by Lucy Coleman
I recline back on the bed cover, the window ajar. The sound of a tractor still hard at work filters through the window. As the early crops are harvested it involves long days before the ploughing begins all over again. But even the birds are still active tonight, and it seems no one is sleepy. In the sitting room below, the sounds of the film Tollie is watching generates a low rumble.
‘Great. Busy as usual. You sound upbeat and wide-awake.’
‘I’ve just finished a call with Mum and Val.’
‘Uh, oh. How did it go?’ I ask tentatively.
Gray replies with a throaty little chuckle. ‘Good, actually.’
‘Well, tell me all about it!’ I demand.
‘That’s one of the things we talked about. You, delegating tasks and then not really letting go. They’re going to consult you on the important decisions, like this colour thing, which is a biggie, they tell me. But other than that, I have a good idea what will make you happy and so we would appreciate it if you could put your trust in Mum, Val and me to conjure up a real Christmas fairy-tale surprise. Admittedly, I’m not sure why they want everything to match your dress, but I trust my crew and they say it’s important.’
‘Their faces fell when I broke the news that it won’t be a white wedding. Unless it snows, of course!’ Should I be taking this more seriously? I wonder.
‘Our aim is to surprise and delight you, and we won’t let you down, Immi. I want to start my married life with a happy wife, so there’s a lot at stake but I’m up for the challenge.’ Gray does sound excited.
‘As long as you stick to a cosy, country, romantic, Christmassy feel-good vibe, then I’m happy. Having asked Sarah to be my maid of honour, that’s two dresses to sort out. You, Val and Rona will need to sort out Tollie. His old suit still fits, but it’s blue and—’
‘I get the message. Colour coordination is important, Immi. And as for Tollie, leave that to us. Trying on dresses is supposed to be the best bit, isn’t it? Why don’t you go shopping with Sarah and have a little fun? You’re bound to find something that feels right, surely?’
How can a man even begin to understand that all eyes are on the bride on her wedding day, and wearing something special requires a certain level of body confidence? If it’s too fussy, the dress will look like it’s wearing me, and I’ll end up feeling self-conscious. ‘You have absolutely no idea, Gray. Rona likes the princess look, Val thinks the mermaid style is elegant, and I just want to feel like me. But a dressed-up version of me. Not like the bride on the top of a wedding cake.’
‘Okay, I’m way out of my depth here. All I’m saying is once you give them this one little piece of information, you’ll be free to focus on the playground. When you have an up-to-date picture of where the fund stands, you can start cracking the whip and get the committee doubling their efforts, if necessary. I wish I could take some of that work off you, but I can’t, so let me do this, babe. Think of it as one of my Christmas presents to you.’
‘I love you, Gray. Thank you. I consider myself to be an extremely lucky woman and I am grateful. Anyway, come on, you have other news, I can tell.’
He clears his throat. ‘We’re still awaiting confirmation, but Ollie’s assistant is organising the tickets to LA and it’s looking likely to be the week after next, depending on availability.’
‘Oh!’ My surprise sounds slightly negative, and I hurry to correct myself. ‘That’s great news. How long will you be gone?’
‘Eight days in total. We have a series of meetings at three different locations. I had hoped we’d have a little more notice, Immi, and I’m sorry to spring this on you.’
‘It’s fine, Gray. Not only do you get to see your first big project come to fruition, but there’s a chance of even more work to come in the longer term, which is equally important. That’s brilliant news and I’m excited for you!’ My enthusiasm is genuine, but the thought of eight long days without seeing him makes my heart constrict in my chest.
‘And have you thought any more about the other thing we talked about, a hobby for you?’ Gray enquires encouragingly.
‘You aren’t going to let up, are you? Yes, I have and I’m going to talk to Ursula, as I’m pretty sure Martin said that she attends a yoga class.’
‘Perfect! Together we got this, babe, and everything will be fine. You know you can always count on me, even if sometimes I need pointing in the right direction.’
‘And the traditional “Wedding March” isn’t my thing, just thought I’d throw that out there.’
‘Immi Tolliman, it didn’t even make the longlist,’ he replies, so softly that I can almost envision him lying next to me on the bed.
This is the year my dream of having Gray slip that wedding ring on my finger is going to become a reality. I’m not going to fixate on the minute details, which, in the grand scheme of life, mean nothing at all when one’s heart is full of love.
‘Morning, Immi. An assessor is coming to look at the damage to the greenhouse today and take a few photographs. He’ll be here around 11 a.m. It’s unlikely I’ll be back by then, so do you mind sorting him out for me?’
‘No problem. And before I forget, can you text me Patrick’s number, please? I bumped into him last night and we had a quick chat. I think he’d be a great addition to the committee.’
‘Sorry, I thought I’d already done that. I’m glad you feel the same way and he has lots of ideas. I, um, don’t like to ask how it’s going—’
My smile begins to fade. ‘Money is coming in, but it’s mainly in small amounts, which is an admin nightmare. I’m preparing an overview ready for the next meeting. Once I can get a firm handle on where we are, it all depends on Fisher’s negotiations with the manufacturers of the equipment and the timescale for the various staged payments.’
‘If you need to take a little time off to work on that, Immi, we’ll sort something out. Don’t get overloaded.’
‘That’s kind of you, Martin, but I’ve decided to delegate a few things to allow me to catch back up, so it’s not a problem. On another matter entirely, is Ursula still into yoga?’
Martin looks at me in surprise. ‘Yes, why?’
‘I’m thinking of taking it up.’
His eyes widen a little. ‘Well, give her a ring. She’ll be back from the school run and she’s working on an order for some roman blinds today, so I know she’ll be at home.’
‘Thanks. I’ll catch up with you after the deliveries, then, to let you know how the inspection goes.’
‘I think they’ll say it has to be pulled down. That means a hike in our premium next year, but that’s what insurance is for, isn’t it?’
I hope Martin isn’t worried about money again, as business is booming. After the most successful Christmas he’s ever had, we were banking on a busy spring and summer. If the decision is to demolish the greenhouse, that’s a quarter of our retail space axed in one go and the solution isn’t likely to be a speedy one.
‘Hi, Ursula. Is it convenient to talk? I only have a quick question I wanted to ask.’
‘Yes, I’m still getting set up, so I haven’t made a start yet. How is everything going?’
‘Well, a lot better this week than last, thankfully. It was lovely to see you at Fisher’s birthday lunch on Sunday. We’re a noisy bunch, aren’t we?’
‘You can say that again.’ She laughs. ‘But it was fun. Plus, I hadn’t seen Gray for ages, so that was a bonus, too.’
‘The reason I’m calling is to ask about yoga. I’m thinking of taking a class, but I wasn’t sure if the one held in the village hall is still running.’
‘It isn’t, I’m afraid. The numbers kept declining. I drive over to Middle Norton as the church hall there holds a class on a Tuesday night. There are fourteen of us regulars and about half a dozen people who join in now and again. They’re a great bunch and the woman who runs it has been holding classes for more than ten years.’
‘Tuesdays are good for me. What time does it start?’
‘
Ooh, you’re serious, then? It’s seven thirty until nine. I could give you a lift. It would be lovely to have some company.’
‘Why don’t I drive us? The only time I have a chance to get behind the wheel these days is when I do the rounds of emptying the donation boxes,’ I admit.
‘That’s the problem when you walk to work, isn’t it? Working from home it’s the same for me and, on top of that, I don’t really see many people. Mainly customers when they call to collect their orders.’
‘Exactly. Ursula, can I ask you one last thing… have you ever made a wedding dress?’
There’s a slight pause. ‘No. Prom dresses, yes, but working with tulle is an experience I’ve avoided.’
‘Oh. Right. I don’t blame you.’
‘So, are you up for a class tonight?’
‘What do I need? I have a foam rollup mat I use for sunbathing and I assume it’s leggings and a simple T-shirt?’
‘Oh, yes! It’s very informal. No one comes in expensive designer wear. And we’re all shapes and sizes. If you really don’t mind driving, then shall we say 7 p.m.? Will that give you enough time to get home and have something light to eat first?’
‘Perfect. Thanks, Ursula, I’m looking forward to it. See you later, then.’
As I put down the phone, it immediately kicks back into life, ringing in my hand.
‘Fisher, good morning. Everything okay?’
‘I wondered if we could meet up for lunch, Immi. I really need a listening ear.’
‘Oh.’ I pause, thrown by the edginess in his voice. ‘Of course. I’m going home for lunch every day in order to keep an eye on the progress at the cottage. If you meet me here at 1 p.m. we’ll head to The Retreat and grab a sandwich. How does that sound?’
‘That’s fine. We can talk on the way, as I’d prefer to keep this just between us.’
Oh dear, he sounds fraught. Please don’t let this be anything serious. What hurts Fisher hurts me too, because my life wouldn’t have been the same without him in it.
9
A Listening Ear and a Helping Hand
‘You look nice, Immi,’ Fisher says as he leans in to give me a quick hug. When I’m stressed, I often rush out of the house with my hair still damp from the shower but now I’m taking a little more time each morning. Today I’m even wearing a touch of make-up. ‘Sorry to spoil your lunch plans, but I can’t even focus on work right now.’
‘Why didn’t you call me sooner? I’m always here for you, Fisher, you know that.’
Our pace slows as we step onto the towpath. It’s no more than a ten-minute walk to the cottage and I have no idea if anyone is going to be home until I open the door to The Retreat.
‘The pensions department has confirmed in writing that I can apply for early retirement and they’ve sent through an estimate of the actuarially reduced figures. On paper it all stacks up.’
‘That’s brilliant news, Fisher. You must be thrilled,’ I enthuse.
‘It is, but it’s a big step to take.’ His tone reflects a level of hesitancy and I can sense conflict deep within him.
‘Financially, you mean?’
‘Partly, although I will have a sizeable lump sum behind me if running pleasure cruises on The Star Gazer doesn’t pan out quite as planned. Nothing is guaranteed, is it?’
‘No, but you won’t know for sure until you try. It’s your dream, Fisher, and this is your opportunity. When’s the cut-off date for making the decision?’
‘By the end of December and my official leaving date would be the first of November next year.’
‘I’m delighted for you, Fisher. It’s been a long time coming.’
He gives me an acknowledging smile, but it’s still lacking enthusiasm. ‘It’ll be a challenge setting everything up, of course.’
‘It’s never easy getting a new initiative off the ground,’ I agree, ‘but think about being able to spend time actually on board and not stuck in the office, glancing out enviously at the narrowboats cruising past. What would be on the agenda for The Star Gazer, then?’
‘Cruises along the canal for birthdays, special occasions and corporate events. Everything from a luxurious evening cruise with champagne and canapés, to the leisurely afternoon cruise with a traditional cream tea. The Star Gazer is ready and waiting, Immi, and she’s calling to me.’
‘And this is crunch time. Getting cold feet?’ I offer and he grins back at me.
‘I guess so. It’s hard to walk away from a job you love and the security that offers, to take a huge risk.’ He lowers his gaze, staring at his feet.
We begin walking again in silence as I mull over his words. ‘At least you have some time to think it through before you make the final decision. Come on, let’s get something to eat. It’s hard to think when my stomach is growling and I’m sure yours is, too.’
Swinging open the gate, I lead him around the side of Lock Keeper’s Cottage and I can see he’s shocked as we step onto the temporary pathway.
‘Goodness, Immi. I knew you had problems, but this is a right old mess. Just when everything inside was beginning to take shape. It’s a nightmare you and Gray could have done without, for sure.’
‘It’s not quite as bad as it looks,’ I concede. ‘We’ll have to redo the landscaping after the trenches have been filled in, but it’s worse round the back.’
As soon as we turn the corner, what was once a beautiful, flagstone patio with traditional, English cottage garden borders is now an eyesore.
Fisher stops in his tracks. ‘Strewth! This is total devastation!’
‘Hi, Reggie. I see you have a few extra guys here today. Appreciated, thank you!’ I call out. Turning to Fisher, I mumble, ‘It doesn’t do any harm to be seen checking up.’
Fisher’s face is a picture as I hurry across to The Retreat, where Reggie is standing waiting for me.
‘Is Tollie about?’ I ask.
‘No,’ Reggie confirms. ‘He left earlier this morning and I haven’t seen him since. Hi, Fisher.’
‘That’s quite a job you have there, Reggie,’ Fisher replies, having composed himself.
‘Yep, but we’re getting there.’
‘And I’ll report back to Gray tonight,’ I inform Reggie, giving him one of my oh-so-appreciative smiles. ‘When Tollie left was he on his own?’
Reggie looks at me, his expression one of alarm. ‘Um… I’m um… not sure.’
That would be a no, then. ‘Oh, not to worry. I just wondered whether I should make him some lunch.’
‘I don’t think he’ll be back…’ Reggie suddenly stops short, realising what he’s giving away maybe. ‘I could be wrong, of course. Anyway, I must get back to work. See you later.’
As Fisher and I step in through the front door, he turns to me.
‘What’s going on, then? What is it that Reggie doesn’t want to get caught up in?’
‘Tollie seems to have a lady friend and her name is Daphne Harris. But what I don’t know is how they came to meet. It’s clear that Reggie has been told to keep quiet about it. But Bernie was here early on Monday morning and dismayed to see that I hadn’t already left for work. He looked uneasy and he’s obviously been sworn to secrecy, too.’
‘Oh.’ Fisher begins to join the dots. ‘You think Tollie has been seeing this lady while you’ve been at work?’
We walk through into the kitchen and I head straight to the sink to wash my hands. ‘Well, I’m only guessing but it makes perfect sense. Why he feels the need to hide it, though, I don’t know. Honestly, from what I’m seeing he’s beginning to sort himself out after falling into a bit of a slump at the start of the year. It’s a tough time for him anyway, as Grandma’s birthday is in January. I take him to lay flowers on her grave, of course, but this year he couldn’t shake off his sadness and I’m not sure why. And now he’s suddenly perked back up again. Is cheese and tomato okay?’ I call out as Fisher grabs two plates and pops the kettle on.
‘Fine, thanks, Immi. Perhaps he feels a little awkward
about it.’
‘You mean he thinks I won’t understand?’
‘Hmm… no, Nell’s been gone a long time, and he knows you only want what’s best for him. But sometimes we all need a little privacy and living on each other’s doorsteps makes it difficult for you both.’
‘Well, it doesn’t help that for the next couple of weeks Gray and I are living in the spare room,’ I burst out and Fisher raises his eyebrows to the heavens.
‘Oh, that’s such bad timing!’
‘Do you think I should say anything to him, Fisher?’
‘Let him have his little secret, darling girl. If, and when, he’s ready to talk about it he’ll let you know. Perhaps it’s his own sense of guilt he has to overcome. It’s not easy to move on from the love of your life if that love never leaves your heart.’
‘I don’t want him to be lonely, Fisher. And I feel awful that he’s creeping around as if he’s doing something wrong.’
‘In the same way that you did when you first met Gray?’ Fisher points out.
Casting my mind back, I remember those early days, worrying what Tollie would think, and whether he’d approve of the man I knew from the very start I would be with forever.
‘In the end it sorted itself out, but we had a rocky couple of months, didn’t we?’ I remark, grimacing. Gray had to work hard to prove himself before Tollie made him welcome.
‘Precisely. All I’m saying is, be receptive when Tollie is ready to share his news. There is no way he’d want you staying anywhere else, so relax, Immi. Simply give him some space and see what happens.’
Cutting the sandwiches in half, I place them on the plates and carry them over to the dining table while Fisher makes the drinks.
‘It’s hard to stand here and not think about the night we camped out on the floor. That snow was something, wasn’t it?’ Fisher recalls and I wander over to the sliding glass doors.
As I stare out over the garden and the open fields beyond, it seems like a long time ago now and not just six months. But so much has happened since Gray and I got engaged.
