by Sarah Forbes
“Wow!” Rory said, and Lazlo jumped on to Elspeth’s knee to take a look.
“But that’s just the start of it,” Elspeth said. “I got all the way home … and the house was empty. Mum and Dad had left me a note – they’ve gone abroad to try and find me. Some woman phoned them and told them I’d left the country! But their note didn’t say exactly where they were going.”
“Hmmm,” Rory frowned. “I bet that was Miss Crabb who called them, trying to get your parents out of the way.”
“Yes, I think so, too.” Elspeth nodded. “I was on my way to the police station this morning to get help, when I saw this.”
She unrolled the newspaper from her bag and laid it on the table, showing the headline:
Rory went pale. Lazlo sensed something was wrong, too. He ran down Rory’s arm and started biting the edge of the newspaper.
“It gets even worse,” Elspeth said. Rory and Lazlo both stared at her, listening carefully. “Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash broke into my house,” Elspeth explained. “They got in this morning and stole the recipe for the Extra-special Sticky Toffee Sauce!”
“WHAT?” Rory went even paler.
“Yes,” Elspeth said. “I need to find them, so I can get it back.”
“Elspeth, you can’t! It’s too dangerous!” Rory said. “You can just put another copy of the recipe together, can’t you? You know the code now… Why would you go chasing after them?”
“Think about it,” Elspeth said. “The most important thing is that there is only ever one copy of that recipe! Hart’s Extra-special Sticky Toffee Sauce won’t be so extra special if Crabb and Goulash know how to make it! I’ve GOT to get it back. I’m going after them.”
“Elspeth,” Rory said earnestly. “I think you need to stay as far away from those two as possible. You’ll be safe here. We’ve got electronic gates and security cameras and everything.”
Elspeth wasn’t a bossy person, but she could be very determined sometimes.
“Rory, you know how important that recipe is to my mum and dad. And it’s my fault that Crabb and Goulash got their hands on it, so I have to get it back. I know exactly where we have to go to find it.” She flicked through the newspaper and showed Rory the article about the HMS Unsinkable.
Rory started to read, looking nervous.
Elspeth pointed to Miss Crabb’s scribbles. “See? They’re going to get on the ship pretending to be the ladies who work in the hair and beauty salon. We have to get on the ship, too!”
Rory was much more cautious than Elspeth. From the look on his face, she could see that he’d need a bit of persuading.
“Please, Rory. You’re the only one I can trust. Plus … it’ll be an adventure!” Elspeth gave him her most pleading look. “We need to go straight away, though. The ship sails tomorrow.”
Rory stared at her. “You can’t be serious,” he said.
“I am! We’ll need money for the train, then we just have to get on board the ship somehow,” Elspeth said.
“You want to sneak on to a ship … that’s going all the way to America … in case that ship has Miss Crabb on it? Are you insane?”
Lazlo hopped up and down on Rory’s shoulder.
Elspeth nodded firmly. “I’m getting on that boat, Rory. It’s my only chance! I’ll go on my own if I have to, but I’d really like you to come with me. Together I know we can get the better of Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash. Please? Pleeeeeease?”
Elspeth knew she’d persuaded Rory when she saw a tiny smile appear on his face.
“OK, OK, OK,” said Rory, “I’ll come – I can’t let you do this alone. Even though I think it’s a mad idea.”
“Rory! Thank you!” Elspeth gave him a hug and he blushed. Then she sat down and pulled her notebook out of her rucksack. “Right, it said in the paper that the ship sails at six o’clock tomorrow evening. It’ll be hard to sneak off without Mr Tunnock noticing. Maybe we should slip away tonight, when he’s asleep.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Rory. “He’d realize I was gone in the morning. Then he’d have to phone my mum and dad to say I’m missing.”
“Hmm.” Elspeth thought for a minute. “You need an excuse to go away for a bit. That way, Mr Tunnock won’t be worried about you, and your parents will never know you’ve been gone. Hey, couldn’t we say we’re off to a summer camp? Like … a tap-dancing camp!”
“Perfect!” Rory’s eyes lit up. “Tunners knows I wasn’t getting good marks in Tap last year. Yes, we’ll tell him we’re going to tap-dancing camp in Southampton.”
“I know… Let’s write a VERY convincing note,” Elspeth said.
“Yes!” said Rory. “Good idea, Elspeth. Follow me.” They dashed down the hall and into Mrs Snitter’s study.
Rory grabbed a fountain pen, a sheet of writing paper and a handwritten to-do list that was sitting next to the phone:
Very carefully, copying his mum’s handwriting, Rory wrote a note:
Rory paused for a minute, chewing the end of the pen and thinking.
“One more thing,” said Elspeth. “We might need some food.”
Rory nodded. “Yes. We’ll need plenty of chocolate for Lazlo, too. It’s the only thing that keeps him quiet.”
He started writing again.
“That’s the sort of thing she would say,” Rory said. Then he added a big squiggly signature. “Now what?” he asked.
“Now we give Mr Tunnock the note and tell him to be ready to set out straight after lunch tomorrow,” said Elspeth.
Rory and Elspeth climbed out of the car at Southampton docks. When they had given Mr Tunnock the note that morning, he had simply read it, nodded slowly and gone to make their sandwiches. After lunch, they’d climbed into the family limousine and Mr Tunnock had driven them all the way to Southampton in silence. But he did look slightly suspicious now they had arrived.
“I trust you have all you need?” he asked. Elspeth had her rucksack and Rory had a satchel with him. Mr Tunnock looked around the docks. “Where are the other children?”
“Don’t worry, they won’t be far away. This is definitely the meeting place,” Elspeth said confidently.
“Yes, thanks Tunners,” Rory added. “No offence, but it’s not cool to be seen with the grown-up who dropped you off. We’d rather go and find everyone by ourselves, if that’s OK.”
Mr Tunnock nodded and gave them a solemn wave as he started the car.
As soon as he had driven off, Elspeth and Rory turned and gazed up at the vast bulk of the HMS Unsinkable.
It was white and shiny, as long as three football pitches and even taller than Rory Snitter’s house. I’m sure you can imagine, dear reader, how very tiny Elspeth and Rory felt as they stared up at the majestic ship sitting in the dock. There were people everywhere, waving from the deck and saying tearful goodbyes. A man on the gangway was checking tickets as people boarded.
“Elspeth, how are we going to get on board without being seen?” Rory asked, tucking Lazlo into his shirt pocket.
Elspeth had been wondering the same thing. But before she could reply, a stretch limousine squealed to a halt beside them, making them both leap out of the way.
“We’re late, Albert! We really are frightfully frightfully late!” shrieked a large woman in a tweed suit, flinging herself out of the car. “They’ll sail without us and we’ll miss our best chance of becoming friends with Lord and Lady Spewitt! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!”
“Yes, yes, Petunia,” said a tired-looking man, following her towards the ship. He waved at the porters. “I say, you there! Bring our trunks in, will you? Cabin 12A and be quick about it.”
The couple hurried up the gangway as a porter hauled their luggage out of the limo.
Elspeth stared in astonishment. They were the biggest trunks she had ever seen. Wait a minute… she thought. You could fit a grown man in there!
She grabbed Rory’s hand and started to run. As soon as the porter was looking away, Elspeth opened the biggest tru
nk and clambered inside, pulling Rory in after her and letting the lid close softly.
There was a horrible smell of mothballs, but a small crack in the side of the trunk meant they had a little light and just enough air. Elspeth dragged a heavy ballgown over their heads.
“Just stay very still,” she whispered.
“Easy for you to say,” said Rory. “Lazlo hates being cooped up – you know that.” Rory squirmed to the side a bit and dug a piece of chocolate out of his pocket. “This’ll keep him quiet for a minute or two, but it won’t be long before he starts biting.”
There was muffled thumping outside. Elspeth held her breath as the trunk was lifted up. Then, judging by the slow, jerky movements, it felt like they were being carried aboard.
“Weighs a flipping ton, this does,” said one of the porters. “What’s she got in here, solid gold?”
“Wouldn’t be surprised,” said the other. “Hope she tips us!”
Thud-drag, thud-drag, thud-drag.
“At least those two passengers aren’t as bad as the women getting on earlier,” the first porter said. “Did you see them? One’s got purple hair and one’s got dark hair in a fancy do. They were so bossy with Bill the security guard!”
The second one laughed. “Yeah, they looked like trouble! Bill said they didn’t have the right papers, but they work in the hair salon, so he had to let them on. He said the short fat one doesn’t smell too good though!”
THUD. Elspeth felt them put the trunk down, then she heard a door bang closed.
“Get out, quick,” Elspeth hissed.
They scrambled out.
“Did you hear what those porters were saying?” Elspeth asked in excitement.
“Yes! They must have been talking about Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash in disguise. You were right – they’re on board!” Rory said. He picked up his satchel. “But where should we go first?”
Elspeth looked around. They were in a beautifully furnished cabin with a view out to sea. She could see another door leading to a fancy bathroom. It was all very luxurious, but Elspeth knew they couldn’t stay there for long without getting caught.
“I think we should…” Elspeth stopped and put a finger to her lips. She could hear a voice from the corridor and it sounded like the lady they’d seen at the docks.
“Albert, I’m in FRIGHTFUL pain with these new shoes,” the woman was shouting. “I must find those plasters at once. My poor feet!”
Rory and Elspeth looked at one another in a panic.
“They’ll find us!” Rory whispered.
“Bathroom!” Elspeth replied.
They leaped in to the bathtub and drew the shower curtain across, just as the door to the cabin flew open.
“Frightful, frightful, frightful!” the woman was shouting.
Elspeth peeked around the curtain. She could just see the woman’s bottom as she bent over, hauling everything out of a trunk and throwing it on the floor. “It’s a DISASTER, Albert. I’m in agony. Take me home at once. I shan’t sail.”
“Oh, calm down, Petunia,” said the man. “Come and have a nice drink up on deck.”
“Nice drink!” Petunia whacked him over the head with a purse. “You stupid man – I can’t walk another step in these shoes!”
“I believe Lord Spewitt might be up there,” the man said in a sly voice.
“What? Why on earth didn’t you say so?” shrilled his wife. “What are you standing about here for, you silly fool? Hurry, let’s go!”
The door slammed shut again and Rory and Elspeth breathed out in relief.
“Right,” Elspeth said. “We can’t stay here. We need to get a better hiding place, so we can find Crabb and Goulash before they find us.”
What Elspeth didn’t know was that, at that very moment, Miss Crabb was directly beneath them, in the HMS Unsinkable Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon.
Poppy and Pippy, the ladies in charge of the HMS Unsinkable Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon, were setting down their cases and looking around the smart new salon in excitement. They were cousins who came from a long line of ladies who had done the hair of important people in history – they had just finished a stint helping the queen try out some new hairstyles.
“Isn’t this ship smashing, Poppy?” said Pippy, who had long purple hair with a fringe.
“Yes, it’s smashing, Pippy!” said Poppy, who wore her black hair in a sweeping style.
Poppy and Pippy were very cheerful ladies. They thought pretty much everything was smashing. But they didn’t think it was smashing when a horrible smell filled the room and a claw-like hand appeared out of the large cupboard where their uniforms were kept.
“Aargh!” shrieked Poppy and Pippy, as Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash lurched out of the cupboard.
Miss Crabb nabbed them as they tried to run out of the door. “Gotcha!” she cackled.
She grabbed a big pile of ribbons and tied them up tightly. Then she smirked.
“I’m sorry, my dears, but you are no longer needed on this ship,” she said. “We will be taking over. YOU will be staying in that storeroom down the hall. Don’t worry, we’ll throw you some food and water every day! Eee-hee-hee!”
And with that, Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash bundled Poppy and Pippy down the corridor and into a dark little room marked Beauty Salon Store.
They marched back into the salon looking smug. Then Miss Crabb threw a uniform at Gladys Goulash.
“Put this on,” she ordered, wriggling into one herself. Miss Crabb was tall and skinny, so her uniform was too short. Gladys Goulash was short and wide, so her uniform was too tight. They looked in the mirror, putting their wigs back on and feeling very pleased with themselves. Miss Crabb’s wig was just like Poppy’s glamorous hair do and Gladys Goulash had a long purple wig with a fringe, like Pippy.
Gladys Goulash picked her nose and munched on a bogey thoughtfully.
“What do we have to do now?” she asked. “Are we hairdressers or something?”
“Gah!” said Miss Crabb. She sat down opposite Gladys and prodded her arm to make her pay attention. “We do hair and beauty. You know, painting toenails, that sort of thing. Remember, we have to pretend to be those ladies, Poppy and Pippy. We don’t want to be found out.”
Miss Crabb picked up a black crayon and drew a blob on her cheek. “Poppy has a beauty spot right here. And Pippy has big eyelashes.” She took a pair of false eyelashes from her handbag and handed them to Gladys Goulash, who stuck them on and scratched her head.
“So remember,” Miss Crabb said slowly, “your name is Pippy Delamere and you are a trained beautician.”
“And is this how we’re going to make our millions?” asked Gladys.
“No, you fool!” cried Miss Crabb. She leaped up and started hopping from one foot to the other in frustration. “That’s not the plan! The plan is to make it to New York where nobody knows us, so we can start making that Extra-special Sticky Toffee Sauce!”
“Ooh!” said Gladys. “I get it. Well, I’d better get practising.” Gladys hauled herself to her feet and picked up a pair of scissors. “Shall I trim your hair for you?”
“This is not my hair, it’s a wig, you nitwit!” shrieked Miss Crabb. “Practise painting your nails instead.” She threw a bottle of nail varnish at Gladys. Then she stormed to the door, turning the sign around to say OPEN.
“Stay on your guard, Gladys Goulash,” Miss Crabb said. “You’re not a dinner lady any more. You are a beautician. And the HMS Unsinkable Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon is open for business. Do not let me down.”
Just then, the ship’s whistle blew. It was almost time for the HMS Unsinkable to set sail.
“We need a really good hiding place, somewhere safe,” Elspeth said to Rory. “Once we have that, we can work out where the hair and beauty salon is. If anyone notices us, we’ll say we’re travelling with our parents.” Elspeth felt sick with nerves. She’d never been on a boat before … let alone a cruise ship with two dangerous c
riminals on board.
Rory nodded. “You said we need to find Crabb and Goulash before they find us,” he said. “Well, Lazlo can help with that. He’d sniff Gladys Goulash out if she was nearby.”
“Good. Let’s start exploring!” Elspeth said.
They opened the cabin door and peeked out. The coast was clear.
They climbed the stairs to the highest level on the ship and walked along a corridor so thickly carpeted that their feet sank into it. They passed a huge ballroom with a grand piano and sparkling chandeliers.
“That’s even bigger than the ballroom in my house,” Rory said in wonder. As they moved on, Lazlo started bopping up and down on his shoulder. “Lazlo can smell someone! We need to hide!” Rory said.
They ducked through a door into another corridor. This one was painted grey and it was much less fancy than the other parts of the ship they’d seen. They ran along it as fast as they could and, just as they turned a corner, they heard a slam followed by the sound of footsteps. Then they stopped short. They’d reached a dead end.
“What now?” Rory turned to Elspeth in fright. “We can’t get out of here. We’ll be caught!” He tucked Lazlo into his pocket to keep him out of sight.
“There’s a ladder!” Elspeth rushed over to a red ladder attached to the wall and started climbing it. “We can go through this hatch.”
They scrambled up and burst through the hatch, finding themselves on the main deck. Hundreds of people were milling about and drinking champagne. Rory quickly slammed the hatch closed behind them.
As they moved further into the crowd, the hatch burst open again. Elspeth and Rory froze.
A head appeared in the hatch, then a very cross face, then a large body in a tweed suit. It was Petunia, the lady whose cabin they’d hidden in. She staggered on to the deck, looking very upset.
“There you are, Albert!” she shrieked, throwing herself into her husband’s arms. “You shouldn’t have left me when I went to find the dining rooms. I took a wrong turn and ended up in the most GHASTLY corridor! It was painted the most depressing shade of grey. Oh, I feel quite seasick.”
