It didn’t sound quite right to me. I needed some expert advice. “I’m not handing over ten cents unless Mamma tells me to,” I said.
Tom put his arm around my shoulder. “We’ve upset Mamma enough for one day,” he said. “Let us settle this like businessmen and partners should. We don’t have to run to Mamma to settle a little thing like this.”
I guess I would have handed over my ten cents of the loss if Mamma hadn’t been in the kitchen when we entered it to go upstairs to our room and get the money. I explained the whole deal to Mamma and asked her to settle it.
“John D. was only a ten per cent partner,” Mamma said, to my joy. “He is therefore only responsible for ten per cent of the loss.”
Tom didn’t take the decision lying down. “But you said anything that was one per cent wrong was just the same as one hundred per cent. That makes J.D. a full partner.”
Mamma wasn’t swayed by Tom’s brilliant defense. “I was speaking of morals,” she said. “Morally John D. is as guilty as you. But looking at it from a business angle, you would have pocketed ninety per cent of the profits if Aunt Bertha hadn’t phoned me. That makes you responsible for ninety per cent of the loss.”
Tom knew the decision was final. “All right, J.D.,” he said “I’ll settle for two cents.”
“Just one moment, boys,” Mamma said. “John D. gave you back the two cents commission you paid him. He wasn’t your partner when Mr. Harvey was digging the cesspool. He was working for you on a straight commission. That makes you two even.”
It was the first time that my brother’s great brain had cost him money. I was positive Tom would carry the scar of this financial catastrophe to his grave.
CHAPTER TWO
Revenge Can Be Sour
MISS THATCHER, WHO HAD been ill with a very bad cold, was well enough to start teaching again on the following Monday. If she had been younger, she might have recovered sooner, but Miss Thatcher was getting along in years and we kids had heard talk that she might be replaced in the fall. Sweyn, Tom, and I were back in school just one week when school stopped again for all of us because of Mamma’s system with childhood diseases. Sweyn, being the oldest, usually caught a childhood disease first. Tom caught the diseases Sweyn missed. And that made me the victim of Mamma’s system every time because Mamma believed in getting us all infected with a disease at the same time and getting it over with.
I had a feeling Friday evening during supper that I was about to become the victim again.
Mamma looked across the table at Sweyn. “Do your eyes hurt, Sweyn D.?” she asked.
“A little,” Sweyn admitted.
The next morning Mamma took one look at Sweyn and ordered him to get undressed and go to her bedroom on the ground floor. Whenever we boys were sick, she always put us in her bedroom. That was the first part of her system. Then she telephoned Dr. LeRoy.
Mamma’s bedroom had a door that adjoined the bathroom. When the doctor arrived, Tom and I sneaked into the bathroom. Tom’s great brain had long ago figured out a way to eavesdrop. He put a water glass against the door leading to Mamma’s bedroom and to his ear. I watched his face as he listened. I knew the news was going to be bad as the expression on his face changed from curiosity to dejection.
“S.D. has got the measles,” he said sadly as he stepped back from the door. “You know what that means, J.D.”
“Maybe we can sneak out and play before Mamma puts us to bed,” I suggested.
Mamma must have guessed what I had in my mind because she opened the door leading to her bedroom. She caught Tom red-handed with the water glass in his hand.
“I suspected as much,” she said. “You boys know what to do.”
Tom shook his head slowly. “It seems silly for J.D. and me to get the measles just because Sweyn got them,” he said. “Maybe J.D. and I are immune to the measles.”
“If you are immune,” Mamma said, “we will soon find out.”
“But Mamma,” I protested, “I never get a chance to catch a disease first. Sweyn will be all well just when Tom and I are getting sick. And when Tom catches a disease first, he is all well just when Sweyn and I are getting sick. It ain’t fair, Mamma.”
“Isn’t fair,” Mamma said. “I don’t want to hear another word.”
There was nothing to do but obey. Tom and I went upstairs to the bedroom we shared. We undressed and put on our nightshirts and bathrobes. We dutifully marched down to Mamma’s bedroom. Mamma and Aunt Bertha had hung blankets over the windows to make the room dark. The room had to be dark when you had the measles because the light hurt your eyes. Tom and I groped our way to bed and crawled in with Sweyn. We had to stay in bed with Sweyn until we were both good and infected with measles.
Later when Dr. LeRoy came to the house and pronounced Tom and me good and infected by Sweyn, Mamma let us move back up to our bedroom. Sure enough, just like always, as Sweyn was getting better Tom and I started getting watery eyes, runny noses, and fevers. Sweyn moved upstairs to his bedroom while Tom and I moved down to Mamma’s bedroom.
The next morning Sweyn came into Mamma’s bedroom right after breakfast to rub salt in our wounds as he always did when he got a disease first.
“Good morning,” he said so cheerfully I would have thrown a pillow at him if I could have seen him in the darkened room. “How are all my little measle patients today?” he asked.
“Beat it,” Tom said.
“I was just about to do that very thing,” Sweyn said. “While you two are lying here moaning and groaning with pain, I will be outside playing and having fun.”
“You can’t do that,” Tom said. “We are quarantined.”
“True “ Sweyn admitted “but it so happens my good friend Jerry Mason has had the German measles and Dr. LeRoy and Mamma said he could come here to play.”
“Why don’t you really rub it in and tell J.D. you’ll celebrate his birthday for him?” Tom asked with sarcasm.
“That’s right,” Sweyn said as if the idea pleased him. “Can you imagine J.D. celebrating his birthday in bed with the measles? What a way to spend a birthday.”
I was so sick I’d forgotten about my birthday. Spending my birthday in bed with the measles wasn’t bothering me because I knew Mamma would give me a delayed birthday party when I was well. What was bothering me was knowing I would never be the first to catch a disease. I would never be the one to be all well just as Tom and Sweyn were getting sick. I would never know the joy of coming into Mamma’s bedroom and rubbing salt in their wounds the way they did to me.
Every day Sweyn came into the bedroom to tell us about all the good things he’d had to eat that day while Tom and I had to eat just mush and soup. Every day Sweyn rubbed it in by telling us what he and Jerry Mason planned to do that day while we lay sick in bed.
Tom and I finally got over the measles. The quarantine sign on our house came down and we three boys went back to school.
Mamma gave me a delayed birthday party on a Saturday afternoon. All my friends came to the party. We played Heavy Heavy Hangs Over My Poor Head, Button Button Who Has the Button, Hide the Thimble, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, and other wonderful games.
All my friends gave me presents, but the best present of all was the genuine Indian beaded belt my Uncle Mark gave me. Uncle Mark was the town marshal and a deputy sheriff. He was married to Papa’s sister, my Aunt Cathie. Tom was bug-eyed when he saw the belt. He tried to trade me out of it and then he tried to swindle me out of it, but I was too smart for him. I was the only kid in town with a genuine Indian beaded belt and I wasn’t about to let go of it for anything.
On Wednesday of the following week I missed my friend Howard Kay at school. Sweyn, Tom, and I had been staying after school every afternoon to make up for the days we’d lost. When Miss Thatcher anally let us go, I ran all the way to the Kay home. There was a yellow quarantine sign on the house. I knew from the color of the sign that Howard must have the mumps. Wasn’t this just my luck. Why couldn’t Howard have had
his mumps while I was having the measles.
That night as Tom and I undressed for bed I hung my Indian belt on the bedstead.
“It’s a beauty,” Tom said, eyeing the belt. “There must be something you want more than the belt, J.D.”
“Nothing you’ve got,” I said, thinking about Howard and his mumps.
“Then there is something!” Tom said eagerly. “Just name it, J.D., and we can make a deal.”
“The mumps,” I said. “Only I’ve got to get them first.”
“You must be crazy,” Tom said. “I could tell you how to get the mumps first, but knowing Mamma’s system I’d have to get them too. The belt isn’t worth it.”
I lay awake putting my little brain to work. If Tom knew how I could get the mumps first, there must be a way. I thought and I thought and I thought about it. When Sweyn or Tom got a disease, Mamma made sure I caught it by putting me into bed with them. That was why they quarantined people who had contagious diseases— so they couldn’t give the disease to anybody else. Now, if there was just some way for me to sneak into Howard Kay’s house and get him to infect me with the mumps, I’d have the last laugh on Tom and Sweyn. My little brain had done it! I felt like jumping out of bed and dancing round the room.
I found that sneaking into Howard’s house wasn’t going to be easy. I decided it would have to be on a Saturday because there just wasn’t time after school with Miss Thatcher keeping me and my brothers in to make up work we’d lost.
Saturday morning after filling up the woodboxes and coal buckets in the kitchen and parlor and helping Tom and Sweyn feed and water the chickens, our team of horses, the milk cow, and Sweyn’s mustang pony, I climbed to the top of our barn. I could see over the Olsens’ backyard. I could also see the back porch of Howard’s house. I thought Mrs. Kay would never come out of her house, but she finally did. She had on a big sunbonnet and carried some packages of seeds in her hands. She headed straight for her vegetable garden.
I climbed down from the barn. I walked boldly down Main Street, past the Kay home, and around to an alley. I cut through the Smiths’ orchard, pretending I was taking a shortcut. In the middle of the orchard I dropped to my knees. I kept out of sight on my hands and knees until I’d crawled to the Smiths’ backyard. I couldn’t see anybody on the Smiths’ back porch. I crawled along a hedge separating the Smiths’ place from the Kays’ place. If anybody saw me, I could pretend I’d come over to play with Seth Smith. But nobody saw me. I came to an opening in the hedge, which Howard, Seth, and I used when playing Indian scout. I squeezed through the opening and ran to the side porch of the Kay house.
I went upstairs to Howard’s room. It was empty. I peeked out the upstairs window. Mrs. Kay was bent over her vegetable garden, planting seeds. I went downstairs where I knew there were two bedrooms. I heard Howard coughing in his mother’s bedroom. I almost burst out laughing when I opened the door and saw Howard. His cheeks and jaws were all puffed up like a balloon with a funny face painted on it.
“You can’t come in here,” Howard whispered.
I walked over to the bed. I bent over and put my face close to his face. “Breathe on me and infect me with the mumps,” I said.
“Have you gone loco?” he asked. “The mumps hurt like the devil. It even hurts to talk.”
“If you are a true pal, you’ll infect me with the mumps,” I pleaded. “It is the only way I can get even with Tom and Sweyn. One of them always gets a disease first. That means they are all over it just when I’m getting sick. I want to be the first one to get well just once, so I can tub it in good the way they do to me.”
“All right,” Howard said, “but I still think you are loco wanting to catch the mumps.”
Howard proved to be a true pal. He put his face close to mine and breathed into it as I inhaled. We were going just great, with me getting infected, when we heard the screen door on the back porch slam.
“Now we are in for it,” Howard whispered as he looked wildly around the room. “Quick! Hide under the bed.”
I dived under the bed just in time. I could see Mrs. Kay’s shoes and ankles as she came into the room.
“Are you all right, dear?” she asked.
“I’m fine Mom,” Howard answered.
“I just want to finish planting the radishes,” his mother said. “I won’t be long.”
Mrs. Kay left the room. I crawled out from under the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and put my face close to Howard’s. He breathed into my face, with me inhaling, until we decided I was good and infected.
“You are a real pal,” I said.
“If you say so, John,” Howard said as if he doubted it.
I couldn’t help feeling proud of myself as I made my way home the same way I’d come. This was one time when I would surely get a disease first. And just when I was getting over the mumps, Tom and Sweyn would be coming down with them. I could picture my brothers lying in bed, with their cheeks and jaws all swollen, and suffering after I was all better. Boy, was I going to get even!
I looked in the mirror every morning to see if there was any swelling in my jaws. Nothing happened. I had never felt so let down in my life. With the coming of Friday morning and still no sign of the mumps, I came to the conclusion that I hadn’t been infected enough. The next morning I did my chores in jig time and climbed on top of the barn. I could see Mrs. Kay leaning over the backyard fence, talking to Mrs. Smith next door. Mamma had once said that Mrs. Smith could out-talk any four women in town. If Mamma was right, and I’d never known her to be wrong, Mrs. Kay would be there a long time.
I climbed down from the roof of the barn and ran all the way to the Smith home. I boldly walked into the front yard, hoping Seth wasn’t home. If he was, I’d just pretend I came over to play with him. Luck was with me. I made my way to the hole in the hedge without anybody seeing me. In another minute I was in the bedroom with Howard.
“Gosh, John, what are you doing here?” he exclaimed.
“l didn’t catch them,” I said. “Maybe you didn’t infect me enough.”
“It ain’t time yet,” Howard said. “Dr. LeRoy said it takes from twelve days to three weeks after being exposed.”
“Exposed?” I asked, wondering if I’d missed something.
“It’s the same as infected,” Howard explained.
“As long as I am here,” I said, “we might as well make sure that I’m exposed plenty.”
Howard obliged like a true pal. He even suggested it might be a good idea to cough in my face a few times, although it hurt him like the devil to cough. Never did a boy have such a true friend. Howard breathed in my face and coughed in my face until we were positive I was exposed for sure.
I was the saddest kid in town when fourteen days had passed since my first visit to Howard without me coming down with the mumps. A horrible thought came to me. Maybe I was one of those unfortunate kids who was immune to the mumps. I decided to find out by asking Mamma to look at my throat. She was in the kitchen with Aunt Bertha. They were making pies.
“Mamma, will you look at my throat?” I asked.
She wiped flour from her hands onto her apron. There was concern in her hazel eyes as she placed a hand on my forehead.
“Don’t you feel well, John D.?” she asked.
“That’s the trouble,” I said with disgust. “I feel fine.”
“Then why do you want me to look at your throat?” she asked.
I almost tipped the beans but caught myself in time. “It tickles,” I said.
Mamma looked at my throat. She assured me there was nothing the matter with it. Little did she know her cruel words were breaking my heart.
Three days later when I got up to get washed and dressed and have breakfast before going to school, my throat really did tickle and feel sore. I didn’t pay any attention to it because I was now convinced I was immune to the mumps.
During supper that evening Mamma kept looking at me across the table. “Does it hurt you to chew, John D.?” she a
sked.
“It hurts my jaws a little,” I answered. Then it hit me what this meant.
“Let me have a look at you,” Mamma said.
I got up and walked around the table, feeling ten feet tall. Maybe I wasn’t immune to the mumps after all.
Mamma pressed her angers to my throat. “Does that hurt?” she asked.
“It hurts,” I said happily. I had never known what joy there was to pain until that moment.
“There seems to be some swelling,” Mamma said.
“Are you sure, Mamma?” I asked gleefully as I flashed Sweyn and Tom a triumphant grin.
“I don’t know why it pleases you so,” Mamma said. “I think you are coming down with the mumps. Finish eating your supper and go to bed. I’ll have Dr. LeRoy come by to have a look at you.”
“Hurray!” I couldn’t help shouting as I did a little jig around the table back to my place.
Papa stared at me. “Better get him to bed immediately,” he said to Mamma. “The boy has such a fever he doesn’t know what he is doing.”
I was all undressed and in bed in the upstairs bedroom I shared with Tom when Dr. LeRoy came into the room followed by Mamma. He pressed his angers against my throat. He made me open my mouth while he looked at my throat. He took my temperature.
“It’s the mumps all right,” he said to Mamma.
Never in my life had I heard such wonderful news. I had a hard time staying in bed until they left the room. Then I got up and was doing a happy jig when Sweyn and Tom entered.
Sweyn grabbed me and threw me onto the bed. “Papa was right,” he said to Tom. “Old J.D. has gone crazy with the fever.”
“Ha! Hal Ha!” I laughed, although it hurt my jaws to laugh. “I got them first.”
“Let him go,” Tom said to Sweyn. “J.D. hasn’t got a fever. He got the mumps on purpose.”
Sweyn let me go and stood up. “Then he must be crazy,” he said.
“Crazy like a fox,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed and grinning triumphantly at my brothers. “Maybe I’ve only got a little brain, but I figured out how to get a disease first for a change. I sneaked into Howard Kay’s house while he had the mumps and got him to expose me.”
The Great Brain Page 3
