by Claire Kent
“It doesn’t matter to me. Do you want to go home?”
Erin considered for a minute, stretching out her back and trying not to cringe from the tight pain of it. “I don’t know. I might be able to go back and see the rest.”
“We can move around some and then go back if you’d like.”
That was what she wanted to do. She took a few steps, but when she tried to turn, the spot in her back cramped up again. “I better not. I think I’d better just go home and put some ice on it.”
She slumped slightly as Seth opened the door for her. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“I really wanted to have a normal evening for once.” Erin felt glum and heavy as she trudged back to the car, and her back was hurting like hell now.
“We did,” Seth replied, opening the door of his blue car and helping her get in.
When he’d gotten behind the wheel and turned on the ignition, Erin sighed, rubbing her belly. “I think I’m ready to be done with being pregnant.”
He smiled as he pulled out into the street. “Just two more weeks.”
“Yeah,” Erin agreed, feeling a little excited at the thought. She wasn’t excited about the thought of going into labor—in fact, it terrified her—but she really wanted to have her baby.
Then she remembered something. “Oh, you said you had to go out of town again sometime soon?”
Seth evidently knew exactly what she was asking. “I do. Our branch in Seattle has an important trial scheduled, so the firm is sending me to help. They say they want me to consult, but I think they just want me to be intimidating. I can’t cancel it, but it’s not for four more weeks. Your due date is in two. So even if she decides to come a little late, I’ll still be here for the birth.”
“Oh,” Erin mumbled, feeling ridiculously relieved. “That’s good.”
She had to stop this. She had to be careful. She couldn’t get too dependent on Seth. He was an autonomous being who wasn’t tied to her at all—so she had to remain as independent as possible and keep her strongholds in place.
But she was still absurdly glad that he would be here for the birth.
“Thanks for taking me tonight,” she said, feeling another sensation in her belly—one that wasn’t relief or fear or even her pumpkin moving around.
“You’re welcome.”
“I really enjoyed dinner.”
“You certainly appeared to enjoy it,” he said, his voice mildly teasing.
“I was hungry. And dinner was excellent. And so was dessert. But...”
“But what?” This time, Seth turned to peer at her, as if he were preparing himself for some new emergency.
“But I think you need to stop at the grocery store on the way home. I’m hungry again.” She wasn’t even embarrassed by it. Some things were simply unavoidable.
And at the moment she needed some food.
“Don’t you have food at home?”
Erin huffed. “Of course, I do. But it’s all basic, nutritional food. I need something else at the moment.”
Chuckling, Seth didn’t object, and he obediently pulled up in front of the next grocery store they passed. “I’ll go in,” he offered, as Erin was fumbling around with her seatbelt. “What do you want? Ice cream?”
“Of course. Chocolate. No, Rocky Road.”
“Right. Rocky Road ice cream. I’ll be right back.”
He was about to get out of the car, when Erin stopped him with an outraged sound. “Wait! That’s not all.”
He fell back into his seat and stared at her, an adorable amusement kindling in his eyes. His face, though, was perfectly serious. “My mistake. What else?”
Erin thought about this for a minute. “Something salty.”
“Pickles?” he suggested, cocking an ironic eyebrow at her.
Gasping indignantly, she glared at him. “Not unless you want me to puke up all the ice cream.”
“No, thank you. I think we both had enough of that. No pickles.”
“Dill Pickle potato chips.”
Seth’s expression twisted into something both bemused and questioning. “You just said that pickles—”
“Not the potato chips,” she said, shaking her head at him impatiently. “Try to keep up.”
He was now having trouble suppressing his amusement. “Rocky Road ice cream and Dill Pickle potato chips,” he rehearsed. “Anything else?”
“Maybe some fruit.” Erin figured she should take advantage of the fact that it was Seth doing the grocery shopping this evening. “Watermelon, I think.”
Seth’s mouth was quivering uncontrollably. “Watermelon too. I’ve got it. Anything else?”
She felt like giggling but didn’t. Just gave him an aggrieved look. “I think that should do it.”
Before he got out of the car, he turned back to look at her. “Are you doing this on purpose? Just to have a little fun at my expense?”
She inhaled with exaggerated outrage. “Of course not. Food is serious business. Now hurry up.”
He got out and went into the store, moving at a brisk, determined pace.
Food was serious business to her now. No question about that.
But she was also having a little fun with Seth at the same time.
Ten
“But she’s a week late already,” Erin said, trying not to let her fatigue sound in her voice.
She was still waiting for the baby to be born, and at the moment it felt like it was never going to happen.
Occasionally, in her impatience during the last two weeks, Erin would get the random, irrational urge to just push her daughter out with her hands, since she didn’t want to come out on her own.
Dr. Warren smiled at her sympathetically. She was a quiet, efficient woman in her late thirties, and Erin liked her very much—but at present was really tired of seeing the woman so often. “I know it’s frustrating, but only a small percentage of babies are born on their due dates. And first-time mothers are nearly always several days late.”
“But everything is fine?” Seth asked coolly. He’d been leaning against a wall in the examination room, but now he moved over to stand beside Erin.
“Yes. Erin and the baby are perfectly healthy. So far, everything is going exactly as it should. She just hasn’t gone into labor yet.”
“But I will soon?” She pushed her hair back from her damp face. She was overly warm—but that was normal for her now. She felt tired and bloated and annoyed with everything and like she was about to pop.
But thus far no popping had occurred.
“Up to two weeks after the due date is considered normal,” the doctor responded, glancing down at the file she held. “So next Monday would be the earliest I would consider taking any further steps.”
Seth rubbed a hand over his hair. He was dressed in his normal business suit—since he’d left work in order to pick her up from her apartment and drive her to the doctor’s office—and his face was calm. Most people would think he was perfectly composed and disinterested.
But Erin knew him by now, and she could feel the tight frustration simmering below his polished façade.
He continued, explaining to the doctor what he and Erin had been worrying about for the last week, “I’m going out of town on Thursday. We’d counted on my being present for the birth. What if Thursday arrives and she still hasn’t had the baby?”
The doctor’s face twisted, in reflection and reluctance. “That does make it difficult. I know there’s been a trend of convenience inductions, but there are potential complications with medically inducing labor unnecessarily that I believe it’s better to avoid. So, unless there are health concerns that would warrant it, I don’t consider it until two weeks after the due date.” When she registered their frustrated expressions, she added, “If Erin’s not in labor by Wednesday, my best advice would be for you to reschedule your trip.”
Seth didn’t answer. He simply looked away.
Watching him, she wondered again
how he was really dealing with all of this. She knew the mild, agreeable behavior he’d shown her for the last few months couldn’t really reflect all of his true feelings.
He was a complex man, and he’d been alone all his life. Plus, he had lived a certain lifestyle for the last fifteen years that might not easily intersect with having a child.
This couldn’t be easy for him. No matter what he was trying to pretend.
Turning back to the doctor, Erin released a shuddering sigh. “So that’s it? We just wait?”
“I’m afraid so. There’s nothing for you to be worried about, but I understand it’s frustrating, since you’d hoped to have your baby by now.”
That was for sure. Erin had counted on it. She’d known, of course, that first pregnancies—all pregnancies—were often late. She’d just never considered it happening to her.
With Seth going out of town in three days, Erin had rarely wanted anything as desperately as she wanted to get the labor over with.
She wanted to have her daughter and try to settle into her new life.
With this in mind, she asked, “What are your thoughts on natural ways of inducing labor?”
“Ah yes. That question tends to come up at this stage. None of the methods have concrete scientific evidence to support them, but many of them wouldn’t hurt if you’d like to actively do something. At the very least, it would make you feel like you’re not just sitting around doing nothing. I’m sure you’ve heard of many of the most common methods.”
“Some aren’t recommended, I understand?” Seth said.
Dr. Warren nodded. “Castor oil, for instance. Please don’t try that.”
“Eating spicy food?” Erin suggested. That seemed one of the more harmless of the methods she’d read about, and she liked spicy food.
“It won’t hurt, but I highly doubt it would do any good. And, if you happen to go into labor afterwards, you’d have a stomach full of spicy food to contend with, which might reappear in a less appetizing way.”
“Sex?”
The question had been Seth’s, but it had been on Erin’s mind as well. In fact, it was the method she’d thought of first.
“That’s always the most popular,” Dr. Warren answered calmly. “Since Erin’s perfectly healthy, it wouldn’t hurt, as long as you’re careful and as long as her water hasn’t broken.”
“How is sex supposed to induce labor?” Seth pursued, not looking remotely self-conscious by the nature of the conversation. “Is it the contractions from the woman’s orgasm?”
“In part. The orgasm releases oxytocin. Plus ejaculate contains small amounts of prostaglandins, which are hormones which help to ripen the cervix. We use a prostaglandin gel when we medically induce labor. There is no clinical evidence that sex actually causes labor contractions, but women for generations have sworn that it does.” She looked intently at Erin. “If you’re comfortable having sex, it wouldn’t hurt to try, but don’t put too much faith in it, since there’s no guarantee of it working.”
Seth seemed to be avoiding looking at Erin. His eyes shifted from the wall across the room to the doctor’s face, but refused to focus on Erin beside him.
Maybe his avoidance was just in her imagination, though.
He asked, his voice slightly gravelly, “So semen is the key element?”
“One of them, yes. But there’s such an insignificant amount of prostaglandins in human semen that it has no verifiable effect.” She moved her eyes between the two of them, and Erin briefly wondered what the doctor thought of them. She and Seth certainly weren’t the standard-issue couple.
Without betraying any reaction or giving any hint of her assessment of them, Dr. Warren continued, “If you’d like to try, make sure Erin is comfortable. Don’t move too quickly or do anything too rough. Take it easy and don’t stress out about it.”
Erin just stared at the doctor blankly. The last thing she felt like doing right now was have sex—with Seth or anyone else.
“Walking is often something that’s suggested,” the doctor continued, when she saw they had no more questions about the previous topic. “Again, as long as you don’t wear yourself out or try anything too strenuous, it can’t hurt. And some people say that it will help the baby settle better into position, although that's debatable too.”
“I take walks every day,” Erin mumbled, sighing in frustration. “I have throughout my whole pregnancy. It sure hasn’t helped so far.”
“It’s a good thing you’ve stayed in such good shape. You’ll be glad you did later. Some people say walking up stairs does the trick. Some say driving on a bumpy road can get things going, although I’d be careful about that too.”
Erin groaned, “So, in other words, it’s all just speculation.”
“I’m afraid so. Do your best to relax and rest up. And then wait until she’s ready to be born. We’ll keep a close eye on things, but—if everything stays the same—we can talk about induction after Monday.”
Erin wanted to scream, but she just smiled at Dr. Warren as sincerely as she could. It wasn’t her doctor’s fault that her pumpkin didn’t want to come out.
She was constantly uncomfortable and very impatient and really tired of being pregnant, but she wouldn’t have been in such a hurry if Seth hadn’t been going out of town in three days.
They’d known about his trip all along, of course, but neither had thought it would conflict with the baby’s being born. Erin should have known better. Things never went exactly as she hoped.
Last week, she’d asked Seth if his trip could possibly be postponed.
The answer had been no.
Erin hadn’t asked again.
Seth hadn’t said anything for a while, but Erin could feel his presence beside her in the doctor’s office. Wondered what he was thinking. He still seemed rather restless beneath his cool demeanor, but the specifics of what was going through his mind were beyond her comprehension.
She wondered if he was expecting them to have sex when they got home.
She felt hot and huge and sweaty and not sexy at all. The thought of having sex with him in this condition was almost embarrassing. In fact, she had horrified visions of his not even being able to get aroused by her ungainly body. The more she imagined it, the worse the visions became, until Erin almost shuddered at the thought.
They concluded with the doctor and slowly made their way back out to Seth’s car. Erin felt so tired and enormous that she was even clumsier than usual. She stumbled on the step leading out from the building, and Seth had to steady her.
It was all stupid and embarrassing.
When they got in the car and Seth started the ignition, Erin turned to him and asked bluntly, before she lost her nerve, “Did you want to have sex?”
He jerked his head in her direction. “Only if it’s something you’d like to try. It’s up to you.”
“I don’t know. I really enjoyed our previous times together. But now...I don’t know. I think I’d feel weird.”
Seth nodded slowly, his eyes on the road. “Of course. From what the doctor said, it wasn’t likely to work anyway.”
“We still have a few days.” Erin tried to think optimistically and was relieved that Seth wasn’t pushing the sex thing. “The pumpkin will probably make an appearance before you leave town.”
“Very likely.”
She wasn’t sure he believed his own words. In spite of his mild voice and behavior, he still looked kind of tense.
“I know you’ve been planning to be there,” she continued, feeling increasingly strange, emotional, and antsy, although she couldn’t quite figure out why. “But you don’t have to worry about us while you’re gone. We'll both be fine.” She patted her stomach idly as she spoke.
He made a left turn and didn’t reply until the car had straightened out again. “We’ve been planning on my being there.”
“I know. But maybe it’s just as well—if you have to be out of town. You’d probably not have a very good time suffering through
the delivery anyway.”
This caused Seth to shoot her a look. “What does that mean?”
Erin shrugged. She shouldn’t have brought this up at all, but—now that she had—she couldn’t seem to let it go.
She heard herself rambling, “I don’t mean you couldn’t handle it, but are you sure you even want to? It’s not going to be pretty.”
He almost rolled his eyes. “You think I’m expecting it to be a pleasant, peaceful experience?”
“Uh, no. I’m sure you know better than that. But, really, it’s going to be pretty bad. And not just all the pain I’ll be in, although I’m sure I won’t be a fun person to be around. But all kinds of gross things happen in the delivery room.” She was babbling now, mostly because she was suddenly nervous about everything—about going into labor, about having a baby, about Seth, about how her life was irrevocably altered. “The baby part is wonderful and miraculous, I’m sure, but the other stuff...” She made a face, thinking about everything she’d learned about labor over the last months.
Things she’d never even imagined before.
“Other stuff?” Seth prompted dryly.
“Yeah. Other stuff that's not so wonderful. Like I might...I might poop during delivery. Right there, on the bed. In front of everyone." Erin rubbed her face with her hands. Shuddered a little.
Seth had stopped the car at a red light, and at her words he turned to stare at her speechlessly.
Responding to his expression, she nodded her head. “Yep. A lot of women do. Apparently, it’s perfectly normal, although I've never heard anyone talk about it. And, if you were there, you’d have to...experience it.”
She was trying to speak lightly, casually, but she didn’t feel that way. Of all the things she feared about labor, this was one of the worst. As trivial as the worry might be, she couldn’t seem to shake it.
And the worst was the idea that Seth might be there to witness it.
But she tried to hide her anxiety as she continued, “It happens all the time. You’re pushing in the same way, you know. So, if anything’s there to come out—”
“I’ve done my research as well,” Seth said, his voice unusually cold. “I know what to expect in the delivery room.”
