by C. A. Harms
Maybe it was wrong of me to keep stringing him along because he really was a good guy. The sex was great. Not earth shattering but good. He was attentive but a little too caring and particular. For one, we never had sex anywhere other than his bed or mine. Even when I attempted to initiate it in the living room or even on the kitchen counter, he would always slow things down and guide me to the nearest bed. Our relationship was missing that passion I craved, lacking that hunger I needed. I wanted the tearing of clothes, bumping into things, knocking them to the floor kind of heated sex.
I knew I was settling, but I kept holding on to the idea that maybe, with time, we could get there.
I’d started avoiding home, or Brooklet, I should say. It would always be home to me, even though I worked and currently lived in Statesboro. So many things had been happening there, and though I’d kept in touch, I’d only actually visited a time or two.
I’d missed the last two big dinners, and when Rhett announced that he was going to be a father, I didn’t go there to congratulate him but instead called him and talked for over an hour with him and AJ. They’d hit a rough patch, but now that they’d worked it all out, the family was ecstatic about the arrival of the newest member of our big, crazy family.
I told myself that not going home was because life was just too busy. The truth was, I was avoiding Mikey. I saw the way he looked at Tom when I’d introduced them at the bar. He was pissed, his jaw ticking the way it did when he was barely hanging on to his anger.
I’d also run into him a few times at the hospital, and there had been this weird awkwardness between us. I missed him, but I thought the distance was for the best. Something had shifted between us; things had changed.
My shift was over, and I was standing outside of the front entrance of the hospital waiting for Tom. There was a light drizzle, so I pulled my jacket’s hood up over my head, doing my best to stay under the awning. The problem was, the rain mixed with the wind made it impossible to remain completely shielded.
I turned around, fully intending to slip back inside and wait, when I saw Mike walking in my direction. My body froze, knowing I really didn’t have anywhere to go.
This had never been an issue with us before. We’d always been confident and comfortable enough to say what was on our minds and to ask the questions we’d needed answers to. But this unsettled feeling between us was crippling.
I saw the moment he noticed me standing there, and by the way he stumbled just a bit, I knew he was feeling the same things I was. We stood less than twenty feet apart, staring at one another, him inside and me just outside the doors.
A nauseated feeling hit me, and I knew if I didn’t do something to ease this tension, I would be hunched over, getting sick from the rapid nervous energy I felt. So, with a shaky hand, I offered him a wave, hoping he didn’t notice the tremble.
Something passed over his face. He looked over his shoulder and back at me. The sick feeling returned with vengeance when I thought maybe he was considering walking away. Then he began to walk toward me once more, and the closer he got, the more my heart raced.
Adrenaline coursing through me, I concentrated on breathing evenly until he paused before me. “Hey.” I sensed the nervousness in his voice, and it made me feel a little better knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling so off kilter.
“How was your shift?”
“Long.” He smiled, and again, I felt that pull in my chest. Mike had always had a really great smile. “Car accident with little children inside.” He started to tell me about his day, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like we were back to normal. “Their mother was taken in for emergency surgery, and I spent three hours stitching up the kids, assuring them that their mother would be okay.” I imagined Mike soothing the little kids then all of them sitting on a hospital bed while he sat on a stool before him. His calming voice, kind eyes, and yes, that smile.
“She’s in a medically induced coma due to the swelling in her brain.” He said this with such sadness. “When their dad arrived, I watched as he held the three of them and they all cried together.”
Stepping closer, I placed my hand on his arm, and his gaze followed my movements. I started to pull my hand back, but he placed his over mine and just held it in place.
“Where’s your boyfriend?”
I tilted my head, looking at him, seeing the redness in his eyes for the first time. The light from the parking light reflected off him at the perfect angle. I wasn’t sure if it was due to being tired or from the compassion for the family he’d just told me about.
“I figured that’s who you’re out here waiting on. Because I know it wasn’t me.”
“Hey.” I didn’t know what possessed me, but I pulled my hand from beneath his and placed it on his cheek. The roughness of his stubble against my palm tickled. “What happened to us? We used to be so close, but now, we barely talk.”
Silence settled once more, and I noticed the way he leaned into my touch.
I heard the doors slide open behind him, and we both looked back to see Tom exiting with his phone pressed to his ear. I felt disappointed, and I knew Mike did too. I could see it in his eyes when he shifted back to face me. Grabbing my hand, he pulled it away from his face and kissed my palm. Chills ran up my arm, over my shoulder, and across my upper back. Then he reached out, pulled me in for a hug, and whispered near my ear, “He’s not good enough for you.”
Pulling back too soon, he walked past me, leaving me stunned and even more confused.
“What was that all about?” Tom paused, looking over my shoulder in the direction of the parking lot then back to me.
I was still so lost in what Mike had just said, I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. “He had a mother with three children come in today from a bad car accident. It hit him pretty hard.” I shrugged. “Never easy when kids are involved.”
“It’s all part of the job.” Tom took my hand in his and led me toward his car, all while I stared at the back of his head. His compassion, though it was there at times, was nothing compared to Mike’s. I knew that was one of the many reasons what I had going with Tom would never last. I didn’t respect him the way I wanted to respect the man I chose to spend my life with. And I knew I never would.
Chapter Eight
More Than Six Months Later
Mike
I’d been home for a while now, long enough for a lot of things to change. One of the biggest things was that Rhett was now a father. AJ was the best things to happen to him. She’s a great girl, and though it wasn’t easy to get where they were, it was worth it. She was part of the family—our big, crazy, messed-up family.
We liked to tease her about when she actually got pregnant. Well, I liked to tease her. So many times, I ran interference so she and Rhett weren’t found going at it in the unfinished apartment above the garage. It was finished now, but during the time of remodeling, there was a time, or ten, that I’d distracted Reed or Colton, sometimes, even my dad. Each time, though, sweet AJ gave it away. If it wasn’t her embarrassed blush, it was that fact that she hadn’t verified before exiting if she had her shirt on backwards or even inside out. The girl was a mess, and when she got nervous, she talked a mile a minute. It was always a dead giveaway. She couldn’t keep a secret. And she had absolutely no future in acting.
After all the heartache and joy, though, we all found ourselves pulled together once more to share a beautiful day.
We all stood around the bed, watching Rhett and AJ show off their son. He was so small with so much black hair. The women cooed, and the men stared on, proud of Rhett and the man he’d become.
When I left more than nine years ago, he was such a little shit. Rough and crazy, always trying to find the next round of trouble. Now here he was, a man, a father.
I’d seen some shit over the years, things that had made me question the purpose of life. I’d seen suffering and torture, and I would admit those times made me harder. They’d made me distant and c
allous even. But being back in Brooklet with my family, life once again had meaning for me. My family wasn’t blood relation to me, but the bond we all shared was unbreakable. We were solid, strong, and I was proud to be part of it. But though I was surrounded by so much love and support, it never really dulled the ache I’d felt from the loss of my own parents.
Did I want a life like Rhett now had? No, I was happy enough to see those around me experience those joys. I wasn’t the kind of guy who enjoyed movies on the couch or picnics near the water. I was more of a search out the woman who wanted nothing more than a roll in the sheets and move on kind of guy. Detachment—it was who I was, who I wanted to be. It was easier that way.
“He looks just like you did, Rhett,” my aunt Kori announced, and the tears rolling down her cheeks made my throat feel raw. I watched as she and Rhett shared a knowing glance, and I understood what they were thinking. Rhett was the spitting image of his biological father, Blake, who this little bundle was named after. They’d lost him on the same day Rhett was born. So mentioning that Blake looked like Rhett meant he looked like Rhett’s father too.
It was a bittersweet moment they shared, and Reed understood as he wrapped his arm around Kori’s shoulder and pulled her in close. He’d whispered something near her ear that made her smile just before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. I’d admired the guy, always had. He loved Kori so deeply that he’d openly welcomed the memory of Blake, Rhett’s father, in his home too. There was no room for jealousy, only acceptance.
“What’s his middle name?” the dark-haired beauty, also known as Raven, at AJ’s side asked.
“Reed,” Rhett announced, and all eyes turned toward Reed. “We wanted him to be named after the two men who gave me life. One who I feel like is watching over me, though he can’t be seen, and the other who watched over me and showed me how to be the man I am today.”
There were only a few times I’d ever seen Reed choked up. Once was when my mom was rushed to the hospital after I had to make a call to 911 when she was pregnant with my brother, and the second time was when Grace was born. Yet, there he stood, his nostrils flared as he attempted to fight the tears in his eyes, staring back at Rhett.
“I’m honored.” He’d finally been able to speak the words before he stepped forward to hug Rhett and offer AJ a kiss on the cheek.
“I knew you weren’t as closed off as you tried to convince everyone you are.” I looked away from Reed and Rhett and locked eyes with Raven, her bright green eyes shining with her own emotions. “I think I may have just got a glimpse of the soft guy inside you."
“There isn’t a soft thing about me, sweetheart. You’re mistaken.” I watched the way her eyes roped over me, slowly downward, then back up before she found my gaze once more.
“You put up a good front, Mike.” She took a step toward me, squaring off with me. “But you’re not fooling me. There’s a side of you that I think you keep hidden, but I may be tempted enough to show you that the right girl can bring it out.”
“So you’re the right girl?”
She shrugged. “I may be. Or I may just be a glutton for punishment.” She bit her lip, and I did my best to be unaffected. Her forwardness, I’d admit, had always been somewhat of a turn-on. The woman had no filter. “But whether I can bring out that sweet side of you or am only met with the dark and dangerous, something tells me the ride will be one I won’t forget.”
“Are you propositioning me in a hospital room, full of my family and yours?” Again, she shrugged. “Challenge accepted, Raven,” I whispered in return, my voice low and husky. “But don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”
“I’m tougher than I look, Mike,” she declared. “You should take this as my warning to you.”
I looked up over Raven’s shoulder to find Maddison smiling at me, but I could sense the smile was forced. She and I had finally reached the point where we could talk again. I still felt that we were both forcing it, trying to forget all the awkward moments of our past, but the longer I sat back watching her with that douche she was dating, it became even harder to not react.
When she’d told me that she’d ended things with him a little over a month ago, I’d admit, on the inside, I was fucking celebrating. I meant what I said when I told her she was too good for him.
“I have no doubt that you’re tough, Raven,” I finally replied, pulling my gaze away from Maddison. “I think it’s me who would have a problem handling you.” The woman smiled proudly, thinking this was my way of flirting with her, so I let her have it. Truth was, I just wasn’t all that interested. I’d questioned myself several times over the last months as to why that was. Raven was a beauty. She was strong and confident, and maybe I should have given it a chance. But every time I thought of doing just that, it all came down to one thing.
A dark-haired, brown-eyed beauty I couldn’t seem to shake.
Chapter Nine
Mike
“Where’s Dad?” I paused next to Garrett and blocked my little brother’s view of the television. Nothing was better at getting him worked up.
“Move, man.” He swatted at me, moving his body from side to side. “I’m gonna die, you asshole.”
“You’re gonna get more than that if you don’t watch your mouth.” Maria, my mother, the woman who took me in and loved me like her own when she didn’t have to, stepped into the room. She glared at the back of my brother’s head, making me laugh. The almighty Maria, tiny but fierce as a grizzly. “You may get away with that when I’m not home, but I hear you talk like that again, I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.”
Garrett snickered, and she was on him like a leech. His ear pinched between her thumb and forefinger, he twisted at an awkward angle, trying to move with her as she tugged.
“I’m sorry, Mamma,” he pleaded with her, making me smile. Just ammo for another time, I thought to myself. “Mike started it.”
“All I did was ask where Dad was.” I held my hands up and shrugged innocently. “You got all feisty because you couldn’t see those games you’re addicted to.”
Garrett glared at me, and when Maria turned her back, I flipped him off.
“Mike just gave me the finger, Ma,” he whined, huffing when she chose to ignore his fit.
“Your dad’s over at Bud and Gemma’s.” I followed Mom into the kitchen, deciding I’d harassed Garrett enough for one day. “One of the bulls rammed the fence, and the neighbors called to tell them they had seven of their cows roaming down by the creek.”
“Maybe that’s where Rhett is too?”
She shrugged, lifting the bag of garbage out of the bin and tying it off.
“Here, let me take that out.” I reached to take it from her, and she gave me a motherly kiss on my cheek. “I’ll drive over that way and see if I can offer some help.”
As I turned to leave, I heard her say something along the lines of me being so respectful, and I hid my smile. Still, to this day, even though I was a grown man, the approval of my mother—and my father, for that matter—was something I couldn’t get enough of.
On the drive over to the farm, I turned up my music and rolled down the windows in my old truck. It was a hand-me-down from Gavin, my father. It was his big-ass black Ford, lifted and mean and definitely used, but reliable. There was an ongoing joke about my brother being made in this very truck that made me cringe. I refused to accept it because that little shit wasn’t gonna ruin my impression of my beast. She was my baby.
As I drove up the gravel road, the big country house that held so many childhood memories of mine came into view. White house, black shutters, the front door painted a rustic red, it always gave me that sense of home. Gemma and Bud never once treated me like I was anything other than a blood grandson. They were good people, hearts bigger than anyone I knew, and enough love to supply an army.
As I rounded the first bend, I saw my father’s red truck, then Rhett’s beat-up Chevy. In the mix of all the big trucks was a Colorado, much smaller than the rest. A shade of blue
that should never have been placed on any vehicle, in my opinion. It was hideous.
Maddison was never one to hide in the shadows, though. She refused to fit in. She was strong and opinionated. If she had something to say, she said it. Be damned the consequences she would have to face later. She didn’t let them stop her.
I pulled in behind my father and climbed out of my truck, only to be met by Bones, a ten-year-old Shepard who followed Bud everywhere.
“You come to help me wrangle up some cows?” As I figured, Gramps wasn’t too far behind the dog. I watched as he loaded up some tools on his four-wheeler then slapped the empty space just behind his seat. He’d turned the back end of his wheeler into a dog cart, one that Bones could sit up in without falling off when he gunned his ATV. “We could use all the hands we can get. Damn bull did a number to that fence. That bastard’s been putting in some overtime, it seems. We’ve found about five spots where he’s been ramming the fence.”
“Sure, Gramps,” I said, walking toward the barn.
“Maddison’s got your wheeler. You’ll have to take the turd.” And with that, he was off, leaving me staring after him. Instantly, the dark-haired girl filled my mind, and her satisfied smirk, knowing she’d left me to suffer, was all I could see. Maddison loved to torture us guys, especially me and Rhett, more so than the others. She’d lightened up on Rhett, though, now that AJ and a baby she could aww over were in the picture.
“You know Mad.” Gemma surprised me when she stepped up to my side, holding a bucket of what appeared to be flower bulbs. “She hates Ol’ Penny.” She patted me on the shoulder, walking off toward her flower bed on the left side of the house, laughing at the discomfort on my face at the thought of my impending doom.
Penny was a beat-up, putt-putt four-wheeler. Slow as shit, smoked like a chimney, and did I mention the damn thing was purple? All of us boys designated her as the one the girls got, while we claimed all the bad-ass ATVs. Maddison always fought us on it. Always.
