Say Now

by Linzi Basset

  “Mom? What’s the matter?”

  “Ehm . . . nothing, darling,” Marie muttered, visibly shaking her shoulders as she turned back toward the bed. “Come inside, please. Your father just woke up and has been asking about you.”

  “I’ll wait out here, luv,” Logan said softly. He pried Shanna’s fingers loose from around his hand. She refused to let go.

  “No, I want you with me.”

  Logan palmed her cheeks and tilted her face to his. His lips brushed in a gentle caress over hers. “I don’t know the circumstances, honey, but I think you need this time alone with your father. I’ll be right here, Shanna. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Marie stood watching the tender scene with watery eyes. She clamped her fingers together. She’d believed that the news Richard had to share with Shanna would reunite them. At the same time, she feared that it could mean the end of the growing love she could see developing between the couple.

  Shanna followed Marie inside. She hesitated in the doorway as her eyes found the prone figure on the bed.

  “Shanna,” Richard whispered gruffly. He held out his hand. “God, how I’ve missed you, my beautiful angel.”

  It all came flooding back with those three words. The same he’d uttered the day she was born—according to her mother—and what he’d always called her all the years since. She remembered his soft words and felt the warm touch of his gentle hands when he’d soothed her every time she fell off her bike or had a bad dream. He had been the safety net in her world, her foundation.

  “I missed you too, Dad,” she said through her tears and took the final steps to his bedside. His hand folded around hers and the same sense of peace and strength found resonance inside her mind.

  “I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you, Shanna. I’ve tried over the years to fix it and I understood why you wouldn’t let me. I took the one thing that you wanted with all your heart, away from you.”

  “I know it was hard for you too, Dad. I’ve come to realize that too,” Shanna admitted with a tearful smile.

  “Now, I can mend your broken heart, my darling. I . . .,” Richard winced and dragged in a couple of weak breaths. Shanna rubbed his hand.

  “It’s okay, Dad. I’m not going anywhere. Rest for now. We’ll talk when you’re better.”

  “No. You need to know. I always kept an eye on him. It didn’t matter that I had no idea who his father was, he was still a part of you and my grandson as well. I owed it to you, to make sure he had a good home. And he did. His adoptive parents loved him and gave him a good upbringing.”

  “Dad? You knew who they were? All this time?”

  “I chose them, Shanna. I needed to know he would be taken care of. But they passed away four years ago in a motor vehicle accident. I petitioned the court on your behalf to get him back, but I was too late. His guardians had already taken him out of the country. I lost track of him then. The records had been sealed and I couldn’t find him . . . until two months ago.”

  “Oh, my god,” Shanna stumbled backward. Her hand covered her mouth as she stared at him, her mind scrambling to connect the dots of what he was saying.

  “His adoptive mother’s sister is his guardian, but she never wanted children and she resented the responsibility her sister had placed on her. She and her husband are scientists and they travel all over the world. He’d been left on his own, growing up with servants to care for him, when he’s not in boarding school.”

  “How did you find . . . how do you know all of this?”

  “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I brought him home.”

  Shanna stumbled into the chair behind her and sat down abruptly. “You did what?” She asked in a broken voice, too scared to believe what she was hearing.

  “They were only too happy to let him go and after I spoke to him, I knew it was the right thing to do. He hated living with them, especially as it was in the UK. He longed to be back home, here, where he grew up.”

  “You spoke to him?”

  “Darling, I didn’t just speak with him. I brought him back with me. He’s been living with us for the past two weeks.”

  “That’s why you’ve been trying to get hold of me?” Shanna didn’t even realize that tears were streaming down her cheeks.

  “Yes. I would’ve come to find you if not for this untimely heart murmur.”

  “Heart murmur?” Shanna glanced at her mother, who shrugged her shoulders and offered her a small smile.

  “I had to do something to get you home. It was the only thing I could think of. Besides, Jason is so excited to finally meet his birth mother.”

  “Jason? You kept your promise?” Shanna whispered.

  “It was least I could do. I put your choice of name on his birth certificate, Shanna.” Richard’s heart went out to his daughter, who was obviously struggling to take in everything he’d just said.

  “Oh god. I can’t believe it. He’s here and . . . and he’s going to be mine. Finally?”

  “Yes, Shanna. I’ve already started the proceedings. All I need is your signature.”

  Shanna was too afraid to allow her emotions free reign. It all sounded so unreal, too good to be true.

  “Oh god,” she whispered and glanced over her shoulder through the fishbowl window at Logan. He sat reading a magazine in the waiting area. He looked at ease. Almost like he was exactly where he belonged. With her. “Logan.”

  “Yes, my darling. Logan Chase, was it? Tell us about your young man and why Jason looks so much like him.”

  Her head snapped around and she stared at her mother.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No, Shanna. I recognized the similarities the moment I laid eyes on him.” Marie stared at Logan. “Does he know?”

  “No. It’s complicated, Mom. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I suggest you find a way to talk to him about it before we go home, my darling, because believe me, the moment he sees that young boy, he’s going to know he’s his flesh and blood.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Shanna struggled to find the right words to talk to Logan on the way to her parent’s house. Nothing that came to mind sounded right. It was too late by the time Logan drove the rental car to park next to his mother’s SUV in front of their double story, southern style mansion.

  “Logan, I . . . there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” The words rushed out as he reached for the door handle.

  He relaxed back into his seat and stared at her, waiting. She wrung her hands and spared a quick glance in his direction.

  “We’ve actually met before.”

  A small frown drew a line between his brows as he racked his brain. “We have?”

  “It was a very long time ago. A night of ultimate pleasure . . . in a dark gazebo . . . at my prom.”

  The silence that followed her words felt oppressing in the narrow confines of the interior of the car.

  “Thirteen years, almost, to be exact,” Logan mused. “Now I know why I’ve constantly had a feeling that we’ve met before. I guess my body is more alert than I am. There had been something that had drawn me to you―from the first moment on the plane.” He searched Shanna’s face. “It was you? How is it even possible?”

  Shanna shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t realize it was you—not at first—until you bit into my lip and sucked on it. I was stumped but somehow, you felt like the same man from that night. No one has ever lived up to you, except you.”

  “Still, Shanna. It’s not a specialized technique to bite a woman’s lip,” Logan continued, frowning as he finally understood the instant connection he’d felt for her from the first time he’d seen her photos. He was still amazed that she was the young girl at the prom.

  “Maybe, but I had asked Haley for your details. I only told Alexis and Rachel about that night recently. They confirmed that Jason Dudley is indeed none other than Logan Jason Chase.”

  “Jesus! I forgot I used my middle name when I introduc
ed myself to Haley.”

  He searched Shanna’s face, noticing her pallor and the way she continued to wring her hands.

  “But there’s more, isn’t there, Shanna? Come on, luv, what are you trying to tell me?”

  A knock on the window startled them.

  “Let’s go inside. We can’t keep your mother waiting. You can tell me later.”

  Before Shanna could stop him, he was out of the car and walked around to open the door for her. She followed her mother and Logan through the wide front door. The sounds of a computer game pulled her toward the den where she stumbled to a halt, staring at the young boy with ruffled dark-blond hair.

  He jumped up from the sofa and pumped his fist in the air. He yelled over the sound from the plasma television screen on the wall, “Yes! I got you!”

  Her gasp reached him and he spun around. Shanna’s hands went up to cover her mouth as she stared at him with tears burning behind her eyelids.

  “Oh my god. Oh my god.” She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She was shocked at how accurate her mother had been, he was a younger, mirror image of Logan. She watched him throw the game remote onto the sofa. She stumbled closer. She opened her mouth to speak but the words came out fitfully, the sounds half swallowed by her sobbing. To her dismay she was crying almost too much to be coherent. “It’s you. Oh god, you’re my—”

  “Son. I’m your son,” he said in a strangled voice as he met her halfway.

  “Jason,” she whispered brokenly. Her hands followed the path of her eyes as they devoured him, committing every line of his young face to memory. He was tall, like Logan and stood almost at eye level with her.

  The next moment they were in each other’s arms. Shanna couldn’t stop crying as she clung to her son and he clung to her. He buried his face against her throat. She felt the wetness of his tears as the moment became just too big for both of them.

  Shanna pulled back and raked her fingers through his hair. He winced in a typical young boy reaction to his mother fiddling with his hair. Her laugh tinkled through the room.

  “I can’t believe you’re here. I have dreamed of this moment since the day they . . .” Her voice thickened and she swallowed hard.

  “It’s okay. Grandpa told me what happened and that he made you give me away. I don’t blame you, but I’ve been hoping to find you since my aunt told me I had been adopted.”

  “Now we have found each other.” Shanna hugged him again. “And I’ll never let you go. Ever!” She vowed in a voice wrought with emotion. She felt him stiffen and released him. He was staring over her shoulder, his eyes full of wonder.

  “Is this . . .?” His words faded away. Shanna turned around slowly, petrified of what she’d find.

  Logan stood like a statue, his face frozen into an expression of disbelief. His mouth was slightly turned down, his eyebrows were curved downwards too; he looked formidable, harsh and on the verge of exploding. For once, Shanna wished she couldn’t read his expression. This time, his true feelings were blazing across his face.

  Jason walked around Shanna and stopped in front of Logan. His excitement was evident in his expressive eyes, the wide grin on his face.

  “You are, aren’t you?” Jason asked, barely able to contain his joy. “You’re my father.”

  “Yes, Jason, I believe I am.” Logan’s mind was in shambles. He was still in shock at the turn of events. He never expected to be presented with a child when he offered to come with Shanna. A child—no, a son, his son. He stared at the young boy in front of him, stunned. It felt like he was staring at himself in the mirror at that age. Jason looked exactly like he did, with the exception of the green eyes, which were all Shanna.

  Logan had never wanted children—not after how he had grown up. He never wanted to test whether or not he would turn out like Rory Chase. But gazing into his mini-me, the most perfect feeling he had ever known, swept through him. He was rocked to his core. In that moment, he knew he would do anything in the world for Jason. He would strive to become his hero, his protector, the one who would keep him safe.

  His voice deepened with love that flooded him, like he imagined a father would feel the moment he held his newborn baby in his arms. His hands landed on Jason’s shoulders as he drew him into his embrace.

  “Yes, my son, I am your father.”

  “I can’t believe this,” Jason cried against his shoulder. He hugged Logan tight before he drew back to stare at him. “I thought I was meeting my mother and now I’ve got both of you. It’s the best birthday present ever!” He turned to Shanna and took her hand to pull her closer.

  “Group hug! We need a group hug.”

  Shanna stared at Logan, unsure of what he felt toward her. He returned her look, but unlike earlier, she couldn’t penetrate the wall that he’d locked around his emotions. He smiled at Jason and with a resigned look on his face, pulled mother and son into his arms.

  “Logan—”

  “Not now, Shanna. We’ll talk later. For now, let’s rejoice finding our son.”

  * * * * * * * *

  “They never warn you about loss of love when you’re a teenager. I learned that the hard way. Losing Jason . . . I felt the same pain and devastation throughout the years as I did the day I watched them take him away. I loved him, without ever having laid eyes on him. It felt like my heart was torn from me, that I lost my soul in that moment. I hated my father for what he’d made me do. I couldn’t forgive him and yet, I missed him, so much over the years. But then I remembered that moment when he told the nurse to take my baby to his adoptive parents . . .”

  Shanna stood in front of the window in her old upstairs bedroom. She stared blindly over the neat garden as the memories came flooding back. Logan didn’t speak, he waited, offering her his silent strength. He crossed his legs and leaned back in the large cream-colored wingback chair.

  “I never returned to this house after that. I went to live with my grandparents. I couldn’t . . . everyone said time will heal, but for me, there was no coming back from that loss. My world in the following years was made of shadows. I buried my sorrow in my studies. Emotionally, I was in a downward spiral. When I started working as an intern, I finally pulled myself out of it.”

  She turned around. “I wanted to keep him, Logan. He was my flesh and blood; my only connection to you. I begged and pleaded.”

  “But your father refused because you didn’t know who the father was,” Logan said bleakly.

  “No. I refused to tell them, irrespective of not knowing.” She blinked a few times. “I did try to find you when I found out I was pregnant, but there was no Jason Dudley to be found anywhere, so I gave up.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I came to hate Valentine’s Day. It’s why I went to visit Alexis and Rachel this year. I couldn’t face another year alone with the memories of my lost child.”

  “He’ll be twelve next week?”

  “Yes,” Shanna said with bright eyes. “On Valentine’s day.” She hesitated briefly. “Do you hate me now, Logan?”

  He held her gaze but didn’t move closer. His gaze turned pensive.

  “I love you, Shanna and that will never change. You are human like the rest of us and we both made mistakes over time. We will continue to in future. If anyone is to blame for what happened, it’s me. I was the grown-up, the one who should’ve used precaution, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. You were just too much of a temptation. But what's so special about you is that you admit to your mistakes—even the ones you’re not to blame for. You managed to overcome the hurt to become an even better person.”

  Shanna stared at him, joy filling her heart.

  “You love me?”

  Logan patted his lap. “Come here, luv.”

  She didn’t hesitate and settled on his lap, molding against him as he drew her into his arms.

  “I guess I should’ve told you before but, I’m not much into all the emotional stuff. At least I never thought I was; until I looked into my son’s eyes. Besides, I’ve been showering you with
love the last few days, with every touch, kiss and word I spoke. You found your way into my heart without me even realizing it. I woke up one morning and stared at you, struck by your purity. I remember thinking, I love her. God, how much I love her.”

  “I love you too, Logan. I think I’ve been in love with the thought of you ever since the night of the prom. You’ve been my faceless dream lover since that night.”

  Logan traced her nose. “And now we have a son to bring us even closer. I can never resent you for anything, Shanna, least of all gifting me with something as precious as my own child. Together, we will make up for lost time. We’ll love him more than he’s ever been loved and watch him grow into a man of integrity. We’ll be there to watch over him and guide him when he spreads his wings, teach him to do right by those in his life, and strive to make the world a better place. That, my love, is the finest achievement a parent can have, equal only to raising a daughter with the same qualities.”

  Shanna smiled gently, kissing his jaw. “A daughter?”

  “Oh yes. Every man needs a daughter as beautiful as his wife, to love and cherish and protect—with a double barrel shotgun when the time comes.”

  Shanna laughed gaily. Love and happiness shone from her eyes like a beacon in a dark night.

  “I am so happy, my love,” she said tremulously. “Finding you and now our son has washed the past hurt away and made it all worthwhile. He’ll be a blessing to anyone lucky enough to know him, just as both of you are a blessing to me.”

  Logan nibbled on her lips and traced the curve of her breast. His winked lazily, the expression in his eyes filled with passion.

  “Hmm . . . now, luv, how about we start working on that daughter of mine?”

  “Now?”

  “Well, honey, there’s no time like the present. Come on, Shanna, my love, say now.”

  Shanna pressed her lips against his. She traced the seam of his lips with a sensual sweep of her tongue. Her voice lowered to a husky, sultry drawl.

  “Now.”

  The End