by Joy Elbel
Okay, so maybe Rachel was less normal than I ever imagined she was. Or it was a side effect of spending too much time with me. Either way, her comments were morbid in a blonde cheerleader kind of way. The thought of wireless internet at my gravesite was starting to make some sort of weirdly fascinating sense to me. The eyelashes on her car, however, still didn’t.
“Well since there isn’t Wifi here and I can’t just IM Clay and wait for a response, I need you to help me look for his grave.”
“Sure. I’ll start on the hill and work my way down. Reception might be better up there.” I rolled my eyes at her but nodded my head. The grass wasn’t overgrown yet like it was in the fall so reading each stone wasn’t a tough task. As I passed by Garnet’s grave, I whispered a quick “hello”. When I found myself standing inadvertently in the middle of Allison’s burial spot, I jumped back instinctively for fear that I might somehow reawaken the wrath of the wraith even though I knew that she was gone for good. As Rachel and I neared each other, I began to lose hope of finding Clay—if I couldn’t even find his headstone, how was I ever going to pin down his spirit?
“No luck?” I asked Rachel even though I knew what her answer would be.
“Nope. Nothing. Are you certain that this is where he is buried?”
“Absolutely. But why I can’t I find him?” “He must not have a headstone. His mother probably couldn’t afford one. Or she took the money and bought herself a few six packs instead.”
Now that was sad. Not having a grave marker was bad enough but not having one because your mom was too much of a hot mess to buy you one, was tragic. Even Lee’s evil excuse for a mother made sure he was properly buried. And to top it all off, Clay was buried in the most unkempt cemetery on the planet.
Sudden brainwave. The first time I saw him here, I was kneeling beside a freshly dug grave without a marker and trying to contact its resident. Could that grave have been Clay’s? Even though the rest of the cemetery was an overgrown mess, it would take at least a few months for the dirt to settle and the grass to overtake it. That had to be it. That was why he thought I was talking to him that day—because without even knowing it, I actually was. I remembered the exact spot and ran toward it calling his name.
“Clay! Clay!” I skidded through the grass and landed right on top of his grave. “Come on, Clay,” I said as I stood up and brushed myself off. “I was just laying right on top of you—I know you’re armed with some witty yet foul remark for that.”
Nothing. Nothing but the whisper of the breeze and the sound of Rachel complaining about her internet service again. Would I have better luck at Silver Lake? Of course, I would. When he saw the lengths I was willing to go to to find him, he would consent to speaking with me.
“Let’s go, Rachel. Next stop, Silver Lake.” As we drove, Rachel spoke to her car before making every turn. After seeing a girl from school walking her dog down the road, I realized that I should duck down in my seat for the rest of the way to the lake. I had two very good reasons to want to hide. Number one—the sheer humiliation of having my secret revealed. Number two—the sheer embarrassment of being seen riding around town in a car with eyelashes.
The only other time I’d been to Silver Lake was the night Zach broke up with me because he thought I was playing him for a fool. It was dark out then and I never really got a good look at how big it truly was. With one look, I wished I never had. If it weren’t for the fact that I really wanted to talk to Clay, I would have told Daisy to bat her eyes in the other direction and get me the hell out of there.
There wasn’t a single other car in sight—including Clay’s Mustang. It felt so remote here—like Rachel and I were the last two mortal souls on the planet. It was a feeling I would rather do without. There weren’t any boats on the water, just a few ducks paddling about. My intense fear of water rose rapidly to the surface. Knowing that that lake claimed the life of my friend made it feel even more unwelcoming. I was going to give Clay exactly sixty seconds to show his face before I ordered Daisy to take me home.
“Ruby! Are you cold? You’re trembling all over. There’s a hoodie in my car if you want to put it on. If you ask Daisy politely, I’m sure that she will open the back door for you.”
“I’m not cold, Rachel. This is what fear looks like. I’m scared to death of water like this. It reminds me of what happened to Lee and me on Destiny Bridge. Thinking of Clay not only dying in there but also decaying in its depths for two weeks before they pulled him out—it’s too much. I need to go home now.”
“Yikes! That was a little too descriptive for my tastes. But if you want to find Clay, you at least have to give him a minute to appear. You need to desensitize yourself to water. Like this.”
She grasped my wrist and began pulling me toward the water. Was she completely insane? I dug my heels into the dirt and stones beneath me and resisted her with every muscle in my body. “You are not making me go anywhere near that lake!”
“Of course, I’m not, Ruby. I’m not a total idiot, you know. But there’s a spot over here on the side that isn’t even knee deep. You wouldn’t drown in there unless I conked you on the head and pushed you in.”
Hoping that wasn’t an admitted statement of premeditation, I relaxed my stance slightly. “Okay, I will follow you as soon as you release your death grip on me.”
With a chuckle, she unwound her fingers and dropped my arm. “You don’t completely trust me, do you?” “Don’t be offended. When it comes to water, I don’t fully trust anyone. I’ve heard too many horror stories of people throwing other people into the water to force them to learn how to swim. I’m simply not taking any chances.”
“Why, Ruby, I do declare!” Rachel drawled in a fake southern accent, “My heart breaks at the thought that you don’t trust me.” She dramatically clutched at her chest and began to feign sobbing.
“That isn’t the only thing I’m going to break if you don’t drop the accent, Miss Scarlet!” I said in a serious tone. I had to admit one thing though—Rachel’s insane sense of humor put me at ease every time. My hands were no longer trembling and the sensation that I was near vertigo had diminished. What was I going to do when she was over a thousand miles away and I needed her support? Texting alone simply wasn’t going to cut it.
“You’re a beautiful mess, you know that? But you’re my bestest friend ever!”
“Thanks. I think. I’m going to accept that as a compliment and move on.”
Rachel just laughed and pointed directly in front of us. “Here. This is the spot I was telling you about.” Before us lay a small, dark, shallow pool. While it was directly connected to the crystal clear waters of the main lake, the water here was murky. An obvious line divided the two— on one side of the line lay a beautiful shade of blue, on the other a dark color that defied description. It was the strangest thing I’d ever seen. It was like some invisible barrier held them separate. Even if it wasn’t anywhere near deep enough to drown in, this tiny pond did nothing to ease my anxiety. Even the fish swimming inside it seemed to be moving in slow motion.
Rachel broke my concentration by asking how bad my dad ripped into Principal Lascher today. Her question reminded me of one of my own that I had for her.
“It wasn’t too terrible—but my dad did threaten to call his lawyer. Hey, Lascher mentioned something during their conversation that kind of puzzled me. My dad wasn’t quite sure what he meant by it either but maybe you will. He referred to Zach’s near-expulsion and said something about your family had already been through enough. What did he mean by that remark?”
“I don’t know but I’m not going to ask Mom or Dad about it. It’s time for the past to stay where it belongs—in the past. Are you ready to go now? I have some homework that I need to do.”
Was it just me or was Rachel hiding something from me? I was prone to paranoia these days and afraid to trust my own judgment. Still, the fact that Rachel wanted to do her homework was odd enough on its own. I nodded my head and turned back toward the
car. In one day’s time, I’d managed to lose a friend, question another friend’s honesty, become the laughing stock of Charlotte’s Grove High School, and quit my job. But I was still left with the burning question of what Lascher meant by that remark. The only person left to ask was Zach. Would he be just as evasive about it as Rachel was? And how would I deal with it if he was?
12. Running with the Devil
Despite desperate pleadings to let me finish out my senior year via cyber school, Dad insisted that I return to classes the very next day. I endured a ten minute lecture regarding the fact that if I ran away now, I would only be letting the bullies win. When I responded by telling him that I was perfectly okay with that, he didn’t even acknowledge me. So merely one day after epic embarrassment, the crippled mouse was being thrown back into the snake pit.
The halls got quiet as I wound my way through them but I could always hear some sort of snickering behind me after I was past. People moved far out of my way like I was a contagion, like if they accidentally bumped into me they would become a freak of nature, too.
What turned out to be the worst moment of the day actually came very near the beginning. Brooke stopped by to talk to me and Mr. Raspatello regarding the Black Raven Society. Since she wasn’t acting weird with me, I assumed that maybe I was wrong about her maturity level and she was above all of the petty crap the other kids seemed to thrive on. She announced that she had a suggestion for our first reading assignment and I was eager to hear it.
“Since Prom is only a few weeks away, I thought it would make sense for us to read “Carrie” by Stephen King,” she declared proudly.
“That’s an excellent choice!” I said excitedly. While King wasn’t one of my favorites, this particular novel was. I’d read it a few times over the years, but it had been quite a while since the last time I picked it up. I was so thrilled at the prospect of re-reading it that I never thought to question her motive for choosing it. Not until Kody Kirk overheard us and piped up with a smartass remark.
“Ha ha, yeah, you already got the shower scene down— just don’t even think about setting us all on fire prom night.” A round of laughter swept the room. I looked up to see Brooke smirking proudly in my face. Anger began seething inside of me. She did that on purpose. She was nothing but a bitter, jealous harpy—no better than Misty herself. I always knew that she envied my position in Mr. Raspatello’s eyes but I never dreamed that she would stoop so low to knock me off of that imaginary pedestal. Well, if she thought that tearing someone else down was the way to raise her own self-esteem, she was wrong. Someday she would realize that. They all would. Unfortunately for me, today was not going to be that day.
Mr. Raspatello instantly ordered Kody to the principal’s office and sternly quieted the room but the damage was already done. I was mortified once again.
When I returned to my seat, Rachel and Zach both did their best to console me but it didn’t help one bit. I still had to endure two more months of this kind of humiliation before graduation. How was I ever going to survive?
Rachel tried to cheer me up by confirming our Sunday afternoon shopping trip to look for prom dresses. Not a very well timed comment considering the fact that the whole school was now going to be worried that I would incinerate them during the big dance.
“I’m not going to the prom but I will still come and help you pick out your dress.” The worst day in the world couldn’t take away my love of shopping—even if I wasn’t shopping for myself. Plus, the opportunity to spend a few hours hundreds of miles away from this wretched town was an offer I would never, ever refuse.
“Of course you’re going to the prom, Ruby! It’s still almost two months away—you’ll change your mind before then. If you don’t get a dress now, you’ll be stuck with something hideous when the time comes. It’s going to be one of our last big moments of high school—you can’t miss it.”
“Rachel’s right, Ruby,” Zach chimed in, “You worry too much about what everyone else thinks of you. I’ve been looking forward to taking you to the prom ever since we first started dating.”
Really? Did Mr. Perfect have to go and say something so irresistibly sweet right when I was determined to continue feeling sorry for myself? How could I say no to that comment, to those beautiful blue eyes staring lovingly at me? It was too much for even my stubborn resolve. So I caved. For Zach, I would do anything in this world to make him happy even if it meant making me feel miserable.
“Fine. I’ll go to the stupid prom. I’ll go and get made fun of. I’ll go and worry about dodging buckets of pig’s blood the whole time I’m there. I’ll go and watch Misty get crowned Prom Queen. I just want you to realize that I’m only going to make you happy.”
Zach smiled and kissed me on the cheek. “There’s that dark little ray of sunshine I was looking for! You’ll be glad you changed your mind when the time comes—I promise you that. I’ll make sure that it’s a night we’ll both remember for the rest of our lives.”
In spite of how wretched I truly felt, I couldn’t help but smile. He just had that effect on me. I knew that he would find a way to make that night special for me—and help keep an eye out for hidden buckets of pig’s blood. I really had been looking forward to going to the prom with Zach—that was one night that I simply couldn’t let Misty ruin for me. Every other night, maybe, but not that one.
My plan was to get through the day by keeping my head held high and making eye contact with no one. They were nothing more than ghosts to me at this point—transparent and merely resembling the people I once thought they were. While I never had tons of friends here, I at least thought that I had very few enemies. But I was wrong. I chalked it up to a lesson learned the hard way—one I would definitely never have to learn again.
“Seriously, Ruby, everything is going to be just fine. You’re going to be so busy for the next few months that Misty and everyone else will be nothing more than a blip on your radar. Don’t forget—track starts today!”
I did forget but I pretended that I didn’t. “Yep, totally looking forward to that, too. There are infinite amounts of energy inside me just aching to be burnt off on a good run!” If only that run could take me far away from Charlotte’s Grove and the shame I’d suffered here.
Since I no longer had a job to get in the way of my personal time, I made plans with Zach for some Saturday afternoon car shopping. Now that he was in a better mood, he resisted somewhat but I reminded him that he really did earn a portion of that money and deserved something out of it. Rita had called and left numerous messages for me but I hadn’t screwed up enough courage to face her yet. One step at a time, I figured. I hated to leave her hanging like that but I didn’t know what else to do.
You know how the clock slows down to a turtle’s pace when everyone you encounter looks at you like you’re a paranormal pariah? Okay, so I was probably the only person in the history of time itself to have that specific feeling but you get the picture. Once again, there were points where I would have sworn that I saw the hands on the clock move backwards. While most everyone looked at me like I was an insane drama queen, some of them actually seemed to be frightened of me. Even Chloe who I used to consider a somewhat close friend, simply kept walking when I tried to ask her a question about our homework assignment. I was keeping a super huge secret for her—how did she know that I wouldn’t go all Lucas on her and reveal it to the world? I wouldn’t, of course, but she didn’t know that.
By the end of the day I was completely fed up with everyone. As Zach and I walked out of math class, I caught a freshman girl laughing at me and I snapped.
I stood a good five inches taller than her so I towered over her like the dominatrix I was supposed to be, leaned in close to her face, and whispered, “Boo.” If she didn’t actually pee her pants, she at least came damn close to it. She dropped her books hastily into her locker and turned away quickly. When I heard her mutter the word “freak” to her friend once she thought she was out of earshot, I snapped again.
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br /> “That’s right, I am a freak—and don’t you forget it!” I screamed it at the top of my lungs, every ounce of my anger and frustration rolled out verbally and echoed down the hallway. Everyone there to witness my meltdown fell completely silent. There was a collective holding of their breaths, like everyone was afraid that even breathing in my general direction might throw me into some sort of psychotic tantrum. Even Zach forgot to exhale for a brief moment.
“Come on, Ruby,” he said, snapping out of his shock at my outburst and grabbing my hand, “Forget about her—forget about all of them. You aren’t a freak and you know you aren’t. Now take all of that anger and put it to good use at tryouts. Just don’t use the javelin as an impaling rod, okay?”
Javelin? Impaling rod? OMG. When Rachel convinced me to join the track team with her, I thought I was signing up for running not medieval weapon flinging. What did I let her talk me into here? For real, the concept of having people who hated me randomly throwing pointy objects in my vicinity frightened me a little bit. Truth? I was damn close to peeing in my pants. Someone was probably going to get hurt and that someone was probably me. Then, from out of nowhere, Rachel came sweeping up behind me and grabbed my arm.
“She looks more like a discus kind of girl to me, little brother. And don’t worry, I know how accident prone she is— I’ll take good care of her for you.”
Discus? Great. Add a lead Frisbee to the list of things that could potentially be thrown at me. I had just enough time to give Zach one last kiss before being swept off to my board of education approved maiming.
On the way to the locker room, Rachel explained that Coach Hunter preferred to have everyone participate in at least two different events. I was going to have to find something else I was halfway decent at besides running. Time to embarrass myself silly in front of everyone yet again. If I didn’t truly love Rachel like a sister, I would have broken another window to escape. But I promised her that I would do this with her—I had to make good on my word, even if it meant more public humiliation. Which it undeniably would.
