by Claire Kent
Seth gave her an arrogant, long-suffering look. “No, thank you. You've had a long evening. I’ll muddle through on my own.”
Erin snickered. Felt pretty good after the backrub and was also emotionally settled—now that she’d put things into perspective.
Nothing like a dose of irony to make sense of the world.
“Well, feel free to use my bathroom if you need to jerk off.”
“How inexpressibly generous of you.”
Erin just snickered again.
Nine
“Are you having a four-course meal over there?”
Erin blinked, not immediately following the abrupt question in the middle of a phone conversation with Liz. Then she realized that her sister would have heard her eating the crackers she’d grabbed to fend off a sudden wave of hunger. “Oh. Sorry. I had to eat. It couldn’t be put off any longer, despite the fact that you happened to call. I’ll try to keep the chomping to a minimum.”
“Much appreciated. Dad said he’s been helping with the nursery?”
“Yeah. He painted the nursery last weekend, and he brought over all the furniture he’s collected and fixed up. The crib, the changing table, the rocker, and a little bookcase. He refinished them all so they match. It’s really looking good now.”
“He’s super-excited. He never stops talking about his grandbaby.”
“I know,” Erin agreed, wandering through the living area until she’d reached the room that had now turned into the nursery. She peered at it, sighing in pleasure. “I’ve got some more work to do on the nursery, but it’s really coming together.”
“You sound excited too.”
“I am. I’m getting all these bursts of energy, wanting to fix everything up and get the whole place prepared for her. I’ve sorted through all the loot from the baby shower about six times now. It’s ridiculous. How many times can I organize all of her little outfits and blankets? Last night, I sorted them first by style and then by color.”
“I suppose that’s normal,” Liz sighed resignedly. “But who would have thought that you, of all people, would spend your evenings gloating over baby clothes?”
“Not me.” Erin was almost embarrassed by her delight in all the baby paraphernalia situated around the room. “But I bet it would happen to you too, if you’d been carrying someone around in your belly for almost nine months.”
“Don’t scare me like that.”
Laughing, Erin picked up a soft, ivory blanket and refolded it, stroking it after she'd set it back down.
Then she remembered the uneaten crackers she’d left on the kitchen counter, so she headed there as quickly as she could to get them.
“But you’re feeling pretty good today?” Liz prompted, when Erin explained the pause in conversation after she’d stuffed a couple more crackers in her mouth.
“Yeah. Not bad. My back is killing me, like normal, and I always seem to be hot and sweaty. Too bad my ninth month is in June rather than in December.”
She heard a beep on the line and pulled the phone away from her ear to glance at the name that popped up. “Liz, I’m sorry. Can you hold on just a minute so I can catch this call?”
At Liz’s acquiescence, Erin switched over to the other call. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Seth’s voice was calm and pleasant, and Erin had to admit that she was kind of glad to hear it. “Is everything all right?”
He’d never stopped asking that—his very first question in every single conversation they had.
Erin smiled. “Everything’s fine. So you’re back?”
“Just landed. I thought I’d drop by, if you don’t have anything else planned for this evening.”
“No, I’m not busy. That would be fine.”
“I’ll be over in a half-hour or so. Enjoy your snack.”
Erin froze mid-chew, then shrugged and laughed at how easily he’d caught her. She hadn’t even taken another bite of cracker—not wanting to chomp in his ear.
She flipped back over to Liz. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem. Anything important?”
“Just Seth. He wanted to make sure I was in before he stopped by.”
“Uh huh.”
Erin felt a clench of defensiveness at her sister’s smug, amused tone. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” Liz replied, feigning innocence, even as her tone sounded like she was stifling laughter. “Planning a cozy little evening together?”
“Don’t be stupid. He’s been out of town for two weeks, consulting on that TV show, so he’s just stopping by on his way back from the airport. There won’t be anything cozy about it.”
“So you’re his very first stop after his plane lands? Before he even goes home? How adorable."
“Liz,” Erin groaned. “Why do you insist on misreading everything? He’s trying to be involved and helpful in the pregnancy. It’s more than a lot of men would do, and I really appreciate his help. But that’s all it is. This isn’t some stupid romantic comedy.”
“Hmm.”
“If you have something to say, then just say it.”
“Don’t get mad. I know you two weren’t harboring passionate feelings for each other before you jumped into bed, but things have changed since you got pregnant.”
“That’s for sure. I’ve blown up to the size of a cow.”
“Erin.”
“I know. Yes, things have changed. Yes, we’ve gotten closer. But it’s all revolved around the baby. It’s always been about my being pregnant with his child. We’re friendly, and we get along really well. And we're having a child together. But only in a dream-world would that ever add up to love.”
“Hmm.”
“You’re just being obstinate on purpose. To rile me up.”
“Maybe.”
“I like him,” Erin continued, trying to explain herself as sincerely as she could. “A lot. More than I ever thought I would. In fact, he might even have become one of my favorite people.”
“Really?”
Erin made a face. “Don’t get excited. I like him. I’m not in love with him.”
“But he's one of your favorite people? Who else is on the list?”
“Well, you, obviously. Most of the time, at least. And Dad. And the pumpkin.” She patted her enormous belly fondly.
“You have got to think of a real name for her soon,” Liz said, changing the subject with a smile in her voice.
“I know. I just can’t think of anything good. I’m working on it. So she’s 'the pumpkin' until I can think of a real name.”
“You know, when I said it looked like you were hiding a pumpkin under your shirt, I didn’t really mean for the name to stick.”
Erin laughed. “I’ll think of a name for her soon.”
“Anyway, back to the subject at hand. So your favorite people are me—of course—and Dad, and the pumpkin. Anyone else before Seth?”
Erin thought about that for a minute. Finally had to conclude, “No. I guess Seth would be next.”
“Weird.”
“What?” Erin asked defensively.
“It’s just weird that, over the course of nine months, Seth Thomas has become your fourth favorite person in the world.”
“Yeah. I guess so. Huh.”
“Did you miss him terribly while he was gone?” Liz's voice was exaggerated and dripping and mocking. Obviously trying to get a reaction from Erin.
But the truth was Erin had missed Seth. A lot.
He’d been away for what felt like a long time, and Erin had found herself thinking about him in the evenings. Wondering what he was doing. Wishing he was around so she could tell him something funny that happened at work. It was rather troublesome, and Erin was afraid it was a sign that she’d grown to depend on him far more than she’d intended.
“You know I was teasing for the most part,” Liz said at last. “But, seriously, Erin, it seems like maybe you do have some feelings for him.”
“I do have feelings for him. Friendly feelings. And,
yes, we have this connection now because we're having a child together, but that’s all it is. Neither of us is prone to romantic delusions or sappy emotions. We’ve always been realistic about this. From the very beginning.”
“Yeah. I get that. But, you know, you can be realistically non-sappy—and still fall in love and be a family.”
Sighing, Erin shook her head. There was just no way to make Liz understand. “We’re not in love. We're just not. I haven’t had the least desire to draw hearts around his name or have him read me poetry. I don't want to stroll along a beach, holding his hand. Most of the time, I either want to laugh at him, smack him, or pat him on the head.”
“Sounds like love to me. I understand your antipathy toward romance, but I was serious about the family thing.”
“I know,” Erin admitted, pushing her hair away from her forehead. “But we’re not a family. There’s me and the pumpkin. And Seth and the pumpkin. But not me and Seth. We’re working together to be parents to our daughter, but the two of us live separate lives.”
Liz let out a long breath. “I suppose. And I suppose being a family would be a problem—with him jumping every gorgeous woman in sight.”
Erin swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
“Did you hear about him and—”
“Liz,” Erin interrupted. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
There was another silence. “See? You convince me that you two are just friendly, but then you sound jealous and upset, making me suspicious again. You said a few months ago that the dating issue didn’t bother you at all.”
“It didn’t then. And I’m not jealous exactly. But it is starting to bother me now. He’s a single adult. He's allowed to do what he wants. But I keep thinking of how he’s the father of my daughter. How am I supposed to explain it to her when she gets old enough to know what’s happening?” Erin rubbed her eyes. Imagined that depressing scenario. “It’s okay, pumpkin. Nothing to worry about. Daddies are all different. Some daddies live with their children. Other daddies live in fancy apartments by themselves. Some daddies love the mommies. Other daddies can’t keep their coc—er, their wee-wees from falling inside every woman they happen to meet.”
“Damn. I see your point. That sucks.” After a moment, she added under her breath, “Selfish bastard.”
“He’s not, really. He’s not tied down by anything, so he has no obligation to keep it in his pants. He can have any kind of fun he wants. He’s trying to be a father, and I think he’ll be okay. Yes, it’s awkward for me and might be for her later, but it’s not fair for me to expect him to act like a monk, simply because it would make my life easier.”
“Selfish bastard,” Liz muttered again, completely ignoring Erin's reasonable defense of Seth.
Erin smiled and felt a little better.
“I better hang up. I’ve got to pee and find something else to eat before Seth gets here.”
“All right. Give the asshole a smack for me.”
Erin hung up and then went to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. Her hair was tousled, and messy strands were sticking to her flushed face. Her t-shirt was clean, at least, and green was one of the colors that looked best on her, but the thin cotton only emphasized the enormous curve of her belly.
Sighing, she glanced down at her abdomen. “I know,” she said out loud. “You think I shouldn’t be so excited to see him.”
There being no response, she shook her head. “I’m doing my best not to rely on him too much, but it’s hard. He’s being so helpful. And he’s nice to have around.”
She pulled down the bottom hem of her shirt, since there was a narrow strip of skin visible beneath it.
“I hope he’ll be a good daddy for you. I think he will, despite the complications. But, even if it doesn’t work out, we’ll do just fine on our own, won’t we?”
She heard a buzzing that signaled Seth had arrived.
“You just give me a kick if you think I’m losing my perspective.”
Erin checked the mirror once more as she was drying her hands. Combed her fingers through her hair, trying to arrange it in some sort of order. Gave up after a few seconds.
As she was leaving the bathroom, she felt a sharp poke in the stomach.
So she huffed as she moved toward the door of her apartment to let Seth in. “Well, I didn’t mean it literally.”
***
Erin felt like a big, ungainly slob when she opened her apartment door and saw Seth waiting, incongruously carrying a shopping bag. He looked a little tired, but he was dressed in an expensive dark business suit, as usual, and his favorite blue tie. His shirt wasn’t even wrinkled.
Erin knew for damned sure that she wouldn’t look so pulled together after flying across the country.
Typical.
She briefly wished she’d put shoes on so she wouldn’t feel so underdressed, but then told herself it didn’t matter. She wasn’t competing in a sophistication contest, and she wasn’t about to lie around her apartment uncomfortably dressed just so she wouldn’t feel like a slob on the off chance Seth decided to come over.
At least she hadn’t spilled anything on her shirt.
“How are you?” he asked, coming into the apartment as she held the door open for him.
“Not bad. I just feel like a bloated elephant. How was your trip?”
“Long and boring.” Studying her closely, he added, “You look flushed. Are you feeling all right?”
Erin rolled her eyes in annoyance, all of her involuntary pleasure at seeing him vanishing in an instant. “I’m fine. I told you that. I’m not going to fall apart just because you happen to leave the city. I’m a little warm, is all.”
“You should turn the thermostat lower so it stays cooler in here.” Without waiting for her response, he moved automatically over to the thermostat on the wall in the hallway.
Erin followed him, unable to walk quite as fast as he did—although she tried. “Seth, it’s fine.”
He shook his head as he peered at it. “No wonder you’re too hot. This should be five degrees cooler.”
With an indignant gasp, Erin grabbed his wrist before he could lower the temperature. “The thermostat is set where I want it. I don’t want to spend a fortune on electricity all summer.”
He glanced over at her, looking impatient. “But you can’t live in an oven. It's hot in here. You’re sweating.”
Erin wondered why she’d ever missed the pompous asshole. “I’m sweating now because I’m so mad at you. You can’t just barge in and start taking over. This is my apartment. My thermostat. I’ll set it at whatever temperature I want. If you’re hot, you can take off your jacket.”
Erin’s face was a little damp, but she hadn’t felt particularly hot or sweaty until Seth had arrived with his arrogant presumption and willful interference.
He looked momentarily like he was going to object, but he didn’t. “So you said you’d fixed up the nursery?”
“Yeah,” Erin said, happy to move on to another topic. She knew Seth was used to having his way and that he wouldn’t appreciate not being in control of anything that touched his sphere of influence—even if it was something on which he had absolutely no claim. So far, they’d only clashed on little things. Like this. But whenever something happened that reminded her of his controlling tendencies, she couldn’t help but worry about when it would happen with larger things.
When he would become more like Marcus.
“Erin?”
“Oh, sorry. I’ll show you the nursery.”
“Is there something you need to tell me?”
She felt briefly uncomfortable as she stood in the hallway with him. He’d just gotten back from a two-week trip. She really didn’t want to get in a fight with him tonight. “No. Just try not to boss me around.”
He gave her the half-smile that was her favorite of his expressions. “Sorry about that, but it’s hot as hell in here.”
“It’s just fine,” she said, taking the
few steps to the spare room she’d turned into the nursery.
He peered into the room she pointed him toward. He still carried the shopping bag, and Erin idly wondered what was in it.
She looked around his body as he stood in the doorway, and she felt another shiver of delight as she caught glimpses of the meticulously decorated baby’s room. It wasn’t quite finished yet, but she could already envision the whole thing, and it was going to be perfect.
“This is it?”
Erin’s whole body jerked in astonishment, and she stared at the back of his head. His voice had been blunt, slightly surprised, and vaguely disapproving. “Yes,” she replied defensively. “Of course, it is.”
Seth took a step into the room. “Why is it brown?”
She frowned and felt a familiar ache in her throat that she swallowed over ruthlessly. She wasn’t going to do something so absurd as to cry over a silly nursery. She just wasn’t. She was sick of crying over nothing.
Following him into the room, she stood beside him and gazed around. “It’s not brown. It’s more like taupe. It’s very warm and soothing.”
It actually hadn’t been her first choice in wall colors, but the apartment building had restrictions on possible colors to paint the wall, and soon Erin had decided that she loved the color. It wasn’t too dark but also wasn’t one of the pastels she’d been trying to avoid, and the paint exactly matched the shade in the ivory and taupe toile fabric that had been the initial inspiration for the entire color scheme.
Her father had pulled out some of her old baby furniture from storage and then had found the other pieces at yard sales and used furniture stores. He’d spent weeks fixing up the crib, the changing table, the little bookcase, and the rocker. He’d also recruited a neighbor—an elderly woman who’d always been fond of Erin—to sew most of the bedding for the room, so her nursery was more unique, well-crafted, and full of character than she’d ever hoped it could be.
At least, Erin had thought so.
Obviously, Seth didn’t.
He wasn’t smiling, even with his eyes, as he slowly scrutinized the various details of the room. “I guess it’s just not quite as creative as I was expecting.”
