When I went to bed at night, I would close my eyes and see Julio. I replayed our conversations, repeating all the lovely things he had said to me, remembering the warmth of his hand.
“You’re losing it,” Alicia said, as I stood in front of the cutlery tray one evening, unable to remember what I was looking for.
I picked up a spoon and returned to my table, only to realise I was meant to be getting a drink.
Perhaps it would help if I got my hands on some weed. There was usually some on offer round the campfire of an evening, but that little bit wasn’t enough for me. I needed my own stash. I asked around and discovered that there was a reliable dealer working out of the kebab van, on the edge of town. Wednesday was my afternoon off, so I went then, Alicia bouncing along at my side. It didn’t even cross my mind that it might not be a good idea to take her. She’d probably be smoking herself soon enough.
“You’re from Camp Windylake, aren’t you?” the dealer said, when I approached him.
“Yeah.”
I realised too late that he might think I was minted.
“You smoke a lot?
“When I can.”
He darted a furtive glance up and down. “If you like weed, then you’ll like this even better.”
He produced a little bag from his pocket and showed it to me. It was white and shimmery, like a sugar cube.
“What is that?”
“It’s called Angel Dust. You’re going to love it. It’s the ultimate high.”
28
I kept the little packet tucked inside my pocket all day. I rubbed a little on my finger and sniffed it, taking in its foreign scent. It didn’t smell at all like sugar, it was much more chalky. It didn’t smell like washing powder either. It had its own unique scent.
I considered offering it around, but I had a feeling I might not get a positive response. Besides, there might not be enough to go around. Instead, I waited until everyone had gone for tea and then slipped off into the woods. I walked until I was certain I would not be interrupted, stopping in a clearing known as The Thinking Place.
It was a quiet place, somewhere people came when they wanted to be by themselves. I sat down under the shade of a sprawling yew tree and listened to the birds as I rolled a joint. I sprinkled on some of the white powder, as the dealer had recommended. I lit it up and took a long puff. It had an unusual flavour. Not really good, but not bad either. I didn’t feel anything, so I smoked the whole thing, wondering if I had been sold a dud.
Gradually, I noticed that my face felt weird, like that time the dentist gave me an injection to numb my mouth. I put my hand to my jaw, and it felt like it wasn’t my face I was touching. Or else, it wasn’t my hand doing the touching. My body and mind were out of sync.
All at once, I was aware of everything that was happening in the woods. Every crack of a twig, every scamper of an animal. The birds still sang, but I understood them now. They were singing the same songs we sang around the campfire. I don’t know how I missed it before.
I watched as a big, black crow swatted a smaller crow with its wing. I swallowed a laugh as the smaller crow fought back, knocking the bully off its perch. It half flew, half fell out of view, flapping its wings furiously. The sky darkened and black feathers rained down upon me. I brushed them from my face and they gently fluttered to the ground. I lay down in the soft pile. It was as warm as a rug.
One particularly brazen insect scuttled towards me. It had three body parts, six legs and a pair of antennae. As it drew parallel with my face, I saw that it was dark brown, a shade somewhere between mocha and hickory. I lay still, fascinated by the tooth-like ridges on the bottom of its wing. It rubbed the top and bottom parts together to make a chirping sound. It sounded like a synthesiser.
Clouds poked through the gaps in the trees. There were large, bloated blobs that floated about like lilos in the ocean. I reached up and plucked one from the sky and propped it under my head. It was cool and soothing against my skin. Gradually, it inflated beneath me, bringing me up, up in the air. I squealed with delight as it gently spun me around. I was so grateful to be able to see things clearly.
I don’t remember what my landing was like, but it must have been sudden, because when I awoke, I was dazed and bruised all the way down my spine. That should have put me off the notion of ever trying Angel Dust again, but it didn’t. I felt like it was what I’d been missing all these years. I was incredible, invincible. I could run the London marathon, if I wanted, or swim the Channel.
It was late as I walked back. The road that led to the campfire burned my feet so I went the other way. The path altered before my eyes. Gone were all the stones and pebbles; instead, it appeared to be made of multi-coloured Lego bricks. I was fascinated to see they didn’t break when I trod on them. I walked up and down that path hundreds of times, marvelling at its beauty.
The next day I was so zonked I could barely get out of bed.
Kate put her hand on my forehead and I shivered.
“You look like you’re coming down with something. You stay in bed. I’ll let everyone know.”
I was too tired to argue. I lay there for the rest of the day. I felt calm and peaceful. Kate and Isabel covered my work for me, and brought me food and drink throughout the day. It was a nice feeling, having people who cared about me. I wished that Alicia would come and visit me but by the time the other girls had finished for the day, she still hadn’t come.
“She’s fine,” Isabel told me. “She’s been doing arts and crafts with me all afternoon, and then Coral took a group of them to town for ice cream. I expect she’ll pop in later, if she’s allowed.”
I was happy to hear Alicia was having so much fun, so I tried not to mind.
“Who wants me to read their horoscope?” Isabel called.
Everyone gathered round. Kate and Lindy and the others. I listened politely, even though I thought it was all bunkum.
“You will travel far, far away,” she told Lindy, who looked pleased.
“Do me!” Kate said.
“You will find happiness in your career.”
“Boring! Do Jody.”
Isabel held out the magazine, and I pointed to my star sign.
“You will meet a handsome stranger,” she said, raising her eyebrows at me. I hugged myself. I already had.
Julio returned on Saturday. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt that showed off his muscles and he looked like he had had a haircut. Once or twice, I saw Kate eyeing him up, so I slipped my hand into his to show that he was taken.
Later, he motioned for me to join him for a walk. I eagerly jumped to my feet and he led me down the path I’d found so fascinating a couple of days before.
“You’re all I’ve been able to think about all week,” he told me. “I even called my boss ‘Jody’ once.”
I laughed. “You didn’t!”
“I did!”
“I’ve been thinking about you, too,” I said. My voice came out more husky than I meant it to, but he didn’t seem to notice. He took me in his arms, and I felt his lips press against mine. He kissed me lightly at first, then more urgently. He ran his hands through my tangled hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said.
I really wasn’t, but I didn’t argue. I had a longing I had never felt before, at least not with such passion. I never wanted it to end.
“Come on,” he led me to his car.
He had parked down the lane, rather than in the car park. I wondered if he had done it on purpose, to give us some privacy.
He led me round to the driver’s side.
“Trick door,” he explained, “You have to get in this side and scoot across.”
I did as he said, doing my best to look elegant, as I stepped over the handbrake.
The car was neat and tidy, no empty cans on the floor, no sweet papers lying about. It made a nice change from Dad’s van. Julio got in beside me and switched on the CD player. The air swelled with music. November Rain by Guns N’ Roses. I ha
d a feeling he’d chosen it in advance.
I took off my red visor cap and my hair fell across my face. I went to sweep it back, but he got there first, smoothing it behind my ear.
His lips were moist on mine as his tongue slipped into my mouth. He closed his eyes when he kissed me, as if it took all his concentration. I closed my eyes too, and fell into his world.
“I wish I could stay here all night with you,” he said. “But I have to get back home. I have work.”
I nodded. It wasn’t like I could bring him back to the cabin and sleeping in the car would hardly be comfortable.
“Just five more minutes,” I murmured.
“Oh, we might need a little longer than that.”
It was another hour before we came up for air again. Afterwards, I skipped back to my cabin. I was as happy as a Disney princess, and this time, my high wasn’t down to drink or drugs. I was high on life, on love, on Julio. I couldn’t wait for him to return the following weekend.
I wasn’t the only one who was thriving at camp. Away from Cold Bath Lane, Alicia looked more normal than she ever had before. You couldn’t tell, watching her tear around the woods with the others, how far she had come. It was the greatest summer of our lives and neither of us wanted it to end.
Isabel indulged her, encouraging her with her art projects and letting her help set up each day. Despite the age gap, she was the best mate Alicia had had.
When Friday night came, Julio brought me a big bunch of roses. Most of them were closed, but one or two had opened, in fragrant bursts of red and yellow.
“They’re lovely!” I said, sniffing them.
No one had ever bought me flowers before. It made me feel special.
“I’d better put these in water,” I said, looking around for something suitable. I settled on the plastic water glass I kept by my bed. It wasn’t very big, but it would have to do.
Julio kicked off his shoes and lounged on my bed, drinking the can of beer I had bought him. It wasn’t the most romantic gift, but I always bought him something to drink when he arrived.
“You look really comfortable, lying on my bed like that,” I told him.
“I am,” he said. “Shame I can’t share it with you.”
Our eyes met and I’m not sure what would have happened if Kate hadn’t wandered in at that moment.
“Don’t mind me,” she said, grabbing her bag from her bunk.
She was off again, a moment later, but the mood was broken.
“Let’s go and check out the campfire,” Julio said, getting to his feet.
His body left an imprint on my bed.
Each weekend, Julio arrived with more presents for me: bouquets of roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, big cuddly toys with bows on. I knew he probably picked these things up at the petrol station on the way over, but I didn’t care. They still made me feel like a lady. I also enjoyed the way everybody looked at me, as I carried these gifts back to my cabin. It felt strange to be the object of envious glances from other girls. It had never happened to me before. I had been trapped at home for so long, and now I finally had a life.
“I love you,” I whispered one night, when the two of us lay cocooned in his car.
I felt sick, the moment the words were out of my mouth. I hadn’t intended to tell him, certainly not this soon. I couldn’t look at him, so I concentrated on the tree-shaped air freshener that dangled from the mirror. The moon ducked behind a cloud, and I felt like the whole world was waiting for his response.
“I love you, too.”
I turned slowly, and saw that his eyes were glistening.
“Do you mean it?”
“Of course I do! You’ve got to know I’m crazy about you.”
I leaned closer and brushed his lips with mine. I felt him kiss me back, with a passion. I tried to remain cool, but inside, my heart was dancing.
The next night, he drove me into town for a meal out at a restaurant.
“Table for two?” the waiter said.
He lit a candle for us and we gazed at each other across its flickering light. I had never been anywhere so fancy before, with a bread basket on the table, and multiple knives and forks. Normally, I only entered a restaurant if I was being paid to burn it down. I felt excited to be there, like the time Dad had snuck us into the movies and we’d got to watch Star Wars for free.
“You look especially ravishing tonight,” Julio said, with a lopsided smile.
I blushed. I had borrowed the dress I was wearing from Lindy.
“Would you like to see the wine list?” the waiter asked, handing me a menu.
“Thank you.”
I couldn’t believe how many different wines were listed. I had always drunk the cheapest plonk I could get my hands on. It had just been a means of escape. I had never considered savouring the flavour.
“You’re so beautiful,” Julio said. “I can’t believe you’re with me.”
“I can’t believe you’re with me,” I replied, and I meant it. My life was heading in a direction I had never imagined.
His love was like a warm blanket that wrapped itself around me and protected me from the world. The longer I spent with him, the further I travelled from Cold Bath Lane.
“I’ll going to miss you when the summer is over,” I told him.
“What if it doesn’t have to end?”
“What do you mean?”
I hardly dared to believe what I was hearing.
“What if we get a place together?” He looked deep into my eyes. “What do you say, Jody? It would be a shame to waste what we have together.”
29
I should have paused for a moment; even pretended to give it some thought. But I was too happy to do anything but squeal with excitement.
“We’re going to live together!”
“Maybe I could get a job working with children,” I said, already carried away with the idea, “I’m sure Coral would write me a reference.”
I thought angrily of my previous attempts to get a job, when I had been turned down by half the shopkeepers in town. But I had been younger then, and everybody knew my family. It would be different now I had some experience under my belt.
“Maybe I could work in a nursery,” I said, thinking of all the lovely, cuddly babies. I had adored Alicia at that age, even if she had been a handful.
“If the job thing doesn’t work out, you can stay home and keep things nice for us,” he said, buttering his roll.
“I’ll make you breakfast in bed,” I promised.
I liked the idea of cooking for him, impressing him with my culinary skills.
“We’re going to have our own little love nest!” he said, pulling me close. “I can see it now. We’ll have big stuffed pillows and satin sheets. We can put a TV in the bedroom, so we don’t have to get out of bed.”
“Sounds lovely,” I murmured.
I pictured the two of us, shopping for furniture, choosing cutlery and curtains. I wanted to live in a house where everything was cosy and beautiful. A house where the shelves didn’t fall down when you touched them. A house that didn’t reek of Dad’s piss.
The sky was a dark shade of purple as Julio drove off that day. A flock of birds flew down from the tall trees above me and sheltered in the dense shrubs that surrounded the car park. When the heavens opened, I was the only one still out in the open. Instead of running for cover, I raised my palms up to the sky.
“Thank you!” I yelled up at the invisible entity who had finally made things happen.
Happiness rained down on me and I stood where I was until I was soaked to the skin. Lindy’s dress was plastered to my shivering body, but it didn’t matter, because I was in love.
I should have gone to bed, but I was in the mood to celebrate, so I walked down to the town by myself. I didn’t care that it was dark and there might be dangerous yobs out on the street. I felt invincible. I approached the van where my dealer worked. He snapped his phone shut when he saw me.
“I knew yo
u would be back. Would you like some more Angel Dust? I’ve got a special price today.”
I smiled. I liked the sound of that.
All week, my mind bubbled with plans. I didn’t even know where we would live, but I thought it had best be near Julio’s neck of the woods, since he was the one with the job. I didn’t have any desire to live near Dad. I’d had enough of my old life. I was ready to start afresh.
Julio arrived early on Friday, and we hugged each other in excitement.
“Do you still want to live together?” I asked.
“I’ve thought about nothing else all week,” he said, pulling me close.
We went off together, into the woods and lay on a soft blanket he’d brought. We drank wine and smoked some weed. I felt in my pocket. I still had some Angel Dust.
“Would you like to try some of this?” I asked, holding it up.
“What is it?”
“Only the best high around.”
“But what’s in it?”
I struggled to remember what the dealer had told me. I didn’t really care what was in it. All I cared about was the high. “You heard of PCPs?”
I thought he flinched a little, though I might have imagined it. “Not for me,” he said, waving it away.
“Why not?”
I wasn’t trying to pressure him, I just couldn’t understand his reluctance.
“This is the greatest experience I’ve ever had. If you haven’t tried it, you haven’t lived.”
“All the same, it’s a bit out of my comfort zone.”
His smile waned, as if he’d just remembered he’d left the stove on.
“Never mind,” I said, “More for me.”
“Why don’t we sleep outside tonight?” I suggested, a bit later.
“Outside? Do you even have a tent?”
“Who needs a tent? We just need a couple of blankets.”
He pulled a face. “Sounds uncomfortable.”
Cold Bath Lane Page 15
