We crested the north side of Portsmouth, heading back toward York Harbor. I felt uneasy not knowing where we were going, but the idea of being completely alone with him made my emotions simmer with expectation. My heart pounded so loudly, I was sure he’d hear it over the rumble of the motorcycle. Grey shivered. Was he scared too? I was a predator.
We drove down a dirt road, twisting and turning deep into the forest. The starry sky was barely visible when we stopped in front of an intimidating slate-gray house with black shutters. It was completely dark, not a single light welcomed him home—just a dark house in the middle of nowhere. The moon barely lit our path. As we stepped on the porch, motion lights went on all around the property, causing the birds to scream in anger and fly out of the trees into the night sky, like a swarm of angry bees. Startled, I shoved him into the door, using myself as a shield to protect him from whatever may still lurk in the shadows.
“It’s okay. You can let go now,” he said, smiling.
He must have thought I was crazy, but he only smiled as he smoothed the wild tendrils around my face and pulled me into the unlocked house. It seemed unlikely anyone would come this far to break-in, but it was strange that they didn’t bother to lock the door. Even Baran locked the door, and he was a wolf.
My eyes easily adjusted to the darkness inside the house. A large black staircase started directly in front of us; it beckoned me upstairs, but my body was firmly in place. I wasn’t going up those stairs. I couldn’t fathom why, but it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
Grey flipped a few switches, illuminating the darkened spaces, casting exaggerated shadows on the walls and ceiling from the intricate, carved creatures all around us, as though we were surrounded by their screaming souls. I swore I could even feel their fear. An icy chill settled on me.
“Do you want something to drink?” Grey asked.
I shook my head as I studied the carved faces all around me. How could he live here? It was unnatural and frightening.
“Do you want to see my room?”
I nodded.
He led the way into a parlor with a massive fireplace at the center of the wall. A hideously ugly wallpaper depicting slain wolves covered the walls, but what scared me to the core was a large gray wolf hide on the floor in front of the fireplace. Its head was missing. It made me want to throw up, but Grey continued gently pulling me into his room.
I couldn’t get the wolf out of my mind. The poor creature was dishonorably displayed in their home, and it had been beheaded. If its body wasn’t returned to ash, its soul could never return home to Old Mother. It was unthinkable. His dad was a game warden; didn’t he respect animals more than this? Wasn’t he supposed to protect them? But then I was supposed to protect humans, I reminded myself.
We entered a brightly lit bedroom with dark gray curtains that puddled on the wood floor. A giant king-size bed covered in charcoal-colored comforters was on the far end of the room. All his wall space was covered with mismatched bookcases made from cinder blocks and raw-cut lumber. Books covered every conceivable place—it reminded me of Baran’s organizational style. On the other end of the room stood his guitar and amp.
“So . . . this is where I crash,” he said.
“It’s nice,” I said, glancing back out the doorway into the parlor. The look on my face must have shown my fear, and Grey shut the door, closing out the darkness that lurked.
“Sorry. The rest of the house is pretty dark. It’s historic. I know it looks intimidating, but you get used to it.”
“It’s different,” I said. “What do your friends think of it?”
“I’ve never brought anyone else here before.”
“Really?” I asked, unable to hide my shock.
He slipped off his collared shirt, revealing his tight T-shirt and muscular arms. He discarded it over the guitar stand, causing his scent to swirl around the room, making my head spin. His scent was strong and intoxicating. Every breath I took eased my worry and urged me toward him. I wanted all of him.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Just never had anyone I wanted to bring here before.”
“Oh.” I said.
“Sorry I don’t have a chair to offer you,” he said. “We could sit in the parlor if you prefer.”
“No, I like it in here,” I said.
I walked calmly across the long room to his bed, trying not to trip, and sat on the foot of the bed. My lower lip quivered in anticipation as I waited for him to join me. His expression was a mixture of concern and excitement. He sat at the head of the bed, resting against the headboard.
“I want to know everything about you,” I said.
“What do you want to know?”
“Are you from here? What do you like to do? Where’s your favorite place you’ve ever been?”
He laughed. “Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I was born and raised here in Maine. My dad’s family built this house in 1810. His family came from Ireland before that. They came here for work. I don’t know what I want to do yet. I love playing my guitar, and I know I want to travel. I haven’t been a lot of places. Just around here, I guess. I’d love to see Scotland, though. I’m drawn to it, for some reason.”
“What are you thinking?”
“Nope, now it’s my turn.”
“But . . .”
“No buts,” he said with a smirk. “How big is your family?”
“Big,” I said with a laugh. I knew it was safer for him if I just lied, but I couldn’t lie to him. I knew telling him Father and Mother were alive was risky, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted desperately to be a part of his world. “There’s Father and Mother. He’s a large, red-haired, bearded man, and Mother is an elegant beauty. And I have four older brothers, three of whom are married and one engaged. I’m the baby. Flin is the oldest—he’s a redhead too. He’s married to Bridgid; they have a couple of boys. Then there is Mund, married to Tegan. They have a baby on the way, and he’s my favorite brother. Felan’s married to Cadence, and they have a son too. Quinn and Gwyn are engaged, and then there’s me.”
“Why is Mund your favorite brother?”
“He always looked after me, and he spent time teaching me things. I know him the best, I suppose. You’re going to love him.”
He just nodded. I could tell all the names were still swarming around his mind. It was a lot to absorb.
“Do you have any siblings?” I asked.
“No, I’m an only child, just me and my dad,” he said. He seemed lost in that moment. I crawled up the bed to be closer to him and touched his hand, tracing his knuckles in figure eights. I felt nervous to ask him, but my curiosity got the best of me.
“Grey, what happened to your mother?” With the words already out of my mouth, I couldn’t take them back, and the feeling it sent up my spine left me shaking. I suddenly felt that I didn’t want to know the truth. There was a dark energy that surrounded the memory, and I could feel it seeping into my bones, as if she were crying for my help.
“She died.”
“How?” I asked.
He started playing with my hand as he thought. Each moment that passed caused the crease between his eyes to deepen. Even worried, he was still handsome. I wanted to kiss his lips until he surrendered and his smile returned.
“She was killed by a wolf.” His voice dripped with hate.
I gasped. “That’s horrible. I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I was barely two when it happened. My dad told me about it years later. Which is why we work so hard to trap the wolves and track them in the woods. So no one else gets hurt.”
I was the one thing in the world he hated most, the horrible creature that took his mother’s life. I was a fool to think this could work, a human and a wolf. He would be bound to hate me for all eternity. I pulled my hands away from his, resting them in my lap. I should leave, I thought. I didn’t belong here, I wasn’t good enough for him. He deserved so much more than an animal like me.
“You look
so worried. It’s okay. I’m okay,” he said, pulling me back to him and crushing me with his big arms. I didn’t resist, though I knew I should, for his sake. Instead I ignored my conscience, resting my head on his chest, and I listened to him breathe.
My kind killed his mother, and here he was, comforting me. I was a masochist. Or a sadist. Or both.
“This was her wedding ring. It’s all I have left of her,” he said, holding out a diamond ring encased in silver. I leaned away from it, terrified to even let it touch my skin.
“It’s lovely,” I said. The design was appealing enough, but just the sight of the silver ring made my hair stand on end. “It must remind you of her.”
“Do you miss your family and home?” he asked, putting the ring back in the drawer. I was relieved.
“I do. I hated it here at first. All I wanted was to go back home to Ireland, but then I met you. Though you might be better off if I did go back,” I said.
“I’m glad you came.”
His lips captured mine in a deep kiss, smothering my mind, leaving only his scent dancing through my thoughts. He pulled me onto his hard chest as his hands wove into my hair. He wrapped my red mane around his wrist, gently pulling my head back. My body tingled, pricking my skin with desire. I wanted desperately to cry out, but only a small sigh escaped my open lips as he kissed my exposed neck, nibbling at my delicate skin.
I could feel the waves of heat roll off him as they crashed into my burning flesh. My body yearned with need. He incapacitated me with desire. His hands roughly caressed my shoulders as his mouth devoured my raw lips, forcing his delicious tongue into my mouth.
My lips barely parted as he began his conquest. With each stroke of his tongue, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of him. He pulled his lips away, resting his forehead on mine as he breathlessly panted for air.
“You’re dangerous,” he said.
Worry filled me with self-doubt. I shouldn’t endanger him like this, but I couldn’t keep myself from him. I was addicted to his touch.
“I’m losing myself to you,” he said.
“I went crazy from the moment I saw you,” I said.
He smiled, and I laid my head on his shoulder, snuggling into his body for warmth. His body was as warm as mine. He had to be at least 102 degrees like mine. I wanted to lose control with him. Our heartbeats slowed and calmness came over his body as he held me tightly. There was nothing I could imagine that could have filled my soul with such light. I started to drift off to sleep with his arms wrapped around me. I felt him kiss the top of my head as he pulled the blankets over us.
“Goodnight, my love,” he said.
10
Missing
I woke up still wrapped in his arms. It was the deepest sleep I’d had in weeks. We had hidden away from the world all night in each other’s arms. He was still asleep, and I gently slid myself out of his embrace and crawled to the edge of the bed. I started to slip my bare feet down to the cold wood floor. He must have taken my shoes off for me while I was asleep, and I glanced around the room for them.
Grey grabbed my hand, pulling me beneath him, and heat radiated off his skin. “Where do you think you’re off to?” he asked with a wolfish grin.
“I didn’t want to wake you, so I thought I would look through your books,” I said, pushing at him with a smile. “Now if you do not mind, get off me.”
He didn’t move a muscle. My hands were still on his chiseled chest, feeling his warm skin through his thin T-shirt. My pulse quickened, covering my cheeks in a deep blush. I wanted so much to kiss him, but then I would be letting him win. I couldn’t let that happen so easily. I pushed at him again, a little harder, but still he didn’t budge. He was unnaturally strong for a human.
“Grey, I asked you nicely to let me up.”
“And I quietly rebelled.”
His grin turned into a full smile, just as it did that day in the woods. He was awfully smug for someone threatening a wolf. I lifted my head up toward his face as though I was going to kiss him, and he took the bait, letting me move. I licked his face from his chin to his cheek, leaving a trail of moisture behind. He looked completely mortified, but I had to laugh.
“Sick,” he said, pulling his weight off me to wipe his face.
“I asked nicely,” I laughed, pinning him down this time and resting my chin on his chest. I took in a deep breath of him.
“So was it my turn to ask the next question?” he said.
I opened my eyes to see he had been watching me. “Nope. It’s mine.” I grinned.
“Okay. Is there anything else you want to know about me?”
“Why do you like me?” I said.
“That’s a silly question. You know why.”
But I didn’t and I needed to know. What was it that drew him to me? Was it only a pheromone? Or was it something more? Was his attention only fleeting? Was this just puppy love?
“Ashling, stop worrying. I love you. That’s all there is to it. Love. Do you need an explanation? Because I don’t know that I can give you one. It’s something I just know.”
“How do you know?”
“I can’t see it, but I feel it.” He smiled. “Now, come on. Before we miss it.”
He tossed me off him like a rag doll, and I flopped back on the bed. He was already waiting by the door. He slipped a clean white T-shirt over his head, giving me a glimpse of his bare skin.
“It’s the best time for a ride.”
I jumped off the bed and followed him from the safety of his room and quickly out the front door. I savored the feeling of my bare feet in the dirt. We hopped on the bike and took off through the fog, cutting our way down the dirt road and leaving a swirling trail behind us. Grey sped up, taking turns through the fog with ease and precision, far faster than he should. I let go of him and leaned back with my arms wide open and just let the mist and freedom take over. It was deliciously reckless.
He drove the bike with one arm as I slid my right leg over his lap and pulled myself around in front of him, locking my legs behind his back, straddling him as we sped down the road. I kissed his succulent lips and nibbled at his bottom lip before lying on the gas tank between the handlebars. Whether I deserved him or not, he was unmistakably mine.
We drove onto the beach, but not a soul moved this early. He pulled my hips into him as he lifted me off the bike and carried me to the water’s edge. My body tingled with need, and I could feel his heat. He set me down where the water could envelop my toes.
He smiled at me, stopping my breath. I was caught in his gaze.
“My turn,” he said. “So how many guys have you dated?”
“You mean other than you?”
He gave me a quizzical look, and I realized we had never actually said we were dating. I was mortified. “I . . . I . . . did not mean anything by it.”
“Yes, other than us. How many guys have you dated?”
“I have never dated anyone else,” I said.
He looked shocked, as if I were lying. I wished. The reality was sad, but it was still my reality. I was never allowed to date or to be alone with a man who wasn’t family, but that didn’t mean I was broken.
“Never?”
“I wasn’t allowed to date.”
“Why?”
“Father just said no. I wasn’t even allowed to be alone with a boy who wasn’t family.” I laughed at the irony. At that moment, I sat alone on the beach with Grey, whom I had just spent the night snuggling with. Father would have a stroke if he knew. The vein in his forehead would burst right out of his big forehead. Mund would be mad too, but at himself for not fulfilling his duty to protect me. I was definitely rebelling against everything they had taught me, but I didn’t care. This was my chance to finally live my life.
“You didn’t hang out with boys who weren’t family? Not even friends?”
“Nope,” I said. “Just hung out with Mund and sometimes Quinn, but they’re my brothers.”
“Father tried to set me up with Brychan once. One of his friends’ sons. But I didn’t want to marry him.”
“Marry him? You’re sixteen.”
“Yeah. Father thought he was a good choice,” I said. “I disagreed.”
“But you’re sixteen.”
“Actually, I was fourteen at the time, but we wouldn’t have been married until my eighteenth birthday. It was more of a betrothal.”
His nose crinkled up in disgust as he sat quietly watching the water rise up over his feet and back out to sea. I wasn’t betrothed now. I was free to love anyone I chose, and I chose him.
“Why didn’t you want to be with Brychan?”
I saw the truth in his eyes. “Don’t you mean, why did I choose you instead?”
He smiled, flicking sand on my feet, but the sea just washed it away. He was just as neurotic as I was. We both couldn’t seem to see in ourselves what the other one saw.
“Grey, I choose you. I will always choose you. I adore everything about you. But why do you want to be with me? You have so much more experience than I do.”
“I fell in love with you the moment I saw you walk into Baran’s shop that morning. You looked so entirely silly and sexy at the same time, wearing his Carhartt pants. I wanted to love you and protect you. I felt compelled to always protect you from any harm and be by your side, always. I can’t explain why,” he said. “I’ve only ever dated Lacey. And that was on and off since we were children. Her mom was one of my mom’s friends. So after my mom died, Lacey’s mom would baby-sit me when Dad was gone for work. Lacey and I are polar opposites. Over the course of our dating, we spent more time broken up than we did together. She always said I was too distant. And I didn’t talk to her, but I never felt comfortable talking to her. The last time we broke up was . . .”
“Was what?” I asked.
“It was stupid.”
“What happened?”
“Well, it was because she wanted to have sex, and I told her no. I know it sounds dumb, but I didn’t want to waste it on someone I didn’t really love. And she had already cheated on me so many times.”
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