I set my face in my hands and groaned loudly.
"Sorry, what was that?" she asked.
I looked at her, my face smushed against my hands. "I want to help those people in the forest."
She banged a fist on the table. "Hell yes, you do!"
"Christ, I have to tell my parents."
"Wait until after Christmas," Ellen advised. "Or you'll make your mom throw eggnog at you."
She was right. I'd have to sit on this decision and not ruin Christmas. I needed to give my parents and myself a few more days of normal before I turned things upside down again. When I was back home, I tried to call Felix to tell him my news. No answer. This wasn't something to tell him over a text, so I'd keep trying.
*
The next morning was Christmas Eve. One of the greatest days of the year. It was all about traditions and snow and fun without the pressure of presents. In some ways, it was better than actual Christmas.
"Okay, we have hot chocolate, coffee, jerky, brownie brittle, and sleds." My dad ticked off sledding necessities once we were piled in the car. My mom turned in her seat and held out her coffee travel mug to me. When I leaned forward to smell it, she winked and I realized it was wine. Good ole' Mom.
We headed to the outskirts of Vail where the tourists were scarce. We parked, grabbed our sleds off the top of the car and hiked up a small set of hills. We all sat in a triangle with the fronts of our sleds touching and dug into the snacks. Brownie brittle dunked in hot chocolate was a form of Heaven and I couldn't be convinced otherwise. Once most of the brittle was gone, we put our gloves on and scooted our sleds to the edge of a hill.
Two hours later I lay in the snow sharing wine with my mom. My dad, still up on a hill, laid on top of his sled and nibbled on jerky.
"This is one of the greatest places on Earth," my mom said. I leaned up on my elbows and looked around. She was right.
"I love Christmas Eve." I set my head back down in the snow and wiggled my hat down my ears.
She was quiet for a minute, then turned and pressed her cheek in the snow and looked at me. "You'll come for Christmas Eves, right?" she asked quietly.
The chill of snow seeped into my body and I looked at her. "What?"
"Oh, sweetie, give me a little credit. I'm your mother. Sometimes I know your decisions before you do."
I took a swallow of wine and scooted closer to her. "I was going to wait until after Christmas to tell you guys. I didn't want to ruin anything."
She quickly shook her head. "You're growing up, Pippa. As hard as it is for parents to watch that, you need to know how proud we are of you. This job has already proven to be good for you. We saw so many positive changes in you out there. We just want you to be happy."
"I am happy there," I said.
"Plus, Felix is smokin' hot," she added.
I smiled and nodded in agreement. "He is, isn't he?"
"What are you girls whispering about?" my dad asked. He pulled his sled next to us and looked down at us.
"Nothing," we said in unison.
He looked at us suspiciously for a minute. "Okay," he said slowly. "We ready to go? Movie starts soon."
He helped us up and we packed the rest of our snacks in the bag, then hiked back to the car. Next tradition was a movie at the theatre. We didn't go to the theatre often, which made Christmas Eve movies more special.
The theatre was pretty packed and by the time we got through the door, all the wine caught up to me and I needed to pee, pronto. I pushed through the crowd to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I checked my phone and frowned. Felix still hadn't gotten back to me. It had been over a day. Where was he? Had something happened? I texted him again and then stepped out of the stall.
"Pippa?"
I turned and my stomach stopped, dropped, and rolled. Mel had just walked through the door.
"Wow. Hi! I didn't know you were back in town." She smiled at me and for a second, I was fully confused. She was being nice.
"Um, yeah. I'm just here for Christmas." I turned the faucet on and scrubbed my hands slowly and thoroughly. The wine in my system said 'be a bitch to her like she was to you' but the more rational Pippa said 'be polite and get out of here quickly.' It would be interesting to see which won.
"Yeah, me too. My mom was, like, totally begging me to come home. I wanted to stay in New York because, hello, NYC at Christmas is probably full on magical."
I scrubbed my cuticles while she flat out lied to me. I knew the truth, but it was pretty entertaining to listen to her keep up the charade of a perfect life.
"I forgot how much you don't care about your family," I said thoughtfully.
She went still. "What?"
"Your mom had to beg you to come home for Christmas instead of you making sure you were with your family? Tsk tsk, what a shitty thing to do."
Her jaw dropped a little. "Um, excuse me but-"
"You know what else is a shitty thing to do? Making me feel like I can't confide in anyone. Making me feel like I can't have bad days because the second I vent about it, I'll lose everyone close to me. Telling me to suck things up and basically 'get over' one of the worst things that ever happened in my life. Super shitty."
Her mouth opened and closed and I knew I couldn't let her try to defend herself. There was nothing she could say that would ever fix what she did.
"I don't know why you have to act all high and mighty like you're better than me, because you're not. You're a terrible person. And, newsflash, I know you dropped out of college and are working at that shitty motel. I can only imagine you dropped out because the classes were hard and the second anything gets tough in life, you bolt." I dried my hands and tossed the paper towels in the trash. I brushed past her and opened the door. Before I let the door close, I turned back to look at her. "And you know what else? I'm glad your boyfriend turned out to be gay, you asshole."
Well, I guess the wine won.
THIRTY-FOUR
It was Christmas morning, and it was snowing. I got up really early, made myself some hot chocolate and sat outside watching the snow fall in the quiet of the morning. It was one of the most comforting things in the world, falling snow and hands wrapped around a warm mug. Felix still hadn't texted or called back and my mind was trying to focus on all the bad things that could have happened. When my parents got up around seven, we made cinnamon rolls and bacon, and lit up the fireplace. After our bellies were full of ooey gooey deliciousness, we opened presents. My dad got me a sweatshirt that said 'the book was better' and a new, blank journal. My mom got me a necklace that said 'this too shall pass' and I immediately put it and the sweatshirt on. They both loved their presents I got them - new kitchen gadgets and a pair of fancy binoculars for my dad's 'bird watching club'. When I thought things were winding down and I was about to go call Felix (again), my parents brought out an extremely large box.
"For you," my dad said.
I sat down on the floor next to the tree and opened it. Inside was a mint colored duvet, a white lamp shaped like a stack of books, a large, chunky throw blanket, some candles, some picture frames, cute knick knacks, and a couple pieces of wall art. I looked at them a little stunned.
"We both know you're going back," my dad said. "And we thought you could use some stuff to spruce up your room, make it feel more yours."
Tears pricked my eyes as I looked at the thoughtful box of gifts. "Thank you," I managed.
"We'll miss you, but we're excited for this chapter of your life," my mom said with a small smile.
I hugged them both tightly.
*
Ellen stopped by after Christmas dinner and we swapped presents in my room. She got me a book on Kama Sutra (I could never, ever let my parents find that) and I got her a balloon dog night-light and assorted snacks for her dorm room. She opened a pack of Skittles and kicked her shoes off.
"So," Ellen started. "I heard all about the Mel theatre drama-rama. Some girl was in a stall and live tweeted the entire thing."
"Oh my God," I groaned.
"It was perfect, I thought. You didn't let her get a word in to defend herself. And she shouldn't have had the chance to defend herself because what she did was awful. I'm just glad you got some closure there. I wish I could've been there."
"It did feel pretty good," I admitted.
"You're growing up, Pippa, it's great. Don't take shit from people. Speaking of which, is Felix still avoiding you?" She ate Skittles in even numbers, I noticed.
"I don't know if he's avoiding me or if something happened. But it's been, like, two days and he usually texts back pretty quickly. Shazo isn't getting back to me, either. I'm getting worried," I said.
"Well, when are you going back? When do you get to kick his ass?"
"I was planning on January second."
She nodded to herself. "Sounds good, but do you think you can wait that long to ask him what the hell?"
"Maybe I'll give him a couple more days, then decide whether or not to go early."
"There could be a logical explanation. Maybe a ghost killed them." I glared at her when she grinned, Skittles on her gums. "Okay, okay, I'm kidding." She hopped up and grabbed her shoes.
"You're leaving?" I asked with a frown.
"Yeah, sorry. I only had a little time. Even though my dorm is close to home my mom wants me to spend, like, every free second home. It's sweet, but a little annoying." She put her snow coat on and I walked her downstairs.
"Listen," she said.
"What?"
"I probably won't see you before you leave, and I don't know when I'll be able to fly out there or you'll come back here. But, know this. You are my best friend. My ride or die. You're my person. I am so proud of you for going back and taking this job. You're going to kill it, pun intended. I can't wait to see where we end up in life," she said before she hugged me. I hugged her back, tight. "I love you, kid."
"I love you, too," I said into her thick coat.
She opened the door and when I grabbed my coat so I could wave to her from the porch, I heard her gasp and then squeal quietly. I turned around quickly. "What?"
"Guess you won't have to kill him after all," she said over her shoulder.
I pushed her out onto the porch so I could see into the yard. Felix was standing near the mailbox, like he had been dropped off.
"Girl, he is so much hotter in person," Ellen whispered.
She gave me a quick hug and then hurried to her car. She gave Felix a wave and then headed home. Felix looked after the car and then slowly made his way down the driveway. I ran down the front steps and met him in the yard. He pulled me to him closely and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
He stepped away from me and held my waist at arm's length. "Pippa, there are three things in this world that I am certain of. One, I see the dead. Two, I like eating more than I like most things in this world. And three." He paused and brushed a snowflake off my cheek.
"And three?" I prompted.
He let out a short breath. "And three, I will never be done falling in love with you," he said just above a whisper.
I locked my eyes with his and then stepped into him. I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my forehead to his. The snow hit and melted between our skin. He pressed his lips to mine and pulled me close. When we parted, I wasn't sure who was smiling wider. He kept his arms around my waist and looked down at me.
"I wanted to spend Christmas with you. I thought it would be better if I came later. I didn't want to interrupt family time. Is...that okay?"
"Yes! Of course. I was worried about you. You haven't answered my calls or texts."
"I'm sorry. I knew if I talked to you that I'd spoil the surprise."
I stepped away from him a little. "It took you over two days to get here?"
"Fun fact about me: I hate flying. I've been on the road this whole time. I took a lot of buses and Ubers."
I smiled and shook my head at him. "I'm glad you're here."
He looked relieved. I took his hand and pulled him inside. My parents were shocked to see him but recovered quickly and got him a hot drink. They made themselves scarce and I led Felix to the front porch. The streetlights gave the snow a warm glow. We sat on the swing and draped a fuzzy blanket over us. Felix scooted close and then pulled a small box out of his coat pocket. He set it in my lap. "I got you something."
"Oh, you didn't have to," I said. But I had gotten him something; it was in my room wrapped in paper with bacon printed on it.
"I insist," he said. His hazel eyes looked warm and inviting in this light. I pressed my lips to his and then took my gloves off to open the box. Inside sat a gold ring with a tree encircled by diamonds. I let out a small gasp.
"Oh Felix, this is beautiful," I said. I pulled the ring out of the box and then hesitated. What finger was this supposed to go on? What did the ring mean?
"It's a promise ring. I thought the tree was kind of perfect. Look, I can't promise you that life will always be easy. But I can promise you that I will try my hardest to make it so. I can promise you that I'll fight for you, for us, no matter how hard the battle. You are the single most amazing person I have ever met in my life. This isn't a proposal, but I can promise you that one day I will marry the hell out of you, Pippa Wilder. I want you today, tomorrow, next week, forever. Whatever you decide, we'll make this work. Long distance doesn't have to ruin anything."
He kissed me, gentle at first and then deeper. I pulled away for a brief minute and slipped the ring on my left hand. "I love you. This is amazing and perfect and I love everything it stands for." I leaned back into him and let myself lose time with each kiss.
Felix left the next morning. He didn't want to impose on my parent's plans, and I think they loved him for it. I hated that I didn't have time to show him around and spend more time with him, but I knew we'd have plenty of opportunities in the future.
The next few days with my parents were lovely and bittersweet. After this, I would be the daughter that visited from out of town. I'd have my own life in another state. I'd make big decisions. I'd have ups and down, homesickness and epiphanies. I would grow and learn and become who I was supposed to be. I was excited to meet the future version of myself. A stronger, braver Pippa who took Ellen's advice and didn't take shit from people.
"Want some champagne, honey?" my mom asked. It was New Year's Eve and we each had 2019 glasses and hats on. My dad was blaring the countdown show on the TV and we had ordered five pizzas for the three of us. I took a glass gratefully and sat on the couch with them. When the ball dropped we hugged and cheered to a year of possibilities. My dad didn't last long after being up late and eating too much pizza, but my mom and I stayed up until the sun rose, talking and finishing the bottle of champagne. When they walked me into the airport the next day, my mom held back her tears like a pro.
"You'll still watch Grey's Anatomy and call me after so we can discuss the episode, right?" she asked.
"Of course."
"And when Felix replaces that ring with another, I'll be the first person you call?"
"Mom, of course. That's probably quite a bit in the future though. But, yes, you'll be the first I call. You'll always be the first I call about anything. I promise."
"He better call me before he replaces that ring," my dad mumbled.
"I think he's pretty old fashioned, Dad, don't worry."
"I will worry," he said quietly, and I knew he wasn't talking about a ring.
"I know. But I'll be okay."
"I know you will," he said. He pulled me into a hug and let it linger.
"Get Facebook, Dad," I said when we parted. "You can use a fake name so people can't find you, but it'll be nice to share things easily with both of you."
It took convincing, but he finally agreed. It was a good first step into the 21st Century. I hugged him again and then gathered up my bags.
"I love you both. I'll be okay. I'll call when I land. Don't worry about me. I've got this," I
said.
"We love you, too. But we will worry because that's our job," my dad said.
"But we know you've got this," my mom said. "So go. Spread those wings, little bird."
*
When I landed safe and sound back in Alabama, Shazo was once again waiting for me outside. I hadn't told Felix I was coming back or that I was staying. Shazo hugged me and seemed much more at ease than when I left.
"Felix is going to flip," he said. "He'll never admit this, but he's been so mopey since you left. He even stopped dusting."
He couldn't drive fast enough. I was anxious to find those hazel eyes and tell them I was staying. The hearse was in the driveway, but Felix wasn't inside.
"I guess he's in the forest," Shazo said.
I left my bags in the car and my purse on the stairs. I grabbed my pack that was still behind the door and slung the familiar strap across my chest. I set off for the forest. I wasn't sure where I was going at first, but then thought of a possibility. When the animal skulls were in sight, I spotted Felix sitting against a large tree. I walked over and casually sat next to him. He stared at me in surprise and then forced a smile.
"Hi," I said. I took his hand in mine and kissed his thumb. "What are you doing out here?"
"I just needed to miss him for a minute," he said. I knew he was talking about Sam. "The holidays and stuff, you know."
I squeezed his hand. "I know."
"Do you have time to sit with me? Or do you need to get the rest of your stuff?"
He thought I was back to get my things and then go back to Colorado. My heart broke a little when he looked at me with sad eyes. I scooted closer to him.
"I have time," I said. "At least another six month's worth."
He jerked his head and looked at me. A smile slowly spread across his face and he pulled me into his lap. He kissed me hard and then kissed the ring on my finger. There was no doubt in my mind anymore. I was home. I needed to help the souls in this forest. I wanted to become the person I knew I could be.
And, I wanted to make sure Felix kept his promise.
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Wild Alabama Page 18
