by Lucy Coleman
‘Good! Let’s toast, then. Here’s to a bumper year for the kiddies. They put joy in our hearts and remind us that it’s the adults who make life so unbearably complicated at times. It’s a humblin’ reminder never to let go of our inner child.’
As our glasses come together and the light begins to dim, it feels to me that a miracle is unfolding around us. The chaos of the last six months is finally dying down and what seemed at one point like an impossible list of tasks is becoming a little less daunting with each passing day. My dad used to quote a man named Norman Vincent Peale, ‘Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars,’ but it took me a while to realise what it meant.
As an eight-year-old I puzzled over the image of a rocket setting off and running out of fuel before it got to its destination. There it was for a brief moment, surrounded by the heavenly stars before it fell back to earth. It wasn’t until I was all grown up that I got it. The quote is trying to explain that you don’t always have to take the easy path through life, and accept what comes your way, but instead we can dare to be the master of our own destiny. I waited for the right man to come along and Dad would have been proud of me. It’s been a tough three-plus years since I first met Gray and nothing has gone smoothly, or so it has seemed. It’s been one obstacle after another, but here we are – surrounded by family, and some of our closest friends, and I have no regrets at all. Perhaps my patience isn’t quite as thin as I imagine it to be. Just one last push towards the end goal and then we will be kicking off the new year as husband and wife.
Gray locks the front door and wanders back into the family room. I’m gazing out into the gathering gloom, straining my eyes to seek out the well-trodden path across the meadow. I think back to the day when Gray dropped down onto one knee in the snow and asked me to marry him. Last Christmas was supposed to be perfect, but it didn’t quite go as planned. This year is going to be the stuff that dreams are truly made of and I can feel that with every fibre of my being.
‘What a great day it turned out to be,’ Gray half whispers as he comes to stand alongside me. ‘I will admit that The Retreat never felt like home for me. I know it was yours, always was, but I was merely a lodger when I arrived each weekend to spend time with you. The cottage, well, it feels like ours now, even though we’ve only just begun unpacking and getting everything sorted. We’ve invested our time and money into making it the best it can be. I know we have a way to go, but you don’t have regrets, do you?’
I turn to face him, then glance back at the fireplace. It was formerly the heart of Lock Keeper’s Cottage, but in the new layout it’s off to the side of the kitchen area.
‘None whatsoever, and Bert looks regal, standing guard in the corner.’ Gray, too, regards Bert as one of the family – the engagement present that everyone we know contributed to because he’s special. Made of cast iron, he stands proudly displaying his antlers. I fell in love with the stag when I began working at the nurseries part-time. I never walked out of the premises without saying goodbye to him, whether he was in The Plantarium, or the stockroom when the Christmas trees took over his spot.
‘He does. And he approves. But the fireplace looks a little lost, don’t you think? What we need are two comfy wingback chairs. Something colourful, contemporary, but cosy so we can light the fire and toast marshmallows and roast chestnuts in winter, as I always did with Tollie and Grandma Nell.’
‘Then we will make that happen, my darling Immi.’
‘You and Fisher did a great job of assembling the wardrobes. I can’t wait to get shot of those temporary clothes racks that make the third bedroom look like a shop.’
‘We had a handful of metal bits left over, but the cupboards are sturdy. If we spend all day tomorrow working flat out, how about we take that run up to London we’ve been talking about on Saturday afternoon? Just very relaxed, and we’ll catch up with whoever happens to be around to grab a drink together. We can stay overnight, then head back on Sunday morning. What do you think?’
Feeling as happy as I do tonight, my anxiety has melted away. When life threatens to overwhelm me, everything becomes an issue, but now it doesn’t seem such a big deal.
‘I’d love to meet them, Gray. And tomorrow morning as soon as we’ve had breakfast, we must write out those wedding invitations and pop them up to the post box.’
‘The wedding is beginning to feel very real, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. Very real. Thanks to you, Rona and Val.’
Gray begins to hum as he wraps an arm around my waist. ‘Bi-ba-bi-ba doo bah doo…’ he croons softly. It’s not a tune I recognise, and I wonder if he’s in composing mode. The fact that this is the first time he’s done that since he arrived back means everything in his world is fine, and I can’t ask for any more than that. It’s not how much money you have in the bank that matters, but how many people you have around you who are there whenever you need a helping hand. And our Aysbury family are always there for each other.
15
Out of the Blue
I leave Gray chatting to Reggie and a guy he brought along to sort out the problem with the sliding glass doors. As soon as I appear from around the side of the cottage, Pete calls out to me.
‘Morning, Immi. If we start carrying the plants over, can you spare a few minutes to decide where you want them to go?’
My face instantly lights up. ‘You bet! This is the exciting bit. I’ll give you a hand.’
We traipse across to the rear of the brick outbuilding and Pete glances up at the sky. ‘Looks like we’re gonna get some rain. I hope it holds off until this afternoon. As soon as we get these planted, we’re going to start work on the re-turfing. No point having that stunning view when you’re looking out onto an eyesore,’ he informs me.
‘That’s wonderful news. When do you think you’ll be finished?’
‘Hopefully by the end of tomorrow.’
‘Gray and I are away this weekend, but Tollie will be around if you need anything. I’ll let him know when I pop in shortly, Pete. It’s already looking so much better, and I hope the rain doesn’t hamper you.’
He grins at me. ‘Actually, rain is a good thing, but not while we’re planting, or scabbing off the surface of the old, patchy grass. After that if we get a good downpour it would save us setting up the sprinklers.’
We dump the first lot of pots, and he indicates for me to stay behind and begin positioning them on the bare soil. The other side of the glass doors, Gray is smiling away as he watches me. It takes a while to move the pots around, as the guys keep them coming. Some are best planted in clusters, and others need space to grow as they will turn into bushes. Every now and again I stand back to check the overall look and every time I happen to catch Gray watching me, he has a huge grin on his face. Without warning, the glass doors slide back with ease and the three men stand there looking pleased with themselves.
‘Just a bit of plastic from the packing caught in the bottom runner,’ Reggie confirms. ‘That’s all looking good, Immi.’
Pete and his mate carry across the last of the shrubs and perennials, the latter designed to add that wonderful pop of colour in spring and summer to brighten the evergreens.
‘There, I think that will do.’ I stand back to admire my handiwork. The day is young, but the clouds in the sky aren’t the white fluffy sort and are beginning to gather on the horizon.
Leaving them to it, I tap on the door to The Retreat. When it swings open, Tollie greets me with a, ‘Good mornin’, m’dear. It wasn’t locked. Oh, that’s a vast improvement to my view already!’ He glances over my shoulder and from this viewpoint he now looks out over a tidy patio area again, with enough greenery to pretty it up.
‘It’s not quite as lovely as it was, but the plants will soon begin to bush out and the lavenders will get those bees buzzin’ around again.’
I follow him inside, my stomach beginning to grumble as a delicious smell wafts around the hallway.
‘What are you baking?’ Th
e aroma tells me it’s probably a cake.
‘A Victoria sandwich. I have company comin’ later this mornin’,’ he replies, a tad gingerly.
‘That’s nice. I won’t stop you, then. I just wanted to call in and tell you that Gray and I are heading up to London tomorrow. We’ll be staying overnight, and we should be back early Sunday afternoon. The landscapers will probably be around tomorrow, assuming the rain doesn’t stop play. But the end is in sight and I think they’ll be keen to finish up if at all possible.’
‘I’m here if they need anythin’. I’m glad you popped in on your own,’ Tollie says. ‘While you’re here, there’s somethin’ I’ve been meanin’ to mention to you.’
His tone is growing serious as he leads me over to the sofa, and a sensation of anxiety hits me square in the solar plexus.
‘I’m goin’ to get this problem with my back sorted out properly. Now, don’t look at me like that, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a pinched nerve due to a bone spur and a little operation should do the trick.’
Tollie is talking in medical terms, which must mean he hasn’t just been seeing his chiropractor. ‘Back surgery is serious, Tollie. There are all sorts of risks to consider. Aren’t there any other options?’ I’m trying not to panic, but I can’t believe he hasn’t involved me in making this decision.
‘Look, Immi, I know you’re bound to be a bit concerned but with everythin’ you’ve had on your plate, I didn’t want you worryin’ over this. They tried steroid injections and it hasn’t made much of a difference. The consultant I’ve been seein’ says there is an 80 per cent chance that within six months of the op I could be pain-free. I have a friend who has been accompanyin’ me to the appointments and she has a lot of medical knowledge.’
I’m stunned. I open my mouth to begin talking, but Tollie puts up his hand to stop me.
‘Her name is Daphne Harris. We see a fair bit of each other, and she’s been a great help.’
My head is full of questions, but I know I can’t bombard Tollie. However, the fact that he’s been keeping this from me is worrying. You hear so much about older people being conned these days and although Tollie is not a fool, he misses Grandma’s company. ‘How exactly did you meet this Daphne?’
‘She’s a friend of Bernie and Yvonne’s and they invited her along one evenin’ when we were playin’ cards. You’ll like her, Immi. She retired from nursin’ five years ago and was a clinical ward nurse leader. She knows her stuff and knew exactly the right questions to ask. You know me, I just sat there noddin’ me head and thinkin’ let’s get on with it, then.’
‘I assume there’s a waiting list?’ My first thought is that I have no idea what exactly this operation entails. Until I read up on it, of course I’m going to panic. Tollie has just dropped a bombshell on me and if it were the other way around, he’d be reeling, too.
‘There is, but I’m going private. They’re doin’ it the week after next.’
My jaw drops. ‘But, but… there’s aftercare and all sorts of things to consider.’ Without understanding what the procedure involves, I have no idea what he’ll need. How long will it take for him to recover?
‘This is precisely why I’ve been puttin’ off tellin’ you. Daphne is going to come and stay here for a while, so that she can be on hand after I’m discharged. Like a live-in nurse,’ he replies, as if it’s no big deal.
‘Move in here?’
‘Daphne is confident I’ll be up and around without too much fuss. Because my symptoms have been quite severe, the nerve pain may linger for a while and there will be a bit of discomfort from the surgery, but it’ll just be a case of pain management. Daphne knows what she’s doing, so she’ll keep me on the straight and narrow,’ he informs me, as if he’s merely employing a nurse to look after him. Is that what he’s doing?
‘Right, um… so… what can I do?’ I ask, trying not to sound as anxious as I feel that someone who is a stranger to me has been so involved in Tollie’s plans.
‘Just rest assured I’ll be in good hands. My consultant says if it all works out as expected, then I’ll feel like a new man. The almost constant pain is making my life unbearable at times, Immi. I intend to be back to the old me by the time I slip into my Santa suit again. All I need from you is to stop worrying and when you meet Daphne, which I’ll arrange very soon, that should put your mind at rest. Now, off you go. You have a lot to do today what with goin’ away for the weekend. It’s about time you met Gray’s friends, and I hoped he’d take you up there before the weddin’. Anyway, I have a cake to get out of the oven.’
I feel as if I’m being dismissed, and I stand, watching Tollie gently easing himself up off the sofa, and I force myself not to tear-up. ‘Well,’ I say, swallowing hard to push down the huge lump that is rising up in my throat, ‘the thought of you being pain-free again is wonderful.’
‘I’ll soon be back mowing the grass.’ He chuckles, stepping forward to give me a reassuring hug. I hold on for a few seconds longer than necessary, because Tollie means everything to me, and him cutting me out like this in his time of need hurts.
I head straight back to the cottage to jump online and do some research, leaving Gray to battle with hanging the roman blinds that Ursula made for the bedrooms. It isn’t long before he calls out, requesting my assistance.
‘That looks lovely,’ I remark, even though the blind is a bit askew. Gray looks down at me from his position high up on the ladder, one eyebrow raised.
‘Yes, it does, but is it straight? I’ve checked the piece of wood with a spirit-level, but when it comes to attaching the blind with the Velcro it’s a bit fiddly.’
‘Do you want me to have a look?’
I can see the relief on his face. ‘I feel guilty pulling you away from your Internet surfing.’
‘I think I’ve found out as much as I can without talking to an actual surgeon. Tollie is right, they can’t guarantee it will be a success, but it works for at least 80 per cent of the patients undergoing surgery.’
As Gray descends the ladder he gives me a quick peck on the cheek.
‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, Immi, as I know you’re struggling to understand why Tollie chose not to involve you in his plans. It probably feels like you are being pushed to one side, and he’s taking advice from a stranger, but it’s obvious Tollie and Daphne have come to know each other quite well. He’s not the sort of man to be talked into anything. It’s time to step back a little.’
‘And abandon him?’ I reply, annoyed that Gray is showing no signs of concern whatsoever.
‘See what I mean? It’s his decision and you’re cross because he didn’t involve you. Instead, he sought the advice of a… friend. How many decisions have you and I made since we’ve been together? Decisions that affect our lives going forward. When I appeared on the scene, don’t you think it was a period of adjustment for Tollie as he stepped back to allow me into your life? He didn’t know me, and it was a while until we felt relaxed around each other. If Daphne is going to be a part of Tollie’s future, as their friendship develops, you’ll go through a similar period of adjustment too. It’s only natural.’
I grab the corner of the roman blind and pull. The ripping sound that the Velcro makes as it detaches sounds as angry as I feel. Gray turns, picks up the drill and walks over to the side window. With his back to me, he places it on the floor and begins unpacking the second blind as I mull over his words.
‘Yes, well, maybe you’re right but I won’t know how I feel until I meet her face to face.’ And if that doesn’t happen very soon, then I’ll find out where she lives and pay this Daphne a visit.
16
The Craziness Is About to Begin
When we finally jump in the car and set off for London, I think Gray is genuinely glad of the drive ahead of us. His do-it-yourself skills have been tested to the limit over the past two days and it’s time for a change.
‘You seem a lot more relaxed this morning,’ Gray reflects as he pulls away
.
‘I texted Tollie last night to remind him that I will be at my yoga class on Tuesday.’
Gray starts chuckling. ‘A not-so-subtle hint, then, that you expect to meet Daphne next week and that’s the one night you’re not available?’
‘Yes, and if it doesn’t happen, then I’ll know something isn’t quite right.’
Gray grimaces while focusing on passing through the gate to turn into the lane as ahead of us is a tractor. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel as we crawl along.
‘Is there a melody going around inside that head of yours?’ I enquire, breaking out into a smile.
‘There is and I will be honest – as fun as doing the house has been, I’m itching to do some real work.’
‘Oh, and putting up wardrobes and blinds isn’t work?’
‘Let’s just say that I’m glad it’s done, and I don’t know how I would have managed without Fisher’s help. But you know what I mean. I’m eager to pull together a few ideas that keep bombarding me and I won’t get any peace until I can get it all down on paper.’
The tractor pulls into a layby to allow us to pass and we both wave out, recognising one of the lads from Adler’s farm.
Gray is concerned, not knowing when he’ll be earning again. We can just about manage on one income, but I fully understand him wanting to press ahead and act whenever inspiration strikes.
‘I’m eager to get back to work on Monday, too. I’ve been emailing back and forth with Patrick. He’s offered to take on the role of treasurer to free up some of my time. We’re generating fundraising ideas quicker than I can find people to take on the tasks and there are a few things that are best if I drive them forward. What we need is a couple of extra pairs of hands, people who live here and already have the contacts, as that’s half the battle.’
‘Ah, I see what you mean. But Patrick impressed Harrison over at the Linden Hotel, according to Val. She mentioned it when she gave me the leaflets to pass out to everyone with the details of the hotel and the minibus. Harrison told her that Patrick came up with a couple of good ideas. One was to invite their customers to add a discretionary amount to their bill in support of the fund. The other was to hold a ticket-only dinner, with ten pounds per head being donated. I thought that was a rather novel idea.’
