went to go retake a test, and I’m running so I don’t completely lose it. She’s coming over after for dinner.” I tried to let that calm me. I was seeing her again soon. “I convinced her to come for dinner.”
“Great. That’s fucking awesome.” He let out a breath. “Okay. See. You’re doing great. You’re doing a great job, man.”
“Am I?” I dropped my chin to my chest as I slowed my steps on the sidewalk. I needed to know I was making the right call. I needed someone to tell me that I was doing okay. That I could do this.
“Yes. You’re doing a great job, Dastien. What time is she coming over?”
“I didn’t want to spook her, so I kept it casual
. I said six or seven, but I told her to come over sooner if she was hungry. That I’d be there.”
“Good. Okay. We have plenty of time. Can you get Van, babe?” Chris said the last to Cosette.
I heard Cosette yell for him.
“We’ll be there in a few to help shop. We’ll be ready for whenever she comes. We’ll make it a party. I’ll eat a ton. You’ll eat a ton. She’ll take our cues that it’s okay to eat her fill. Her wolf is tough. She’s fought this hard to keep her alive under all that magic. She’ll keep doing it. The important thing is that she’s still alive, which means you’re there in time. We’ll save her.”
“We have to.” Because if she left this world, I would follow her.
Tessa was my True Mate. I’d doubted it while she’d been gone, but I knew it was true the second I saw through all the layers that were hiding her. True Mates didn’t survive the death of the other. We would pass into the next realm together. That’s just how our magic worked.
“Gotta go pack,” Chris said. “We’ll stay in your guest room for as long as this takes.”
“Okay.” That made me feel better than I could admit.
“Finish your run. We’ll be there within the hour.”
The line went dead, and I wished I was as sure as Chris. I wanted to believe him. But he hadn’t seen what I’d seen.
Because in the elevator—when I was truly seeing her and breathed in deeply—I didn’t catch her lavender, honey, and vanilla scent.
I smelled her death.
Chapter Twenty-One
TESSA
I drove to campus in a mental fog. Somehow I got there in one piece, parked, and talked to my professor, but I didn’t remember any of it.
I was sitting in the empty classroom staring at my test booklet—reading the first question for the millionth time—when I finally snapped out of the shock of what had happened.
I’d agreed to dinner.
With my hot neighbor.
At his apartment.
Tonight.
Had I lost my mind? Why did I agree to that?
And I knew why. Because Dastien was hot and I really wanted him, even if it was so stupid. There was no chance he’d be interested in someone like me.
I glanced up at the clock. It’d been over thirty minutes since I left my apartment. That was thirty minutes I’d lost completely. That was bad, even for me. It wasn’t bad enough to check in with my doctor, but it was something I needed to be aware of in case it turned into a trend.
I pulled my water bottle out of my backpack and took a long drink. It’d probably work better if I dumped it over my head, but I felt someone watching me.
My professor was staring. He was a kind-of-handsome guy in his mid-forties. He always wore jeans and a button-down, but also a tie. Always oversized and with some bright print on it. It was like—really? Why not just go casual and skip the ugly tie?
“Are you sure you’re okay enough to take the test?”
I took another sip of water, hoping that would calm me. “I think I’m okay. I was studying when I collapsed, and I just want to get this test done.”
He pressed his lips together as he watched me. “If you don’t do at least as well as your average test score, I’m going to give you a redo.”
That was incredibly understanding, and much more generous than I’d expected from him. He had the reputation of being a total hard-ass.
I let out a shaky breath, and I wished it was nerves because of the test. “Thanks. I appreciate that, but I think I’ll do okay.” At least I hoped that was the truth.
“All right. You’ve got forty-five more minutes. Get started.”
I looked down at the paper in front of me, and this time I focused on the words.
One question at a time, I made my way through. I had to keep bringing my focus back to the test because my mind kept wondering about stupid things—like if Dastien meant that tonight was a date.
Which was stupid. Of course, it wasn’t a date. I wanted it to be a date, but Dastien probably felt sorry for me because my stomach growled so loud.
What had I been thinking agreeing to go to dinner at his place? What would we talk about? What would I say? Would he be able to tell that I already had a crush on him?
Oh my God. It was going to be so fucking awkward.
In that moment, it felt like he really wanted me to come over, but now I was second-guessing everything. Dastien was just so beautiful. He was way out of my league, and I was sure we had nothing in common. I mean, what did people that pretty do for fun?
Oh my God. I was ridiculous. Just because Dastien was pretty didn’t mean he was a separate species. The guy probably watched movies and worked out—because that was obvious—and streamed crappy TV, just like every other normal person.
And I wasn’t that bad-looking. I hated that I put myself down, but I couldn’t help it. Looks shouldn’t matter, but they did. They always mattered. And he was so far beyond me it wasn’t even funny.
My professor cleared his throat, and I could feel my cheeks getting hot. If he could tell that I wasn’t focusing on the page, then I was probably going to need that make-up test. But I didn’t want to retake this. So, I was going to get it together.
Dinner with Dastien was so not important. This exam was important.
I flipped through my test to see how many more questions I had to go. I needed to pass this class so that I could graduate on time next year. Once I was done with school, I could get a job. And then I wouldn’t have to rely on Mother’s support anymore. I would be free.
Only eleven more questions to go.
After that, I could go home and obsess about Dastien. But not before.
The rest of the time blurred, and suddenly, I was done. There were ten minutes left, so I went back through to double-check my answers. Everything looked good, but I wasn’t sure about a few of them.
My professor’s timer went off. I wanted more time, but that was it. If I failed, then at least he would give me a second chance.
I pushed back from my desk and walked to the front of the room.
Dr. Richmond looked up from the papers he was grading on his desk. “How’d you do?”
I handed him the test. “I think I did okay.” Unless I was so out of it that I didn’t register bombing it.
“I’ll take a quick look while you get your stuff. If you didn’t pass, then we’ll discuss what to do next. Okay?”
“Thanks.” It’d be good to know how I did right away. If I needed the redo, I might have to cancel on Dastien so that I could study.
That would also be a half-decent excuse to avoid a possibly awkward situation. I would cancel it if I could, but then I’d be a chicken. I’d been wanting more friends than just Georgine, and now one had fallen into my lap. I wasn’t going to let it go just because it scared me how much I wanted him.
I grabbed my backpack and slid my water bottle into the holder.
“Well,” Dr. Richmond said from the front of the room. “Looks like you aced it.”
I felt myself smile as his words registered. “Really?” I hadn’t been expecting that.
“Really, and from the way you kept staring off into space, I thought you’d fail it for sure. You’ve impressed me.”
I impressed him? “Seriously?” That was pretty awesome.
“Yeah.” He put my test down. “Go get some rest. I’ll see you in class in a couple days.”
“Thanks. And thank you for coming in today to let me get the test over with. I didn’t want it hanging over my head this weekend.”
“It’s no problem. I was already here grading the rest of the class’s tests.” He waved his hand over the pile.
“See you next week.” I gave him a wave and headed out.
When I got to the hallway, two guys were studying just across from the door. The same two guys that followed me into the building.
Weird.
I normally don’t notice people very much—or I didn’t think I did—but these guys we
re massive. They didn’t scare me exactly, but I wouldn’t want them following me into a darkened alley.
One of them looked up at me, and I gave them a nod before walking down the hall.
When I glanced back at them, they were quickly putting their books away.
They couldn’t be following me, could they?
I started moving faster for a second before rolling my eyes at my own craziness. There was no way those guys were following me. I’d never seen them before. Yes, they’d gotten there at the same time as me and were leaving at the same time as I was. But it was just a coincidence. Those happened all the time.
That was one of the things that my doctor and therapist worked on with me. I liked to read too much into things, and part of that was because of my brain injury.
I also developed a massive fear of the supernatural after my accident. My therapist thought that I didn’t like the unexplainable now because I couldn’t remember so much in my life. Which—in a way—made sense.
But just because those guys were tall, handsome, and built didn’t mean that they were supernatural. I was sure they didn’t get furry during the full moon. If I used those qualifications, then Dastien was a werewolf, too.
And if he was, I’d have to move.
But he wasn’t. He was just an abnormally handsome human.
I reached my car and looked behind me. The guys weren’t there. I’d been walking fast for no reason.
Paranoia was another side effect of my injury. I was suspicious of the weirdest things, but I was working around them.
As I drove home, I realized I needed to calm down. All this obsessing about being around Dastien was making my paranoia and fears worse. Somehow he triggered something in me, and that was okay. Maybe being with him would push me out of the plateau I’d been on for the last few months. I’d been in a serious funk. All I did was study—usually with Georgine—go to classes, and argue with my mother about whether I needed more trips to the doctor. She thought so, but I knew I was fine. Or as fine as I could get.
