by Joy Elbel
My Mustang. I saw a weird flash of it in my memory, parked at Silver Lake but not trashed the way they said it was the night I died. That memory was from the night I died, I could just feel it. That flash was fleeting but I knew exactly where it was parked—near the spot where Ruby’s car was demolished. Maybe there was something significant about the way Shane and Dylan left it. While my brain was still firing on all cylinders, I needed to try to figure it out.
As we walked to that spot, I could feel that something was happening—that something was changing inside my head. Ruby gave me exactly five minutes to do what I needed to do. Five minutes had to be enough time. I wanted to move on with my ‘life’ and I finally felt close to being able to do that. Ruby made me want to remember so that I could finally forget. When I stopped at the water’s edge, images begin to race through my brain. I watched as a blur of scenes moved backwards until I got to the beginning. I was no longer at Silver Lake. I was no longer dead. My memories created a time machine that transported me somewhere far from Ruby yet so much closer to the truth.
My stereo was blasting to drown out the sound of Mom throwing up on whoever that lucky guy was she brought home with her from The Crow Hole tonight. That made this the second man-vomiting incident of the month but her third bar conquest of the week. That I knew of. And that stupid bitch wondered why I spent so much time away from home. Half the time, I was here and she didn’t even realize it. The other half, I was busy getting loaded myself. I picked the worst time to be sober.
The music was so loud that I didn’t hear my phone ring— the vibration on my leg was the only way I knew that I had an incoming call. I didn’t usually answer calls from unfamiliar numbers. What made me want to do it now? I was hoping it was some random person looking to score a hit, that’s why. I didn’t choose to be sober tonight. I ran out of money. I put every last cent I had from last night’s deal into getting the final part I needed for the Mustang. I had plenty to sell but no buyers. I wanted to escape from reality but I didn’t want to dip into my own inventory to do it. It wasn’t smart to smoke up potential profits. I preferred beer anyway. The time flipped forward one minute to exactly midnight as I answered it.
“Yeah, What do you need?” I grumbled while turning down the music. The sound of more heaving from Mom’s bedroom made me add one more thing. “And make it quick.”
“Clay? You sound awful. Are you high right now?” a sweet voice asked with equal parts concern and reprimand. I sat up in bed immediately and smoothed back my tangled mess of hair as though she could see me through the phone. “Sophie?” I replied quietly. “Is that you?”
We hadn’t spoken since the night we broke up—exactly one month and three days ago. That was the day she found out that I was dealing again. I promised her once before that I would stop but I lied. She didn’t understand why I did it. She didn’t know how it felt to be a poor kid like me and dating the richest, most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. She would never understand. I just needed to keep doing it until Jeremy and I had enough money put together to open up our own garage. It would take some hard work and a whole lot of grease, but we had big plans, Jeremy and me. Someday, we would be able to earn big bucks the honest way. Until then, selling drugs was my only option.
“Of course it’s me. Or were you hoping it was your new girlfriend?” I knew the tone of her voice well—she was jealous. There wasn’t any new girlfriend. No girls period. If I couldn’t have Sophie, I didn’t want anyone. She was my first and she would be my last. But she was in Ohio and she had no way of knowing that I’d turned down offers from several hot girls willing to exchange sex for drugs. I loved Sophie and that was that.
She wasn’t coming back to me. I had to abandon that hope. So I acted like an asshole to keep my feelings buried. “Nah, I left that bitch’s house earlier. Gave her what she wanted and walked out before she had time to start asking me what I was thinking about.” Sophie always used to ask me that question right after sex. I would always answer her by saying “you” and it was never a lie. I missed those days bad but not for the obvious reason. I missed them because I was still in love with her.
“Clayton Arnold Roseman, when are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours that I can always tell when you’re lying to me?” She still sounded pissed. Pissed yet relieved.
I didn’t even cringe at the use of my middle name like I normally would have. Our conversation felt more like the good old days, the days when she still loved me as much as I loved her. But I had to stop wishing that we could be together again. Wishing hurt.
“What do you want, Sophie?” I tried to sound tough but it all fell apart when I got to her name. Her name was soft and sweet on my tongue—just like she was. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to think about how bad I missed her. Impossible.
“There’s something you need to know, Clay. My parents forbid me to tell you this. They said it wouldn’t make any difference. Prove them wrong. Prove to me that you’re the guy I think you are.”
My heart started racing in my chest. Did I want to hear what she had to say or was it only going to leave me more brokenhearted than I already was? I remained silent, waiting for the ax to fall on me again.
“I’m pregnant.” I never expected to hear those words come out of her mouth. We were always careful. But there was that one mishap shortly before our breakup. She took a home pregnancy test but told me that it was negative. How could she lie to me about something like that?
“Why did you lie to me about that test? Tell me the truth.” I demanded. “I didn’t lie. My mom took me to the doctor a few days later and the results were very different. I’ve seen the sonogram, Clay. I’m definitely pregnant. The real question here is, what are you going to do about it?”
“What can I do about it? I don’t even know exactly where you are! What do you want me to do about it?” “I want you to get in your car and drive to Marklin, Ohio right now. That’s where I am. It’s a small town near Pendleton University. I want you near me. I have enough money for you to have food and a roof over your head until you can find a job. But it has to be an honest job.”
I didn’t have enough money for gas to drive that far. I would have to go downtown and hope to find a few buyers first. It was getting late—I probably wouldn’t have any luck with that until tomorrow night. “I can’t tonight. I’ll be there in a few days though—Scout’s Honor. I wanna go make some money first.” I was too ashamed of myself to admit that I needed to make money first.
“No. It’s now or never. You have to decide which is more important to you—me or money. Which is it going to be?”
“You of course—both of you. I’ll be there by morning.” “You better be. When you get close to Ohio, text me at this number. And you better not bring any drugs with you. If you don’t text me back, I swear I’ll run so far away that you’ll never find me. Scout’s Honor.” Click. The line went dead.
The first thing I did was call Jeremy. He might have enough money on him to get me to Ohio tonight. He always came through for me in a pinch. Plus, I couldn’t wait to tell him about the baby. I wasn’t going to let this kid grow up without a father the way he and I both did.
“What?” Jeremy responded when I told him the good news. “Ohio? Tonight? What about our plans for the garage? You can’t leave Charlotte’s Grove now!”
Jeremy didn’t sound like himself. I must have woken him up. I’d slept over at his house enough times to know that he was cranky as hell first thing in the morning. That had to be why he didn’t sound as happy for me as I was expecting him to. I also knew that when he was in one of those morning moods, there was no getting through to him until he was fully awake. I wasn’t getting any money out of him any time soon. I was going to have to score one final deal.
“Look, I need cash fast. Any possible customers you could send my way?”
“Go find your own customers. I’m busy.” Click. Yeah, busy sleeping. I was going to have to do this myself. I took a quick shower, put
on a red flannel shirt and some jeans, and stuffed what possessions I could into an old duffel bag. I snuck out my window so I wouldn’t risk running into my mom or her flavor of the day. As I fired up the Mustang, I took one last look at the house I wasn’t going to miss. Goodbye, Spring Avenue. Hello, Ohio.
Hopefully. An hour later, I still had a full bag of weed and five pennies in my pocket. I tried all of the usual spots but there wasn’t a potential customer in sight. That meant only one thing—there was a party somewhere in town where everyone was getting high together. If I could find that party, I could easily talk some dumb pothead into buying the whole bag if I cut them a good enough deal. The first place I decided to look was Silver Lake. There was an old camp there where people partied during the summer. It was always abandoned on cold nights but tonight was warm enough that I just might get lucky.
As I was pulling down the dirt road, I caught sight of a set of headlights coming my way. At this time of night, it was probably just a couple coming back from a little date night sex. No one ever left these parties this early. Whoever it was, I was going to attempt to sell them what I had. Even if they went to the police later, I would be long gone by morning.
When the oncoming vehicle got close enough, I saw that it was a pickup truck. Shane Taylor’s truck. He would buy everything I had so he could resell it later. I was only a few minutes away from freedom and a few hours away from seeing Sophie’s beautiful face. Life was already starting to get better for me.
I flashed my headlights to get Shane’s attention, then pulled to the side of the road and turned them off so that he could get a good look at my car. He knew me—he would stop to see what I wanted.
He pulled his truck alongside of me and lowered his window. “What’s up, Roseman?”
“Hey, I have a full bag I need to get rid of tonight. Will you give me a Benjamin for it?” The bag in my glove box was worth three hundred at least. I figured a third of that would be more than enough to get me to Ohio and put a burger or two in my belly along the way.
Shane looked at me suspiciously. “How big of a bag is it?” When I held it up for inspection, he questioned me further. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Nothing’s wrong with it—Scout’s Honor. I just need to get out of the business. Tonight.” Shane uttered a few inaudible words to Dylan then replied, “I’ll buy it. But I don’t have that much cash on me. Get in the truck.”
My luck really was starting to change! “Okay. Give me a minute to park my car.” I rounded the final turn, parked the Mustang, and ran back to the truck—drugs and phone both safely stashed in my pockets. I couldn’t wait to text my girl to let her know that I was on my way.
Once I was in the truck, Dylan handed me an open beer. I didn’t want to drive under the influence but I did want to celebrate. It was only a twelve ounce can so I figured that if I hurried up and drank it, it would be practically out of my system before I got behind the wheel.
“Cheers!” I exclaimed before chugging the entire thing in one gulp. Less than a minute later, my eyelids started to close involuntarily. There was something in that can besides beer….
I woke up tied to a chair with no idea what time it was or how long I’d been asleep. Though not exactly certain of where I was, my best guess was that I was at the party cabin at Silver Lake. Shane and Dylan drugged me. What I really wanted to know was why. And what were they going to do with me next.
I let out a groan as I struggled to get out of my bonds, but quickly realized that it wasn’t worth the effort. Dylan, who had been slumped over in a chair next to me sat up suddenly.
“Shane! He’s awake!” Thundering footsteps pounded through the hallway and came to an abrupt halt at the open door. “Roseman, I thought you were smarter than that—I really did. Do you remember how hard it was to convince me to let you into this business? You should have realized then that getting out of it was never an option.”
I was in serious trouble. I’d never known anyone who had walked away from the business. I hadn’t been in it long enough to know what the punishment was for deserters. I was about to find out.
Shane hovered over my chair and demanded an answer. “Tell me why you want out, Roseman, and don’t lie to me. Tell me the truth and no one gets hurt.”
That’s when I finally understood why Sophie so desperately wanted me to stop dealing. I always assumed that she was afraid that I would get caught and sent to jail. This is what she meant when she told me that it was too dangerous for her to associate with me. She loved me and she didn’t want me to get hurt. I could have done the easy thing and told him the truth but it could put her life in danger, too. As it stood, Shane and Dylan knew that she and I were broken up—they would never think to use her against me now. As long as they didn’t know about the phone call, Sophie and the baby would stay safe.
“I’m afraid of getting caught by the police,” I lied and tried to make myself sound convincing.
“Liar!” Shane said as he landed a punch straight to my gut. “Why do you want out?” I doubled over in excruciating pain. I’d been in a few schoolyard scraps over the years, but never with anyone as strong as he was. In fact, I was usually the one sending my opponents away with black eyes and missing teeth while rarely taking any kind of real beating myself. There was even that one time that I kicked the crap out of Jeremy who was half my size. That’s when I realized that I’d been a bully. Now that the tables were turned, I felt shame at how I’d taken my aggression out on people who couldn’t fairly fight back. That made me feel almost as bad as the punch itself.
I still wasn’t going to tell him the real reason—I was going to repeat the lie until he believed it. “I’m afraid to get caught!” I yelled back at him.
“Liar!” he repeated as he pulled back his fist again, this time planting it firmly against the side of my face. The tooth on my bottom jaw that had been in bad shape for a while gave off a cracking sound and my mouth began to fill up with blood. The metallic taste was sickening so I spat it out onto the floor, blood and enamel fragments splattering into a gruesome pattern at my feet. Dylan grabbed my hair from behind and yanked my head back up. He held it in place there while Shane landed blow after blow to my face.
I’d never known such pain in my life. They were going to beat me into a slow and painful death. Would Sophie ever find out what happened to me? Would she know that I died trying to do the right thing? Or would she think that my wild lifestyle finally caught up with me and I only got what I deserved. One thing was clear—she would never know that I died trying to protect her and our baby. Maybe it was best that way—then she wouldn’t have to live the rest of her life thinking that my death was her fault. Shane sent one more punch to my stomach and everything went black.
This time I woke up in the middle of the woods bloody and battered but still alive. My eyes were almost sealed shut from the beating and open to nothing more than slits. But I could still make out the lake through the trees, moonlight casting its glow across the line of boats along the shore. If they had meant to kill me, they would have but I was certain that this was the only warning I was going to get. I needed to get to my car and drive as far as my gas tank would let me. Wherever I ended up, then and only then, would I contact Sophie. She would find a way to come get me.
I stumbled through the forest, unable to see obstacles that were right in front of me. Every time I fell, the pain got worse as I landed on every bruise multiple times. Dirt ground itself into the open wounds on my cheek and stung like hell. I wanted to give up. I wanted to lay down and die. Sophie was the only thing that kept me going. When I got to Ohio, I was going to get down on one knee and ask that girl to marry me—ring or no ring. She wouldn’t care that I couldn’t give her a diamond. If I’d only realized sooner that money wasn’t the most important thing to her, we never would have broken up in the first place. And I wouldn’t be staggering through the woods half dead to get to her. This was what they meant by “learning a painful lesson”.
It
took forever but I finally made it to the clearing where I’d left my car. I was in so much pain that the simple act of digging my keys out of my pocket made me wince in agony. How was I going to drive even five miles like this? out of energy long before the Mustang did. I was going to run
I needed to text Sophie now then find a safe place to hide until she could come get me. Rosewood was unoccupied and it wasn’t far away. I could make it there and get lost so deep inside it that no one would find me.
“I take it they taught you a valuable lesson tonight.” said
a voice from the other side of my car. “Jeremy!” I said with a sigh of relief. “You have to help me man! I need to hide until Sophie can come pick me up! I’m in no shape to drive.”
“Don’t be stupid, Clay.” “I’m not being stupid!” Abandoning the life I’d been living in exchange for something much better—how could he possibly think that was stupid? It was the smartest move I’d ever made.
“Did you tell her what they did to you? Does she know that they tied you up and beat the shit out of you because of her?” Jeremy asked as he leaned back against the driver side door of the Mustang.
“No, I don’t want her to know that this was because of her. She’s going to feel bad enough when she sees what I look like.” My legs were aching severely and began to buckle at the knees. “I need to sit down,” I said, motioning him to step aside so that I could get into my car.
“Not until you change your mind about leaving. There are tons of girls in Charlotte’s Grove. You’ll forget all about Sophie.”
Why was he arguing with me at a time like this? “No I won’t! And even if I could, how do you expect me to forget about the baby?”
Jeremy shrugged his shoulders casually. “Who says it’s even yours?” He knew Sophie wasn’t like that. When she wasn’t out with me, she was at home studying. He always called her a bookworm. I was so in love with Sophie that I didn’t notice until now that he never said anything nice about her. This time he crossed the line. Bruised, aching, bloody, exhausted—even through it all, I had enough energy left to take a swing at him.
