by C. J. Anaya
It felt as if a great knife had hollowed out my insides as Musubi abruptly turned from me and walked back to his sword. He bent forward, picked it up and then kept his back to me while he sheathed it. He continued facing the other way, and I saw the exaggerated rise and fall of his shoulders as he took several deep breaths. Once he turned around to face me, his wall was up and his mask firmly in place.
I had no idea if I would be able to dislodge it again.
“Once you have found your center, you are ready to focus your own inherent energy or ki. Your inner energy is an extension of your will and ability to neutralize an attack. I wish I could tell you that you won’t have to injure or possibly kill anyone who may attack you. This is war, and the emperor’s men will kill you if given the chance, but it is more important for you to subdue your attacker and evade the ensuing confrontation altogether. The extension of your ki will play a very large part in your ability to do so.”
I did my best to focus on what Musubi was saying, but I was still reeling from everything left unexplored and unsaid between us.
“I want you to stand straight and tall, but relaxed, allowing the weight of your upper body to descend naturally. Focus on that weight being maintained at your core in your lower abdomen, and keep still as you find your center. It matters very little how long it takes for you to achieve this so long as you do.”
“How will I know when I have found this balance within myself?” I asked, feeling confused, overwhelmed, and affected by his presence.
“You’ll know when you no longer feel the need to ask.”
I wasn’t happy with his evasive answer, but I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing my upper body, finding my center and focusing on that one spot within me. I considered Musubi’s speech of impartiality, a dispassionate look at my own life’s crumbling circumstances, and knew at that moment I needed to rein in my emotions where Musubi was concerned or I would never accomplish the task he had just set before me.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood, perfectly still, focused on one point within myself where my own ki’s energy pooled together, but I soon heard Musubi’s voice as if from a great distance giving me more instruction.
“I want you to draw a thin stream of air through your nose, and allow it to fill the whole of you before exhaling out.”
I did as I was told, and for several minutes I felt as if I were in my own world where nothing could penetrate my focus and clarity.
I heard Musubi’s voice, again from a great distance. “Open your eyes, Mikomi, and tell me what you see.”
I opened them slowly and wondered if Musubi had placed a dark cloth over my eyes. It took me a moment to realize the sun had set completely, and we were blanketed in darkness with only the light from the moon giving me any sense of where I stood. I couldn’t believe so much time had passed when it felt as if I had only been meditating for mere minutes.
I scanned the darkness, searching for my teacher, and found him standing next to me.
“How much time has passed?” I asked.
“Four hours, Mikomi.” He sounded angry, but I failed to understand why until he spoke again. “Never, in my entire life have I ever had a student find their center and focus their ki as quickly as you have. Your ability is almost inhuman.”
My thoughts raced for some kind of logical explanation. “I’m a woman of medicine, Musubi. It is important for me to understand the energies surrounding myself and the person with whom I am treating. This is merely a natural extension of what I already do.”
I waited, hoping my explanation might be sufficient. My eyes were nearly blinded as a torch was lit. Musubi stuck it in a hole on one of the broken buildings. He then returned, looking troubled and pensive.
“Are you really going to berate me for exceeding your expectations?” I asked, arching my eyebrow at him.
He looked startled for a moment, and then a slow smile spread across his face. “I suppose I should be used to it by now, little healer.”
I gave him an answering smile in return. “Perhaps you do not give your teaching methods enough credit.”
He took my hand in his and softly rubbed his thumb against the inside of my wrist. I decided right then and there that finding my center was going to be an invaluable technique whenever I found myself in his presence.
“Or perhaps you’re more capable than either of us supposed.” The torchlight glinted against the frosty blue of his eyes.
“And this troubles you, Musubi?”
“More than you could possibly know.” He lifted my wrist to his lips and softly kissed it before releasing me. “We shall continue our training tomorrow. Goodnight, little healer.” He disappeared before I could overcome my shock at the affection he had demonstrated. I stood in the torchlight, unwilling to leave this brave new world I had joined, this part of my life that had become so important to me. I wanted to stay in those ruins with Musubi for the rest of my life, forget about my heavy burdens and responsibilities as the only individual on this earth capable of foiling the plans of a powerful demon god.
I stared at the flickering flames of the torchlight as it created intricate shadows against the stone wall, and my eyes filled with unshed tears. I didn’t allow them to fall, however. Instead, I turned my back on the flames consuming the torch-wood and found Kenji and my guards waiting patiently to accompany me home.
Chapter Thirteen
“Your body cannot create new life if your own life is so sorely depleted,” I said as I examined my new patient in Daiki’s tavern. She was a young girl, fifteen at most, and suffering from what most of my father’s subjects suffered, a severe lack of food. Her body could not produce enough nutrients and hormones to continue with her pregnancy. There were many things I could do with my gift, but I couldn’t create nutrition out of thin air.
I did my best to strengthen the mother’s bodily functions and that of her baby’s and then handed her several coins, instructing her to use them to buy what she would need in order to feed herself and her child.
She gave me a grateful hug and left the tavern through the back door. I stared after her and worried about her future and that of her unborn child.
“You cannot save everyone, Mikomi,” Daiki said as he sat down next to me.
“Daiki, I’m The Healer. Technically, the only thing I’m supposed to do is save everyone.” I rubbed my tired eyes with the back of my hand. I had slept fitfully the night before, even with Aiko’s sleeping draught. Visions of Musubi and Katsu at war with one another stayed with me all throughout the night, and my day had not gone much better.
Katsu’s sword had notified him of a weakening in the veil far away from our location, and he had departed immediately, leaving a brief note explaining his departure. I couldn’t understand why his failure to visit me to bid me farewell should irk me so when I didn’t have feelings for him.
My training with Musubi had consisted of more meditation. I think it was his way of preventing us from having further discussions or maintaining eye contact for any length of time. He was determined to keep me at arm’s length during our entire session. It left me feeling dissatisfied and irritable.
“Were you able to leave the palace easily?” Daiki asked.
“Yes. With Katsu gone and my father visiting dignitaries in a different part of the province, I have no one who might unexpectedly demand my presence.” I turned to study my friend, noting the dark circles under his eyes. “Daiki, you look tired. Is everything well with you and your family?”
“Well enough. I’m merely having trouble sleeping lately. New babies have a sleeping schedule all their own.”
I smiled as understanding hit me. “Yes, I can imagine sleep is now considered a fleeting luxury.”
We both chuckled at this and then sat in companionable silence for a few moments.
It didn’t take too long for my thoughts to travel back to the young lady I had just helped.
“I hope she will be able to continue with her pregnancy. The money I gave h
er should be sufficient for her needs. I wish I could have done more.”
“Hatsumi and I will look out for her. Her husband is with the rebels right now, but I know he checks in on her every now and then.”
I shook my head. “These people cannot continue like this. How many more will starve to death, and how many more soldiers will be slaughtered due to my father’s tyrannical rule?” I rested my head on the table, feeling dejected. “How do we stop this, Daiki? What is healing the veil going to accomplish if people in my kingdom are dying from things as unnecessary and preventable as starvation?”
Daiki placed a hand on my back and gave it a comforting pat. “You are needed here, Mikomi. I’ve told you as much. You could change all of this for these people, and you have access to the information the rebels need to take down your father. I have faith that between you and the rebels, we’ll see an end to this insufferable situation.”
I nodded but kept my head against the cool wood table. I didn’t want to ponder on all the things Akane and Daiki expected me to accomplish. I just wanted to close my eyes and imagine my life as someone else.
“Is there something else troubling you, Mikomi? You seem fatigued, and your ki doesn’t usually allow you to feel that for long.”
My eyebrows narrowed as I thought about Daiki’s observation. “You’re right. I’m more tired than usual, but I can’t account for it. It feels as if my ki is struggling to replace necessary nutrients within my body, but I’m not certain what I could be lacking. I haven’t changed what I consume.”
“But you have been more physically active than you’re used to. Perhaps you need to replenish your body with a heavier meal.”
“That’s true. I’m sure things will improve if I eat a little more with each meal.”
“You must keep up your strength. Who knows when you’ll need it?”
Daiki’s words felt like a warning, a dire prediction even. An awful sense of foreboding hit me. My father was due to return tomorrow, but Katsu would be gone another week at least. I felt safer with him in the palace, as I knew it would be easier for my father to summon me without worrying about Katsu’s interference. I needed to continue gathering information for the rebels, but I dreaded what I had to go through to get it.
It couldn’t be helped. I had to let go of my fear and trepidation where my father was concerned and focus on how advanced his plans for building a kami army were. If at all possible, I needed to heal his men without bonding his blood to them. I had no idea if it was even possible, but trying would be the only way of finding out.
I wanted to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. Little did I know, my father’s summons would come much faster than I expected.
* * *
As I stood within the emperor’s meeting room, I felt a kind of subdued anxiousness begin to build within me. There were three men this time, all of them recognizable from the memories I accessed yesterday. My father hadn’t wasted any time in arranging another meeting. I had no doubts about the source of his men’s injuries. I knew they were purposely inflicted by that man who had brought them my father’s blood. The man’s familiarity nagged at me. I knew it was important to remember, but I simply couldn’t access it due to my unusual feelings of fatigue.
My mental processes had been remarkably slow, though I had changed my diet in the hopes of correcting the problem. Last night, after returning from the village, I ate more than I was used to, and at first it seemed my efforts were working. Then I awakened this morning, feeling slightly off balance again without the energy necessary to correct the problem with my ki.
I tamped down my worry on that subject and turned my attention toward the soldiers and their superficial injuries.
“I need you to heal these men as quick as you can,” my father ordered.
He didn’t bother explaining why such silly injuries needed healing, and I didn’t expect him to. It was understood that any order he gave must be obeyed. I was greatly relieved that Katsu had not yet returned from his travels. Though it sorely tempted me to use him as a shield, I knew the information I gathered for the rebels was monumentally more important than my own fear of my father and his men.
The three soldiers were also commanders of various sections of my father’s militia. All men of higher classes, all from wealthy families. I stepped over to the one nearest me, an older man, perhaps in his late fifties, and reached for his oily head. Connecting with him was unpleasant. His ki was dark and slimy. Mentally, my entire being cringed, but I pushed through my initial reaction and assessed his situation.
Just like before, minor injuries. I also noticed those foreign intelligences within his blood and wondered if I could get around them and still pull off a healing. I tried it with his ribs first, but everywhere my ki focused, the entities would bond to the blood. After healing his rib, his left wrist and a bruise upon his kidney, I had inadvertently managed to bond all of the foreign matter to his blood. It was almost impossible not to.
I felt frustrated but tried not to dwell on my failure, taking the opportunity to scan his memories for something useful. I didn’t find anything within the last several months that might be helpful. I disconnected and approached the next man, just as old and just as oily. His ki wasn’t any better, either.
The same frustrating process ensued with my trying to heal his injuries without bonding his blood to anything foreign and failing miserably. Scanning his memories produced nothing, and I moved on.
This next one was young. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-five, astonishing to have flown up the ranks in my father’s army at such a young age. He looked upon me with some fascination, and I could read his emotions like an open book. He was clearly excited for this process to take place, and I knew why. Becoming a full kami was nothing to sneeze at. A life of immortality was a gift that few men would be willing to turn down given the opportunity. I worried what these men must have bargained in return.
My father wasn’t one to grant favors, and the honor of becoming a full kami, no matter the method, was something no mortal had ever received. I wondered exactly how much blood and how many bondings would need to take place before their bodies were perfected. Once? Twice? I shuddered to think I would be continually called upon to help build an army of formidable immortals for my father. He alone was formidable enough.
I placed my hands on the young man’s temples and closed my eyes. His ki was young and vibrant, but tainted. He had committed many despicable acts while climbing the ranks of my father’s army. It explained much and fueled my desire to stop these bondings as best I could. Immortality in the hands of these monsters would no doubt lead to an eventual hell on earth that no human would ever wish to suffer through.
His shoulder was badly dislocated, which was easily remedied without my powers. I lifted my hands from his temple briefly and wrenched his shoulder back into place, smiling internally when I heard a loud pop and a stifled groan from my patient.
I would no doubt get an earful from the emperor with that stunt, but it prevented me from having to use my ki and inadvertently bonding the entities within his blood stream. I pondered over what to do about the broken ankle and decided to skip it for a minute and briefly skimmed through his memories, most of which were unpleasant. I hoped to never find myself alone with this young man.
As I reached the end of his memories, I picked up some information that so badly startled me that I nearly broke off my connection and went running out of the room, intent on finding Akane. They had discovered the rebels’ main base of operation within an area of the woods that most never ventured into due to how dangerous the deeper parts of the forest were. Perhaps that was why the rebels chose it in the first place.
My father had finally uncovered the camp he’d been looking for.
I was going to have to warn Akane about this impending invasion of their camp as soon as circumstances allowed. First, I would need to fix this awful man’s ankle without bonding my father’s blood to his. I connected to
his ki, deciding that the best way to get around the bonding was to simply break my connection with him the moment I gave his ki instructions.
I would have to be quick about it, but it could work. I inhaled deeply, preparing myself for the possibility of failure and then gave his ki the most basic instructions necessary for sealing the crack in his ankle. I mentally pulled back before his ki could communicate with me as to whether it understood or not.
Keeping my hands on his temples so as not to give anything away to my father, I tentatively reconnected, wanting to catch a quick glimpse of what had occurred, as if I were peeking through a small window into a dwelling that wasn’t my own, hoping to avoid detection. The break had healed immediately, and the foreign entities still floated around aimlessly.
They hadn’t bonded to the young man’s blood cells. I ripped my mind away the minute I knew for certain. My hands lowered to my side, and I kept my focus on the matted floor beneath me, avoiding eye contact with the soldier.
“It is finished?” my father asked. His voice rang out hollow and cold after the dead silence that accompanied my healings.
“Yes.” I waited, knowing I wasn’t allowed to rise until given permission.
“Then leave us.”
I rapidly complied, rising from my knees in one smooth motion, backing toward the door in a low bow and then turning and fairly running through it. I scurried toward my rooms with Yao and Chan shadowing closely behind me. I recognized that running through the halls and corridors of the palace with my guards in tow would look odd to any servants in the vicinity, but my worry overruled my reason.
Akane, Musubi, and all of the rebels were in danger. The attack on their main camp was scheduled for tonight.
* * *
I left my guards with strict instructions to guard my door and let no one in or out for the rest of the day. With my father’s meeting concluded and Katsu not due back for a few more days, I felt there was little chance of anyone summoning me or demanding proof that I was indeed within the confines of my own rooms.
