by Sam Crescent
With a key in her hand, she was about to open the door, when she realized that Roxy had never seen her.
Knocking on the door, she heard some shuffling inside.
“Roxy, we’ve never met. I’m Lola. I belong to Sinner,” she said.
The door opened, and the woman she saw took her by surprise. She had seen pictures on Sinner’s cell phone. They were nothing like the woman before her.
For starters, the woman on the phone was full of life and love. This woman, she was really ill.
“Hey,” Roxy said. “So, you’re the mysterious Lola.”
“And you’re Roxy. I’ve met Lucius. Charming man.”
Roxy laughed, and stopped, coughing. “Sinner didn’t say anything about you being a joker.”
“I’m not. Really, I’m not. I take everything too seriously. Lucius doesn’t like me.”
“At the moment, he doesn’t like anyone. I wouldn’t take it personally.” Roxy took a seat on the sofa, and Lola sat opposite her in the chair. “He’s hurting, and he doesn’t know how to handle pain. Lucius lashes out at everyone when he’s in pain. He’s not happy with me.”
“Was there any way you could treat this?” Lola asked.
“No. The cancer had spread too fast. I could have prolonged my life, but I’d have been in a hospital all the time, having strange men poke and prod me. I’m not in the mood anymore to be poked by people I don’t know. I wanted to live a little. You know?”
“I do. I get why you did what you did,” Lola said. “He’s going to miss you. Lucius.”
“I know. I think that’s my biggest regret. Not giving him time to come to terms with what is going to happen. He is used to me being well, you know. He doesn’t want to admit that this is my end.”
Lola stared at the woman, and she grieved for her.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“You could take care of Sinner. That man is a real special guy.”
“I know.” She had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life in walking away. Looking back, she knew deep in her heart that she had failed Sinner, and it was a miracle that he had loved her as much as he had. It hurt to know that she hadn’t, at the time, loved him enough to fight for the two of them.
Everything she had done, she could have done with him, and with the club. Instead of seeing them as her family, she had just seen them as a crutch, a constant excuse not to take what she wanted.
Her love for Sinner had grown, and she couldn’t lose him, not again. This was her fault, and she knew now what she had, and was thankful that he hadn’t found anyone else. She was going to make sure that he didn’t look elsewhere.
“No, I mean, seriously. I partied with that man, and not once did he look at another woman. He belongs to you so completely, and I’m not going to lie, I am totally jealous of you right now.”
Lola smiled. “I love him, too. So much. I didn’t love him right in the beginning. He deserves someone better than me, but I’m going to be better. I’m going to give him everything that he deserves in a woman.”
“He told me what happened, just so you know. I needed to understand how a woman could let a man like Sinner go. After he explained everything, I saw that he got it. I get that you went through something awful, but you made a big mistake with Sinner. You gave him up, and all he ever did was love you. You can’t go doing shit like that with someone that you love.”
“I know. I wasn’t good enough for him. I didn’t want him to go through life afraid of something that would trigger a bad memory. Does that make me a bad person? I know it does. I shouldn’t ask. I … I was fucked up, and this is all my fault. I could have lost him.”
“And you would have had no one to blame but yourself. Don’t give him a chance to leave, Lola. Men like Sinner don’t come around often, and they don’t accept you treating them like crap, no matter how much you claim to love them.”
“I know.” She had messed up completely.
Roxy shook her head. “We do the craziest things for the people we love. Sinner stayed loyal to you, because he loved you. That’s the crazy part. You left him, and he still loved you.” She held onto a pillow, and Lola watched her. She looked so fragile. The illness was eating away at her. “That’s all I’m going to say about it.”
Silence fell between them, and Lola was reeling from everything that Roxy had said. The club, Lexie, Paris, they were all saying how supportive they were, but at the same time, she knew they were disappointed in her for leaving.
“Do you have any regrets?” she asked.
“I have loads. There are more than I can count. My whole life has just been a bag of them.” Suddenly Roxy looked so sad. “Life is so short, Lola. Don’t waste a second of it. Please. I know you went to hell and back, but that’s no reason to use as an excuse. Not anymore. Sinner loves you more than anything. Don’t let him get away.”
Lola felt tears spring to her eyes.
“You’re so lucky to have a man that loves you.”
“Lucius loves you.”
“I know but not in the way that counts.” Roxy reached out and caught her hand. There was no power to her grip, and it struck Lola that this woman was fading fast. “I’m so pleased I got the chance to see you.”
Lola couldn’t hold back. She closed the distance between them, and held the woman that had really struck her. It was merely a few minutes together, but it meant everything to Lola.
“Never give up, Lola. Hold on to what you’ve got.”
She would. She would never allow herself to get lost again.
Chapter Thirteen
“Thank you so much for this, Sinner. I really do appreciate it,” Lexie said.
He tucked in her blanket, and made sure her books were within reach. “You know the club adores you, and no one minds helping you out. You help with everyone at the club.”
“I hate this. I love being involved, and right now I feel like a loser.”
He chuckled. “Don’t be.”
“I’ve not met her, Sinner. I would love to have met her.”
Sinner took her hand, giving it a squeeze. “You do not need to deal with what is going on.”
“You’re probably right. So, how are things with you and Lola?” Lexie asked.
“They’re good. Do you know that she had quit her job?” He made sure her window was closed so that no cold air got into the room.
“Yes. I also know she has all of her stuff in the spare bedroom. I can’t believe Devil has made you go home rather than be here.”
“It’s a good thing. We’re still working through our problems, but I think we’re almost there.”
“You have issues?” Lexie asked, frowning.
“Not personal issues with each other, just problems that have caused us to separate.”
He took a seat on the end of the bed as she patted it for him to. “When she first left, I was so damn angry with her,” she said.
“Why?”
“She was giving up. At least it felt like it. She had been doing better, more than better, and yet, she was going to throw it all away. I know how good this club is. I know you’ve all done bad things. I get it, I understand it, all right? Some women, they really can’t live with that knowledge, but I know how much Devil loves me and our children.”
“I don’t want you to hate Lola,” he said. “She went through hell. You and I, we don’t know what happened completely when she was taken by him. She was young. I’m a big man. I shouldn’t have become so fucking miserable.” He shrugged.
“You’re both back now?”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He looked around her room. “I’ve missed this place, and no, I don’t mean your bedroom.”
“You’re not going to go back on the road?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m done. I think I’ve done what I really needed to do, you know? I was meant to be with Lucius, and help him through. Lola’s back, and she’s not going anywhere.”
“Are you going to give her a reason to not l
eave?” Lexie asked.
“Of course. Now, you’re going to rest, and we’re going to deal with this, okay.”
“Yes.” Lexie flumped back. “Oh, there has been a change of plans for Christmas as well. Because I can’t go anywhere or do anything, some of The Skulls are coming here. I believe Angel, Lash, and her kids are coming. She’ll be making dinner, obviously.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing. All you’ll be allowed to do is sit and look pretty.”
“Rude.”
“You know you love it.” He left the room, whistling as he went. The house was clean completely, and he was rather pleased with his ability to find order around chaos. With a bunch of kids running around, he was surprised to see it was kind of clean.
He found Devil in the kitchen.
“Are you heading to the hospital?” Sinner asked.
“Yes. Vincent is outside waiting for me.”
“Are you sure you don’t want any of the brothers with you?”
“Vincent’s part of the club. You know that. I’m going to go and see her. How is she?”
“I think she’s looking better to be honest, much, much better.”
“I don’t want her stressing.” Devil left him alone, and Sinner took the time to make himself a drink.
This was crazy what was happening.
Humming to himself, twenty minutes passed before Devil came down. He had a smile on his face.
“I take it that conversation went well.”
“Being with my woman makes me smile. She doesn’t want me to have the procedure, but every time we’re pregnant, she doesn’t want to be in bed all the time. So, away I go. Take care of them for me.”
“Of course. You know you can count on me.”
****
“It’s about time that you remembered me,” Paris said.
Lola opened her arms. “Can I have a hug?”
Paris had Aria in her arms, and she changed her to one hip, and then pulled Lola in close. “Of course. I’ve missed you so much. I had to hear everything from Lacey. Why did you stop calling me?” she asked.
“I don’t know. It just didn’t feel right to be calling anyone. I stopped calling Lexie as well.”
“Are you here to stay or just for a visit?” Paris asked.
Lola took Aria from Paris as they entered the kitchen. “Wow, you’ve grown so big so quickly.”
“Yes, she has. She’s been a total blessing though.” Paris smiled at her daughter, and Lola saw all the love in her eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m here to stay. I’m not going anywhere anymore.”
“Did you meet a handsome man on your travels?” Paris asked.
“I didn’t do much traveling. When I went out with Sarah and Belinda—they were friends I met at work—there were some guys, but I wasn’t interested to be honest. I never left Sinner. Not in my heart, I love him. I do.”
“You left so quickly.”
“I felt I had to. You know. You were able to deal with everything so quickly and swiftly. I thought I was the same, but I wasn’t.”
Paris shrugged. “We’re different. I know Sinner was never the same without you. Spider, he was worried about him all the time. You took a big part of Sinner when you left.”
“I’m back, and Sinner’s back. We’re not going anywhere.” She kissed Aria’s head.
“Have you talked to your parents?” Paris asked.
“Not you as well?”
Paris held up her hands. “I come in peace, and all that. They call me from time to time to ask about you. From what they tell me, you don’t talk to them, not one bit.”
Lola sighed. “It was easier that way.”
“They’re still your parents. They love you.”
“They were always looking at me as if I was fragile. I hated it.” She stared into Aria’s eyes, at the innocence of her. Lola was overcome by how protective she was of the little girl.
“I would kill anyone who would harm her,” Paris said. “Sometimes I’ve thought about what would have happened if it had been Aria and not me, and I get so angry. She’s my little girl. My life, my everything. I love her so much.”
Lola released a breath, trying to stop herself from crying. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”
“The point is, Lola, that you’re someone’s little girl. Spider, he would destroy everyone in his path because he has the power to do it. Some parents, they don’t have that ability. They cannot kill without blinking, and they don’t have a club to help them through. Your parents were all alone. They were scared to death that they would lose you. Not only that, as a parent you want the best for your kid. Whenever your father looked at you, he knew he had failed, honey. How do you think that made him feel?”
Lola hadn’t given her father a single thought. Biting her lip, she stared at her friend, and shook her head. “I screwed up, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you did. You need to give them a chance, honey. They’re your parents. They love you more than anything else in the world. I know I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Aria. It would kill me, but I tell you what, I would hunt the bastards down, and I would destroy them.” Paris finished making a drink. “Have a seat and tell me about everything.”
Lola didn’t know what to say. Paris had just opened her eyes, and when she looked at Aria, she saw her own child. What would she have been like if what happened to her ever happened to one of her kids? She would be in complete pain and chaos. She would want to kill the people herself with her bare hands.
Lola didn’t stay long with Paris, just long enough to catch up, and then she was back in her car, and headed toward Lexie’s house. Sinner was there, and they swapped places. She kissed him, and he pressed her against the wall, promising to be back later. Her stomach had butterflies with the passion in his voice and the way he looked at her.
Lexie was reading, and after delivering her some soup and bread for lunch, Lola was alone. Since being back, she had taken the responsibility of being in charge of the website, much to Natalie’s relief.
Modifying the website, she made the necessary changes and updated it. Once that was done, she simply stared at her computer and her cell phone.
If she called now, they would be home. She knew this.
Stop being a baby.
Releasing a breath, she picked up her cell phone, and tapped on the screen bringing up her parents’ home number. It would be so easy to call them. Just a couple of clicks and she would be dialing.
“She’s my little girl. My life, my everything. I love her so much.”
She had been her father’s little girl, and her mother had loved her even when she loved computers more than she loved dressing up in girl’s clothing.
Finally, she dialed her parents’ number, pressing the cell phone to her ear. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling, nor could she stop the sudden fear that maybe she had left it too long, and she had. She avoided everything with them.
“Hello,” her father said, and she froze.
Seconds passed.
“Hello, is there anyone there?”
She gritted her teeth. The desire to put the phone down and ignore it was strong, but she fought it. “Hey, Dad,” she said.
“Lola?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Honey, come quick, it’s Lola.” She heard him shout.
“How have you been?” she asked.
“Me, I’ve been fine. What about you? How have you been?”
“I’ve been doing okay. I left Piston County for a little while, and I got a different job. I’m back now. I was just so bored.” Whizz’s offer had been too good to turn down. Her life wasn’t away from the club anymore. It was part of it.
“It’s so good to hear your voice.” This was from her mother.
“Hey, Mom. How are you?”
“I’m over the moon that you’ve decided to call.”
Guilt gripped her, and she deserved it. “I’m sorry. I really am. I had a lot of
things on my mind, and I took it out on you guys. I really shouldn’t have.”
“Honey, we would do anything for you. We love you so much,” her father said.
“I love you, too. It’s, I’m so sorry. I suck at this so much.” She laughed. “I’m a little busy at the moment. I’m helping out one of the girls, Lexie. She’s having a few problems with her pregnancy, but I was wondering if you would like to go for a visit.”
“We would love you to, honey. We really would.”
“Would you like to meet Sinner? I know you didn’t want me dating, Dad, but I love him, and he is part of my life.”
“You love him?” her father asked.
“Yeah, more than anything. He’s my soul mate.”
“Of course, we would love to see him. You and him both.”
She nodded. After talking a little more and catching up, she finally put the phone down.
“We’re heading out to see your parents?” Sinner asked, making her jump.
“Geez, you scared me,” she said. “I thought you were on your way to Naked Fantasies.”
“I was, and well done. You said it without a sneer.”
“I don’t like the thought of any naked woman throwing themselves at you. Sue me.”
He laughed. “There is no naked woman, and besides, the only one I want is you.” He moved close, and kissed her lips. “You want me to go and see your family?”
“Of course.” She took his hand, locking their fingers together. “We’re in this together now, right? Forever?”
“Yeah, we really are.” He pressed a kiss to her lips. “I wish you could come with me.”
“I need to be here for Lexie. I will get started on some food for when the kids get home. How does chicken noodle soup sound?”
“Sounds awesome. I love noodle soup.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, and she watched him walk away, heading toward the club’s titty bar. She didn’t like Naked Fantasies, but she trusted Sinner. He would never step out on her.
****
Devil was back within three days, but Lola and Sinner still stayed at their place. Lexie told Sinner that he could sleep in Lola’s room, and he didn’t have to keep going back to the club. Of course, Devil wanted to argue, but Lexie had the last word in everything, not that he minded.
