PLANETBOUND

by D M Arnold

  “Where's Nicky?” Suki gave him a blank look. “Suki, where is Nicky?”

  “The bathtub!”

  Nyk ran into the bathroom. Nicky was lying in the plastic tub that served to bathe him. He was on his back in about two inches of water. Nyk picked him up.

  “He's cold -- his lips are blue!” Nyk listened to his chest. “He's alive.” He grabbed a towel and wrapped the infant. “George! George!” Nyk called down the stairs.

  “Yes, Nick?”

  “Do we have a heating pad?”

  “I'll bring one up.”

  Nyk turned to Suki. “How long was he in there?” She stared at the floor. “Suki, how long was he in there?”

  “I ... I don't know. I was bathing him ... the phone rang ... I must've forgotten about him.”

  George walked into the apartment with the heating pad. Nyk plugged it in and wrapped it around Nicky.

  George shook his head. “I'll send Yasuko up when she comes in.”

  “Didn't he cry?” Nyk asked.

  “I ... I ... Nick, I can't hear him cry! I tune him out. Do you see what a basket case I am?” She collapsed on the sofa, sobbing.

  Nicky's color began to return. He started shivering and attempted to cry. “Here. Take him.”

  “No! I can't.”

  “Take him. I'm going to check downstairs for a bottle.”

  “I'll feed him.” She started to open her gown.

  “No.” Nyk returned with a half-filled bottle. He took Nicky and began feeding him. “This is warmer than body temperature -- to get some heat into him from the inside.” He held and stroked Nicky as he began to nurse enthusiastically. “He's starting to warm up. I think he'll be all right.” Nyk looked at Suki. “Now are you ready to see your doctor?”

  “I don't want to take any drugs. They scare me.”

  “This scared ME!”

  “I'm afraid of psychoactive drugs. They change things in your brain.”

  “You have things wrong in your brain. Changing them is the whole point!”

  “Oh, Nick. I'm trying ... Please give me just a little more time.”

  * * *

  Nyk stepped into the kitchen and saw Yasuko. “George told me what happened. We're so lucky you came home when you did.” She looked into his eyes. “Nick, what happened today ... was exactly what happened to me. Sukiko must've been about three months old and I left her in the tub.” Tears ran down her face. “George had me committed the next day.”

  “No one's going to commit Suki. I'll talk to her about seeing her doctor. If she thinks putting her into a hospital is the right thing, we'll do it.”

  “You have more patience than George.” Nyk held her and kissed her forehead. “I still have mixed feelings about what he did. On the one hand, it was what I needed to heal.” She sobbed. “But, I felt so abandoned!”

  “I'm not abandoning Suki,” he said as he stroked her hair. “I'm not leaving her side.”

  “Are you having dinner with us?”

  “I'll take a tray upstairs, if that's okay.”

  “Fine, Nick.” She placed some bowls on a bamboo tray and handed it to him.

  Nyk carried it upstairs. He found Suki in their bedroom nursing Nicky. “Just finishing up,” she said. He took the baby from her and propped him with pillows between himself and Suki. Nicky smiled at him. He handed her a bowl and chopsticks.

  “I am feeling better. I only cried once today.”

  Nyk shook his head. “Please don't deny it. You need to see your doctor.”

  “I said I'm feeling better.”

  “Suki, after what I came home to -- I must insist you make an appointment to see your doctor. You don't have to see a psychotherapist -- I'm sure your obstetrician can help you.”

  “Give me a chance, will you?”

  “What harm is it to talk to your doctor? Tell her what you're going through. It's not your fault, Suki. There's something wrong with your brain chemistry.”

  “I'll make a deal with you. If I'm not better in a couple of days, I'll make the appointment. Okay?”

  Nyk looked at her. “Okay.” He set the bowls on the tray and carried it to the living room. “I'll change him and put him downstairs,” he said as he picked up Nicky.

  Nyk returned to the bedroom and stretched out on the bed. He slipped his arm around Suki. “It's sweet of your mom to care for him until you're feeling better.”

  “It's sweet of her to care for you, too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, you know what I mean. You should be proud of me -- I'm holding our relationship to Floran standards, too.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I hope Daddy doesn't figure it out, though. He has a vicious temper.”

  “Suki, you're not making sense.”

  “Don't try to deny it. You told me you and Mom desire each other.”

  “I also told you we'd never approach each other that way. We haven't.”

  “I don't believe you.”

  “Suki -- I've slept downstairs because you needed time by yourself. I'd never lie to you. How can you think Yasuko and I...”

  “I see the way she looks at you -- and how you look at her -- how she always has her hands on you...” She pulled away from him and Nyk could see anger building in her eyes. “No ... I'm not going to let myself be jealous.” He slipped his arm around her again. “Don't touch me!” She glowered at him. “How could you, Nick? How could you with my mother?”

  “I haven't -- we haven't -- I swear, Suki.”

  “You're lying!”

  “Why do you think I'd lie to you?”

  “Because of what I've become -- I'm gross and disgusting -- a horrible parent. You'd say anything not to upset me.”

  “Suki, this is ludicrous. I can't believe you're jealous of something you imagine I did.”

  “I'm not imagining.”

  “Then, you're hallucinating.”

  “Now, you're trying to goad me. You want me to lose it so you can call in the men in the white coats.” She clenched her fist and glared at him.

  “No, Suki. I want you the way you were. That's why I think you should see your doctor.”

  She slapped his face. “I don't want to hear you say the word doctor again!”

  Nyk hopped off the bed. “Suki!”

  “Get out of here!” Nyk backed up against the bedroom wall. “I said, get out!” She grabbed the alarm clock from the nightstand and threw it in his direction. Nyk ducked, but the clock hit him above the temple. He felt his injury and saw blood on his fingers.

  He opened the closet, took down a cardboard carton and removed a Floran first-aid kit. He opened it and took out a clear bottle with a dropper.

  “Such drama.” she sneered.

  “Look,” he said and showed her the gash on his head. “I'm going to put some salve on it. He stepped into the bathroom and applied healing salve to the cut.

  Nyk returned to the bedroom to replace the kit. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. “If you can't see something's wrong ... I've turned my back on the Agency, I'm up to my neck in trouble with homeworld authorities. My transit here may incite an interplanetary colonial incident. I've left my wife, quit my job -- I've done all this for one purpose, and that's to be with you and to help you raise Nicky. You're sick, Suki -- and when you're sick, you go to the doctor to help yourself get better. If you want to get better, call for an appointment -- or I'll call for you. If you don't want to get better ... I'll talk to your folks about what we can do with Nicky. Now, I'm going to ask your mother if it's okay to use the guest room.” He headed for the door.

  “Wait, Nick. Okay, make the appointment. They'll probably want to lock me up. I hope they do -- I deserve it, and it'll get me out of here.” She flopped on the bed and sobbed.

  * * *

  Nyk stepped off the city bus and walked into the medical arts building. “Now, tell the doctor the truth. Tell her what you've been going through. Don't hold anything back. We all need y
ou, Suki. I'll promise you this -- we're not going to lock you up or abandon you.”

  “What if she thinks I need to be locked up?”

  “I don't think you're that bad. If she thinks you could benefit from time away, we'll see what we need to do. Promise me you'll be straight with her.”

  “I promise.”

  Nyk sat beside Suki in the waiting room. He heard the nurse call her name and watched her head toward an examining room. He picked up a magazine and flipped through it. Suki returned and slapped a slip of paper onto his lap. “Anti-depressants. I hope you're happy.”

  “I'm not.”

  “She wants to speak with you.”

  Nyk accompanied her into the doctor's private office. “Mr Kane. Please sit down. I understand you and Sukiko are engaged.” Nyk nodded. “She's suffering from about as severe a case of post-partum depression as I can recall. Is someone at home to help care for her baby?”

  “Yes. We live in the apartment above her parents' house. Her mother can help her with Nicky, and I'm working part-time. There'll be someone with her around the clock.”

  “Good. I won't bother to pass this case on to Social Services, then. I am tempted to refer her to a psychotherapist, but we'll try the anti-depressants first. ”

  “We were afraid she'd need to go to an institution.”

  “I'll be frank -- it may come to that, yet. I have had good luck with this preparation, and I'm reluctant to remove her from her support network unless there's no other way.”

  “I'm relieved to hear it.”

  “I'm speaking to you because this drug has some risk. It's rather more toxic than some other preparations, but I use it because I get the best results with it.”

  “What sort of risk?”

  “It has a high overdose potential. Sukiko told me she isn't suicidal, and I believe her. Trust me -- if I thought she were, we'd be doing something else.”

  “I understand.”

  “I'm warning you to keep an eye on her and make sure she takes the medication as prescribed -- at least at first. I'm confident, after a few days, she'll realize how it's helping her and she'll be more cooperative. If she should become despondent -- well, keep watch for that, too -- and call me right away.”

  “How long will she have to be on this?”

  “We'll evaluate her after eight weeks. If she's doing well, we'll start stepping down the dose. There is the chance she'll need it long-term.”

  “Thanks, doctor.” She dismissed him with a nod of her head.

  Nyk sat beside Suki on the bus. “If I'm on that stuff, I can't nurse him. That'll make Mom happy -- I know she's been sneaking him formula.”

  “None of this makes any of us happy, Suki.” He stepped off the bus and walked with her to the house. “I spoke to your mom and she'll take care of Nicky while we give this medication a try.” He reached the front door to the house. Nyk opened it and gestured Suki inside. “I'm going to walk to the pharmacy and get the prescription filled.”

  He headed down the street, handed the slip to the pharmacist and wandered the aisles. The druggist called him over. “This'll make her groggy for the first couple of days, until she gets used to it.” Nyk nodded. “You know about the overdose potential?”

  “Yes -- we'll keep an eye on her.”

  “That'll be one hundred thirty-five dollars.”

  Nyk pulled out his wallet and saw a twenty and two singles. He removed his Agency debit card. “See if this works.”

  The druggist ran the transaction through and Nyk signed the slip. He headed back to the apartment. Suki was lying on her back in the bedroom. He walked in holding a capsule and a glass of water. “Twice a day.” She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Suki, this was an expensive prescription. I had to use my Agency debit card, because I didn't have enough cash. I'm not even an Agent any more.”

  “So, now it's about money.”

  “No -- it's about all of us doing what we have to do for you to get better. I want you to do your part and take your medication.” He handed her the capsule. She swallowed it with a sip of water, and then showed him her open mouth. “Now, take this as the doctor ordered. Promise?”

  “I promise. Leave me alone.”

  Nyk descended the stairs and sat on the living room sofa beside Yasuko. “Well, at least you got her to the doctor. That was more than I could do.”

  “I feel like I've been through a war.”

  * * *

  Nyk stepped into the kitchen cradling Nicky in his arms. “Good morning, Grandma,” he said.

  “I have his bottle.” Nyk sat and began feeding the baby. “How did Sukiko do last night?”

  “The druggist said those pills would make her groggy. It knocked her out. She slept like a log.”

  “If she's asleep, her demons can't pester her.”

  “She was still sleeping when I checked on her.”

  “Are you going to your lab today?”

  “Yes -- I have a huge backlog of work to do. I'm sorry, Yasuko, but I promised...”

  “Do what you must, Nick. Nicky and I will be fine. He's a delight.” She stroked the baby's hair. “I didn't have an opportunity to enjoy Sukiko when she was this small. It's like having another chance.”

  Suki walked into the kitchen in her short robe, pulled out a chair and sat. She folded her arms on the table and rested her head on them. “Well, good morning,” Yasuko said. “I didn't expect to see you.”

  “Did you take your pill this morning?” Nyk asked. She nodded.

  “How are you feeling?” Yasuko inquired.

  “So sleepy.”

  Nyk touched Suki's back. “I'm going to the lab. See you tonight.” He bent and kissed the top of her head.

  “Don't kiss my hair, it's so disgusting.”

  He headed to the front door, opened it and looked around at the pedestrians on the sidewalk. The two men he had seen earlier were nowhere in sight. Nyk headed down the steps to the street, locking the front door behind him.

  * * *

  Nyk opened the front door with his key. “It's Nick, Yasuko.”

  “Nick, come in. We're having dinner in the kitchen tonight since it's only you and me.”

  “Where's George?”

  “He's entertaining clients.”

  “How's Suki doing?”

  “She spent the day in bed, sleeping.” Nyk sat to a bowl of rice and another of a clear broth and vegetables. He picked up a pair of chopsticks. “How did you become so fond of Japanese food, Nick? I don't know too many westerners who enjoy it.”

  “Maybe I have Japanese roots -- way back.” Nyk finished his meal. “I'll see how Suki's feeling.”

  “Take this tray to her.”

  Nyk grasped the bamboo and lacquer tray and carried it up the stairs. Suki was asleep on the bed. He nudged her. “Suki ... korlyta?” She cracked her eyes open. “Would you like some dinner?”

  She hoisted herself into a sitting position and Nyk set the tray on her lap. She picked up the chopsticks and ate a clump of rice. A tear ran down her face and she brushed it away. “This is such a simple pleasure. Oh, Nick! I'm such a mess.”

  “It's time for your medication.”

  “No, not another pill. They make me feel so odd.”

  “The doctor said you'll get used to them.” He opened the pill bottle and shook out a capsule. “Here.”

  She hesitated and swallowed the pill. “I'm done with dinner.” Nyk picked up the tray and Suki rolled onto her side.

  He carried the tray to Yasuko. “Well?”

  “It's not a miracle drug, that's for sure,” he replied and picked Nicky out of the infant seat. He carried the boy into the living room and sat cradling him. “He needs the contact.”

  Yasuko sat beside him and took his hand. “My daughter is so fortunate. How you care for him -- how you care for her. Where did you get such patience?”

  Nyk stroked Nicky's hair and the baby smiled at him. “He wants interaction, now. He wants to learn.” Yasuko handed the baby a t
oy -- a set of colored plastic disks on a ring. Nicky attempted to put the ring into his mouth. “He has Suki's color -- and her dark, dark eyes. I can see her features in his face already.” Nicky became drowsy. “I'll change him and put him down. Does he get you up at night?”

  “It's all right -- I'm a light sleeper. He's been good the past few days.”

  Nyk stepped from the guest room. “He's down and asleep. I read a book to him. My reading would put anyone to sleep. Good night, Yasuko.” She stepped to him and embraced him. Nyk kissed the top of her head and headed up the stairs.

  Suki was curled up on the sofa. He undressed and turned down the bedcovers. Then, he scooped her from the sofa and carried her into the bedroom. She slipped off her robe. He helped her into bed and lay beside her. “Oh, Nick ... I am trying. I'm making an effort.”

  He stroked her face. “I know you are. Do you think the pills are helping?”

  “They're helping eliminate my sleep deficit,” she said and smiled. “I'm building a sleep surplus.”

  “They must be helping. I haven't seen you smile in weeks.”

  “Nick, I was looking at the crest today. I was thinking about what you said -- how it'll be passed from generation to generation. Nicky will grow and have a family. I'll be a grandma.”

  “You've been a grandma. Remember, your future is my past. Destiny has given you a gift, korlyta -- a glimpse into your future. How many have that privilege?”

  “I'll never have another child.”

  “Why do you think not?”

  “There's only one man in the universe I'd want to father my child -- you. You tell me you're sterile. It's left to Nicky to carry on, and I know he will.”

  “He will so long as we do our part and help him walk his path.”

  “So much is riding on his little shoulders. I feel badly he won't have siblings to lighten his load.”

  “The Kyhana clan were never a particularly fecund bunch.”

  “Nick, I love you. I know you haven't felt much love from me since Nicky was born.”

  “It's not your fault. None of this was your fault.”

  “I wanted you to know -- you're what keeps me going. I couldn't have without you.”