I looked back down to the bike.
I could do it.
I could hot wire it and have it out of there before he came back out with his coat on, but that didn’t feel right, and for once, the thought of not being alone while I worked through whatever shit was in my head made life feel a little less scary. I chased after him. “Wait! What about Bullet?”
Bullet was going on vacation himself and it seemed that Vinnie was pleased to have him as a guest for however long we’d be gone. This was something he’d clearly done for Fraser often. He didn’t question how long he’d be gone, and while I said my goodbyes to Bullet, promising him I’d bring him treats soon, Fraser disappeared to see to something.
“Have a lovely time, lassie.” Vinnie smiled at me, and when we walked back from his farm to where our lodges were, I felt excited about the unknown.
An hour and a half later, I followed Fraser into the garage and as I moved to the bike, he opened the car door. “Climb in.”
“Not the car. We’re taking the bike. You said we could take the bike.” I was one step away from stamping my foot like a teenager.
“We will, but—”
“Really? You’re going to go back on your word? Typical.”
“No, but—”
“I should have just taken the fucking thing.”
Fraser threw his bag in the trunk of the little car and strode over to me, and with a couple of big strides, he was in my space.
“Settle down. You need gear.”
“I have all the gear I need!” I shook my day sack by the side of his head, and he grabbed it and threw at the back of the car. “Really? Childish much!”
“Do you have any idea about touring on a bike in Scotland?”
“Well, yeah, throw a leg over the damn thing, turn the key and roar off.” I was so incensed I followed it up with a “Vroom!”
“Or, we go to a shop and buy you some gear that means you’ll stay warm, dry and, oh wait... fucking alive! In case it’s escaped your attention, we’re not on cruising down the 101 in the sunshine here. The further north we go, the colder it gets, and being on a bike in the rain is no fucking fun. And there’s the small matter of the law.”
“The law?”
“Yeah. You can’t ride without a fucking helmet.” I felt my eyebrows raise an inch as I tried to look at the top of my own head. “So, Miss Impatient, we take the car back down to Perth, hit up a shop, get you kitted out and then… Vroom!”
I felt like an idiot; he was right. I wasn’t in America or Afghanistan where people had the choice about helmets. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
Half a day later, I’d purchased lovely feminine motorcycle leathers, a helmet, gloves and some boots. I’d not had that much fun shopping since well before I was recruited to join the agency. I was hopping like a kid on Christmas morning by the time we got back, locked up the house and were ready to climb on the motorcycle. I was pretty much convinced this was the best idea ever.
“Where are we going?” I asked as I waited to climb on the back.
“Where do you want to go?” I watched him as he checked the paniers and bags for the last time.
“I want to see castles, magic, mountains and beautiful stuff.”
Fraser smiled back at me as he secured his helmet. “Your wish is my command.”
Chapter Thirteen
Fraser
I’d never ridden with someone on my bike before.
It wasn’t the done thing back in Cali. You put a female on the back of your Harley and it made a statement of the permanent kind.
The feel of having her lean up close and wriggle around to stay comfortable was both heaven and hell. While I was training to be a priest, I’d often wondered how men who were preparing for a life of celibacy used to fail and succumb to temptation. What I was going through right now gave me a pretty good idea of the answer to that. My dick was permanently semi-hard and pushing against my black leather bike pants constantly. The open road, a beautiful woman and a hard dick, like legal cocaine. Only, I was a behaving like a good addict, surviving with the object of my addiction being dangled in my face every damn minute.
We’d gone north. It was late by the time we got going after dropping a wedge of cash on her motorcycle gear, and I figured the short ride up through the Cairngorms and onto Aviemore would be a good taste of what was to come. If you’d never rode pillion, it could be tough on your ass, and abs. I also wanted to make sure she understood the need to flow in sync with me. If I turned a corner, she needed to go with me. If I needed to brake suddenly, I wanted to make sure she was going to let me do my thing and control both the bike and situation. If she tried to work against me, she’d pull us both off. But more than that, if she changed her mind and needed the security of the lodge and the life she’d grown used to, we weren’t that far from home.
At first, she was resolute in holding the seat bars behind her, but it didn’t take long for her to relax into it. I began to feel the odd touch of her hands at my side, and it was like electricity being passed from one conduit to another. Every glance I took in my side mirrors, I could see her eyes in the visor. They were sparkling, taking it all in. When she began to tap me on the shoulders and point stuff out, I knew she was fully into the escapism of just hitting the open road.
I parked up in the middle of Aviemore. I wouldn’t normally have spent so much on a hotel—the beauty of the open road was stopping when you felt like it—but it was getting late and we needed somewhere to stay. I didn’t want to overtake the whole trip, her trip. I wanted to make sure she was part of the planning.
“Two rooms, please?”
The old lady in the Aviemore MacDonald hotel looked at both of us. She wasn’t keen on having to deal with bikers. It seemed our leather didn’t mix well with their plaid-themed decor.
“We have one twin room left.”
Fuck.
“Thanks—” I began, only for Penny to interrupt me.
“We’ll take it.” I was pretty sure my mouth was on the floor with shock. She couldn’t possibly want us in a room together. “We’ll be out for dinner somewhere, and then crashing, right?”
I nodded.
It seemed like my riding the line between heaven and hell was about to continue.
I carried our helmets upstairs while she opened the door. “I vote we just get changed and then head out for some food and a beer.”
“Sure. I’ll wait in the bar until you’re ready, then come and use the bathroom.” I swear I saw her face drop just a little.
“I can change in the bathroom; you can wait here.”
“Don’t you want some privacy?” It wasn’t that I was trying to be a gentleman. I was trying to manage my temptation. The night was young, and I had a feeling it was about to get worse.
Penny walked to the bed, sat on the edge and looked at me. “This trip is going to get real expensive if we have to double-up on rooms, and that’s assuming everywhere we stop has two rooms available. They could all be booked out like this happy place.” She looked away and smirked.
Penny was right, so I conceded. “We need rules, then.”
“I’ll start. Dressing and undressing in the bathrooms.”
“Done. I get the bed by the window.”
“No. I’m new to traveling, I deserve the view.”
“You always going to argue with me?”
“Probably. No number twos in the shared bathroom.”
I laughed. “Agreed. No sleeping naked.”
Her eyes went wide and she bit her lip. “I didn’t have space to pack nightclothes.”
Fuck. That wasn’t going to be just any old rule; it was a golden rule, an imperative for my sanity and survival. “I’ll lend you a T.”
“Thanks. Now can we go for food? All this traveling has made me hungry.”
I gave Penny the space to go first. I wasn’t sure if I could cope with sitting in the room, knowing that only a thin piece of wood—that my foot, shoulder or fist could take out—was the one
thing separating us. Was I obsessed with her?
It sure fucking felt like it.
When she emerged, I then had the torture of being in a confined, hot and steamy space that smelled just like her.
I was doomed.
We found a pub across the road from the hotel, and because I didn’t feel like a night of stifled conversation where my mind wandered when it seemed I needed to keep it in the game, I brought along the map. I’d had pie and mashed potato and Penny had a fillet of some sort of fish and green vegetables. We both ate heartily after having such a busy day.
“What’s so special about all these places?”
“Depends, did you like the ride up here?”
Her face lit up. “Loved it.”
“Then they’re nothing special, but at the same time, everything.”
She took a slug of her red wine. “But we’ll see castles?”
“Yeah.”
“Lions and tigers and bears?”
“Not planning a trip to the zoo, but if you’re lucky enough to spot Nessie then that should make up for it.”
“As in the monster fish?”
“We prefer sea serpent.” I was going slow with my beer. The drink drive limits in Scotland were harsh, and for good reason. Most of the people back in my hometown had some sort of alcohol abuse problem, and no one wanted those people behind the wheel of a car.
“Just the magic to deliver on and this could be the perfect trip.”
“I have an idea, but you’ll have to wait and see.”
“Another?” she asked, nodding at my drink, about to get up from our table and head back to the bar.
“No, I’m good.”
With nothing left to do, we headed back across the road to the happy hotel, and I prayed there was something good on TV, otherwise this was about to get awkward.
There was nothing she wanted to watch on TV.
Typical.
“Can I have that T? Gonna turn in.”
I rummaged around in my bag and threw one at her. It was the t-shirt I’d planned to sleep in, which meant that now I’d be down to just boxers. After she’d finished in the bathroom, I took my turn, and came out of the bathroom still in clothes. She avoided my gaze like she was expecting me to be half dressed, but I saw her side eye me and then double take in surprise. “You mind if I turn the lights out?”
“Go for it.”
As soon as the room was plunged into darkness, I stripped down to my underwear and climbed under the covers. The silence was crazy intense. I wasn’t this nervous when I fucked my mum’s friend when she was high. I was a fucking hero when I’d done that at fourteen. Maureen was a MILF and a big eye opener. Back then, where I’d come from, all of that was acceptable. Today, she’d be called something very different, be serving time or signing on to a sex offenders register.
After a while my eyes got used to the dark. I lay flat on my back with my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling.
“Do you snore?” she asked, breaking the silence.
“How would I know?”
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you? You know, like ex-girlfriends or wives?”
I chuckled. “I’m not Henry the Eighth.”
Penny moved and when she spoke again, I knew her from her voice that she was facing me this time. “But someone must have told you if you do?”
“Never really shared a bed long enough that it bothered someone.” That seemed like the best way to tell her that I’d never really been in a real relationship. My pre-priest time was all about fucking around and sowing my wild oats. My post-priest time was all about rebelling and fucking the Lord out of my system. I let my words sink in with her. I’d come to the understanding that the only way I’d get her to share what she’d been through with me was if I opened up the can of worms called my own life.
“Never shared as in never because you’re some virgin who’s never had a relationship, or never because you’re a secret manwhore and you kick ‘em out of bed soon as they’re spent?”
“A lot of the first and a bit of the second.”
“Oh, a conundrum!”
“What is this, are we girls sharing secrets at summer camp?”
Penny chuckled. “I hated camp. My parents used to send me to lots of different ones, just the closest and cheapest that had space. You name it, I’ve been on it.”
I’d never really heard her this animated so decided to play along while she was willing. “Science camp?”
“Yeah, full of nerds.”
“Fat Camp?”
“Oh yeah, that one was shameful. I was the thinnest kid there. I missed candy something awful.”
“Military camp?”
“Yes.” Her answer was sharper than the rest so far.
“Church camp?” I licked my lips, wondering whether this would be the opening.
“Yeah. That one was fun. I let a boy touch my breasts at church camp.”
“That sounds more like cult camp.” I laughed.
“Fraser, what do you do?”
“Do?”
“Do as in job.”
“What do you think I do?”
“I have no idea. Is this a guessing game?” I burst out laughing. She really was treating this like summer camp. We were probably one step away from starting a sorority. “A motorcycle courier?”
“No.”
“A landscape gardener?”
“No.”
“What do I get if I guess right?”
“I’ll let you ride my bike, as in, sit behind the handlebars.”
“The stakes are high.”
“Very. What about you?” Penny went silent and I could feel the void in the room almost immediately. It was like she’d left. I was about to ask her again, but she started to breathe heavily, and I wasn’t entirely sure that she was truly asleep and not faking it. I lay there for maybe another thirty minutes, by which time I’d gathered she snored, not the big loud style of snoring that shook the plaster off the walls, but the cute kind that made you want to wrap her up in your arms and fall asleep holding someone who was so precious.
The next morning, I snuck out of my bed, grabbed the pile of clothes I’d left on the floor and headed into the bathroom. When I stepped under the shower spray, it was a challenge not to grab my dick and rub it between my palm and fingers like every other time I thought of her.
She was right next door.
Had I been a normal man, and she a normal woman, we’d have woken up in the same bed. I’d have fucked her, again, and we’d have probably showered together. But we weren’t—she was a woman who should by rights be suffering from PTSD and I was a man who had no fucking clue how to proceed. The more time I spent around her, the more I knew I wanted to know what she felt like, how she sounded when I kissed her, and it was the most sure I’d been about anything since I’d decided to join the church. I was so sure about how good things could be between us I could convince myself that she was my fate. Which was the reason I’d never make it as a priest. Even if I asked for forgiveness for all the bad shit I’d done, and Father O’Farrall was convinced my soul could be saved, I wanted things a priest shouldn’t want.
My dick was still semi hard when I attempted to shove it in my pants and pull the zipper up, and it wasn’t helped when I walked out of the bathroom and she was sat cross legged on my bed in just my fucking t-shirt.
Penny looked up at me and smiled. “I’ve got it. You’re an engineer.” I shook my head and saw the smile drop. “I’ll figure you out, Fraser McPhee.”
“Before or after we get on the move.”
“Message understood loud and clear.” She jumped up, giving me a groin-aching flash of her panties, and went to the bathroom. This was the most compliant I’d ever known her.
After we’d checked out, we headed to a café for a bit of breakfast and then got on the road, with Penny throwing random jobs at me for the duration. I wondered if she’d eventually hit the right thing, if only because eventually she’d run out of othe
r options.
How did you tell someone you should have been a priest, but instead became a murderer? Which made being Mac, nomad brother of the Black Sentinels MC sound tamer than a fucking wet nurse.
Chapter Fourteen
Penny
When we left Aviemore, the weather was beautiful. I’d never once considered how utterly relaxing being on a motorcyce could be. There was little conversation and you got to see everything; it gave a much better perspective of your surroundings than being in a car. It was like life still carried on and you could be a voyeur, sneaking a peak in people’s yards as we passed through the towns and villages. Waving at little kids who were sitting in cars as we stopped beside them at traffic lights. For hours at a time, all I could see were Fraser’s eyes reflecting at me in the side mirrors. He concentrated hard, and it was mesmerizing. They’d flit from side to side and then focus on the road ahead of us. The blue twinkled, the skin at the edges crinkled and creased when he blinked, and when he put his sunglasses on, I felt like I was losing out. The odd time he caught me staring, I’d quickly look away, glad that the helmet covered the growing blush staining my cheeks.
Whereas I was dressed in leather bike gear that looked feminine, Fraser wore his leather Black Sentinels jacket and he looked mean, but, oh boy, it suited him, and I suited him, too. I belonged on the back of his bike.
We suited each other.
The last time I’d been friends with a man, he’d been just a mere boy becoming a man. We’d been at college, and the more time I spent with him, the easier it was for the lines to blur. This felt the same. There was no pressure and I loved that Fraser was so easy to be with.
The miles rolled on and I was beginning to see the true beauty of Scotland. The seasons and elevation brought so much more to everything and if my time here didn’t work out, as least I could say I’d explored and I’d certainly remember it.
That morning he’d showed me the map. We were heading up north to the coast, to a cutely-named fishing place called Findhorn. I hadn’t seen the sea in years. Sure, I’d looked at the lochs from the lodges, but the prospect of the endless horizon, where the sea met the sky, was a simple pleasure I was excited about. The roads from Aviemore consisted of fir trees, pine trees and hills. The sun bounced off the scenery one minute and then you’d round a corner and be plunged into the clouds the next. My mind had time and space to think, and while sometimes I hated it, other times it was perfect to just get lost in the quiet.
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