by L. Divine
“Hey, girl,” Chance says, not rising from his comfy spot. He’s been waiting a long time to get this close to Nellie, and he ain’t giving his seat up, not even to hug one of his best friends. Ain’t that some shit?
“Now, now, you know Jeremy doesn’t like it when you have these embarrassing tantrums in public,” Tania says, sipping on her white wine. Isn’t she pregnant? What’s she doing drinking?
“Tania, don’t talk to me. I just wanted to say hi to my girl,” I say, crossing my arms and staring down at Nellie, who’s stretched out across one of the dozens of lawn chairs speckled around the field. The game’s still going on, and no one on the field’s paying much attention to us on the sidelines. Reid’s brothers are of course on the opposing team of Jeremy and his brothers, and it looks like Jeremy’s ready to go back in. I know he don’t want none of me right now.
“Hi, Jayd,” Nellie mumbles. What the hell have I done to this girl to make her turn on me like this? It can’t be that great being the token black girl around here.
“So you do remember me,” I say, taking my vibrating phone out of my purse to see Rah’s name on the caller ID. If he didn’t live so far from here, I’d ask him to come get me now. “Why can’t you return any of my messages?” I say, trying not to be as loud as the people around me are assuming me to be.
“I told you I’ve been busy. There’s a lot more involved in being a princess than I thought,” Nellie says, looking like she actually wants to tell me what’s really going on, but she can’t. Something in me tells me not to press her any further and to trust that the truth will be revealed. What the hell are they doing to my girl, and why is she letting them?
“Jayd, is everything all right?” Jeremy says, out of breath and wiping his sweaty forehead on the front of his shirt. Even now, he still smells good to me.
“Yeah, baby. I was just hollering at my friends,” I say, looking from Nellie to Chance, making both of them lower their eyes in shame. How could they kick it with the enemy? Catching my eye, Tania looks at me as though she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. She settles instead on a devious smile and waves her left hand in front of me, showing off the three-carat diamond ring, reminding me of her engagement. Just then, I get a flush on my arm, where the fading burn mark is. This whole episode feels too familiar, like another déjà vu. This can’t be good.
“Heads up!” Jeremy’s brother Justin yells from the field. With me not moving soon enough, the ball hits me in the arm, right where my wound is healing, causing the pain to once again flare up.
“Jayd, are you okay?” Jeremy says, unaware of the mark there, prior to the impending bruise sure to come. What the hell?
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say. If I didn’t want to leave before, I definitely want to now.
“It’s just a little hit; it’ll be okay,” Jeremy says. His touch is a little more than I can bear right now, even if he is trying to be sweet.
“Ouch. Don’t touch it,” I say, jerking my arm away from his hand. Looking pissed, Jeremy takes a step back to return to the game. Tania and her crew are enjoying this a little too much.
“You’re such a baby sometimes,” he says, only half joking. “You’ll be all right.” And with that, he returns to his game, and I march off the field, with China right behind me.
“Hey, Jayd, wait up,” she says, clutching her pet tightly while speeding down the hill after me. I just want to get out of here. I’m sure I can find a bus stop somewhere and get my ass back to Compton, where I know how to play the game. This is some new territory for me, where you can flaunt your lovers in front of your current girlfriends and friends alike and everyone’s supposed to be fine with that. Well, not where I’m from.
“I was just leaving. Do you want a ride home?” China says. She probably has always wanted to go to Compton.
“Sure. I just need to get my stuff out of Jeremy’s car,” I say as we walk toward the front. He didn’t lock the doors, so I can leave unnoticed and get back to my side of town.
6
Fiyah
“Ay candela, candela/
Candela, me quemo aé.”
—BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB
Jeremy called me all night long after my dramatic exit yesterday. I didn’t answer a single call, and I talked to Rah only briefly after taking a cleansing bath Mama prescribed to help calm my dreams. She said I have too much hot energy around me and I need to cool my head. She gave me some orikis to sing for my Ori, and they actually made me feel better—low spirit, sore arm and all.
This morning when Jeremy picked me up from the bus stop, he didn’t speak a word to me. I tried to explain to him why I left without saying anything and why I didn’t pick up the phone, but he just acted as if I weren’t talking at all. I shouldn’t have to continuously justify my actions. What else was I supposed to do after he called me a baby in front of my sworn enemy and best friend turned frenemy—sit there and chat it up? He’s really tripping on this one.
“Jayd,” Alia says, snapping me out of my recollection of this morning’s events and back to my fifth-period drama class. She and Seth are rehearsing a scene from Waiting for Godot, and I’m supposed to cue their lines. But I’m not even paying attention to the two of them. They’ve been over it a hundred times, and they’re both great actors. I’m sure they have the script down pat. “Wake up,” she says, snatching the small playbook out of my hands and reviewing her lines.
“You studying your own lines—what a novel idea,” I say, teasing her. Alia’s my girl, and I am sorry I’m not being of much help to them right now, but I’ve got more important things on my mind.
Ever since running into Nellie yesterday, I’ve been getting a strange feeling that there’s more to her hanging out with Tania than just wanting to be in with the popular kids. I feel like Tania’s holding something over Nellie’s head, and I’m going to find out what’s going on. I think Jeremy should be willing to help me in any way he can. And, more than anything, he should always have my back, especially in front of an ex. That would be like me choosing sides with KJ if they got into an argument. Now, how would that look?
“Why do you look so serious?” Seth says, noticing my frown. I haven’t been mentally present in any of my classes today. Jeremy got a library pass for third, and I didn’t see him at lunch or break either. He’s skillfully avoiding me, and I don’t mind having the time to myself to think. I’m sure Tania and her baby had a hangover, because she was conveniently absent today as well. And without their queen bee, the hive is usually quite silent.
“I just have a lot going on,” I say, avoiding discussing anything with Seth. Even though the Drama Club is a clique unto itself, private conversations still end up getting spread around campus. And the less people I have in my business, the better. “Did I miss a line or something?” I say, watching Alia frantically search through the worn playbook.
“Alia swears she missed an entire monologue. I think it’s just her ego talking,” Seth says almost as feminine as me. Alia and Seth playing the roles is almost equivalent to it being two girls onstage, instead of two men, as originally cast.
“I’m telling you, I know I had another paragraph in here somewhere. We’re off pace, and we finished two minutes early,” Alia says, reminding us that the bell is about to ring. Maybe I can dance some of this stress out in sixth period. Mama has a neighborhood-watch meeting at Mrs. Webb’s house up the block, so I should have plenty of time to study tonight. Those meetings last for hours, and when Mama gets home, she’s worn out. It’s really just a large gossip session, during which everyone finds out who’s been visiting whom. And Daddy’s name always manages to come up, putting Mama in a sour mood for the rest of the evening.
“There’s the bell,” Alia says, picking up her oversize backpack and heading toward the door. “Thanks for your help, Jayd. See you after school for rehearsal, Seth.”
“All right, Alia,” he says, turning his attention toward me. I’m moving real slow today. Luckily we have the first
fifteen minutes to dress, so I’m never in too much of a hurry to get there.
“So, you heard about Tania’s little growth, did you?” Seth says like he’s been dying to dish the dirt for days. “Girl, and you know who the baby daddy is, right?” he adds a little too comfortably for me.
“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me,” I say, allowing him to do all the talking. When I come to Jeremy with this information after school, I want it to be all on Seth and his gossip skills, not me. This is my perfect opportunity. He’ll have to tell me something now.
“Girl, it’s your boo, Jeremy. Or at least that’s what the queen says.” Damn, he sounds too much like a hating girl right now. Seth is one of those rich-kid outcasts. I have the feeling he’s always wanted to be best friends with Tania or someone in the crew but was never allowed, and for obvious reasons. Seth’s nails are much prettier than any of those girls’.
“Where’d you hear that from?” I say, feigning surprise. This is my acting assignment for the day, I guess. I’m glad Seth came out with what he knows. It’s actually a relief to have someone else to talk to about it.
“Girl, from the witch herself. I overheard Tania and Jeremy talking the other day. He wants a paternity test, and she doesn’t. Tania just wants him to sign over any possible rights to claim paternity in the future and let her go on and marry the rich Persian dude her parents hooked her up with,” he says. Seth sure did overhear a lot, and I’m glad, too. Now I know what Jeremy knows, and that means I can help him, whether he wants it or not. So much for having to wait until he trusted me enough to tell me. This plan’s much quicker.
“Really? So she doesn’t even know if he’s the father?” I say. I wouldn’t be dreaming about it if it weren’t true. But I have to continue to play the shocked role. I don’t want Seth to know I already knew. That could get back to Jeremy, and then he really wouldn’t trust me.
“No, but she’s pretty sure. She usually doesn’t go around unprotected, know what I mean?” I think Seth knows what he means better than I do. I’ve heard he’s been an undercover boyfriend to a couple of dudes around campus. But he’s unusually discrete about his love life. “And she hasn’t even met her fiancé,” he says, completely enthralled with Tania’s affairs. I bet if she ever becomes famous, he’ll be the one to write her biography.
“Okay, Seth, that’s enough of The Young and the Restless for today,” I say, getting up to leave before the final bell rings. It’s going to take me about six minutes to walk across campus to the dance studio. This school’s too big for me. But all the hiking does keep me in shape. It’s also a perfect warm-up before I get my groove on for the day. “I have to get to class, and so do you,” I say, knowing he only has to go across the stage to his set and design course. He’s a total thespian lover.
“Okay. I know this must be painful for you, Jayd, and you’re still in shock,” he says, “but don’t kill them. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you’re too pretty to go to prison.” Seth exits the classroom through the door leading to the stage. He’s so silly, and I’m sure he and many others would love to see me beat Tania down. But I have other tricks up my sleeve to achieve the same goal—getting her out of my life. I’m going to put all my cards on the table and tell Jeremy what I heard, but not all that I know. Judging from his reaction, I’ll know the best way to go about helping him.
I practically sweated out my press-and-curl during dance class, and the cool ocean breeze feels good against my moist scalp and skin. So good, I’m not even paying attention to Misty and KJ making out on the bleachers across the field. They’re disgusting, and she’s just getting played, just like Nellie. Can’t these girls see they’re being used? They must be in complete denial because neither one of them can be that stupid. Well, Misty maybe. But definitely not Nellie. Speaking of which, I haven’t seen her all day. I hope she hasn’t started drinking with the rest of Tania and her disciples.
“Hey, Jayd,” Chance says, walking toward the front of the school where he and Jeremy’s cars are parked. “What’s up with you?” He tries to make small talk after shunning me yesterday.
“What’s up is that people I thought were my friends are turning out to be the shadiest ones in my life right now. That’s what’s up,” I say, speeding up and making him jog to catch up to me. I’m not in the mood for another trifling homie right now. I know Chance doesn’t mean any harm. But seriously, choosing Nellie in bitch mode over me is just plain wrong.
“Come on, Jayd, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” he says, grabbing my arm and forcing me to stop and look him in the eye. He does look pathetically sorrowful, like a puppy who chewed up my favorite shoes.
“Even if you didn’t intentionally hurt my feelings, you still did it, and that doesn’t make it okay,” I say, not giving in so easily.
“I know, I know. Look, I’ll make it up to you,” he says, taking out a coupon for Baskin Robbins. Last year he used to treat me to a sundae every time the Drama Club went out after a play. He always has a buy-one-get-one-free coupon, and I can never resist.
“Okay,” I say. “But now you owe me one.” And I intend for him to pay up.
“You know you can’t stay mad at your big bro,” he says, putting his arm around my neck and walking me toward the front where I can see Jeremy waiting by his Mustang. He still looks like he’s in a foul mood. “Besides, can you blame a guy for getting close to his future wifey?” Chance is delirious if he thinks Nellie will ever get with him.
“Whatever, Chance,” I say, quickly shifting gears before Jeremy is within earshot. “How long have you known about Tania’s pregnancy?” Chance looks down at me, sizing me up to see how much I know. He knows me well enough to know when I’m fishing for information. He wouldn’t break last time I asked him what was up with Jeremy and Tania. But now that I’m on the in, he’s got to give a little.
“Who told you about that?” he says, stalling. “I know it wasn’t Jeremy.”
“No, it wasn’t, and that’s irrelevant,” I say, impatient with his reverse grilling. “Why are you being so secretive with me?” I use the sweetest voice I’ve got. If I could gauge how Jeremy’s dealing with the whole situation from a male perspective, I may have better luck in my approach. But Chance is wasting time, and we are almost at his car, which is right next to Jeremy’s.
“Because, Jayd, this isn’t really about you. It’s about them. And as a good friend to my boy, I can’t talk about it with you, per his request,” Chance says.
“Well, I just hope he’s as loyal to you as you are to him,” I say, releasing myself from his grasp. Where are my loyal-to-the-end friends? I think Mickey’s the closet thing I’ve got to it, now that Nellie’s tripping. But I think Mickey would choose a dude over me if it came down to it, just like Chance did with Nellie.
“He is. We’ve known each other since elementary school; we’re like brothers, Jayd. Don’t be mad, girl,” he says, again reaching for my neck. But I don’t want him touching me right now. He’s taking his loyalty to Jeremy too far this time.
“Whatever,” I say as we approach the cars. Jeremy still looks hella pissed at me. But now I could care less. The info is out there, and I want him to know that I know.
“So what’s this about you being Tania’s baby daddy?” I say with one hand on my hip while the other swings my backpack into the open passenger’s door. “And no, sonny, Tubs didn’t rat you out. I heard it through the beach vine.” Jeremy looks from a stunned Chance back to me, completely emotionless. I can’t read him at all.
“It is what it is,” Jeremy says, as stoic as ever. That’s all he has to say? What the hell kind of reaction is that? He can’t be serious.
“That’s all you have to say to me? Why didn’t you tell me?” I say, now practically shouting, which is having the opposite affect on him as I hoped.
“Because I’d knew you’d react like this,” Jeremy says, walking around to his side and getting in. “Later, Chance,” he adds, starting the car.
“Later, dude. And, Jayd, don’t stay mad at me for long. I still love you, girl,” Chance says before getting into his car and pulling off, leaving me to deal with Jeremy on my own.
“Are you coming?” he says. I’m not used to dealing with aloof guys. This isn’t the way I imagined this conversation going at all. I thought he’d come clean and tell me everything. I want the details.
“Yeah,” I say, getting in and shutting the door. He pulls away from the curb before I even have a chance to put on my seatbelt. “Are you going to talk to me about this?”
“No,” he says. And that’s that. At least when I busted Rah and KJ, they came clean and were sympathetic. This fool’s acting like he could care less. The ride home is destined to be a quiet one, just like the ride to school this morning. Without him to talk to and Mama at her meeting tonight, I guess I’ll have plenty of time to get my assignments straight for the week. I also need to put some energy on finding out what’s exactly up with Nellie. Maybe I should talk to Ms. Toni when she gets back from her leader’s conference on Wednesday. I guess I’ll have to wait and talk to Mama tomorrow after school. Maybe she’ll have some better ideas than just writing stuff down. Now’s the time to take action.
“Girl, I tell you what you need to do with that little friend of yours,” Netta says, clanking the hot flatiron in the air, ready to run it through Mama’s half-pressed hair. It’s Mama’s standing Tuesday appointment, also the best time to catch her at her wisest, other than when she’s cooking. “You tell her the next time some mess goes down, you won’t be there for her. Where do you find your friends, girl? At the enemy surplus store?” she says, turning Mama’s chair around so it faces me.
