Shazo elbowed my ribs and I looked at him. "Put your tongue back in your mouth," he teased.
I felt my face flush. "Shut up."
"You guys all set?" Felix asked, coming back around the hearse.
"Yep," Shazo confirmed.
They started walking off, so I quickly followed. The three of us stepped onto the dirt path and walked down it silently for a few minutes until we rounded the bend. There was a large red metal gate locked with tightly wrapped chains and a padlock. I stood still while Felix unlocked it. The clangs of the chains startled me and the eeriest feeling I'd had in my life started to creep over me.
"You good?" Shazo asked.
I cringed a little as the gate swung open, but nodded. This place would probably just keep getting weirder and weirder.
We walked down a large dirt path and the sun no longer gave any warmth to the woods. It was dim and still damp from the lingering humidity. I opened my bag and dug the flashlight out. I left it off, but felt better having it at the ready. We weren't far down the path when it forked. I stopped and looked at the boys expectantly.
"Here's where we usually split up," Shazo said. "The fork to the right leads to more woods than the left, so the left fork will take less time."
"Why don't you come with me? Shazo's had you all day," Felix suggested.
"Sure," I replied.
"Alright. Remember, channel three." Shazo gave me a look and then headed down the left path.
"Come on," Felix said.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes while I looked around. The earth crunched under our feet. It was a few minutes before I realized those were the only noises. There were no rustles of squirrels, no snapping twigs from deer.
"Where are the animals?" I asked, and I felt the need to keep my voice quiet.
"There aren't any," Felix said. "The woods are too thick, or maybe it's the death. Either way, you'll never even see a spider in here."
I swallowed. That was beyond creepy and unsettling. I noticed colored rope and string tied to some trees up ahead.
"What are those?" I asked.
"When you go off the path it's really easy to get lost. Some people that aren't completely sure about their decision will tie a rope or something to a tree so they can follow it back if they change their minds."
I felt a small pit in my stomach. Until we opened the gate I kept telling myself this job wouldn't really entail all I was told. It was easy to pretend I was on some strange vacation. Now it was getting more real by the second. Felix stepped off the path and I followed.
"So, you're from Colorado?" Felix asked while we followed a tight trail through the trees.
"Yeah. This is my first time down south. My first time anywhere, really." I always meant to get my passport. To go to Paris with my savings account, study abroad, or go on a road trip across the country. But I just kept telling myself 'someday'.
"That's kind of nice in a way. Are you close with your family?"
"Yeah. I'm really close with my parents. They're great."
"That's nice. You don't hear many happy family stories anymore, huh?"
"Uh, I guess? Most of my friends are pretty close with their families, too."
Felix slowed down a little and I watched him glance at me.
"What do your friends think about all of this?"
"All of this?" I asked.
"The lightning. The ghosts. Or do they even know?" He stopped and turned his body towards me, meeting my eyes.
"Um, a few know. They were pretty understanding." I didn't feel the need to mention Melissa's name to him.
"That's better than greeting you with pitchforks, huh?" he joked.
I forced a laugh and nodded.
We walked through a small section of the woods. It was hard not to trip over a root or stumble over a large rock. We came across a crumbling tent and Felix took out a can of spray paint and painted a large yellow X across it.
"So we know it's been checked," he explained.
"Why do they bring tents?"
"You'll get people that spend days out here deciding whether or not to kill themselves. Tents mean they're struggling. When we find a body we usually take the tents away, but this one's already breaking down so I'll leave it. So if you come across a tent without an X on it, chances are you're about to find a body, someone deciding whether or not to die, or just belongings they forgot when they left. There's nothing around here though so we can only hope they decided to live and they left."
I crossed my arms and held them tight against my body.
"Same with ropes, kind of. Cut ropes mean we've cut a body down."
I remembered seeing a couple of pieces of rope thrown across a cluster of thick branches. I shook my head a little and shuddered. The uneasy feeling in the woods was heavy in my gut.
"Shazo said you almost never find bodies."
"Definitely not as much as a few years ago. Only a handful in the past couple of years. But when I first started here we found one almost every week."
I chewed the inside of my cheek and prayed that streak held up.
When there was no sunlight left, Felix led me back to the path and we headed for the gate. I couldn't imagine making that walk in the dark alone.
"What do you think so far?" Felix asked me.
"I think it'll be hard," I admitted.
"I bet you can do it," he said.
I adjusted the bag's strap over my shoulder and muttered a "thank you." I had known Felix for only a couple of hours and he already had so much faith in me. It was almost unsettling, as if any mistake I made would be a massive disappointment.
I sighed a little in relief when the gate came into view. I caught myself walking faster towards it. We walked into the house and dropped our shoes behind the door.
"Hey, guys," Shazo greeted from in the kitchen. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said the left fork was faster. "I made burgers. They're still hot in the oven. Help yourselves."
"Great," Felix said.
Felix squeezed my shoulder and then headed down the hall quickly at the mention of food. I walked after him.
"Well?" Shazo looked at me expectantly. "How'd it go?"
"Uneventful. But the forest is pretty creepy. I mean, no animals? Just a silent forest? That's almost as disturbing as the suicides."
"Yeah, that takes getting used to. Sometimes I play music on my phone. It helps."
"Good tip."
Felix nudged an elbow towards the oven. "Get something to eat. It'll help your body cope."
"I thought that was alcohol," I joked.
"That comes later." Felix grinned.
"After evening check we usually unwind on the balcony with beer, wine, whatever," Shazo explained. "You're underage though, right?"
"I won't tell if you don't," I said, and thought about the tequila stashed in my room.
"Our lips are sealed," Felix said.
I opened the oven and took out a burger already inside a bun and set it on a nearby plate. Lettuce, tomatoes, and condiments were on the counter so I added some of each and then glanced around for somewhere to sit.
"We usually eat in front of the TV," Shazo said, giving me an apologetic smile.
"That's okay." I looked at my burger. The ketchup spilling out made my stomach lurch. "Actually, I'm just gonna take a minute before I eat. Maybe shower."
Shazo and Felix exchanged a look but didn't say anything. I set my plate on the counter and quickly locked myself in the upstairs bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face with shaking hands. I had been okay while we were outside working, but now that work was over my mind was out of control. I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I opened the balcony door and started pacing up and down the length of the house. Dim lights in the ceiling gave off about as much light as candles, but it was a comforting glow. The sound of a window sliding open startled me and I froze in my tracks.
Two long legs came through the window and then I was greeted with Felix's face, full of concern.
"Hi." I started pacing again.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
I let out a shaky breath and looked at him. I noticed a bottle in his hand and I pointed at it.
"That first," I said. "Please."
"You got it." Felix smiled a little and uncorked the wine bottle in his hand. He leaned in the window and pulled out two glasses.
"I don't know how to do this," I said.
Felix poured a fresh glass of wine and held it out to me. I took it and let the dark red liquid rush smoothly down my throat.
"What? The job?"
"The people." I slid down the house siding and sat on the wood planks below me. I drew my knees up to my chest and took another sip of wine.
"You mean the dead people?"
"I mean the ones who gave up. The ones who have been broken by the world and think there's no other option than to leave it. How can they just do that to their families? I don't...I don't understand how life gets so hard that someone thinks suicide is an option."
Felix opened and closed his mouth several times before pressing his lips together.
"You've been doing this for years, right? It doesn't get to you, everyone just giving up?" I asked.
"I think grief and life just become too much sometimes. Sometimes ending the pain is their only option."
"But it's not. There's medication. There's therapy," I said.
"Pippa."
I swallowed more wine and looked at him.
"It's not our place to judge these people. We can't even begin to understand the pain and suffering they've endured. We can't really understand what brought them to the decision to end their lives. We can't judge them for what they did. That's the last thing they need."
I took a slower swallow of wine and let those words sink in.
"We offer them comfort. Offer them rest."
"You're right," I said quietly. "I'm sorry. That's not fair of me to think that when I've never been in that position."
"It's okay. You'll get into the swing of things. Your mindset will change a little."
"Did yours?" I asked.
"Mine didn't have to," he said before he poured himself a glass of wine. My brow furrowed and I opened my mouth to ask a series of questions when he quickly said, "That's a story for another day."
I took in a deep breath, and the wine helped relax my mind and muscles.
Felix touched his lips to his wine glass, the redness disappearing between his lips.
"How did you get into this?" I asked.
He hesitated for several seconds. "I just kind of fell into it. Things led up to this for me and I met Shazo in a hospital elevator. It was us and a ghost and we both realized the other could see the ghost. We got to talking and things just fell into place."
"And you were looking for a place to live?"
"Yeah, kind of. My situation at the time wasn't great. I needed a change. It was all very fate-like in a way. It all just worked out and I've been here for almost five years."
"It never gets old? You never feel like there's something else out there that you should be doing?"
"No. Never. This feels like my calling. This is where I'm supposed to be." He leaned against the house and set the side of his head on a white slat. "I like it here. I like who I am here."
I smiled a little. "Did you used to be someone else?"
He inhaled slowly. "I was just unaccepted, I guess. But ghosts are a part of who I am. Hiding that sucked. Here, I get to be one hundred percent who I am. Shazo doesn't judge me. I don't judge him. This is my home. He's my family."
"That must be nice." Another long swallow of wine drained my cup and I held it up to Felix.
"It is." He took my glass, drained his own and then set them and the bottle inside. He held his hands out to help me up, so I took them. They were warm and rough. "Any better?" he asked.
"Much. Thank you."
"First day can be hard. Actually the first week was pretty draining, getting into the rhythm of things and seeing what this job brought up. It'll get better," he promised. He was close to me, close enough where I could smell the pine on his clothes and see a dab of mustard he missed in the corner of his mouth. My eyes drifted up to meet his, his gaze darkening when our eyes met. I cleared my throat and slid my hands out of his.
"Sorry," I mumbled, looking out over the woods.
"For what?" he prompted.
"Uh." I looked back at him and paused. What was I sorry for? Mentally having my way with him on the balcony? Imagining what wonderfulness hid under that white t-shirt? "I don't know."
I stepped away from him and towards the balcony door. His eyes watched me and a smile slipped onto his face. "It's okay."
I narrowed my eyes a little. It was like he knew what I was thinking.
"I think I will shower," I said, and opened the door.
"We're going to be really good friends, you know," he said.
I paused in the doorway and looked at him. "Oh?" I managed.
"The best," he said softly.
My stomach tightened. With a look and minimal words, he had me fumbling down an unfamiliar road. He smiled and then took a step over to the window. He swung his legs into the room and then leaned back a little. "I'll put your burger in the oven. You really should eat."
"Thanks."
His eyes scanned me quickly and he nodded before he disappeared into the house.
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and stepped into the bathroom. I hurried to my room and grabbed my bathroom caddy, then locked the bathroom door behind me and stripped off my slightly dirty clothes. I let the water warm up while I examined myself in the mirror. Twists of angry red with painful, healing blisters in a branches and leaves pattern started at my heart and wound up and down to barely skim my hips and collarbones, and wrapped ever so slightly around my ribs. Dr. Washington said the blisters would heal and the red would fade to either a pink or a light brown. But it was, in whole, a lightning-strike scar. An unwanted, very large tattoo of sorts. It would definitely be a downer come bikini season.
I winced when the warm water hit the blisters and planned to stay in there only a few minutes. But the water relaxed me and with my eyes closed, I could pretend I was home. I lingered and replayed the day, and tried to process it. The wine helped. I had to use a special soap for the scar and blisters, and it smelled grossly of licorice and iodine. I held back a gag while I rinsed my hair and body before getting out and wrapping myself in a fluffy purple towel I had found at Target. I untangled my dark locks with a comb and then walked back to my room. I replaced the caddy by the door and changed into black leggings and a long, red t-shirt.
I set a hand on my grumbling stomach. Food finally sounded good. I checked my phone for any missed texts and frowned when nothing popped up. I sent Ellen an, 'I made it' text, then tossed it on my bed and walked down the stairs. As promised, my burger on its plate was sitting in the oven and had been keeping warm. I grabbed a second, suddenly famished. I walked to the living room and sat on the couch next to Shazo and Felix.
We watched TV together until it got late, then Shazo announced he was going to bed. Felix stretched next to me and then turned to look at me.
"Tired?" he asked.
"I'm tired, but I don't think I can sleep."
He nodded a little and his eyes drifted back to the TV. "Reading usually helps me."
"I brought some books. I might try that."
Felix got up and gave me a bit of a lingering look. "I have some stuff to do before morning check, so I should try and sleep before the extra-early alarm."
"Oh okay."
"Let us know if you need anything, okay?"
"I will. Thanks."
He nodded and then headed upstairs.
"Goodnight," I called after him.
I sat there in the dim living room light until my eyelids finally fe
lt heavy. I put my plate up, checked the locks, and then headed into my room. A missed text from my mom made me smile and ache at the same time. I answered her, told her goodnight and then slipped under the covers. And then I was alone. For the first time in my life I was away from home, my family, my friends. I was completely, utterly alone in the middle of the woods in Alabama, living with two strangers. I felt my heart start to race in panic.
"Stop," I whispered to myself. "You're okay. You're an adult. You can handle this. You're okay. Stop it." I tapped my temples firmly.
The anxiety crept in and burrowed deep into me. My breaths got shallow until I had to sit up and flick the light back on. It took everything in me not to call my mom. To hear her voice or tell her to come get me, I wasn't sure. Instead, I took out the bottle of tequila. A few swigs later, I finally set my head on the pillow and fell asleep.
TWELVE
Seven came too early. I ran my hands through my tangled hair and opened the blinds. I froze when I saw feet on the railing. I lifted the window and stuck my head outside.
"Morning," Felix greeted. He was sitting on the railing, his feet crossed while his back was against a beam. He was in gray sweats and a white t-shirt, the ultimate hot outfit.
"Morning," I said, very aware I had been staring a second too long.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Um, okay, I guess. Do you know how high up we are?"
"Yes," he answered before taking a sip from a dark green cup. "Best view in the place."
I started to climb out the window but remembered how short my pajama shorts were. "Is there more coffee?"
"This is hot chocolate," he said. "But I think Shazo made some."
"You're having hot chocolate for breakfast?"
"Yes." He gave me a look like I was the odd one for questioning him.
"Okay. Well...okay." I ducked my head back inside and shut the window. I threw on jeans and a baggy black tee, and then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my hair into the neatest bun I could manage. My makeup consisted of tinted moisturizer, a cream blush/lip duo, and mascara. I had it down to a two-minute science.
I could hear the clanging of dishes downstairs, so I took in a deep breath and then headed down there.
"Morning," Shazo greeted. He was slinging his bag over a shoulder, headed for the door.
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