by Alex Grayson
“I know you’re trying to help,” I continue after a long moment. “But really, Ry, I’m okay. I just need some time.”
“And I totally get that. But I can’t sit back and watch my best friend self-destruct and not say anything about it. You’re my sister, V. If you’re hurting, I’m hurting. And I want to help. But I can’t if you won’t talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say. I let myself get carried away with a man I knew would hurt me, and that’s exactly what he did. Case closed. I’ll get over it.”
“Will you?” She arches a brow.
“Seriously.” My nostrils flare, and heat creeps up the back of my neck. “Are you implying that he’s someone I can’t get over?”
“I’m not implying anything. And this isn’t just about Oliver. Not anymore. This is about you. There’s something going on, and I’m not going to stand by and let it happen. Not without doing everything I can to help you.”
“I don’t need your help.” I clench my back teeth. “And I don’t want it either.”
“This isn’t you. Listen to yourself. Why are you so angry?”
“Maybe because you don’t know when to shut up and mind your own business.” I rip off my apron and shove it into her arms. “Tell Vince I’m not feeling well.” I spin on my heel and quickly exit the coffee shop.
I have no idea where I’m going, given that my shift wasn’t supposed to end for another two hours, but I couldn’t stay in that place another minute. I feel like I’m suffocating, and no matter where I am, the weight on my chest continues to get heavier and heavier.
I rub my hands up and down my arms, wishing I had thought to grab my coat before storming out. Then again, I haven’t thought many things through as of late.
I have just rounded the corner when my cell phone springs to life in the back pocket of my jeans. I ignore it, figuring it’s probably Rylee.
I know she’s only trying to help, but right now I need to handle this on my own. I wish she could understand that.
Eventually, my phone stops ringing, only to start ringing again seconds later. Letting out an audible groan, I reach into my back pocket and pull the device out, seeing my mom’s name flashing across the screen.
I consider answering it. Maybe talking to my mom will help. Then again, I doubt it would. It would take her two seconds to pick up that something was wrong and then she’d worry, and right now, I don’t need that on my plate too.
Even though it’s been days since I’ve spoken to her, I send the call to voicemail and take the next right, heading toward my apartment building. I’m less than a block away when I start to feel a little woozy and have to stop and lean on a lamp post for support.
Shaking my head, I try to right myself, but the ground still ends up going sideways. Hanging onto the post, I’m somehow able to keep myself in a standing position. Panic grips at my chest at the realization that something is really wrong.
Grabbing my phone, I fumble with the screen as I punch in Rylee’s number. It rings four times before her voicemail picks up.
Hitting end, I scroll through my contacts to find the number to the coffee shop, which is easier said than done because of the little white lines that have suddenly started dancing in front of my vision. My stomach twists and my knees shake beneath my weight.
Finally able to locate the number, I click on the contact and press the device to my ear. It rings only once before Rylee’s voice comes on the line.
“Ry,” I croak before she can get through her normal greeting.
“V?”
“Something’s wrong,” I tell her, tears welling in my eyes.
“What? Where are you?”
“On the corner of Shaker and Vine. Everything is off balance and there’s something wrong with my vision.” My voice shakes. “I’m scared.”
“Stay there. I’m on my way.” The phone line goes dead.
Fearing I might actually pass out, I carefully make my way to the far side of the sidewalk where I can press my back against the wall of a small boutique shop that Rylee and I have shopped in a few times. My back scrapes the brick as I slowly lower myself to the ground.
I pull my knees into my chest and take a few deep breaths, feeling slightly better now that I’m not standing.
I blink, and the spots in my vision also start to clear.
Relief floods through me.
Here I thought I was about to die and turns out I was probably just having a panic attack or something.
I’ve barely had time to process the thought when Rylee rounds the corner in a full-on sprint. She slows when she reaches me, crouching down to assess me as she tries to catch her breath.
“Are you okay? What’s going on?” She pants, concern clear on her face.
“I’m okay,” I tell her calmly. “I think I was on the verge of having a panic attack,” I admit, honestly a little embarrassed.
“A panic attack?” She dips down lower, her eyes darting across every inch of my face. “You’re really pale,” she observes. “Come on, let’s get you home.” She straightens, leaning down to take my hands.
“Vince is going to end up firing us both.” I silently curse myself for calling her when I should have let the moment ride out.
“Vince will get over it.”
“I’m sorry about earlier too,” I tell her. “I didn’t mean….”
“You don’t have to apologize. I know you’re having a rough time right now. And I’m sorry I pushed.” She tightens her grip on my hands and angles her body a step back to give her the leverage to hoist me up.
As soon as I’m upright again, the dizziness returns with a vengeance. I reach out and grab Rylee’s shoulder to steady myself.
“Whoa.” She grips my biceps. “V, what’s going on?” She sounds distant, like she’s talking through a tunnel.
“I don’t….” My words die on my lips.
One minute, I’m standing upright with Rylee right in front of me. The next, everything blurs. It’s the strangest sensation. Almost like being in a dream, but not in a dream at all. I feel my weight give. Feel the air swirl around me as I fall. Feel the impact of the ground as my body crumbles to the pavement. And then everything goes black.
29
OLIVER
My tires squeal when I turn into the emergency room parking lot and search for an empty spot. Gritting my teeth when I can’t find one, I decide to park under the overhang in the drop off section—uncaring about the ticket I’ll no doubt end up with—when I see a car backing up out of a spot. I snag it before anyone else can. I barely turn the ignition off before I throw open my door. As I sprint across the parking lot, my heart pounding so hard I feel it in my ears, I recall the phone call I got fifteen minutes ago.
“You need to get to the hospital. Savannah’s been admitted,” Zayden says, his voice grave.
“What?” I shouted, jerking up from my desk chair. “What the hell happened? Is she okay?”
“She collapsed. Rylee was with her when it happened and called an ambulance. That’s all I know.”
“Fuck!” I spun around and snatched my keys and wallet from my desk before I bolted toward the door. “I’m on my way.”
Zayden’s grave tone as he told me Savannah had been admitted into the hospital will forever haunt me. It’s only been fifteen minutes since we hung up, but it feels like many long and torturous hours.
The sliding glass doors are barely open wide enough for me to shoulder through them before I’m rushing inside. My eyes immediately locate the reception desk.
“Oliver!” someone shouts my name when I’m only a few feet away.
Spinning around, I find Zayden jogging over. Rylee’s right behind him. My stomach drops when I notice her puffy eyes and red splotchy cheeks. She’s been crying.
“What happened?” I manage to get out through the huge lump in my throat.
Zayden wraps an arm around Rylee and tugs her close.
“We were at work,” Rylee starts, then pauses to clear her thr
oat. “She was acting strange, very temperamental. We had a slight disagreement and she stormed out of the coffee shop.” Her bottom lip begins to wobble. “A few minutes later, she called the shop and said she thought something was wrong. I rushed out to check on her and found her a block away. She looked so pale. When I tried to help her to stand to take her home, she collapsed. She just went down like a ton of bricks, and I couldn’t get her to wake up.”
Zayden pulls Rylee to his chest and kisses the top of her head when tears begin to slide down her cheeks.
My chest constricts, robbing me of breath.
“What have the doctors said? How long has she been back there?”
“She hasn’t been back there long, and they haven’t told us anything.”
I fist my hands and shove them into my pockets before I do something that may get me kicked out of the hospital. Like throw my fist through a wall. She hasn’t been here long, so I’m sure they don’t know anything yet, but damned if I don’t want to demand answers right this minute.
“How has she been the last few days?” I ask Rylee, assuming she’s been around her more than anyone else.
“Distant. Closed off.” She wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jacket. “She hasn’t been eating,” she adds quietly.
“Fuck,” I mutter, spinning away from them.
Guilt burns like a blazing ball of fire going down my throat knowing my words from that night might be the reason Savannah’s in the hospital. According to Rylee, Savannah’s had eating issues for a while, but I thought she was getting better. Rylee even said she thought the same thing. I have no doubt in my mind that my hateful words that night didn’t help the situation. I don’t think either of us truly bought the ulcer story, and yet when I had the chance to push, I didn’t.
I tip my head back and close my eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting it out on a silent prayer to the man above.
Please let her be okay.
When I drop my head and open my eyes, I look across the room. I spot Savannah’s mom and dad standing in a quiet corner with Evelyn and none other than my father/uncle—Paul.
The need to hurt something—or someone—is almost overwhelming. I hate that he’s here when he’s the reason why I went off the rails that night.
“You need to let your anger go, Oliver.”
Clenching my jaw, I look down at Rylee, who’s come to stand beside me. “I’m not sure if I know how to.”
Her hand is warm when she reaches down to grab mine.
“You need to figure it out. I understand you’re angry with him—you have every right to be. I don’t know Paul like you do, but I like to think I’ve gotten to know him some over the time I lived in your house. I don’t see him as being purposely malicious.” She squeezes my hand before letting it go. “People make mistakes all the time. Sometimes those mistakes are made with the best of intentions. But you can’t let what he did affect your life. You need to let it go.” She moves so she’s standing in front of me, her eyes filled with sadness. “Savannah told me some of the stuff you said to her, but I know it wasn’t true. You care for her deeply. I’m afraid if you don’t let go of what Paul and your mom did, you’ll be in a never-ending cycle of hurt and pain. Which isn’t what Savannah needs.”
After she walks away, I follow her and Z to the waiting area. I take a seat as far away from the others as I can. With my head in my hands, I repeat Rylee’s words over and over in my head.
I know she’s right. Paul may have been a shitty father and his decision to keep my parentage a secret was wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, my childhood could have been worse. I may not have gotten the love and affection a child should get from their father, but at least he was there. He provided for me and gave me anything I asked of him. The few times he did act like a loving father, he did so wholeheartedly. He did that when he didn’t have to. He could have divorced my mother and threw us both out on our asses. Instead, he stayed with a woman he hated. And he said he did it out of love for me. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t at least care. Paul doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do.
I don’t know how long I sit there contemplating on my problems regarding my father when someone takes the seat beside me.
“How are you holding up?”
I glance up and meet Silas Reynolds’ tired eyes.
“Could be better.”
He nods. “I bet that can be said for all of us.”
I grunt and look down at my clasped hands dangling between my knees.
“Our Savannah’s a strong girl. Whatever’s ailing her won’t keep her down.”
I nod my agreement, unable to look into his eyes anymore. If he knew my role in her being here, I’m sure he’d be dragging me out by the scruff of my jacket before beating my ass into the concrete.
We both jump up when the double doors leading to the back open and a doctor walks out. Everyone in the waiting room follows suit.
“The Reynolds family?” the older doctor calls.
Nora and Silas approach him with the rest of us trailing behind.
“I’m Dr. Novak. I was the one who assessed Miss Reynolds when she was brought in.”
“How is she?” Nora asks, her voice trembling.
“She’s stable, but she was very malnourished. My main concerns are her low electrolytes and kidney function, which aren’t working at full compacity. With those two issues, if the problem isn’t taken care of, we could be looking at kidney failure. We’ve done an electrocardiogram and an echocardiogram. Her heart is fine at the moment, but that can change with this type of illness.”
“I don’t understand. What illness? What’s wrong with her kidneys? And how can this affect her heart?”
The doctor’s eyes soften when they meet Nora’s. “Mrs. Reynolds, your daughter is suffering from an eating disorder called bulimia nervosa. This type of illness weakens the body because it’s being starved of the nutrients it needs to survive.”
She clutches her chest and Silas wraps a comforting arm around her. Beside me, Rylee hiccoughs on a sob. My own chest feels like someone punched through my sternum and is squeezing the life out of my heart.
Bulimia nervosa.
I don’t know much about the disorder, but I know it has to do with eating and then forcing yourself to vomit the food back up.
“Bulimia?” Nora croaks. “How in the world could we have not known about this? I noticed she was losing a lot of weight, but I thought it was the stress from school and being out on her own. I never….” She shakes her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. “My poor baby.”
“Many people who suffer from eating disorders tend to hide it from those around them,” Dr. Novak explains. “If they don’t want you to know, you won’t. At least not until it gets so bad they can no longer hide it. She’s resting now,” he continues. “The next several months are going to be a struggle for her. For now, we’ve got her on an IV to bring up her electrolytes, which should increase her kidney function. We’ll keep a close eye on it. I’d like to keep her here for a few days to monitor her. We have a psychiatrist and a nutritionist I’d like for Savannah to speak with as well.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Silas states gruffly. “When can we see her?”
“Give the nurses a few minutes, and one will come get you. I’d like to limit visitors to only two for the first day. She’s not only been through something physically taxing, but it’s also been highly emotional. We don’t want to overwhelm her. If you have any questions for me, let one of the nurses know and they’ll hunt me down.”
After the doctor leaves, I turn away from the group. My whole fucking body sags. Relief that the situation wasn’t worse than it could have been, worry that Savannah won’t accept the help she needs, and guilt that we didn’t notice how serious her condition was until now eats away at me.
Finding a dark corner, I slide down the wall and bury my face against my knees.
Several hours later, I quie
tly crack open the door to Savannah’s room. My heart is in my throat and it’s damn near choking me.
I was surprised when Nora came to me a few minutes ago and asked if I wanted to go see Savannah. I wasn’t going to ask, because as much as I want to see her, I don’t really deserve it. Not after saying the things I did to her and being one of the reasons she’s in the hospital. Nora and Silas don’t know that, though. They don’t even know we broke up. Apparently, neither Savannah nor Rylee told them. I’m sure if they knew what transpired between us, they would have never let me near their daughter again.
Rylee told me Savannah was awake when she left her a few minutes ago, so I’m nervous. I have no idea how Savannah will react to me being here.
She’s facing away from the door as she lays on her side and stares out the window. Her blonde hair is spread out on her pillow behind her. She looks so fucking tiny in the bed. It’s not until this moment, looking at her slender arm lying limply over her waist, that I realize just how small she is. I knew she lost a lot of weight over the last few months, but she’s practically skin and bones.
Another wave of guilt slams into me. I hate myself for the part I played in her being this way, and for not realizing what was going on with her.
My shoes squeak on the floor, drawing her attention. She turns her head slowly toward me. The sharp plains of her cheekbones and the sunken appearance of her eyes gut me.
“Hey,” I say gently, taking a few steps closer to her.
She watches me, showing no emotion at all. “What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice dead.
“I was worried about you.”
Her eyes roll and she lets out a soft snort. “You have to care about someone in order to worry about them. All you care about is yourself.”
“I do care about you, Savannah.”
“The only thing about me you cared about was what I could give you and how good it made you feel.”
Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I venture a step closer, but the look Savannah shoots me has me stopping.
