by welcome
or the fleshy kind. And selling lingerie on a pavement amounts to streetwalking for
soliciting, and to the same affect, isn't it? Well, it has to be a mall to lend class to the maal.
But, in Bombay, as he could see, there was a via media in the kiosk, which had an aura of
its own to entice the classes when it came to the phoren maal. Thinking that he zeroed in on
the USP for success, he searched for access to the recess of the charmed wares.
When he broached the topic with Ashok, in whose father"s garment factory he once
worked as a salesman, the latter thought it was an idea. Ashok contended that the
homespun hosiery was devoid of design to impart class to attract the classes. Thanks to the
Nehruvian legacy of the socialistic pattern of growth, the society was bred on „equality of
inequality" and the bazaar became bereft of quality. All those imposts on imports meant to
protect the swadeshi stuff gave cause for the callous industrial culture. All this induced
mediocrity in the market and that deprived goodies of quality to the doomed citizens of our
socialist state. However, in time, as human proclivity tends to gravitate towards the good
things of life, market forces opened up smuggled routes to provide the alluring to the
affording.
Soon enough, Rashid found the ropes to the supply lines to the designer lingerie. But, to
get started, he needed a kiosk on the vaunted pavements near Flora Fountain. At length, his
wanting led him to Abdul, the maalik of a kiosk at a vantage junction. As Abdul had
developed visions of greener pastures in the sands of Arabia, he set his heart on a visa to
Mecca. Sensing the opportunity in the making, Rashid laid seize on Abdul"s kiosk. What
with the deal struck, thanks to his friend"s last-minute slip, Rashid got stuck.
Thus for the fortuitous turn Chandra"s coming gave his life, Rashid was never tired of
recounting how he filled the void to get the business started.
With the change of inventory, what with the zooming sales, the spirits of the desperate
duo soared. While the sense of achievement infused confidence in them both, the exposure
to the alluring trade helped Chandra cross the threshold of inhibitions. Besides, the crowd
behavior in Bombay helped him as well. It was as if the ethos of the place shaped the mood
of its people. In the grow-rich climes of Bombay, it was as if its men and women both wore
blinkers for material focus. Thus, with their mind on the moolah, Bombay"s maidens
seemed to have their eye on their suitors" bank balances. It seemed an irony to him that
young girls should turn a blind eye to the proclivities of boys that buttress their sexuality.
Oh, how the dames, while denying themselves the small pleasures of life, deprived the
males the same of it!
Thus, to his utter relief, Chandra saw there was no premium on the looks that he lacked
in the make-believe world of Bombay. And that enabled him to overcome his obsession
about his ugliness. But the pain of rejection that became part of his subconscious came to
the fore whenever he delved into his past. Besides, the news from home always put a
damper. His sister"s letters carried the full load of his father"s hurt and his mother"s pain for
what he had done. Whatever, as he had no heart to go back to them, he preferred to
stomach the pain of guilt.
Finding Chandra morose at times, once Rashid proposed a trip to a brothel for release.
But, having all along lived on a diet of rejection, Chandra wouldn"t envisage the welcome
in the red-light. However, as Rashid made him privy to the practices of paid sex, he finally
got inclined to venture. Overcoming his self-doubts, in Rashid"s company, Chandra headed
towards Kamathipura.
“Your wife would adore you,” said the girl he had sex with.
“Why so?” asked Chandra tentatively.
“You"ve the means to madden women,” she tapped him meaningfully.
“Thank you,” he hugged her, “you"re the first to compliment me.”
“I bet,” she said, winking at him, “I won"t be the last.”
“I"ll cherish your praise all my life.”
“I too won"t forget your fury in a hurry,” she said, squeezing him that made him groan.
As the madam called time, they stepped out of the cubicle in time.
Finding Rashid waiting for him in the lounge, Chandra felt vindicated. On their way
back home, however, his self-doubts resurfaced.
„Maybe, it"s a ruse to make men come back to her," he thought. „Anyway, what a thrill it
is having a woman!"
While his sullen sexuality got a booster dose from her, his entrenched sense of rejection
spoiled his rejoice. So, as a way out of his dilemma, he opted for a second opinion.
“You"re the prescription for woman"s nymphomania,” said the girl in awe.
As the third one was eloquent too, in time, he came to frequent brothels more for
deriving pleasure than to prove his prowess. Thus, while his conviction about his virility
gave hope for the future, fate, however, contrived a weird course to chart his time with
women.
Respite by Death
That mid-summer noon, cramped up in a general bogie of that Deccan-bound train,
Chandra developed a cold sweat.
„Oh God, what if Rashid"s lightning call didn"t come through?" he thought anxiously.
„Well, what else could"ve I done, as there was hardly any time left to catch the train. How I
wanted to talk to her myself though Rashid felt it made sense for me to leave without
losing time. Didn"t he swear that he would alert my parents to avert the disaster? How am I
to know now what came of it later?"
As though to have a clue to the vexatious issue, he pulled out his sister"s letter from his
shirt pocket, and began to read again.
Oh, my Chand,
I"m sorry, for my decision will upset all of you. But I think I can"t help it. I can"t
carry on any longer, even for the sake of our mother.
Now it"s all so clear. It"s going to be a solitary confinement for me in the voidness
of life, for the rest of my life. I know that it is partly of my own making for I failed
to take advantage of my chances and thus missed out on life. Oh, why did I fail to
appreciate my own limitations to mess up my life? No denying, though our father
wishes me well (and you well) his prejudices played no small part in my downfall.
Whatever it is, my life itself had become unrealistic for me.
Let me tell you, I"m just dissipated. I"ve even lost my ability to hope. Without a
past fulfillment for a memory and with no hope to nurse now, I"ve no appetite for
life, which has become torturous to say the least. Moreover, I've even lost patience
with myself, well; I"m not old enough to imbibe the philosophy of resignation to
be able to carry on in this vein. So I"ve resolved to put an end to it all, to be
merciful to myself even at the risk of causing pain to others. I know time heals;
won"t it dry your welling eyes and balm your emotional wounds in its own way?
And that gives me heart to hurt you all.
I"m glad you"ve ventured into life to help yourself. It"s a great satisfaction that I
could contribute to make some difference to your life. As I"m going to become the
past, I wish you a fulfilling future. I know there is nothing in my life to inspire
you, but there"s a lot that can caution you. If you can b
enefit from that, I shall
rejoice from up above in spite of everything.
I would be timing my end so that you can reach in time to shed a tear or two over
my body before the need for its disposal is felt by the living.
With sisterly love,
Vasavi.
Even as Chandra finished reading, he was again all in tears.
“You"ve dropped your ticket,” the man opposite said, handing it back to Chandra.
“Thanks,” Chandra muttered
“You seem troubled,” the man seemed concerned.
Chandra nodded for 'yes' as he found him sympathetic.
“What"s the matter?”
“Well, it might take a lifetime to narrate,” Chandra said philosophically, “and two to
grasp it.”
“I hope all ends well,” said the other before withdrawing.
“Thank you,” said Chandra before wondering within. “Did Rashid"s call materialize in
time? Wouldn"t she have timed it all wrong to be pulled back from the brink? Won"t I take
her along with me now? Won"t Bombay change her to cheer up?”
As his hopes rose, he felt excited.
However, a little later, as the train stopped in some wilderness, he peered out in
irritation. In despair, he tried to visualize the void she would leave in their life if she were
dead. When the train stood rooted for long, Chandra became restless all again. Meanwhile,
those around the exits stepped down to loosen their limbs. And to ascertain the cause of the
hold-up, the curious in the compartments too followed suit.
“It seems there was a derailment,” announced someone who gathered the news from
the guard.
“Oh, God,” sighed a lady in Chandra"s compartment, „then it would take a couple of
hours, at the least."
Hearing her, Chandra was crestfallen as if he was woken up to a new reality.
„Does it portend disaster?" Chandra couldn"t help but think in exasperation. „Oh, how
frustrating is this! She could"ve been really desperate to resort to suicide, wouldn"t she?"
„Is it courage or cowardice that drives people to end their lives?" he thought. „Would
have her courage deserted her at the brink? Maybe her cowardice could've pulled her back
from the precipice. Well, can cowards commit suicide, as it requires a great deal of courage
to end it all, once and for all? Isn"t life dear to one and all? If so, doesn"t it require courage
to die? And courage to die is all too different from that required to carry on living against
odds. Well, only those who lack the courage to change their lot and unable to cower in the
face of death resort to suicide, so it seems."
While Chandra was lost in thought, nature ran its routine course. It was sunset by the
time he came out of his reverie and the train didn"t yet receive the green signal to resume
its eastward course. At length though, signaling motion, the driver honked the horn and
that was music to Chandra"s weary soul. For its part, the power jolted the bogies as though
to rid them of their inertia.
Well, as the lethargy on the train gave room to relief in the compartments, after what
seemed an eternity, time too was on the move for the stranded passengers. But, fearing that
he could be late by a lifetime, Chandra was in distress, and as if to soothe his ruffled spirit,
fatigue tended him to sleep in a sedentary position. All that night, as his sleepy head sought
their shoulders, the men on either side of him put it into oscillation in irritation.
Nevertheless, Chandra was steadfast in keeping his course with slumber.
At dawn, to the welcoming chants of chaai garam, the train stopped at an obscure station.
By then, the men on either side of him were craving for a cupful or two of the steamy thing.
And they, rather rudely, woke him up for the fear of his oscillating head unsettling the tea
cups to soil their dresses. Seemingly, their rudeness in no small measure stemmed from
their instinct to settle scores for their sore shoulders.
While the aroma of the chaai tickled his senses too, Chandra realized that he had eaten
nothing since he received the letter the previous day. As if the realization itself had affected
him, he suddenly felt giddy. Three hot cups of tea, though, seemed to calm him a little. But,
as he returned to reviewing his situation, the exhaustion of his imagination benumbed him.
Finally, unable to contemplate, he sat like the Buddha in nirvana for the remainder of the
journey.
When, at last, the train reached the Nampally Station, he stepped out into the sweltering
heat of the mid-summer noon. Hastening out, as he dumped himself into an auto rickshaw,
he realized he had no luggage on him.
„It"s as if time froze the moment I received her letter," he thought, waiting for the auto to
gear up. „I was lucky to reach VT in the nick of time. But am I in time now?"
Soon the auto driver maneuvered his way out of the surging crowd to head towards
Pearl House.
When Chandra sighted his home, he thought about his parents" predicament in case
Vasavi had taken the plunge. Meanwhile, having readied the fare, he signaled slowdown as
the auto approached the gates. Wanting the auto be stopped at the imposing gates,
Chandra thrust some currency in the driver"s hand. Jumping out of the auto as Chandra ran
towards the gate, the driver hailed to him to take the change. Unmindful of it, Chandra
pushed open the iron gates, and finding the main door ajar, he ran into their house.
Coming face to face with, what appeared to be the normal ambiance of their home, he
was tempted to feel he came in time, and thus sighed in relief. But, finding none, he felt
sapped and sank into a sofa.
„Did it all go wrong then?" he thought. „Oh, they didn"t even lock the house!"
“Chotebabu, nice you've come,” said the housemaid who came in sobbing, “they are all
waiting for you at the OGH.”
“How"s Vasavi?” he managed to mutter.
„They"re trying to save her there," she said amidst sobs. „When your friend rang up, we
found her unconscious and moved her there. Had he not alerted us, there would have been
no chance. God bless him."
Like a corpse on the move, he accompanied her to the casualty of the Osmania General
Hospital, but finding none from the clan there, he made enquiries with a nurse on duty.
“Poor thing,” the nurse sounded sympathetic, “she took so much pesticide, enough for
a couple of cotton crops.”
“Can"t she be saved?” asked Chandra impatiently.
“Sadly,” said the sister crossing herself, “she"s no more.”
“Oh, my God!”
Distraught, he reached the mortuary to join his disjointed parents and others, who had
gathered there to lament over the happening. On seeing him, his mother became all the
more inconsolable.
“See how she hurt herself and us too,” she cried, clutching at him for support. „Now I
am condemned to live in guilt all my life. I wish God would take me away too without
delay."
“What an irony!” said Yadagiri, with welled up eyes. “She helped you desert us then
and caused your return now.”
In the profusion of tears that rolled down Yadagiri"s cheeks, Chandra could discern a
few that owed their emotion to the return of the prodigal.
“I"m sorry for whatever happened,” Chandra mumbled, going
up to his father. “I will
not hurt you again.”
“In a way, it"s of my own making,” responded Yadagiri with empathy. “Why blame
yourself for that?”
Choked with emotion, Chandra couldn"t utter a word more.
When the body was brought after the post-mortem, wiping his unceasing tears to clear
his vision, Chandra stared at it endearingly before he fell on it unconsciously. And that set
his parents shaking with grief and the rest sighing in pity even as the nurses shifted him to
the ICU. While Anasuya cried no end, Yadagiri, too shocked to react, sank onto his knees.
However, as it became clear that Chandra was physically exhausted and mentally
weary, the doctor declared that there was no cause for worry. While Chandra was being
drip-fed for his recovery, it was felt prudent that he be spared the sight of his sister"s
cremation. Thus, in a way that reflected the reality of life and death, Vasavi"s body was
ritualistically consigned to the flames even as her brother"s was religiously nursed back to
normality.
After the obsequies, that custom ordained, the near and dear stayed back to share the
Yadagiris" grief.
“Praise be to her,” an elderly woman addressed Yadagiri, “the dear one didn"t disgrace
the family like those who elope in her situation. And to be fair to her soul, you should own
up your fault for having been needlessly biased towards every match that was suggested.”
“It"s no time for fault finding,” said Anasuya. “It"s her fate that overpowered her life.”
“If only she were after you,” retorted the old soul, “her fate would"ve been different.”
“That"s true,” concurred a deserted woman, “fair skins have an unfair edge.”
“None seems to realize how hard all this is on Yadagiri,” said one, who all along had
had a crush on Anasuya. “He must be cursing that his children haven"t taken after his
wife.”
Chandra, who heard it all, felt disturbed.
„What if, like me, my kids too are born ugly?" he thought in distress. „It"s clear that even
having a beautiful wife is no guarantee to beget attractive children. Isn"t it likely that
history may repeat itself to perpetuate ugliness in the family? I better think how to avert the
calamity."
When, came the time to serve the grand meal and with the relatives having left
