by Bonnie Dee
A woman living in a decrepit trailer and barely making ends meet had no business being prudish about tainted money. She’d stripped to a G-string for cash and nearly sold her body to me the night we’d met. Was what I’d done to get by so much worse? I was no Walter White manufacturing meth. I merely grew nature’s own pharmaceutical herb.
I was almost annoyed enough to take back my offer. But another glance at her worried eyes and the cute tilt of her nose melted my irritation. Without even trying to, without intention, this girl had me wrapped around her finger. I felt a burning need to help and protect her, and other more physical reactions, which I kept pushing down deep.
“If it helps, I have legal investments too. You can assume your paycheck comes from that segment of my income.” Then I tossed off nonchalantly, “Anyway, I’m ending my farming operation and starting a legal business venture. By the end of the year, I’ll be finished with the revenue stream you object to.”
Rianna was the first person I’d told. I hadn’t brought it up to Micah or J.D., though I’d had plenty of opportunities. I hadn’t even told my foreman and right-hand man Bud Harringer my plan, and his livelihood depended on mine. In fact, a number of workers would be out of a job next summer without harvesting and my processing plant to keep them employed. But I’d wanted to make certain the distillery would actually happen before I revealed my new business strategy.
So why had I told this random woman who didn’t need to know anything about my private affairs? I had a sneaking suspicion it was because I wanted to impress her with the big changes I was making in my life. It really bothered me that I even cared what she thought of me.
“Oh. Well, that’s good.” She shifted nervously. “I mean better for you. Safer.”
I didn’t respond. As tiny snow pellets peppered the windshield, I pulled the vehicle into a parking spot in front of the building.
“I’m sorry,” Rianna repeated. “I didn’t mean to sound judgmental. If anybody understands doing things you never expected you’d do to get ahead, it’s me. Honestly, I’d be grateful to borrow the money from you. Just draw up loan papers, and I’ll sign them.”
“Okay.” I started to get out of the car.
“But…”
“Another but?” I turned to look at her.
“I still don’t get why you’re so willing to help me.”
“I told you before, it’s no big deal for me,” I replied. “I’ve been in your shoes. Guess I’m paying it forward.”
I got out and went around to open her door, but Rianna was already out of the Rover, waiting for me. She pulled up her hood against the sharp breeze and jammed her hands in her pockets as she scanned the rows of cars. Balloons tethered to their antennas bobbed and swayed as if to avoid the icy shards coming down thicker now.
My ears were freezing, and I wished I’d remembered my gloves. I didn’t want to waste a lot of time out here and led the way straight to the Camry I had in mind. Serviceable, trustworthy, and with low mileage, it was everything Rianna needed.
A salesman hurried out from the dealership as I moved around the vehicle, checking the tires. “Whaddya think?” I asked.
Rianna stared at the price sheet in the windshield. “It’s too much. It would take me forever to pay this off.”
“But it’ll last you a good long time if it runs as well as I expect it will.” I wasn’t used to people questioning me or arguing with me—except for J.D. and Micah, who weren’t around to give me crap anymore. I looked Rianna in the eyes. “Will you trust me? I’ll help you get a good deal, a safe car for you and Travis.”
She gazed back, and that serious little face surrounded by fake fur was about the cutest thing I’d ever seen. “Okay.”
A sense of triumph and something else surged through me. I easily recognized the triumph because I thrive on achieving goals, getting my way, having success. But the other was a brand-new feeling poised somewhere between joy and nausea.
“Can I help you folks?” The salesman approached with a hitching step and a game-show-host grin. I recognized Ron White as somebody from my high school days. Not a friend. I’d never had time for those. Just one of the few hundred people who lived in our small neck of the woods. Hard not to recognize everybody around these parts.
Over the next hour, I chipped away at that grin until Ron White was happy to let us drive off the lot with the Camry for several hundred dollars less than sticker price. I’d looked at three other cars, test driven all of them, read through their repair histories, and then pressed for a price reduction on the Camry as well as a couple of upgrades. But White seemed content when I paid him in cash, and Rianna was too shell-shocked to raise a fuss.
White handed her the keys, and I walked her out to the car.
“I can’t believe this. You just bought it with cash. Who carries that much money around with…”
She trailed off, since it was obvious where all my ready cash came from.
“I only loaned you the money,” I pointed out. “The title’s in your name. All you have to do now is get insurance and plates.”
“This is like a dream.” She stared at the car, which almost exactly matched her coat. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
God, she was getting choked up. I couldn’t handle tears, so I quickly moved along. “I have a guy who’ll give me a couple of hundred dollars for the Escort for parts. We’ll call that your first month’s payment. I’ll get something down in writing we can both agree on, okay?”
She nodded. Her eyes were shining, and damn if it didn’t put a lump in my throat too. That look on her face was worth every penny of the eight thousand dollars I’d paid. That money meant nothing to me, but Rianna’s gratitude was priceless.
It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks—I craved being needed. I’d spent so many years taking care of my brothers that I wasn’t truly content unless I had someone to look after. How pathetic was that?
“Let’s go, then. Don’t you have a kid to get home to?” I grumbled, breaking the moment that shimmered between us.
I headed to my SUV, and Rianna got in her new-to-her Camry, and we drove off in different directions.
Chapter Nine
Rianna
Every time I drove the Camry, I thought of Jonah Wyatt. How could I not? He’d handpicked it for me and said that sweet thing about keeping me and Travis safe. Whatever motivated this man to help us, I was grateful.
More than grateful. Aside from Gran, who’d raised me grudgingly and pointed out my flaws every day, no one had ever expressed that much concern for me in my entire life. My warm, fuzzy feelings toward Jonah went beyond gratitude and edged dangerously into something else, something I worked hard to control as I went about cleaning his home. Becoming involved with Jonah in anything other than an employer/employee relationship would muddy the waters. I was determined to keep my emotional distance even as we physically spent time near each other.
About a week and a half later, I drove to Cock Teasers for what I hoped would be the last time. I was there to pick up my final check. I’d managed to cobble together a few other cleaning jobs besides my two days a week at Jonah’s. A housecleaner’s pay wasn’t close to what I could make dancing, but it was enough to get by on and, hopefully by the time my kid was in school, my stripping career would be long forgotten. I knew the damage it could do to your self-image having your mom be called a slut and worse. My Grandma Cutter never let me forget Mom ditched me with her because she was too messed up to take care of me, and she warned me often about following in my slutty mother’s footsteps.
I pulled into the lot and parked below the neon sign with a woman’s leg lifted impossibly high as she gripped the “T” in Cock Teasers. Ernie had probably spent more on that damn sign than the entire building, which resembled a windowless pole barn more than anything.
I went in and found Ernie at the bar, talking to the tender, Chuck. He greeted me with, “I suppose you’re here for your check.”
“Yeah.”
“And you think you’re done here?”
“Pretty sure. Yeah.”
“You’ll be back, begging me for a shift. I seen it before.” He walked toward his office, and I followed. “Don’t expect evenings again. You’ll have to take the dead zone.”
“Uh-huh.” I curbed my temper and the impulse to say something rude. Never burn bridges where jobs were concerned. Ernie was right. I might need this place again. I even managed a smile as I took my paycheck from Ernie’s hand. “Thanks for hiring me and for giving me a decent time slot right from the beginning.”
“Hell, gal, you’re a good dancer. I’d have been a fool not to. Plus, Wendy broke her leg the day before you came in asking for work so…”
I wrapped up my conversation with my boss and went backstage to say bye to the girls. Abbie and Cyndi gave me hugs.
Libbie, wiping her nose on a tissue, kept her distance and waved. “Flu bug,” she explained. “So what’s he like? Mr. Tall, Dark, and Hot?”
I shrugged. “He’s nice. His house is really pretty.”
Abbie hit me in the shoulder. “She means what’s he like in bed, you goof. The guy comes in here sometimes, hardly looking at the girls, all focused on his business. But I bet under that buttoned-down act, he’s a fireball when he lets loose. Am I right?”
I shrugged. “I just work for him. That’s all. Nothing more.”
The fact that my body heated when I glimpsed him or heard the rumble of his voice on the phone in another room, or the way I secretly inhaled the scent of his clothes before I stuffed them into the washer was something no one but me ever needed to know.
Cyndi laughed. “Nuh-uh. I don’t believe it. I think that tall drink of water is quenching your thirst. If not now, then soon. Guy like that doesn’t hire a girl like you to ‘clean his house’ without another agenda. He wants you, and you’re hot for him too. I can tell.”
“No, I’m not,” I lied, staring right into her laughing blue eyes so she’d believe me. It didn’t help.
“Sure. You just keep telling yourself that.”
I would keep telling myself that for as long as it took until it became true, for as long as I worked for a man who started little tingles inside me whenever I thought of him. I could control my reaction to him. I would be a professional at my work and not ruin my opportunity at a stable, less sleazy career choice.
But it was hard when Jonah and I chatted about gardening or baseball or music, three things we both liked. After a few encounters—minus that first aborted meeting we both pretended had never happened, I’d grown to like him, not merely lust after him. He may have been the first male friend I ever had, another reason not to mix sex into it and ruin things. And then there were those moments when he’d do some small thing and send me into a complete tailspin. One of his reserved smiles, for example, could make my heart thunder. Or a polite compliment about something I’d done around the house. Or the time he forgot I was there and sang along with Clay Aiken with a voice like gravel and velvet combined. I quivered at the sexy sound.
Overall, though, I felt like I kept a lid on things—until the day I had to take Travis with me because Carol Ann crapped out on me again. She was late coming over, and when I called, she said she was sorry, she’d gotten my schedule wrong and wouldn’t be home for a while yet. Considering I worked the same hours every week, her excuse was a lie. Something had changed with Carol Ann, and it was time for me to find a more reliable sitter. But for that day, I had to take Travis with me or else reschedule. I couldn’t afford to do without those hours, so I took a gamble and brought Travis along, texting Jonah first to make sure it was okay.
Travis was a little sleepy after his lunch and dozed in the car all the way to Jonah’s place. After I got him out of his seat, he ran for the tree where we’d raked leaves. Snow covered the ground now. I let him get it out of his system, racing around and falling down, leaving a snowsuit-shaped mark in the pristine white.
“All right, buddy. We can’t play outside today. Mama has work to do in the house. You can help me or sit and look at your books and puzzles, but you need to be quiet, okay?”
Travis paid no attention. He was still rolling in the snow. I had to wade over and fish him out of a drift. I distracted him from the first signs of temper by getting him to sing along with me. C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me. We swung hands and sang it all the way up to Jonah’s front door, which opened immediately as if he’d been waiting for us.
“Hey,” he greeted us.
Travis looked up, waaay up Jonah’s height to his face. For a second, my boy seemed nervous of this giant. Then he recalled him from the leaf-raking day and rushed forward to throw his arms around Jonah’s legs and hug. And for a second, Jonah looked shocked, as if he’d been attacked by a small terrier. Then he bent down and picked up Travis. “Hey, buddy. How you doin’?”
My heart melted faster than the snow dripping from Travis’s boots and snow suit. Could there be a more adorable sight in the world than a big strong man holding a tiny child? Nope.
I dragged my gaze away and started to take off my coat. “Thanks for letting me bring him. I’ll keep him out of your way as much as possible, I swear.”
“No problem. I found another box of old stuff that used to belong to my brothers. He can poke through that.”
I remembered what Jonah had said about their mom committing suicide. She’d chosen to leave behind three boys with a father she must have known wouldn’t care for them, a man who might even have been abusive from the impression I got from Jonah. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine doing that, no matter how depressed I felt. To abandon Travis, as my own mother had often abandoned me, would be the most selfish act, utterly unimaginable. I wondered how Jonah’s mother had done it and if she’d left a note for them, but those were very personal questions I couldn’t ask.
“Are you sure?” I asked in response to Jonah’s offer. “I don’t want him to be in your way.”
“Not at all.” He helped Travis remove his boots and coat without my having to lift a hand. “I heard your cookie song. Want one?”
Travis nodded vigorously, his baby hair crackling with electricity and flying around his face.
Jonah looked at me with one eyebrow quirked. “Okay, Mom?”
“Sure.” I watched him take Travis’s little hand in his big one and lead him toward the kitchen.
It occurred to me Jonah was almost always home when I came to clean. Didn’t he have work to do? What about this new business venture he’d talked about? I was starting to suspect he planned his time around my schedule. Most people wanted to be gone while the cleaning woman was in, but Jonah seemed to make an effort to be here.
I flashed back to our first meeting; my glimpse of him at the edge of the stage, staring back at me, our brief hookup in the motel room. My lips ached for more of those passionate kisses. Desire rushed through me to feel his hard hands on my body once more, touching my bare skin—everywhere. Jonah hadn’t forgotten either. I was sure of it. And annoying Cyndi’s words taunted me: “He wants you, and you’re hot for him too.”
“Stop it,” I muttered to myself as I headed toward the back of the house and the cleaning supply closet. It was one thing to fantasize about him a little when I lay alone in my bed at night, but this wasn’t the time or the place to let such thoughts loose. I had work to do and as quickly as possible before Travis demanded my attention.
I bustled around, cleaning the bathrooms first before putting fresh sheets on the bed. The bed he sleeps in, maybe wearing pajama pants or sweats or boxers, or maybe just naked. The pictures that I conjured up were crazy distracting, and I banished them from my mind.
After throwing a small load in the washer, I went to check on how Travis was doing. The last thing I wanted was to force Jonah into the role of babysitter, which he hadn’t signed up for.
They weren’t in the kitchen any longer, so I followed the sound of the television to the living room. Travis was on the braided rug playing with
some little plastic dinosaurs—not toys we’d brought with us—and Jonah sat in a large armchair reading through some papers. They both seemed content and tranquil, a perfect domestic scene.
A roar from the TV drew my attention to the screen, and to Travis too. One of the Jurassic Park movies was playing. My first impulse was to turn off the TV or change the channel. I believed Travis was too young for shows with violence or scary rampaging dinosaurs. The last thing I wanted was for him to have nightmares later.
“My brother used to love these movies.” Jonah looked up from his work to talk to me. “I figured what kid doesn’t, and I found some of Micah’s dinosaurs in the room that used to be his. Pretty funny he still had them, since we didn’t move into this house until the boys were in high school. Guess he couldn’t bring himself to throw them away.”
“Thank you for entertaining him.” I knelt on the floor beside Travis, who excitedly shared his new toys with me, babbling a story about them. Well, crap, I couldn’t take a hard line and ruin the fun now, not when Jonah was being so kind and Travis was so content.
“Wow, these are great!” I picked up a blue plastic dinosaur and made it growl at the one Travis held. Soon we had them locked in battle, Travis shrieking with excitement and giggling.
“You know this is all make-believe. Nobody is really getting hurt.” I indicated the scene on the TV, but my boy had lost interest in the on-screen dinos. He was much more interested in ones he could actually pick up and play with. So much for my worrying about the intensity of the action.
I looked at Jonah, who seemed to be pretending to read while actually watching us. “Thanks again for helping me out with him. If he bothers you too much, I’ll keep him with me while I clean.”
Jonah shrugged. “You wouldn’t be able to get anything done. He’s no trouble.”
I gave Travis a kiss on the top of his head and told him to be good, then rose and returned to work. It still felt awkward and strange to me, having my boss look after my kid, but Jonah honestly didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I wondered if he might be enjoying the shake-up to his quiet day. From what I’d seen, Jonah lived a very quiet, solitary life without even a pet to keep him company. Maybe he appreciated a little splash of color on his blank white canvas.
