by Elia Winters
Too bad what she really wanted was closeness.
* * *
Scarlett had not anticipated what a fancy wedding this would be. Everything was a whirlwind of top-tier extravagance, from the gorgeous flowers filling the room of the wedding itself to Juliet’s spectacular gown. A few times throughout the evening, Megan audibly gasped near her—at the sight of Juliet coming down the aisle, later at the lavish decor of the reception hall, at the giant ice sculpture of a pair of doves. Privately, Scarlett thought it was a little over-the-top, but Megan seemed to be really into all of it.
“It’s really something, huh?” Scarlett asked as they searched for their seats at the reception.
“It’s unbelievable, that’s what it is.” Megan laughed. “I mean, it’s gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever see. But it must have cost a fortune.”
Scarlett automatically pulled out Megan’s chair for her, not realizing what she’d done until Megan already sat down. Oops. That was definitely a relationship thing, not a friend thing. She’d have to be more careful.
“If I ever get married,” Scarlett said, taking her own seat, “I want something small. Maybe a backyard party, or an event at a park. No big extravaganza.”
Megan sighed, resting her chin on her hand and looking wistfully at the room. “I used to think I wanted a big event like this, but now I don’t know. Maybe if I married somebody rich like Juliet did with Gabriel. But I can’t see that in the cards.”
“Do you think you’ll ever get married?”
Megan smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I don’t know.” Her gaze drifted toward the windows that overlooked the setting sun.
God, Megan was beautiful. Her lilac dress hugged all of her curves and flowed gracefully to the floor like a lace waterfall, and she’d put her hair up in an elegant twist that Scarlett had helped pin into place this afternoon. She looked like a movie star, like Audrey Hepburn or some other classic film actress. Scarlett had thought Megan was cute, but she really was more than cute. She was beautiful. How could someone be so beautiful, and so smart, and still be single? Scarlett didn’t want Megan to be alone. She wanted to confess her love, to apologize anew for all the ways in which she’d been hurtful, to kiss those petal-soft lips and ask Megan to stay with her forever.
She was rescued from these dangerous thoughts by more people joining them at the table, finding their seats and introducing themselves. Fortunately, Juliet had seated them with people who spoke English, albeit with some gorgeous French accents. Apparently, they were some of Juliet and Gabriel’s college friends, several singles and a couple, folks who knew each other but went out of their way to make Megan and Scarlett feel part of the conversation rather than just talking about their college days. They were all beautiful people, all in their mid-to-late twenties, and in another situation, Scarlett could see herself hitting on one of several of the single guys or definitely the woman, Victoria. Tonight, though, all she could think about was Megan.
Megan excused herself to go get a drink from the open bar, leaving Scarlett alone with the rest of the table. “So, how long have you two been together?” asked Henri, one of the single guys.
Scarlett stared at him blankly for a moment before realizing his meaning. “What, me and Megan?” She looked back over her shoulder out of reflex, catching sight of where Megan was talking to the bartender. “We’re—” She paused, wanting badly to lie, to make up some story about their beautiful and non-existent romance. “We’re just friends,” she finally said, the words feeling strangled in her throat. “We’ve been friends most of our lives.”
Henri’s eyebrows went up, then drew together in a look of puzzlement. “I’m sorry. I misunderstood.”
“That’s all right.” Scarlett tried to laugh. It sounded forced. “So. Uh. Tell me about what you do for work.”
Megan came back midway through Victoria’s story about something hilarious that had happened at work the previous week, and she slid a glass in front of Scarlett.
“What’s this?” Scarlett asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the story.
“I figured you’d want something, so I got you their specialty drink. It’s a little bit sweet, a little bit sour, the kind of thing you like.” Megan looked hesitant. “Is that okay?”
Scarlett smiled. “Thanks.” Megan got her a drink, and she’d given thought to what Scarlett would like. The way any friend would, a little voice reminded her.
As the meals arrived, the rest of the table drifted into conversation about something related to college, giving Megan and Scarlett some time to talk quietly together. “You know,” Scarlett said, because she couldn’t not say it, “they thought we were together.”
“Really?” Megan raised her eyebrows and glanced at the rest of the table. “I guess that’s not so strange. We came together. And we do match.”
Scarlett looked down at her gray velvet suit. She hadn’t been thinking of Megan’s dress when she bought the purple camisole to go under it, but it pretty obviously looked like they dressed to match. “I didn’t even notice that.”
“I thought you did it on purpose.” Megan flushed and took a sip of her drink.
Scarlett’s stomach clenched in longing. She was going to say something, she was going to say how beautiful Megan was and how she wanted everything to be real between them, but she was saved by the arrival of Juliet and Gabriel.
“Look at you both!” Juliet swept Scarlett and Megan into one crushing hug, and all their years of friendship came rushing back in an instant. They’d been inseparable, the three of them, making this friendship work during the years when most friendships fell apart. And then Juliet had moved away, and Megan and Scarlett had stayed close...until they weren’t.
They’d wasted so many years.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t get to see you before the wedding today,” Juliet said, stepping back and looking between Scarlett and Megan. “I thought I’d have more time. It’s been a blur.”
“It’s all right,” Megan said. “We thought we’d be in days ago.”
“That snowstorm, right?” Juliet shook her head, little curled tendrils bouncing around her face. “It passed just south of us. Lots of guests couldn’t fly in until the last minute. I am so glad you’re here.”
She introduced Gabriel, who seemed nice enough, and he looked at Juliet like she was the most incredible woman in the world and he was lucky to be married to her. That was how all spouses should look at each other. They caught up briefly, the abbreviated conversations of any newly-married couple trying to visit everyone at the reception, and then she and Megan said goodbye with promises to talk more as they made their way to the rest of the table.
“They look wonderful.” Megan smiled at Juliet and Gabe’s retreating forms once they moved onto another group. “It’s good to see her happy. I’m glad we came.”
Scarlett went back to eating. “It’s kind of weird, though right? We do this whole drive, just for today. For this brief time, to support them, and then they’re off and we don’t see them again.”
“I know. The wedding is the culmination of this trip, but it’s kind of anticlimactic.” Megan gave Scarlett a long, searching look, and then went back to her meal.
By the time they finished dessert, and after two more trips to the open bar, Scarlett was feeling the alcohol more than a bit. The dance floor was starting to fill up as the music got louder. She leaned into Megan. “You want to dance?”
Megan made a face. “I’m not drunk enough for that.”
“So have another drink.” Scarlett smiled.
Megan rolled her eyes. “Okay, sure, I’ll dance.”
They moved out onto the floor together, joining the throng moving along to the music. Megan was a competent enough dancer, letting loose as the song went on, laughing at the way Scarlett deliberately exaggerated her movements. She wanted to make Megan l
augh like that forever.
The next song was slow, some melodramatic ballad in French that definitely sounded like a boy band from when they were in elementary school. Scarlett pulled Megan in close with a dramatic flair, singing in her made-up-French. “Oui...madame...le baguette...bonjour...”
Megan started laughing so hard she started to snort, which made her laugh even harder, but she didn’t pull out of Scarlett’s arms. And then they were dancing, actually dancing, laughter dying away as they moved together to whatever ridiculous, saccharine song this was. This was silly, and at the same time, Scarlett didn’t want it to end. When she turned, they were looking right into each other’s eyes.
The song ended, fading right into something else that was far more peppy and upbeat, and Megan stepped back and swallowed. “I’m gonna go...use the bathroom.” She gestured vaguely at the door.
Scarlett nodded and let her go.
Almost immediately, an older woman sidled up to her, smiling broadly and lazily with the look of someone who had had a few too many glasses of wine. She yelled something in French, but Scarlett had to stammer that she didn’t understand. “You and your girlfriend are adorable!” the woman repeated, this time in heavily accented English.
“Thank you.” Scarlett didn’t bother to correct her, her attention still on Megan as she left.
Chapter Sixteen
Megan stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. This was one of those overly elaborate powder room–style bathrooms, with an entire sitting area and a wall of large ornate mirrors, but she was fortunately alone as she made direct eye contact with herself and tried to calm her racing heart. All these feelings were the result of lowered inhibitions brought on by too much proximity and too much alcohol. That’s why Scarlett kept looking at her with those deep, longing looks, and why Megan hadn’t turned her away. Scarlett had been pretty clear in their car rides: she falls in love with everybody. The problem was, she might think she was in love with Megan.
Megan could not be in love with Scarlett.
She left her reflection to rest in one of the sitting room chairs—seriously, who had a bathroom antechamber?—and fiddled with the armrests. She just needed to gather her thoughts. Scarlett was too close to her after they’d slept together (twice, Megan amended) and that’s why they’d decided to keep their distance. Megan didn’t want to be in love with Scarlett! Scarlett was fickle and capricious. She’d thrown Megan’s friendship away over ego, and maybe she’d worked to make amends for it, but who’s to say that wouldn’t happen again? Scarlett had broken her heart, once.
Could Megan ever trust her again?
Megan was going to wear through the fabric of the armrests, so she made herself get up instead and went to fix her lipstick in the mirror. Her hands shook, and she had to lean down and rest her elbows on the counter in order not to screw it up. Scarlett had fixed her lipstick, once. Scarlett had helped her with her hair, too, pinning the strands into place with deft, deliberate fingers.
Those deft, deliberate fingers had been useful in other ways, and Megan’s cheeks grew hot at the memory.
No. She was going back in there, but she was going to keep her emotional distance, and maintain this friendship, and ignore all the hormones and dangerous impulses that she’d spent her entire life trying to avoid.
Head held high, she returned to the wedding.
Scarlett’s face lit up when Megan walked back in. She’d been staring off to one side, but at Megan’s entrance, her gaze tracked onto her like a homing beacon as she smiled. A quiet voice in Megan’s head reminded her that no one else had ever looked at her like that. Her boyfriends, her girlfriends, her one-night sexual partners, nobody looked at her like she was the sun and the moon and the stars.
“I thought you’d be dancing with somebody else by now,” Megan said, sliding into her chair, the heat from Scarlett’s arm somehow tangible across the inches of space between them.
Scarlett shook her head. “I got asked, but I’m not in the mood for that.” She pushed a water glass over to Megan. “I thought you might want an ice water. I got one, too. Don’t want a hangover tomorrow.”
“Are you drunk?” If Scarlett was drunk, it would be easier to excuse these feelings.
But Scarlett shook her head. “Nah. I wouldn’t drive, but I’m fine. Thinking clearly.” She gave another of those beautiful, lazy smiles to Megan. Megan was very grateful for that water, and guzzled some of it down.
“You want to dance again?” Scarlett asked.
Megan shook her head. She kind of did want to, but being so close to Scarlett was making her want things that she shouldn’t want. And instead of saying she didn’t want to dance at all, she said, “Not right now,” and cursed herself for that weakness. “You go, though. I’ll sit here.”
Scarlett looked between the dance floor and Megan, visibly deciding. An upbeat pop song came over the speakers, then, and Scarlett made up her mind and got to her feet. “Come join me if you change your mind,” she said, and joined the crowd on the dance floor.
Megan was content to watch. Scarlett wasn’t dancing with anyone in particular, gyrating and jumping around with an abandon that Megan couldn’t ever match. She was vivacious and untamed and beautiful, and she looked smoking hot in that suit that Megan wanted to run her hands all over. Damn, she should do something about these hormones. Because that’s what it was, right? Hormones.
It took Megan a moment to realize Juliet had slid into the empty seat next to her. “Hey,” Juliet said.
“Hi!” Megan gave Juliet another hug, reaching awkwardly across the empty space. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. Just taking a break from all the mingling and the dancing.” She squeezed Megan’s hand. “I wanted to say again how good it is to see you two.”
“Thanks. I’m glad we could come.”
Juliet looked fantastic, still, even after dancing for the last few songs. She was glowing. “How was the road trip? Looks like you and Scarlett got pretty close, right?” Her eyes sparkled, and she nudged Megan. “You could’ve told me.”
“What do you mean?”
Juliet looked between Megan and Scarlett, who was out on the dance floor. “You’re together now, right? I saw you dancing.”
Megan’s face must be crimson. “Oh. Um...no, not...not really.” To be anywhere but here right now.
Juliet covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I thought... I shouldn’t have assumed. I got so excited, I got carried away.”
“It’s all right. We’ve been getting that a lot, lately.” Megan swallowed and tried to look nonchalant about it. “Your wedding is beautiful. And the food was fantastic. I can’t believe you put this together in such a short time frame. I was expecting something small.”
“It blew me away, too, to be honest. Gabe’s father has worked with so many organizations, he was able to call in a lot of favors all at once. And now, look at us.” She sighed happily before looking over at Megan, something in Megan’s expression making her shift from happiness to concern. “Are you doing all right, Megan? I know we never talk anymore, but I want that to change. I think of you and Scarlett all the time. I’ve been terrible about keeping in touch.” Juliet took both of Megan’s hands in hers.
“I’ve been the same. I’m good, Juliet. I really am. I’m doing fine.” It was hard to shrink away or deflect with Juliet’s open honesty looking her right in the eye. “I’m figuring out what’s next for me.”
Juliet nodded empathetically. “Transitions are hard. Sometimes, getting your routine shaken up is just what you need to see everything more clearly.”
Megan squeezed Juliet’s hand. “That’s a comforting thought. I’ve had enough of a shakeup.”
Juliet looked at something past Megan’s shoulder, then gave her hand a return squeeze. “Gabe’s calling me over, and I’ve gotta run. Don’t be a stranger, all right? Keep in touch. We’d lov
e to have you come out this summer and stay with us, if you’d like. You and Scarlett both.”
“That would be nice. Thank you.” Megan could picture them visiting the city again in the summer, walking through the streets, eating at outdoor cafes. In all those mental images, she walked alongside Scarlett. The image was hard to swallow down. She said her goodbyes to Juliet, wrapping her up in another hug, and then let her go.
Scarlett was still out there dancing. She caught Megan’s eye and beckoned, but Megan shook her head and gestured to the door. Scarlett frowned and tipped her head to the side, but Megan turned away and left.
She’d only gotten a few steps into their shared hotel room when the door opened behind her, and Scarlett came in with her brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“I’m tired,” Megan lied, lighting her orange candle on the windowsill. “I’m all wedding-ed out.”
Scarlett was still frowning when Megan made eye contact again, her expression indicating she did not believe a word of what Megan was saying. “What?” Megan sounded more defensive than she intended, but she struggled to rein it in. “Not everybody wants to party the night away like you do.”
“It’s barely nine. Things are still going strong up there.” Scarlett folded her arms. “Is it me? Do you just want a break from me?”
“It’s not always about you, Scarlett.” Megan tossed the matches down onto the table. She slipped off her shoes, the Berber carpet rough against her bare feet, and stared out the window so she didn’t have to look at Scarlett.
The silence stretched out behind her, and as Megan knew she would, Scarlett finally spoke. “I kinda feel like it’s about me this time.”
Megan spun, anger rising suddenly inside her like a hot wave. “Maybe it is a little bit about you, yeah. Everybody thinks I’m your girlfriend.”
