Upside Down Inside Out

by Monica McInerney

  Their next moves were all unspoken between them. He asked for the bill. She paid, as she had insisted she would, and he didn’t protest. Didn’t speak. They weren’t communicating to each other in words anymore.

  The walk back to her carriage was tense with anticipation. Eva led the way, conscious with every part of her of Joseph’s closeness behind her. They still hadn’t touched. They moved along the narrow curving corridors, crossed over the swinging join between each carriage. They still hadn’t spoken.

  They reached her cabin. She turned to him. She could see the longing in his eyes. “Will you come in for a coffee?”

  He knew she didn’t have any coffee. He didn’t want any coffee. “Yes, please.”

  Her hands were shaking as she unlocked the door. She had folded down the bed before she went to dinner, telling herself she was just being organized, knowing that she hoped exactly this would happen. That Joe would come into her cabin with her.

  She switched on the lamp and jumped in fright. Rex had managed to get out of his basket. He was stretched full length in the middle of her bed, fast asleep.

  The charged mood between them relaxed slightly. Joseph smiled. “Would you like me to pick him up?”

  “Do you mind?”

  Shaking his head, Joseph picked up the sleeping kitten and draped him over his right shoulder. Rex wriggled, then fell asleep again.

  How could he do it? Eva thought. But at least Rex had got them past the first awkward moment.

  She felt unsure of what to do next. What to say. “Would you like a seat?” The polite inquiry was ridiculous, she knew. They were standing in less than two meters of space, with the bed the most dominant feature.

  Joseph sat down on the edge. Eva sat beside him. They were both looking straight ahead. The only thing to look at was the bathroom door. Then they both turned toward each other to speak at the same time. Their faces were just inches apart.

  And then much closer.

  And then even closer still.

  For a long moment she couldn’t speak. She looked into his eyes, the dark irises getting darker as she watched. She gazed at his skin. His lips. He met her halfway.

  The first kiss was soft as silk. Just a brush against each other’s lips. They both pulled back. There was another long look. Then they leaned in again. Eva put her hand to the side of his face, loving the feel of his skin, of his hair, bringing his face closer to hers, his lips harder against hers. She felt like her blood had turned effervescent. They moved closer against each other, their bodies pressing tight.

  Then Eva yelped and sprang back. She’d felt sharp teeth on her ear. Rex. Still on Joseph’s shoulder, the kitten had been squashed between them. He was now hissing, his nails dug into Joseph’s shirt. Now Joseph yelped.

  “Sshh.” Eva was relieved to be laughing, her head still spinning from the kiss. “The conductor will hear you.”

  Joseph was trying to untwist Rex’s claws and was laughing now too. “You’ll have to help, Niamh.”

  “I can’t,” she said, hardly able to speak for laughing.

  “I can’t touch him.”

  Joseph finally untwisted the kitten’s claws. Eva had the basket ready and Rex was unceremoniously dropped into it. She’d have to try and fix that broken latch in the morning. Basket and cat were moved into the bathroom again, the door left slightly ajar to give him air.

  Eva and Joseph were back to square one, sitting side by side on the bed. Joseph turned to her and spoke in a quiet voice. “Can we try that again? Without Rex?”

  She nodded, her eyes closing in pleasure as she felt his hand stroke the side of her face, come around to her neck and move her face closer to his. The kiss was silk again. Long and slow and languorous. Then a little harder, faster. Eva felt herself move slowly back against the bed, felt the beautiful heavy weight of Joe on top of her. Their lips stayed together, her arms wrapped tightly around his back.

  The blood seemed to be rushing in her ears. She felt every sense start to shimmer, felt her body start to open toward him as the kiss went on and on, slow and strong. She wanted this. It was all happening quickly but it felt so right. The barest touch of his hand on her arm sent a shiver of pleasure through her. She heard herself moan as he moved his lips from hers and started to gently kiss her neck.

  He gasped as she worked her hand under his shirt, her fingertips hot against his bare skin. Then they both heard a hammering at the door.

  “Good evening. Conductor.” Another sharp knock.

  They both sprang up, feeling like teenagers caught out by their parents.

  “What does he want?” she whispered.

  “I don’t know.”

  There was another sharp knock. “Conductor.”

  “Just a moment,” she called. She stood up, straightening her dress. Turning around, she saw Joe, lying there, watching her every move. It was all she could do not to ignore the conductor and fall straight back into his arms. She touched the side of his face. His hand came up to meet hers. The electric charge rippled between them again.

  Smoothing her hair, she opened the door.

  “Evening, Miss,” the conductor said. He looked beyond Eva to Joseph, now sitting upright on the bed. “Evening, sir.”

  “Hello there.”

  “Sorry to disturb you, Miss. But I didn’t get your order for the morning.”

  Eva tried to get her thoughts straight. “My order? For breakfast? Um, toast? Eggs?”

  “Breakfast is served in the lounge car, Miss. I supply just the tea or coffee.”

  “Oh. Good.”

  “Well?”

  “Sorry?”

  “Which would you like?”

  “Oh. Tea, please. No—coffee, please. Either.”

  He gave her an odd look.

  “Coffee,” she said firmly.

  “The time?”

  Eva was puzzled. She wasn’t wearing her watch. “I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

  The conductor sighed. “I mean, what time would you like your coffee?”

  Anytime. Not at all. I don’t mind. Could you please just leave us alone? About to answer him, she realized that the conductor was staring over her shoulder. He seemed to have lost interest in her waking time. Eva turned around to see what had caught his attention.

  On the bed, Joseph turned to look too.

  Coming out of the bathroom was a small black kitten.

  CHAPTER 27

  The conductor ruled his train like a fiefdom. And a serious fiefdom rule had been broken. No live animals in the carriages.

  “Madam, it is not only completely unhygienic to have a cat in your cabin, it is against the law.”

  Eva was no longer Miss, she noticed. She was madam. For a moment she thought about pretending that the conductor was having hallucinations. Cat? What cat? Or perhaps she could say she’d never seen that cat before and couldn’t begin to imagine how it got there.

  Then Rex came up and started winding between her legs, purring loudly, as though she had hand-reared him from birth. She took the defensive option instead. “He’s not really a cat, he’s just a kitten. And he’s just had a very serious operation.”

  “On his deathbed or not, he will have to travel in the goods carriage. It’s not ideal but it’s the only option. And there will of course be an extra fee. There could even have been a fine but I’m prepared to waive that, on account of the animal being a small one.”

  Just as well Lainey didn’t have a pet elk, Eva thought.

  Behind her, Joseph stood up from the bed. It was getting very crowded in the small cabin. “Niamh, do you want me to look after this? Take Rex down?”

  “Thanks, but no. I’ll take him and get him settled myself.”

  The conductor was standing there waiting to escort her, as though she was a criminal. He was clearly displeased that Joe was here too. Would he send Joe down to the goods van as well? No live animals and no funny business in my carriages, young lady.

  Eva desperately tried to communicate as much
as she could to Joe in just a long look. I wish we hadn’t been interrupted. I want to keep kissing you all night. Please wait here and I’ll be back as soon as I can.

  But it seemed Joe was no mind-reader. “You’re sure I can’t help? Carry the basket or something?”

  “No, really, I’m fine. But thanks.” He couldn’t come with her. She was going to have to pay Rex’s travel fee by credit card and she couldn’t risk him seeing her real name. She decided to throw all subtlety out the window.

  “Will I meet you later?”

  Joseph smiled. “In my cabin?”

  She nodded.

  Behind her, the conductor was sighing, without any subtlety at all. “If you could put the cat back in the basket, madam, and follow me?”

  Joseph noticed Eva’s expression and stepped forward. “Let me help.” He picked up Rex and put him in the basket, quickly withdrawing his hand out of the way of the grasping claws.

  As the conductor headed down the corridor, another long look passed between Eva and Joseph.

  “See you soon.”

  “Yes.”

  Eva felt like she was doing a Walk of Shame as she followed the conductor through every carriage, past curious eyes in the lounge car, past people sitting looking out from their cabins. It took nearly five minutes to reach the goods van at the end of the train. The conductor unlocked the door with a flourish, rattling the keys like a jailer. A dim light in the middle of the van roof showed shelves filled with neatly stacked suitcases, mail bags and parcels. Several bicycles were leaning against the side of the van, their pedals rattling with the movement of the train. Rex started mewing.

  “If you’ll put him there, madam.” The conductor pointed to a space beside the bicycles.

  “But he’ll be terrified of the noise,” she protested.

  “He’s just a tiny kitten. And he’s had a terrible shock today.”

  “Madam, he shouldn’t even be on the train. You’re lucky I’m not reporting you to the RSPCA. Now, please, put him there. It’s by the vent. He’ll be able to breathe at least.”

  “Please, can’t he go over there?” She pointed to the other side, among the mail bags. “He’ll be nice and cozy there. And there’s another air vent.”

  The conductor relented. “Okay. That’s fine.”

  Eva placed the basket on the floor, put a small parcel on top to hold the clasp down, then joined the conductor at the doorway. She dared to look back. Rex was pawing at the side of the basket, doing his silent mewing trick. She couldn’t leave him like that. She imagined Lainey’s voice. “You left him? On his own? With just bikes and parcels for company? Oh, Evie, and I trusted you with him.”

  Then Eva thought about Joe. Waiting in his cabin for her. But she couldn’t just leave Rex. “Can I have one more minute with him?” she begged.

  The conductor practically counted to sixty under his breath as Eva crouched beside the basket, muttering to Rex and feeling self-conscious. “You’ll be fine, Rexie. It’s just for one night, and I’m very sorry. But Lainey doesn’t need to know about any of this, okay? This can be our secret. A sort of bonding exercise, what do you think?”

  Weirdly, it seemed to work. Rex settled down in the far corner of his basket, curled up in the scrap of blanket and fell asleep.

  “Thank you,” she said to the conductor, most politely.

  “I can just collect him from here when we get to Adelaide?”

  “You can. There is of course the small matter of payment. I would prefer to settle that now, if you don’t mind.”

  Oh hell. Eva cursed herself. She’d left her handbag in her cabin. They’d have to go all the way there again. The minutes were ticking away fast. Joe would wonder where she had got to. “Would the morning be okay?” she asked hopefully.

  “No, madam, I’m afraid not. I find people tend to be a bit forgetful in the mornings.”

  Back at her cabin, the conductor seemed to take enormous pleasure in ever so slowly processing her credit card. Ever so slowly writing out a receipt, even though Eva said she didn’t need one. Then giving her a long lecture about the diseases cats could spread to humans.

  Half an hour must have passed since she and Joe had parted. It was nearly midnight. Would he still be awake?

  Of course he would be. Of course he wanted to see her again. And she dearly wanted to see him again. To kiss him again.

  After she’d finally said good night to the conductor, she was overtaken by a surprising fit of nerves. She wished she had a full suitcase of clothes with her. Some makeup. A stylist, hairdresser and couturier.

  He doesn’t mind what you look like, the voice said. It’s you he likes.

  It’s Niamh Kennedy he likes.

  That’s sort of you.

  Good try, she answered.

  She looked at herself in the mirror. Quickly washed her face. Took her hair out of the plait. Put it back in. Took it out again. It would have to do.

  Shutting her cabin door quietly, she made her way to the carriage two down from hers and knocked lightly at the fifth door.

  No answer. She knocked again. Still no answer. “Joe?” she whispered.

  Nothing. “Joe, it’s me. Niamh.” Nothing again.

  A noise to her left nearly made her jump out of her skin. It was a middle-aged couple, a bit the worse for wear. She smiled politely, pressing herself against the wall to give them room to pass. They stared at her curiously.

  “Lover’s tiff?” the man asked sympathetically.

  “Something like that.” She tried to smile.

  One more knock. Still no answer. It was all Rex’s fault. It had taken so long Joe had fallen asleep.

  In his cabin, Joseph lay on his bed.

  Surely she would have come back by now? She’d been more than half an hour already. How long did it take to find the goods van and put a cat basket in there? He wanted her here with him. Now. In his arms again.

  He smiled. He couldn’t help himself. She had felt wonderful. Beautiful. “Come on, Niamh,” he said under his breath.

  By half-past midnight he’d given up waiting. His heart was heavy. She’d obviously changed her mind.

  For a moment he thought about going down to her cabin. But no. If she’d wanted to see him, she would have come back to his. And she hadn’t. With that unhappy thought he fell asleep.

  Eva tossed and turned. Had she come on too strong? Should she have played harder to get? But she hadn’t wanted to be hard to get. She wanted to kiss him. Be in bed with him. Now. But she wasn’t.

  With that unhappy thought she fell asleep.

  CHAPTER 28

  Joseph woke before six. It took a minute to work out where he was.

  Then he remembered everything. Niamh was on the train too, and she was supposed to be with him now, here. But for some reason she’d decided not to come back last night.

  He lay there for a moment. It was no good. He had to talk it over with her. He got up and quickly dressed.

  Eva woke. She remembered everything, straight away. She was on a train. With Joe. And she wanted to really be with Joe. In his cabin. In his bed. In his arms.

  She lay there for a minute. It was no good. She wanted to see Joe again. Now. She was going to talk to him. Morning face or not, bed-head hair or not. She pulled on yesterday’s shift dress, all she had with her.

  She had just stepped into the corridor when she met him. They spoke at the same time. “Joe, about last night—” “Niamh, I’m sorry that—”

  The door beside them opened and an elderly man peered out. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were the conductor. I’d kill for a cup of tea.”

  They smiled apologetically and moved down a little way. Eva tried again. “Joe, I just wanted to…”

  Two children emerged from another cabin and tried to squeeze past them.

  Joseph touched her arm. “Niamh, will you come back to my cabin and talk? It’s a bit busy out here.”

  She nodded, then watched, puzzled, as he walked away from her. “Joe, where are y
ou going?”

  “To my cabin.”

  “Isn’t it down that way?” She pointed in the opposite direction.

  It was his turn to look confused. “No, I’m in the front of the train.”

  He watched as she went a bright pink then a very pale cream. “Not back there?”

  “No.” It dawned on him the same time it dawned on her. He spoke first. “You did actually come to what you thought was my cabin last night?”

  “Yes, of course. As quickly as I could.”

  They were instantly back to where they’d been the night before. Eva moved closer to him. She felt his hand caress the side of her face.

  “Excuse me, please. This is a public thoroughfare. And a public place.” It was their friend the conductor, carrying a tray of cups.

  There wasn’t the time or the opportunity to recapture the mood. The conductor delivered their coffee and tea and practically shooed them down to the lounge car for breakfast. The carriages filled with noise as people woke up, got ready and walked up and down the corridors. The view changed outside their windows from hillsides and trees to the outskirts of Adelaide, houses and roads and shopping centers. They sat together in Joseph’s cabin, close beside one another.

  He broke the silence between them, stroking her hand and looking at her with a smile. “Next time I’m tying a big yellow ribbon to my door.”

  She laughed. “And I’m leaving a trail of breadcrumbs.”

  At the railway station they reclaimed a wide-awake Rex and found the hire car Joseph had pre-booked. They drove into the Adelaide city center along a wide tree-lined road, past a museum, art gallery and elegant sandstone university buildings. Eva did the fastest shopping trip of her life, buying clothes and toothpaste, a toothbrush. Even if Joe didn’t mind seeing her in the shift dress again, she felt much happier. She usually took more than a cat with her on an overnight trip.

  By midmorning they were on the main road heading north out of Adelaide toward the Clare Valley. Eva glanced at the backseat, checking on Rex. He seemed happy, in an expressionless kitten-faced sort of way. Lainey would be pleased at how quickly he’d recovered. Lainey. Oh God, she’d forgotten to ring Lainey. How on earth was she going to explain all of this?