by H P Tune
“And she is, for you? Worth the risk?”
“Yes, absolutely. I have no question about that. In fact, that’s the only thing I’m sure about.”
“Then you fight, Mia. Do whatever it takes to convince her.”
Mia gave her a pitiful look in return.
“Anything. Tell her every day or show her how trustworthy you are. Reassure her that you’re not going to leave too. Maybe she just wants to get in first.”
“Yeah, I guess. I can do that.”
“She’s scared. How do you treat people who are scared?”
Mia shrugged. “I don’t know, be there. Be constant and supportive, reassuring.”
Nodding, Janet smiled. “Exactly.”
Slowly returning the smile, Mia leant forward and hugged Janet tightly. “Thanks. So you go in a couple of hours?”
“Yeah, there’s been no snow for days so the roads are cleared. I’m not worried about driving later, and Martin was out earlier. Apparently it’s quiet and no problems.”
“That’s good. It can be pretty crazy out there when it’s dark and icy. Actually, since it’s cleared up, I might go for a ride. Do you know if Martin has had any of the horses out today?”
“I think he took them for a run yesterday, or maybe that was the day before. He said it was a bit slushy with some of the snow melting.”
Mia smiled. “Good. A ride in the sun is exactly what I need.”
“Sun? Well, I suppose it’s out, so that counts. It’s hardly warm though.”
Laughing, Mia stood up. “Thanks,” she said. “And I hope you have a good week. Don’t rush back if you need more time, okay? Just let me know.”
“Sure, thank you. And good luck yourself.” Her eyes indicated to the other end of the house where Mia knew that Juliet was huddled over her laptop.
Mia half grinned and disappeared, heading towards her bedroom to layer up for a midday ride. She tugged some long underwear from a bottom drawer and put them on, pairing them with a thick pair of jodhpurs. She added a vest and a long-sleeved shirt before zipping up a wool middle layer and hooking a thick thigh-length coat over her arm. Adding socks and boots, she pocketed some gloves and a hat before walking down the hallway to the office.
Juliet was sitting back on the chair, arms crossed at her chest and staring at the wall behind the computer, oblivious to Mia weaving a path through the papers spread across the floor. In comparison to Mia, her coffee mug was bone dry, just the remnants of foam and chocolate sprinkles remaining around the rim.
“Hey,” Mia said as she entered, tossing her jacket on a chair just inside the door as she made her way to Juliet. “I’m just heading out for a ride. You want to come along?”
Smiling, Juliet shook her head. “I need to work through a bit of a block.”
Pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek, Mia crouched next to her, both hands on Juliet’s thigh. Juliet watched her silently. “When I come back from my ride, I’m going to cook us dinner, pour a wine…maybe give you a massage. What do you think?”
“Mmmm,” Juliet murmured quietly. She sounded melancholy. “And what did I do to deserve that?”
Mia smiled. “Nothing at all, and you don’t have to do anything. That’s just how it’s going to be between us: I get to show you how awesome you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life whenever I like.”
“Mia…I’m not…” She smiled. “I’m okay,” she whispered.
Mia thought she looked anything but okay, but she maintained a forced lightness despite her worry. “Of course, but I still want to take you on dates and ask you loads of questions about your favourite Disney movie or whether you played with dolls or trucks as a kid. And I want to rewind time a little, kiss you properly, and pretend that it’s our first kiss. Or I could lead you to my bedroom and just spend hours showing you how incredibly beautiful and amazing I think you are. We skipped the middle, Juliet, and that’s okay. But I just really want to let you get to know me. I want you to trust me.”
Juliet’s open hand reached up to cup her face. Mia leant slightly into the touch and playfully kissed her palm. “Honestly,” Juliet said, “I’m okay. And you’re taking responsibility for something that isn’t yours…I don’t want you to excuse my trust issues. That isn’t fair, but can’t you see how I’m already doing this to you? I’m making you feel like you have to change, and that isn’t right. You’re…Well, you’re perfect Mia.”
Mia couldn’t help but release a soft laugh. “I’m so not perfect,” she said, relieved to elicit a tiny smile from the corner of Juliet’s lips.
“You should go for a ride,” Juliet said after too long a moment of silence for it not to be a bit awkward. Mia squeezed at her leg. The muscle moved under her touch, and she wondered if Juliet had lost more weight undetected beneath the loose winter clothing. She seemed to be literally slipping away.
“I will,” Mia agreed, straightening her back and extending her neck to engage Juliet in a kiss. They both allowed their tongues to meet and explore, and the kiss felt long and passionate, though it wasn’t how Mia had intended it to be when their lips met.
“There’ll be some more of that tonight,” Mia said when they finally separated. She stood up, and slipped her hand around the back of Juliet’s neck, stroking her skin softly. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? Martin is around somewhere, but Janet is leaving for home soon.”
“Sure, have a good ride. Be careful, ’kay?”
“Always.” Mia grinned, clapping her hands. “It’s the perfect day for it, you’re missing out. But I’ll take some photos on my phone for you.”
“Next time.” And again, her eyes filled with tears. Mia sighed and left the room, pulling the door half closed behind her. Maybe she needed to get Juliet someone professional to talk to. Maybe she was struggling more with her dad’s death then either of them realised.
If only Juliet would talk properly to her.
* * *
Tossing her small daypack over one shoulder, Juliet smiled at Janet as she approached the kitchen. “You still good to give me a ride into town on your way?”
“Yes, of course,” Janet said, fiddling with the clasp on her handbag. “You know you could just take the other car, right? Make it quicker for you.”
Juliet shrugged, and her eyelids flickered as Janet’s eyes rose to meet hers. “Yeah, the whole driving in snow and on slippery roads…freaks me out a little.”
“Martin was out earlier. The roads are great. It’s a nice break from what we’ve been having.”
“Mmmm, Mia went out for a ride a while ago. She said it was a good day for it.”
“So have you organised for Martin to pick you up?”
“Ah, yeah, he’s umm, going to collect me from outside the post office around four.”
Janet pulled the leather flap over her bag and tucked it under her arm. “Stupid thing,” she muttered at it. “You feeling okay?”
“Me?” Juliet asked, straightening up.
“Yes, you look a little tired.”
“Too much writing, I guess, I have a bit of a headache. Nothing a break to pick up a few things in town won’t fix.”
“Of course. Well,” Janet said, checking her watch, “should we go? I thought Mia would have been back by now. I was hoping to let her know about the meals I put in the freezer.”
“I’m sure she can figure it out,” Juliet said. “And I can let her know,” she added almost as an afterthought.
“Well, I’ve left a list of what I’ve put in there. And there’s plenty of fresh food in the fridge and pantry, so if you want to do some cooking, then go for it. Mia’s been getting into it, she’s quite the connoisseur.”
Juliet heard the words but she was processing slowly. “No problem.”
She followed Janet outside and towards the car. The day felt quite bizarre, beautiful clear blue skies but with a biting coldness that made her wrap her coat a little tighter and stuff her hands into the pockets.
Janet groaned as if
on cue, shuddering. “Cold,” she said, seeming void of anything else to say. Juliet wasn’t really listening anyway, glancing back at the house and around the adjacent paddocks, looking for Mia.
“Can’t see any sign of her,” Janet said.
“No,” Juliet agreed, opening the car door and sliding into the passenger seat. “Enjoying the dryness, I guess.”
They were almost half a mile down the driveway when lights flashed at them from Mia’s Jeep, driving directly towards them from the gate. Janet slowed the car to a stop and wound down the window, waiting patiently as Martin jogged from the car, door ajar. “Have you been out with the fences?” Juliet’s ears pricked at the confusion in her voice, thinking she could hear just a tinge of worry there too.
“Yeah, and I just saw Oscar running across the south paddock fully saddled. Mia isn’t out, is she?”
They all froze for a second, processing, and Juliet felt a wave of nausea spread through her.
“Yes.” Janet’s eyes widened. “She’s been out…for how long?” She turned to Juliet, who blinked a few times and glanced at her watch.
“Umm, I don’t know. Maybe three…four hours? She went well before lunch.”
“It’s two thirty now,” Martin said gruffly, raking hands through his hair. “Okay, I’ll start looking. She tends to take those trails out the back of the house. There’s three or four. I’ll have to go on horse.”
Janet glanced at her watch. “My family are arriving tonight, but I can stay for a while. I’ll help you look…I can’t ride though. I’ll take the Jeep.”
Martin was shaking his head before the words even fully left her mouth. “You have to go on horse.” His breath came out in short, sharp inhalations.
Mobilising, Juliet opened her door and stepped out, reaching back to grab her backpack. “I can ride,” she said with far more confidence than she felt. But technically, she could ride with some capacity. “You go,” she directed Janet. “We’ll let you know, I guess. Maybe umm, well, should you call the paramedics or rescue or something?”
Janet and Martin shared a glance, as if both waiting for the other to make a decision. Martin cleared his throat as he glanced at the sky. “Yeah, call the paramedics. In this cold…”
Juliet stifled the urge to vomit. This wasn’t how the day was supposed to end—traumatic in itself, but not in this way. “Right, you come with me,” Martin told Juliet, waving at the car. “We really don’t have a lot of time.”
Juliet worked at calming her racing pulse. “But we’ll find her, right?” she asked. “She uses the same trails, so it’ll be one of them, right?”
“Did she say where she was going?”
Racking her brain, Juliet felt suddenly helpless and inadequate. She had no idea, really, but she didn’t think Mia had said where she was going. But then, she had been so wrapped up in her own shit, thinking and panicking, that she hadn’t concentrated on the details. How could she have been so self-absorbed?
“I don’t think so.” She swallowed at the heavy lump in her throat.
Martin grimaced. “Then we hope like hell it’s one of the two we pick, because we don’t have a lot of light left.”
Juliet nodded, and they silently raced towards the barn. Juliet tried to help, but ultimately allowed Martin to saddle a horse for her and hand her the reins. She fumbled in her backpack, pulling out a cylinder of water and a bag of sweet jubes, tucking them into the saddle bag. She also gripped an extra jacket and her phone, forcing her arms inside the jacket before checking her phone.
“Martin!” she shouted as she pulled up a message from Mia. “It’s a photo! She sent me a photo…umm, a while ago. Two hours?”
Rushing over, Martin squinted at the small screen, muttering a few expletives. “Get yourself a better phone.” He snatched the phone away from her and scrutinized the image.
“Sorry.”
“I don’t know…It looks like the dam, but I’m not sure from what angle. Ah…it narrows it down though. So, we’ll head south, but you go to the west of the dam and I’ll go east.” Juliet gave him a helpless look. She had barely been outside of the house, let alone orientated herself to any direction.
“The right side,” he muttered. Juliet nodded shakily at the obvious anger in his voice. She hoisted herself onto the horse and nervously settled, placing her feet in the stirrups and trying to balance her centre of gravity. She held her phone to her ear, trying to call Mia; it went straight to voicemail. She pulled the phone away and stared at it in frustration.
“No coverage past the dam,” Martin said, “so keep riding further. And don’t fall off. I can’t find both of you.”
“Umm, Martin?” Juliet trotted after him and out into the open. The cold air hit her again, and she shivered. “What do I do, I mean, what do I do if I find her?”
“Get her back here.” His tone left no room for alternatives. “The ambulance service will be waiting.”
“Okay,” she whispered, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. The ground was wet and slippery, and even the surefooted horse felt incredibly unstable with each step. Her fingernails dug into her palms where she gripped the reins, and she knew her legs were straining against the leather saddle—everything she wasn’t supposed to be doing when riding. Disappearing into the foliage, she felt like she was entering a movie about a gruesome fight for survival which culminated in a ghastly murder. It was dark under the trees, just the occasional sunlight breaking through. The ground was still snow covered, particularly to either side of the path. She startled each time a lump of gathered snow fell from a tree branch. Luckily, the horse was not at all skittish. Nor did it react to her uncertain sense of command.
She kept holding her breath with each slight incline or decline, releasing a loud, shuddering breath each time she arrived at even ground again. She even stifled a sob at some point, wiping at her face with a wet glove. She hadn’t brought her waterproof ones. She wasn’t meant to be outside. Outside was not where she had intended to be that afternoon and evening.
Where the hell was Mia? Why hadn’t she paid better attention when Mia had told her what she was doing? And would she ever forgive herself if something had happened to her?
* * *
After almost two hours, Juliet was panicking. She hadn’t discussed with Martin how long to go before she turned back, though she knew the sun would be falling below the horizon soon. The light was already fading. She had passed the dam thirty minutes before and hadn’t seen any sign of Mia, although she had thought at some point that some broken branches and prints in the mud could have been made by Mia’s horse. Or any wild animal, she had muttered to herself. Eventually, she started calling out, yelling Mia’s name over and over until her voice started to croak. Martin could have found Mia by now and could be back at the house with the paramedics or following them to the hospital.
Lost in thought, with images of Mia’s body on a gurney filling her mind, it took Juliet a moment to notice that her horse had stopped. She kicked her heels into the horse’s flank before she actually looked and saw Mia’s limp body resting just to the side of the path against the wide trunk of a tree.
“Mia!” She slid stiffly off her horse and rushed the few steps towards her. “Mia!” She knelt at Mia’s side, casting her eyes over the length of her. Her jeans were soaked. There was no mass of blood; that was the first thing she noted before gently placing a palm under Mia’s jaw and realizing that her head was hanging in a limp way. She looked like someone who had fallen asleep on a plane or bus seat.
“Fuck,” she murmured, pulling Mia’s face up and noticing the abrasion over her forehead. Blood had dried down the side of her face and neck. “Mia, please.”
Leaning in close, Juliet pressed two fingers to the pulse point in Mia’s neck and bent down, lingering with her cheek close to Mia’s lips. She nearly cried at the warm sensation she felt on Mia’s skin as Mia blew air out of slightly ajar lips. A faint but pulsing beat throbbed under Juliet’s fingers. She was alive.
>
“Mia, please. Please wake up. Talk to me.” Juliet had no idea what to do. She didn’t have first aid training, and she definitely hadn’t done pre-med at college like Mia had. She had never felt more helpless in her life.
A long, barely audible groan escaped Mia’s lips, and her eyelids flickered a few times. Her tongue poked over her bottom teeth, just tapping the inside of her lip.
“Mia?” Juliet discarded her gloves. “Can you hear me?”
A string of poorly pronounced words fell from Mia’s mouth, and she kept sticking her tongue out as if it were bitter and swollen. She wasn’t making a word of sense, but she was one step closer to lucid consciousness, and that was something. Breathing a slight sigh of relief for a moment, Juliet ran her bare hands over Mia’s face and neck. Her skin was freezing. She glanced down Mia’s body and noticed her hands lacked gloves and her usually warm, soft fingers were white. Her skin was taut. Mia muttered another string of random phrases as Juliet fought to slide her gloves over Mia’s hands.
She removed her jacket, and pulling Mia away from the tree, she draped her own jacket around Mia’s shoulders and neck for warmth.
“Are you hurt, Mia? Is anything broken?” she asked, although she wasn’t expecting a logical answer. She just wanted any response, any more signs of life.
She squeezed each of Mia’s shoulders and arms and her thigh and her calf, watching her carefully for any sign of a grimace. Nothing. Repeating the process with her ribs and hips, Mia again remained unreactive. “Okay, we have to get you back, okay? You hear me? You’re going to be fine. I just have to get you back.”
Juliet glanced over to her horse. It was patiently waiting in the middle of the path, almost standing guard. She looked back to Mia and stifled a sob. She had no idea what to do.
“I’m sorry,” she declared suddenly, crouching over Mia’s legs, hands cradling Mia’s pale cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” She felt hot tears trickling down her face. She felt Mia’s eyelashes as she blinked, and when Juliet pulled back, Mia’s eyes were now tracking her. The most incredible, unnatural shade of crimson on her lips looked even more so against her ghostly pale face, which was chapped with flakes of skin. It truly frightened Juliet.
