by Chase Connor
“I—I don’t know.” I laughed.
“We’re all slowly dying.” He shrugged. “Why not shorthand some things?”
“I suppose.” I chuckled nervously.
The waitress showed up with our waters and set them down, promising that our bruschetta would be out soon.
“What about you, Logan Marshall?” He asked before taking a sip of his water. “What’s your shorthand?”
“Um,” I sipped my water nervously, “I guess, we moved to San Diego when I was seven and I lived there until last year, then we moved here for my dad’s job. He’s in tech. He works in Boston a lot, so sometimes he’s not around during the week. Sometimes he works in New York. Mostly he works out of his office in Burlington. Other times he flies all over the country—and the world, I guess—so I spend most of my time with my mom. She knows I’m gay but I haven’t come out to my dad yet. Mom is a psychologist but she’s a stay-at-home mom now. And, well, I guess I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do after Dextrus.”
“Your mom gonna go back to work now that you’re about to leave the nest?” He sipped his water.
His lips were sensuous and full and the way they pressed against the rim of his water glass was distracting.
“Um, no.” I shook my head. “I have a younger sister, so, ya’ know.”
“Gotcha.” He smiled.
“How many guys have you been with before?” He waggled his eyebrows and sat back.
I giggled nervously. It did not make me proud.
“Shy, huh?” He grinned evilly.
“No.” I replied. “It’s just…you don’t hold back, do you?”
“Not really.” He sat forward, folding his arms on the table. “I tend to just get right down to heart of a matter. Slowly dying, remember? Who has time to beat around the bush? May as well use our time together on our first date to decide if we are wasting our time or not.”
Somehow, I kept myself from frowning. I never thought of spending time with another human being as a waste of time. Even if the date didn’t lead to us dating, having sex, or anything like that, at least maybe we’d be friends. And friendships that develop languidly and organically are always the best and longest lasting friendships.
“I guess.” I nodded, but didn’t agree at all. “I’m a virgin. I’ve kissed and been kissed, but nothing below the belt.”
“I see.” He grinned.
I shrugged.
“Are you curious about my sexual history?”
“Is that how we guys go about things now?” I frowned. “Exchanging information about our past sexual encounters on a first date?”
“Safe thing to do, I guess.” He smiled.
I was trying really hard to not be a dick about the “shorthand” way that Jay had about himself, but I’d never really met anyone so…casual about such private topics. Sure, I wanted to know everything about Jay. Eventually. But, I wanted to spend at least a few dates getting to know each other before we started asking questions like about our sexual histories. The last person I went on a date with—Cooper—and I had just let things happen naturally. We didn’t sit down and have dating negotiations or anything. Everything just happened organically and felt comfortable. I wasn’t feeling super comfortable around Jay. Then again, I didn’t feel super comfortable around anyone but my best friend. Maybe my mom. But…she was my mom.
“You can tell me if the need ever arises.” I offered.
“Okay.” He smiled.
“Do you know what you’re going to get?” I asked, lifting my menu to give it a glance.
All of the dishes at Trattoria were very intimate with my gut. I’d tried practically everything on the menu at one point or another, so I knew instinctively that I was going to get my favorite. The Pappardelle con Coniglio was my absolutely favorite dish at Trattoria. However, as a way to change the subject away from things so intimate, I thought it was best to pretend that the menu needed perusing.
The waitress returned and brought the bruschetta and took our orders. Jay ordered fettucine alfredo. I was not impressed. I mean, why order something you can easily make at home but cost ten times as much to order at a restaurant? Besides, that’s so basic. Suddenly, I realized that I was being a giant douche. Were all these thoughts in my head just me being bitter that this guy wasn’t perfect like Cooper—or at least how I thought of Cooper? Was it so bad that he wanted to know everything about me so quickly? He hadn’t been obnoxious or overtly sexual or crude—he was just trying to learn things about me that would be important if we dated seriously in the future.
I did my best through the rest of dinner to be kind and nice—myself—but I just wasn’t getting the best vibe ever from Jay. Everything about him screamed that he was a little too casual and flippant about things that were super personal. He was a nice enough guy—he wasn’t impolite or rude nor did he make rude, disparaging comments about other people. He just…I just wasn’t connecting with him. I couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t seemed so awesome when we had first talked about going on a date because I was feeling really down and I was just glad someone was being nice.
When our food came, Jay and I mostly just made unimportant small talk, both of us aware that the conversation had become strained and we just weren’t connecting at all. We continued to be polite, throughout the meal, but neither of us asked for dessert, and it wasn’t long before I was driving him back to MCFA. When I dropped him off, we gave each other a quick, polite hug, and he got out. We waved goodbye as he said he’d text me. But I drove away, figuring that I would never hear from him again. The date had lasted a little more than an hour and a half. I groaned to myself as I drove away from Montpelier on highway 2.
I could have jumped on interstate 89, but highway 2 was a bit more scenic on the way home. Of course, it was dark out, but I could still see the river somewhat as I drove alongside of it. And there were bridges to cross over the Winooski River if one drives highway 2. Unlike other travelers, I also enjoy going through small towns instead of circumnavigating them. Towns like North Moretown and Mill Village are quaint and break up the monotony of a forty-five-minute drive. Halfway home, my phone dinged and I groaned to myself, annoyed, figuring it was probably Jay already texting. I hated myself for being annoyed at the prospect.
Obviously, I didn’t check my phone. I didn’t want to get in a wreck and die because someone like Jay had shot me an unimportant text about the short date that still seemed to last forever. Finally, when I got home, I parked my car at the end of the driveway and lumbered out, stretching my legs and reaching for the sky to stretch out my arms. I locked my car once again and wandered into the house. Mom was in the kitchen, making a cup of tea and frowned at me as I walked by.
“Yeah.” I nodded, not looking at her. “It went well.”
“Oh, honey.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
I shrugged and continued on to my room. Once I was in my room and the door was closed behind me, I kicked my shoes off and placed them in the closet, then stripped out of my shirt and jeans and chunked them in the hamper. I pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Then I remembered my cell phone and dug it out of my jeans. I collapsed backwards onto my bed with a heaving sigh. I unlocked my phone, about to play a song to cheer myself up when I saw the red circle notification on the text messaging app. I opened it up with a roll of my eyes. But the text wasn’t from Jay.
Laughing out loud, I texted back.
I typed out my address to A.J.
Chapter 7
Right after A.J. confirmed he was on his way, I remembered Katie. And my gut turned at the thought of someone like A.J. coming to my house and meeting Katie for the first time. I started to text back, to tell A.J. to not come over, that I was just tired, or my mom told me “no”—or any number of other excuses. But…then I realized that Katie would be going to bed before A.J. had a chance to show up, so everything would be okay. Especially if A.J. and I just went straight to my room to watch a movie or just
sit and chill.
Quickly, I dashed from my room and down the stairs to the kitchen, where I found my mom still hovering, drinking her tea and making a grocery list for the following week. She looked up with a smile when I jaunted into the kitchen, probably surprised that I now had a smile on my face. She took a sip of her tea and put her pen down, ignoring the chore in front of her. My mom works hard to keep things orderly and scheduled for Katie’s sake, but she always makes time for me. I didn’t always tell her how much I appreciated it, but I really did. Honest.
“Is it okay if A.J. comes over?” I asked.
“He’s the lacrosse player, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, that describes Alex, Caden, Martin, and A.J., but yeah.”
“Is he staying over?” She asked.
“You’d be okay with that?” I was shocked.
She frowned at me. Suddenly, she had a realization.
“Oh!” She smiled. “No. If he’s that kind of friend, he can’t spend the night. Unless he sleeps on the couch or something. But, yes, sweetheart. He can come hang out.”
“We were just going to watch a movie and hang out. That’s all.” I rolled my eyes with a nervous laugh. “Talk, that kind of thing.”
Mom chewed at her lip, her eyes darting around.
“Honey, I trust you.” She sighed. “Dad won’t be home until Sunday. You make the judgment calls here. Just…be responsible, okay?”
“I’m a virgin, mom.”
I froze, wondering where that confession came from so suddenly.
“Well, that makes me feel a little better about this, then.” She chuckled. “But, you inviting another guy over after going on a date with a different guy is a little suspect.”
I blushed. “That date was just…it wasn’t a good date. We just had dinner at Trattoria and then I came home. We didn’t even kiss goodnight.”
“Okay.”
“I was supposed to go out on a date with A.J. tomorrow night…but, I thought we could just hang out tonight and see if it was worth it.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to be disappointed two nights in a row. If that makes sense.”
She smiled. “It makes sense, sweetheart. Just—be good. Don’t make me sorry for trusting you.”
“You won’t.” I said. “I promise.”
“Then have fun.”
“Also,” I chewed at my lip, “is Katie in bed?”
“Well, she’s in her room for the night.” She frowned. “Whether or not she’s actually sleeping is anyone’s guess.”
“Okay.” I felt so horrible.
The doorbell chimed. A.J. had made record time, which made me smile.
“Go let your friend in.” She stated simply.
I blushed and left the kitchen, knowing I was a total shit for worrying about Katie meeting a friend of mine. Not everyone was as perfect as Cooper. If they were, I’d never worry about anyone meeting my little sister. But…a lot of my friends had treated Katie oddly and then treated me differently once they met her. Or they had said cruel things to me about her. Or they just didn’t know how to act around Katie. Being uncomfortable at my house made them not want to come hang out anymore. It was difficult to build a really good friendship, only to find out that the person was freaked out by someone with Downs. Katie would never be different. And she meant a lot to me. She was my sister. If a friend couldn’t deal with Katie, they couldn’t be my friend.
Maybe it’s a good idea to act like Jay had at dinner. Get everything out on the table so a person isn’t surprised by something that they’re not comfortable with. Jay asking all of his personal questions suddenly made a lot of sense. Anything that might be a deal breaker for a person should be put right out on the table immediately. That was the right thing to do. But, I found it hard to do that. I wanted to enjoy friendships for as long as I could before they inevitably ended.
“Hey.” A.J. smiled widely as I opened the door to find him standing on my doorstep.
“Hey back.” I smiled. “You got here quick.”
“I’m just two miles down the road.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head, assface.”
I laughed, then waved him inside.
A.J. walked into the foyer and looked around, taking in the foyer and the living room beyond. His eyes danced as he took in everything around him.
“My mom put up these big curtains over all of the windows in our living room.” He said. “It looks super fancy but also cheap and pisses me off. It’s cool that you guys don’t have an aversion to the sun.”
I grinned at him.
“And you didn’t cover your floors with carpet.” He shook his head. “Our house used to have hardwood floors in the living room but now it’s boring beige carpet. Actually, there’s a lot of beige.”
I just listened.
“Your couch is blue.” He pointed. “I like it.”
“Gonna be a designer one day, are you?” I teased.
He shrugged. “If I want to, I’ll put on a fucking tutu and sell oranges on the off ramp. And I wouldn’t be embarrassed, either.”
I smiled even wider.
“I don’t doubt that for a second.”
“Your parents won’t get mad that I’m over so late, will they?” He leaned in to whisper. “Because, I don’t like pissed off parents.”
I laughed. “No. My mom’s in the kitchen making her grocery list and my dad’s still in…Boston, I think. But, mom said it was okay.”
“Cool.” He smiled. “What movie are we going to watch? Or is it guest’s choice?”
“I guess you can choose.” I teased as I led him deeper into the house. “But you must choose wisely, dude.”
A.J. laughed as he followed me through the foyer and into the living room. When I started up the stairs, I realized that he wasn’t following me. I turned on the stairs to look down at him.
“You coming?” I laughed.
“Is the T.V. room upstairs or something?” He frowned.
“I thought we’d watch in my room.” I shrugged. “I have a T.V. in my room. Or we can use my laptop to watch something.”
He chewed at his lip.
“If that’s cool?”
He reached for the banister and took one step. “Okay. I’m just nervous.”
“To watch a movie?” I laughed and walked beside him up the stairs.
“Well, I mean, in your room…I didn’t really expect to, ya’ know.” He said. “I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Not that I don’t want to, it’s just…”
“What?!” I cackled and stopped on the stairs. “That’s not why I invited you over, ya’ weirdo.”
“Oh, thank God.” He breathed out heavily. “I mean, not that I wouldn’t want to, like, eventually, if we decide we want to…I’m just…kind of inexperienced and, well, we haven’t even had a first date and…”
I put a finger to his lips.
“What did I tell you about ruining things by opening your mouth too much?”
He laughed as he blushed deeply.
“So…the class clown who streaks through Manning Hall in his underwear and has a foul mouth is a good boy?” I teased.
“Don’t tell anyone.” He blushed even deeper. “I have a reputation.”
At the top of the stairs, I turned to look him in the eyes.
“I really invited you over here to watch a movie.” I smiled. “Or sit and talk and joke around and laugh. And…I like that you don’t want to just Netflix and Chill. I like it a lot.”
He grinned widely.
“Well, if you want to show some gratitude, you could get us some sodas and popcorn.” He suggested. “I mean, to prove to me what a nice guy you are.”
“Deal.” I pointed down the hallway. “My room is the third on the right. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be waiting.” He smiled and headed down the hall.
I took the stairs two at a time at a jaunty pace, practically skipping as I made my way downstairs, back through the living room and into the kitch
en. Mom was deep into making the shopping list still as I got a bag of popcorn and tossed it in the microwave, then rooted around in the fridge for two sodas. I didn’t know what kind of soda A.J. liked, so I grabbed Cokes. Almost everyone who likes soda likes Coca Cola, was my reasoning. When the microwave dinged, I grabbed the bag of popcorn, holding it by one of the corners with the tips of my fingers so as to not burn myself, scooped up the sodas and headed back towards the stairs.
Taking the stairs two at a time again, I got to the top and rounded the corner to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. I slowed my pace so that I wouldn’t enter my bedroom at such an excited pace, giving off the wrong impression. Well, maybe not the wrong impression, but I didn’t want to seem as happy to have A.J. hanging out as I was. No point in showing your full hand before the first date has even taken place. However, when I was halfway down the hall, I froze. I heard A.J. talking.
“…he’s an awesome giraffe. What’s his name?””
“His name used to be Geoffrey, but now I call him Gerald.” Katie’s voice answered back.
“Why’d you change his name? Geoffrey is an awesome name.”
“My brother’s friend Cooper—well, he’s really my friend—brought me a book about Gerald the giraffe.”
“So, now his name is Gerald.” A.J. answered Katie. “I think that was an excellent decision on your part.”
I tiptoed down the hall until I was beside my bedroom door, my heart thumping and my stomach feeling like it was full of lead.
“Do you know Cooper?”
“Yeah. He’s one of my best friends, too.” A.J. replied. “But, I’m sure you’re one of his very very best friends.”
Katie giggled.
“Do you like giraffes?”
“Of course. Giraffes are amazing.” A.J. said this like it was the most ridiculous question ever. “Everyone likes giraffes.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and almost jumped out of my skin. I whipped my head around to find my mom standing there, smiling. She was listening in on A.J. and Katie, too. She had probably come up the stairs behind me to check on Katie, hadn’t found her in bed, and then saw me standing outside of my door like a creeper, holding popcorn and sodas.
