The weight of his story bore down on me, and my confusion was thick.
“If you loved her and stayed to protect him, why are you so afraid of me being with him?” I asked.
“Because we don’t know what he is. And frankly, he doesn’t know what he is. Maybe I just haven’t let myself see it. I’ve studied his life; his father locks himself up in that house for days at a time. I’ve seen Robert’s violence, speed, and strength. It’s inhuman too, though he’s not a wolf. So if Grey is more like his father than his mother, he could be dangerous.
He could be a Bloodsucker.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“Everything,” Mund said.
“Grey’s not going to hurt me,” I said.
“Ashling, you have to be careful. He’s as strong as I am, but he’s not a werewolf, and he may not even be human. He might be some sort of hybrid. What if he hurts you?” Mund asked. “I could never live with myself if something ever happened to you.”
“But he won’t. You said it yourself. Our souls are binding. We love each other. He can’t hurt me.”
I thought we had already had this fight, and I thought I had won, but here we were again. Except this time, I understood what they were talking about. I understood Robert was strange—I thought so too. He made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. But Grey was different . . . he was nothing like his father.
“Ashling, do you even understand how dangerous it is for you on a normal day, much less when you choose your friends so carelessly?” Baran asked. There was an icy spike at the end of his words. It was meant to cut me, but what Baran and Mund didn’t realize was the massive amounts of time I had already spent pondering my life with Grey and what his mortality meant for me. I already knew that one day I would be destined to live without him.
“Yes. Adomnan hunts me, and I’m supposed to unite everyone.”
“Without you to unite us, we remain a lost civilization, and the humans will have no future,” Mund said. “If you risk your life so carelessly, you endanger us all. Protecting you isn’t just about you; it’s about protecting our family and protecting the humans. We are all servants to Old Mother, even you. You are one of her wolves.”
“I’m not trying to kill myself. I love him. That’s never going to change. I understand your fear for my well-being, but you need to understand my fear of living without him. I know he’s not a werewolf, nor is he human. I am not threatened by him, and neither should you be. You both agreed to let me make my own choices. So let me. I will respect your wishes and let you know when and where I’ll be. But I expect you to trust me too.”
I felt a sense of satisfaction in saying what I did. It made me feel good. I finally stood up for myself, for what I believed in, and it felt right.
I had the right to love. And I had the right to fight for it.
“Agreed,” Baran said.
“Fine,” Mund said. “But we have one more subject to discuss.”
What else could there possibly be left to batter to death? It was like kicking a dead horse. It was already dead, what was he trying to prove? I would get to be with Grey. There was nothing left to discuss.
“What’s that?” I asked.
Baran said, “You shouldn’t have sex until your souls are bound to one another and you’ve been branded. It’s tradition. Mating will bind you with his soul for eternity. Which you might think is what you want now, but your soul will be bound to that other life. If you don’t choose wisely, you risk losing yourself.”
“What do you mean, losing myself?” I asked.
“The humans go from one mate to another, leaving pieces of themselves behind. Until there is nothing left. You only have only one chance,” Mund said.
“Ashling, it is important you understand this. By mating with him, your soul will be matched with his for eternity, and even after he dies and you move on, your soul will never be free of his,” Baran said. There was a deep sadness in his eyes. I couldn’t explain it, but just speaking those words broke him somehow.
“I understand,” I sighed. “Grey is picking me up for school tomorrow and hopefully every day, so if you could both be on your best behavior, I’d greatly appreciate it.”
“Ash, I’m sorry,” Mund said. “I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me today.” His head hung low. He was ashamed. He was a gentleman, but he had acted purely on emotions and physical strength. It was a disgrace to him.
I walked over and stood on my tiptoes to hug him. I couldn’t stand to see him this way. “I know you love me and want the best for me. So let me choose it.”
“I’m not promising to like him, Ash, but I’ll give him a chance.”
“That’s all I ask,” I smiled. My brother was overprotective, but I loved him just the same.
I excused myself to my room to think. Baran’s sister, Brenna, was Grey’s mom, but Grey didn’t know he was half werewolf and half human. How could he not know? Did wolves kill her for betraying her own kind? Was it a betrayal? Do we really have the choice of whom we love? I spent all this time fighting for a choice, but did I have one? Or had fate already chosen Grey for me?
Downstairs, I heard the front door open and quiet voices talking.
“I wanted to apologize for our disagreement,” Grey said.
“I’m sorry, I overreacted,” Mund said.
“Mund was just upset that his sister grew up right before his eyes. We’re just looking out for her,” Baran said.
“I understand,” Grey said. “I should have spent time getting to know you, Mund. You are important to Ashling, so you are important to me.”
“Is there something else you came here for, Grey?” Baran asked.
“I would like to ask your permission to date Ashling. She is everything to me. So with both your permissions, I would like to date her,” Grey said. I could almost imagine the look on his face.
“If that’s what she wants,” Baran said.
It all rested on Mund. This one moment would determine everything. If Mund said no . . . I couldn’t even imagine it. There would be no force on this earth that could keep me from Grey, and Mund knew that. He had to know I would never accept his decision in place of mine.
I don’t know how he responded. He must have nodded.
“Thank you both. I appreciate you seeing me tonight. I would like to pick Ashling up for school tomorrow.”
“That will be fine,” Baran said.
I heard the door close as Grey left.
Grey asked permission to date me. He walked into a house full of werewolves and never once second-guessed his choice to fight for me . . . just as I would always choose to fight for him. Only one question remained, did he know what I was? Or what he was, for that matter? He must have some idea he wasn’t normal—but I knew deep within me that together we were limitless.
I was no longer going to accept being moved around like a pawn. I would make my own decisions. My life would be legend. I wouldn’t be held down by whom I used to be and how I used to be controlled.
The rest of the week was uneventful. Mund didn’t attack anyone. Grey and I didn’t run off together to antagonize them. Grey picked me up for school every day and walked me to all my classes. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time together, though, because his dad kept him busy. But finally Saturday arrived with the sound of giggling. Beth, Emma, Kelsey, and Kate met at my house. Emma had an unnatural obsession with Mund, who was desperately trying to avoid her. I started to notice a trend in the humans around me. They seemed to be fearful and avoidant of Mund and Baran, but they were drawn to them if I was in the room. Something about my presence eased their natural fear.
The girls and I planned to go shopping for homecoming dresses. I wasn’t sure where we were going or what I was supposed to wear to a semi-formal . . . or even what a semi-formal was. I wore dresses all the time, but Beth said I looked like a hippie.
Mund darted past me on the stairs to my room. “Save me,” he begged. I turned
back around to see Emma following him. Mund had fought many battles, and yet here he was, running from a human girl. She had no sense of self-preservation, but she was too sweet of a soul to be eaten by a wolf.
“Let’s get going,” I said, ushering her with me.
The girls ran around in frenzy, grabbing their purses and shoes and whatever else they had left lying around, and the five of us piled into Kate’s van. They chattered the whole way to the dress shop about everything possible. Boys, more boys, clothes, dresses, chocolate cake, more boys. I hardly kept up with them.
“So what’s up with Grey?” Kate asked.
“Yeah. So are you guys exclusive?” Kelsey said.
“Exclusive?” I asked.
“Yeah, like, not dating anyone else?” Kate said.
I nodded, and they all squealed.
“Any juicy details?” Kelsey asked.
“Nope.”
“Come on. Is he a good kisser?” Kate said.
They were all staring at me. I couldn’t help it—their excitement got the best of me, and I spilled. “You have no idea! It’s like being lifted up to the heavens and looking down on the stars.”
They all giggled.
“So what kind of dresses are we looking for?” I asked, changing the subject with the only thing they were more interested in than Grey.
“Cocktail dresses,” Kate said.
“I want to find something blue,” Beth said. “Maybe a sweetheart neckline to enhance the girls.” Beth gestured toward her chest. Kelsey giggled.
“That would be pretty on you,” Emma said.
“I want mine to be classic, like Audrey Hepburn,” Kate said.
Kelsey said, “I’m thinking dramatic and bold.”
“Metallic and fitted but feminine,” Emma said.
“What about you, Ashling?” Beth asked.
I didn’t have a clue what I wanted. I had never been shopping for dresses. Mother had dresses made for me that were considered appropriate. I never had a say in what I wore.
“You guys will have to help me pick something out, I guess,” I said.
“You know we will,” Beth said.
After trying on nearly every dress in the store, Kate, Emma, and Beth had found theirs. They seemed to know exactly what they were looking for. But Kelsey was nearly in tears—she couldn’t find what she wanted. Kate tried to calm her, but it wasn’t working. I walked through the store again and found an employee.
“My friend is looking for something flowing and jewel-toned.” I smiled.
“I know just the one, it came in yesterday. It’s not supposed to hit the floor until tomorrow, but I’ll make an exception for you,” she said. She came back with a beautiful dress, and Kelsey’s face lit up like a light bulb.
Finally all my friends had their dream dresses. It felt good to see them all smiling and happy. Their emotions affected mine. If they were sad, I could feel it. It was overwhelming, and it was hard to not let their emotions take over mine. Their human emotions had a stronger effect on me than the emotions of my own kind.
“Didn’t you find one you like?” Beth asked.
I laughed nervously. “I guess I haven’t tried any on yet.”
“Well, now it’s your turn,” Kate said.
“What style do you like?” Kelsey asked.
“I’m not really sure. Something soft, flowing, and organic,” I said.
They all ran around the store, searching for the right dress for me. They paraded dresses past me. There were pink dresses, bubble dresses, and dresses with bows, but I didn’t like any of them.
Then Beth walked over timidly, handing me a single dress. It was a cream-colored, one-shoulder dress with an iris print of green, teal, and gold and a handkerchief hem. Flowing, feminine, and just what I wanted. I tried it on, and it fit just right.
“It’s lovely!” I said, hugging Beth.
We headed to the counter to pay. Beth and I stepped up to pay as the others went to check the area for food establishments. Beth’s dress rang up $350, and she turned a shade of purple.
“I don’t have enough,” she said quietly to the cashier. “I only have $225. I’ll have to buy a different dress.” Her sadness crashed into me, nearly making me cry. She glanced around the store, looking for a dress she could afford. She wouldn’t look at me or the cashier. She was clearly embarrassed.
I pushed my dress forward to the cashier and said, “Ring them both up on me.”
“Oh no, Ashling, you can’t. I couldn’t.”
“You can’t have a second-choice dress for our first dance.”
“I can’t take your money,” she almost cried.
“You aren’t.” I smiled. “You’re letting me do something for my best friend.”
“Are you sure about this?” she asked.
“About what?” Kate asked as they all came back in. Beth’s face lost all color. She didn’t want to tell the others she didn’t have enough money. That was social suicide. It wasn’t that the other girls were mean. It was just one of those things everyone would always remember, she would always remember.
“Oh, Beth forgot her credit card today, so I’m spotting her the cash,” I said. “Now where are we going to eat? I’m starving.” I winked at Beth, changing the subject quickly and easily. She started to breathe again.
“The pub is open. They have burgers and stuff like that,” Kate said. “The café on the beach is already closed.” She shrugged.
“Great,” I said as we followed Kate. Beth mouthed “thank you” to me. It was a simple gesture, but it made me feel like a hero.
After I gagged down dinner, we all sat laughing and talking for a long time as the restaurant started to fill up with regulars. Our booth faced the bar, so we had a good stage for people-watching. I learned what a cougar was, and it wasn’t a wild animal, that was for sure. It was certainly a learning experience. The girls taught me all the different types of drunks, but all I saw was waste. Waste of life, time, and money.
The bar was full in no time. A group of eight college-age guys were hanging out at the bar, drinking beers and watching us. They all had the football-player build, muscular and stocky. Good-looking guys by the other girls’ accounts, but I disagreed. Everything that came out of their mouths made them even less appealing, and the more they drank, the more they stared. It made me uncomfortable.
A woman with ratted-up fake-blonde hair and fake fingernails sat next to one of them, petting his shoulder and chest, trying to get his attention, but he was obviously not interested in her advances, at least for the moment. He was preoccupied with Kelsey. No one needed my keen senses to feel the vengeful rage that filled her as she was continually ignored.
The woman whispered in his ear as she stared at me, and I felt the challenge in her. Something had changed in her, and it wasn’t in our favor. The pheromones they gave off filled my nostrils with poison, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“We should head home,” I said.
“I agree,” Beth said.
“No, let’s hang out a little longer,” Kelsey said, glancing at the guys at the bar. “I don’t have a date for the dance yet.”
“It’s getting pretty late,” I said.
“Yeah,” Emma said. “Let’s get going.”
“Ten more minutes,” Kelsey replied.
“No, I think we have to go,” Kate said. She grabbed her keys.
I stood up and threw cash on the table to cover the check. “Let’s go,” I said, waiting for them to all file past me to the door. Kelsey was the last to go, and she smiled at the guys before turning to leave. An open invitation to follow. Was she stupid? That was like a chicken dancing in front of a fox and wondering later why it was dying. The others were already outside as I pushed Kelsey out the door. We caught up to them by the van, where three guys blocked their path.
The other guys followed Kelsey and me; we were surrounded. We couldn’t get in the van, and we couldn’t go back to the restaurant. If the girls ran
and separated themselves, I wouldn’t be able to protect them all.
“Get out of my way,” Beth said. I could hear wavering in her voice, but she was trying to be strong. The other girls clustered behind her. Even Kelsey finally understood the gravity of the situation she had created. There were more of them than us, and they were drunk.
“Going somewhere?” the leader said to Beth, batting her hair off her shoulder as his woman came around his large frame, hanging on him like a viper. The smile on her face almost made me look away.
“Leave us alone,” Emma said.
The woman smiled, but her eyes were cold. “Honey, why don’t you pick one of them for us.”
“Don’t you want to come with us?” another egged us on. “We’ll show you a real good time.”
I’ll show them a real good time with a swift kick to the balls, I thought. If I were alone, I would have ripped them apart, leaving their dead carcasses on the unforgiving ground.
“No. We don’t like you,” Kate said.
“That’s not the message we were getting in the bar,” I heard from behind me.
“It’s the message we are sending loud and clear now,” Beth said.
“I like her,” the woman said. “I could enjoy breaking her.”
He ignored her and responded to Beth. “You have something to say to me, little girl?” he said, stepping closer to Beth.
“No, but I do,” I said. The girls all turned to me with fear in their eyes. I walked around them, slipping the keys out of Kate’s hand as I shoved the guy blocking the sliding door of the van. “Get in!” They quickly all jumped in, I tossed the keys in after them, and I slammed the door shut. My movements were far too fast for a human’s, but I hoped no one noticed.
The guys closed in around me, closer now. Angrier. They thought they had the upper hand on me, but I was the monster in this story. The girls screamed for help and begged me to get in, but I didn’t dare open that door. It would endanger their lives.
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