“There’s half the problem,” he said with a chuff. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you what feelings are natural. It’s been damned near three hundred years since I’ve felt anything at all.”
“Well, that explains so much.”
“Pardon me?”
Admittedly, it was out of my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up and engage tactfulness.
“I’m sorry,” I said with a blush. “I just meant that most men are not as averse to the idea of sexual expression as you.”
“I happen to have a different set of values,” he said defensively. I took the hint. He didn’t want to talk about it. That was fine. We’d reached the Pine Lake trailer park. It was time to find our dead body.
Chapter 8
Unglamorous
I stood frozen in the hallway, unable to believe that what I heard was true. Well, actually I could believe it. I just didn’t want to. I knew there was something totally fishy about Taffy’s hot ‘nephew’ showing up and taking an immediate interest in me when no one else would, but I was not going to question it. I knew that it was a means to an end and hey, it was actually kind of fun.
Well at first. I mean it was exciting and new and I was even able to take my mind off the curse for a while, but well… let’s just say losing my virginity wasn’t the explosive moment that trashy romance novels led me to believe it was. But hey, it was my first time. There would be others right? When I never heard from him again, I’d assumed Ethan was just in it for the sex and moved on. It didn’t bother me. I expected with the curse broken, I’d start getting more dates.
I didn’t expect that I’d just had sex with a puppet who was straight up murdered by my mom and her crazy drunk friend when they took his soul out of his body. I was pretty sure I was going to need therapy after hearing that.
It wasn’t until I heard a chair scrape that I realized they were probably going to come out the front door. It occurred to me that it wouldn’t be a good idea for mom to find me eavesdropping on that particular conversation. So I did what any rational adult would do and hid in the closet. Of course, as soon as I did, I realized that was a dumb move. The Beast was parked right out front. Cloaking it was out of the question because the walls between me and the car were not living wood and besides, I was pretty sure Desmond could see through a cloaking spell.
“Come to think of it,” I heard mom say not more than a few feet away. “I had a piece of pottery Taffy had asked me to repair. Perhaps I should bring it with me and look like I had a reason to visit the old bat. It’s rather large. Do you think you can help me move it?”
Thank the goddess for small favors. As soon as I heard the back door creak shut, I was out the front, in the Beast, and down the hill before anyone was the wiser.
* * *
“Alright, what is it?”
“Huh?” I jumped, nearly spilling the entire bottle of vodka that I’d been pouring. As it is, Bernie was going to get an extra splash or two in his usual cocktail and if there was one drunk in all of Blackbird who didn’t need to kill any more brain cells, it was Bernie.
“As I was sayin’,” Bogie said, prompting me to give him a dirty look.
“Again, Bogie, it’s nothing. I’m just tired of everyone getting on my back,” I said with a dirty look and yet another glance at the clock. Finally, it was after midnight. One more hour and I could get the hell out of here. The night was going way too slow for my liking.
Aside from Bogie’s nagging, which would have been enough to drive me to drink on its own, there was also Desmond’s obvious concern. Knowing that he knew things about me that I wasn’t even supposed to know was bad enough, but his weird behavior was maddening. I had half a mind to simply tell him that I had overheard his conversation with mom just to get him to stop hovering.
Finally, after the last straggler was gone and a cab was called for Bernie, I managed to slip away. It wasn’t my night to help with the Discordant hunt, and the last thing I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep, so I grabbed a six pack on my way out and ducked into the alley, checking to make sure the coast was clear.
My destination was the Lou Zephyr building on the other side of the downtown area. By other side I meant a whole two blocks away. Throwing the beer into my backpack for safekeeping, I wedged my way in between the broken back doors of the thirteen-story monstrosity. It had been abandoned long before I was born, apparently due to the economy collapsing, though all the locals blamed the unlucky number of floors and claimed the building was haunted by its namesake. Lou Zephyr had been the founder of what eventually became Blackbird Bank & Trust, though back in his day it was pretty shady. Rumor has it that Lou had mob ties and Blackbird residents pretty much had to sign over their soul to get a loan.
I can’t comment on what it was like when it was in use, but as an abandoned wreck, the Lou Zephyr was a Discordant clubhouse. The first night I went exploring, I found tons of evidence that pixies were using the basement for illegal raves. There was also a horrific stench that made me think werewolves might have camped out there at one point as well.
But neither the inside of the building nor its history interested me. The stairs were collapsed in on the eighth floor and the whole interior of the structure was pretty unstable, but the somewhat modern elevator shaft was surprisingly intact. I climbed through the panel in the ceiling of the old elevator car and found the handrails maintenance workers had used to get around.
The higher I climbed, the more the constant thrum of energy ebbed away, replaced by the rush of pure adrenaline. Earth witches drew their power from energy stores in the ground, so the farther away we were, the weaker we got. Lots of us won’t ever get on an airplane for this very reason. Personally, I’ve never been on an airplane because I can’t afford to go anywhere worth the risks, but someday, dammit, someday.
By the time I made it to the roof, I was almost too exhausted to enjoy the view. Almost. I shrugged off my backpack and unearthed the beer inside before finding a safe-ish place to sit down on the crumbling edge. I stared out over the twinkling lights of a city that was mostly asleep. My intention was to have a few beers and relax. The combination of the view and exhaustion from the climb should have been enough to take my mind off everything I’d overheard earlier.
Except that last part wasn’t happening.
Try as I might, I couldn’t stop thinking about mom’s confession. More than that, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I lost my virginity to a soulless puppet. Aside from being a massive blow to my ego, it had to be related to my string of bad luck ever since. Obviously, things had gone from bad to worse after Clyde managed to send me his token, but I can’t deny that something had always been messed up. There had to be something to that.
Of course, thinking about Clyde certainly wasn’t going to help matters either. Yet even as I tried desperately to think of anything else, the image of his too perfect everything was already trying to brand itself on my brain. I took another long pull from my beer, wishing I’d thought to bring something stronger. Okay, sure, getting drunk on the crumbling roof of a thirteen story building would have been a really bad idea, but at least I wasn’t yet to the point where jumping sounded like a good idea. Though, I can’t really say I was a whole lot saner than that either.
There was a noise behind me, like something skidding across the graveled roof and I nearly did fall over the edge as Nai appeared from out of nowhere.
“Damn, kid! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“Donna? W-whoa-” Clearly, as she took an ill-advised step backwards and almost sailed over the edge, Nai hadn’t expected to run into anyone either. “What the…?”
“Welcome to the unofficial Blackbird Observatory,” I said with a wink.
She raised an eyebrow at me. “You mean other people come up here?”
“Kids have been using this building to party since before I was born, but no, I don’t suspect too many people have the stomach to come all the way up here these days.”
“I know the stairs are gone, so how did you even get up here?” she asked. I smiled and pointed to the elevator shaft. Nai made a weird gasping noise as she poked her head into the shaft and looked at the steep climb.
“Isn’t that like, suicidal for you?”
“Kinda,” I shrugged. For as obnoxious as she was, I couldn’t deny that Nai was pretty damned observant. Granted, I wasn’t sure that didn’t just make her more dangerous. “But not really. If I fall, I can slow myself as soon as I get close enough to the ground. I’m more vulnerable to a magical attack up here though.”
“So why do you do it?”
“Isn’t that obvious?” I asked with a snort. “Same reason you’re up here. Sometimes I need a place where I know I’m not going to be bothered by anyone else. And really, you can’t beat the view.”
Nai leaned over the edge and sniffed derisively.
“It’s a view of Blackbird.”
“Yeah, but from up here, it looks almost normal.”
“Normal is subjective,” she muttered and stood with her toes hanging off the side of the building.
“Showoff,” I chided and she shrugged.
“Eh, it’s not as thrilling as I thought it would be.” She took a step back and sat down a few feet from me. “There’s no adrenaline rush when you’re already dead.”
She held her eyes fixed deliberately on the distant scenery below us. As I suspected, there was something on her mind. It really was tough to like Nai, but oddly, I found that I did, even if she was unpleasant. In a way it was similar to the fondness I held for Harry and Desmond, but only just. With Nai, it was more that I felt a sense of sympathy. I knew that who she was wasn’t her fault and I knew the feeling of having no control over who or what you were. Still, Nai’s angst was a welcome break from my own issues.
“For what it’s worth, I’m a good listener and only half the gossip the other witches are,” I said and held out a bottle of beer. “What’s eating you enough that you’d rather sit up here on a rotting building instead of gleefully chasing the Discordant that you’re not supposed to be chasing?”
“How did you…?” she began but stopped as soon as she realized she was about to confess to bad behavior. Instead, she studied the label on the bottle of beer I’d given her. Yes, technically, she was a minor, but she was also a supernatural being, so I figured one beer was okay. “Belgian, huh? I’m impressed. With the way Seth and Desmond go through Red Shirt I assumed everyone in town had bad taste.”
“Red Shirt is cheap and local,” I said with a grimace that echoed her sentiments before narrowing my eyes in suspicion. “Aren’t you a little young to be a beer snob?”
“I was planning on attending university in London,” she said, taking a small, careful sip of beer. “While Jem went to parties and drank crappy lite beer, I studied the better brands so I wouldn’t look like an ignorant American.”
“That makes sense,” I admitted. “London sounds nice. I doubt I’ll ever get there, but I’d like to.”
“Yeah, same,” she said with a deep sigh before going silent again.
“So what is it?” I asked again after a few minutes.
“What’s what?”
“What’s bothering you?”
“I’m just… I wasn’t really in the mood for people,” she muttered, adding almost imperceptibly, “Especially certain people.”
I let it go. That last bit sounded suspiciously like guy trouble and even though I’d offered to listen, I was probably not the right person to give relationship advice to anyone. Instead, I grabbed another beer and we drank in silence.
“What about you?” she asked after several minutes.
“Me? I discovered that my mother is shady as hell,” I said with a snort of laughter, but let it die quickly. “Can I ask you something?” Maybe it was the beer, but suddenly, I didn’t feel like brooding in silence.
“I guess.”
“Am I… gross?”
Nai paused with the beer bottle halfway to her lips and glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.
“Do you really want me to answer that?”
“Would I have asked otherwise?” I snapped back.
“Well then, yes. You’re kind of gross. I mean, you have some gross habits.”
“Like biting my nails?”
“Like biting your nails when you’ve got junk under them. That’s not just gross, but kind of unsanitary.”
I frowned, but said nothing. I washed my hands. A lot, even. But I also worked on engines and ended up with grease under my nails that wouldn’t come out.
“You also chew on your hair,” Nai continued. “You pick your teeth and I’m pretty sure I also saw you wipe your nose on your sleeve.”
“Ouch,” I cringed. “I really do all of that?”
“You do,” she said, giving me a weird look.
“It’s okay, I appreciate your honesty,” I said with a defeated sigh. “I guess I can’t really blame a curse for my own grossness.”
“Curse?” Nai turned a curious eye on me.
“Let’s just say I’ve been unlucky in love,” I said with a wince. I wasn’t ready to give up on the idea that I was cursed just yet, but I couldn’t just ignore the fact that everyone who knew me had been too polite to tell me that I was too disgusting to get a date. “I just thought maybe there was more to it than a prolonged dry spell.”
“Ugh,” she said with a derisive snort into her beer bottle. “People give sex way too much power over their lives.”
My eyebrows shot up.
“That’s just human nature, Nai.”
Admittedly, it was an astute observation, one that I certainly couldn’t disagree with, but it was a little surprising coming out of the mouth of a teenager. It had not been all too long ago that I was Nai’s age and aside from the curse throwing a monkey wrench into everything, I was no different from my peers. That is, I was nothing more than a mess of turbo-charged hormones.
“It’s not everyone’s nature,” she muttered and took a long draw off her beer. I wasn’t sure exactly what to make of it, but I had a feeling this had something to do with why Nai had showed up to brood on the roof.
“Well, sure,” I said with a shrug. “I mean, I suppose there’s a few asexual folks out there, but for those of us who aren’t, it kind of sucks to be forced into celibacy.”
“Yeah, I imagine so…” Nai said, trailing off as a frown creased her forehead. “I’ve got to go,” she said, cutting off and standing abruptly. “Uh…That is… I should go home. I’m still required to play high school student tomorrow.” She looked down over the edge and turned back to me. “Are you going to be able to get down? I can’t carry you, but I’m sure Desmond’s still awake.”
“I’m good,” I said with a smile. “But I appreciate your concern.”
With a shrug, she left. If I hadn’t been used to seeing Desmond slip in and out of existence, it would have been really weird. With a stifled yawn, I picked up the empty beer bottles and put them back in my backpack before making the crazy climb back down to the ground, grateful for the boost of energy when my feet finally touched the earth.
As I walked home, my mind turned over the conversation with Nai. She was blunt, but her words just echoed what everyone else had already said. I couldn’t get a date. Not because I was cursed, but because I was repulsive. In a way, I should have been happy. Really, how hard would it be to change a few habits? All I had to do was pay a little more attention to my appearance and I’d have guys falling all over themselves to date me.
Yeah right.
And there was still the issue of Clyde. I wasn’t optimistic enough to think that a couple of dates would be enough to get him out of my head. I pushed down the nagging voice that questioned whether or not I even wanted him out of my head. Of course I did… I was being foolish because he was the only male paying attention to me. In fact, if he saw the real me he’d probably leave as quickly as… Wait a minute! I could practically feel the lightbulb c
lick over my head as I began to craft a plan. I hurried home, fell into bed, and immediately passed out.
* * *
Donna spun around in the sunshine filled glade, feeling the swish of the silky skirt of her dress against her legs as she twirled. It was a strange and foreign feeling, but one that she thought she might be able to get used to. The sea green color perfectly complimented her pale skin and red hair. She looked down at her clean, polished, and perfectly manicured fingernails, noting that not one speck of engine grease remained.
Birds chirped and a light breeze blew her hair in a way that was both playful and alluring. She danced on graceful tiptoes over to the edge of a perfectly still, clear, blue pond and peered at her reflection. She barely recognized the fairytale princess staring back at her and for a moment, she felt a twinge of jealousy. Absurd, of course, that she was jealous of her own reflection, but Donna knew that this perfect and flawless vision was unobtainable in the real world and surprisingly, this was disappointing.
Still, she’d come here with a purpose. For once, she was meeting Clyde on her own terms. If she couldn’t get him out of her mind, the least she could do was make him see the truth. When he didn’t automatically appear as usual, she began to worry. Perhaps she was coming on too strong. With a grimace, she admonished herself for thinking like a weak-willed woman. But a moment later, the sound of hooves hitting the soft, grass covered forest floor grew louder and Clyde made his entrance.
And what an entrance it was.
The pristine white horse with its long, shiny mane and big brown eyes pranced about on two legs for a moment, showing off before coming to a kneeling halt beside the pond. Clyde let go of the golden reigns and slipped from the saddle, eyes wide with appreciation as he took in Donna’s new look. He reached out his hand, beckoning her.
Instead of swooning, Donna ignored the fluttering of her heart and saw the scene for what it was. Consequently, she found herself more disturbed than twitterpated. The least the incubus could do was put on a pair of pants every now and then.
Friends without Benefits (Rise of the Discordant Book 4) Page 10
