by Sara Daniell
I fumbled with my keys until I was able to unlock my car door. Nancy ran outside with her phone to her ear, crying. I knew she was talking to my dad. She was telling him a plethora of lies. Tears sprang from my eyes because I knew he’d never believe me.
I got into my car and sped off.
I DIDN’T WANT TO meet Finn’s parents like this. But after going to Jane’s and seeing that she and her parents weren’t there, it was the only place I knew to go. I had left my phone in the bathroom, so I had no way of warning Finn that I was coming over.
Once I got to his house, I put my car in park and hurried to his door. I knocked repeatedly until the door opened. A woman, shorter than me, immediately let me in. Her eyes matched Finn’s. I knew it was his mom.
“I’m so sorry to come to your house like this, but is Finn here?”
I was bawling and a complete mess. I knew mascara was probably running down my cheeks, and my hair had to be a rats nest. Finn must’ve heard me because he came hurrying into the living room where I was standing with his mom.
“Ellie?” he said in shock.
I burst into violent sobs, and his arms found their way around me. I cried as I gripped the front of his shirt. His mom was going to hate me after this. She would probably tell him that he needed to stay away from a basket case like me.
After I calmed down, I was exhausted. My eyes burned, and my throat was sore. My whole body ached. Finn and I went out to his truck, and he drove around, with me in the middle, cuddled up next to him. My feet were under me, and my face was buried against his neck. His right arm was around my waist and his other hand was on the steering wheel. I didn’t know where to begin. There was so much I hadn’t told Finn, and I was scared he’d be mad at me for not telling him all of this sooner.
I felt the truck come to a stop and opened my eyes. I picked my head up and looked at the water moving at a fierce pace. I loved this spot at the river. It was a few miles down from Tryston’s house and a dead end. If you drove any farther, you’d be floating downstream. Not many people knew about it, which made it even better.
We got out of the truck and sat on the hood of his old blue Ford. I pulled my knees to my chest, and Finn sat quietly next to me.
“I might be too much for you to handle. I should’ve warned you about me, Finn. If you never want to talk to me again after tonight, I get it. I won’t hold a grudge; I promise.”
“What are you talking about?” He looked nervous, and he should’ve been.
He was a great guy, happy, and had plans for his life. I didn’t want to be a roadblock for him and cause him unneeded stress. I looked at the river instead of him.
“My life is messy.”
“Why, because of Channing and losing your friend Dillon?”
I laughed bitterly. “I wish that was it. No. There’s more. My mom went crazy after my dad left her. Long story short, we couldn’t get along, and she kicked me out by changing the locks, leaving a note on her car window in the carport, and not talking to me for a while until she needed to tell me she was marrying a man who’s in jail. My dad married Nancy who is a raging lunatic. She gets mad easily and at nothing most days. Tonight was one of those nights. When she gets mad, she gets destructive. If she’s not throwing and breaking shit, she’s cutting up my dad’s clothes with scissors, hitting and scratching my dad, and anything in sight. When there’s nothing else left to be her punching bag, I get to be.”
Finn’s sharp intake of breath caused me to look at him. His jaw muscles were tense. I looked back at the river and wiped my eyes. “I don’t like being at home when she’s there.”
“What does your dad say about all of this?”
“He doesn’t say anything. He takes her side and tells me to stop being a bitchy little teenager. He says it’s my fault. Nancy has her good moments, but they are very far and few between. I don’t know, Finn. I don’t know what to do. The only stability in my life is you, Tryston, and Jane. Everything else is such a mess that sometimes I wonder how I even stay sane.”
“You think because you’re broken and have a shitty life outside of me, Tryston, and Jane, that I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore?”
“No, because you’re the kind of guy that would want to do good and take on a charity case like me. It’s just who you are. What I’m saying is that you don’t deserve this. You deserve a girl who can take you home to her functional family and have normal dinners. Go do things with her dad or her brother that isn’t nonexistent. I don’t know what I’m trying to say exactly. I just want you happy and not caught in the middle of my hell.”
“Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “I am now.”
“What’s different about right now that makes you okay?”
I looked at him. “You.”
His eyes latched onto mine, and I knew that if I wanted to look away, I wouldn’t be able to; he wouldn’t let me.
“I’m not scared, Ellie. I’m not with you because of potential relationships with your family. I’m with you because I really care about you. I don’t care if I don’t have a normal relationship with you. I didn’t go into this with expectations that I’d have dinners at your house or some emotional attachment to anyone in your family but you. You can’t think like that, okay?”
I nodded. “I’ll try not to. I just want you happy, Finn. That’s all.”
“You are my happy.”
My lips formed a small smile. “Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
Butterflies multiplied in my stomach. “Finn Kerr, you just might be the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
The corners of his mouth lifted into a full smile. “I’m damn sure trying to be.”
Happy tears trickled down my cheeks. “Thank you,” I whispered.
He had no idea how much hearing those words saved me. I scooted over until I was sitting right next to him. He nudged me gently, and when I looked at him, he pressed his lips against mine. His fingers knotted gently in my hair as he held the back of my head. His breathing matched mine, slow and steady.
I had never been kissed so carefully and tenderly in my life. I didn’t realize that until Finn kissed me. He wasn’t in a hurry, and he wasn’t kissing me like he wanted to get naked. He just kissed me. Simply and perfectly. When he stopped, he put his forehead to mine and laughed a little.
“What?” I asked, smiling.
“I feel like I’m floating.”
I laughed. “Looks like we have something else in common.”
He laughed, lifted my fingers to his lips, and kissed the tips of them. Then he moved back a little so he could look at me. He tucked my hair behind my ears and smoothed the back of my hair. He smiled and kissed my forehead.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the night?”
“What did you have planned before I ruined it?”
He laughed. “You didn’t ruin it. I finally got to kiss you. My night is made.”
“Okay, well… I’m hungry. Starving actually.”
He slid off the front of his truck and put his hand out to help me down. I took it and hopped off. I went to walk around to my side of the truck, but he grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him over my shoulder, and he gently pulled me until our bodies were pressed against each other. I looked up at him, and he kissed me again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
PROM IS GETTING CLOSE. You and Finn plan on going?” Jane asked me while we soaked up some sun in my backyard.
“I guess. Who else would we go with? We haven’t really talked about it, but I’m just assuming we are.”
I was happy winter was over, and spring was here. One thing I appreciated about the South was that by April it was warm, a nice transition between the chilly winter and the scorching summer.
“You two need to figure it out because it’s only a few weeks away! I’m going dress shopping next weekend. You should come with me and my mom. It’d be fun!”
I looked at my phone when a text from Finn showed up. Before reading it, I looked at Jane. “Sure. That’d be fun.” I thought I’d be crushed when prom rolled around since my mom and I weren’t talking, but it didn’t. This was her choice. She had done this to us.
Finn: What are you doing?
Me: Sitting outside with Jane. My parents are gone, so we’re hanging out at my place.
Finn: Are we still going to the Stump tonight?
Me: If that’s what you want to do. I’m up for it.
Finn: Okay, cool. I’ll pick you up around 8.
Me: K :)
“Are you and Tryston still going to The Stump tonight?” I asked Jane who was busily texting.
She nodded and looked at me. “Hell yeah!”
I laughed. “Sweet.”
I WAS WASTED. LIKE tripping over my feet, slurring my words, and non-stop giggling wasted. I looked at Finn who had just cut me off from anymore beer. Before Finn picked me up, my dad had come home. I thought he would be working out of town all weekend, but I was wrong.
We got into a fight about Nancy again, and I was done arguing. I just stood there while he yelled. It made him madder that he wasn’t getting anything out of me. He ended up telling me that if Nancy really had hit me, then I probably deserved it, because I was a disrespectful teenager who thought I knew everything. I stood there and just took it, even though I knew it wasn’t true, and when I heard Finn’s truck pull up, I bolted for the door without a word to my dad.
On the drive to The Stump, I stewed on what my dad said to me. I got angry. Fighting mad. So when we got there, I started drinking. I couldn’t stop. I was telling Finn everything my dad had said while downing one after another. Finn wasn’t ever around me when I drank, so he had no idea how much of a lightweight I was. Three beers later, he figured it out.
He was laughing so hard at me trying to talk that he couldn’t even answer me. I put my fingers on his lips and giggled.
“Youuu are sooooo sexy, Finn Kerr. Like smokin’.” I giggled some more and leaned against a random person. I looked up at the tall guy and laughed. “Heyyyy.”
Finn picked me up. “Okay, it’s time to get you out of here.”
“I don’t wanna go,” I said in a pout.
The movement made me nauseous. I tried to get out of his arms, but he held me tighter. “Finn,” I tried to get down while gagging.
The music was so loud that he couldn’t hear me. Shiiit. I was going to puke on him if he didn’t let me down! I hit his chest, and he looked down at me. “Down!” is all I could get out. He set me down, and I stumbled to a spot between two trucks. I hurled everywhere.
Music was blaring loudly from the speakers next to me, while I kept throwing up. I felt hands hold my hair back, and I hoped it wasn’t Finn. This was embarrassing. I didn’t mean to get this drunk. When I was done, I wiped my mouth on the bottom of my shirt and turned to see who was holding my hair. It was Jane. Thankfully. But where was Finn? I started looking around for him.
“He went to go get his truck. I was told not to leave your side.” She smiled. “You went overboard, huh?”
I groaned and rested my forehead on her shoulder. Jane was the best. She didn’t shove me away or yell eww at my puke drenched clothing. She rubbed my back and laughed while we waited for Finn.
When he pulled up, I got in with his help and leaned heavily against the door. “I’m sorry,” I said with a groan. The cold window felt so good against my cheek. “Can you turn on the air?”
He turned on the air and the radio. I reached over, slapped my hand around until I found the knob, and turned it down. “My head hurts.”
He laughed. “You stink.”
“Jerk.” I smiled.
I looked down at my shirt and cursed. “Gross.” I pulled it over my head, leaving me in just my bra. For a second I forgot I was in the truck with Finn. For some reason, in my drunken state, I thought I was still with Jane. I looked at my shirt in my hand and then over at Finn. It was too dark for him to see me blushing.
I screamed when I looked at the road and saw he was swerving. “Finn, look out!”
He jerked the steering wheel just before we hit a tree. He started laughing so hard he snorted. He had to pull over because he couldn’t stop laughing. My heart was racing. I was still freaked out from his truck almost plowing into the large pine.
With wide eyes, I looked at him. I shoved his shoulder. “You almost hit that tree!”
“You took your shirt off! I got distracted! Technically, it’s your fault!” He was still laughing so hard.
Puking up most of my alcohol and being scared shitless had me sobering up. “Finn, I need a shirt.” I folded my arms in front of my boobs. I felt like such a fool.
“Depends on who you ask.”
“Finn! Shirt! Now!”
He laughed and took off his t-shirt. I put it over my head and glared at him when he licked his lips and wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Come on! You’re hot, Ellie! I couldn’t help it.”
I smiled when I caught a glimpse at his bare chest. Good thing I wasn’t driving, or I’d be swerving all over the damn road too, and it’d have nothing to do with being drunk. “Just take me home. I need a shower. I have puke in my hair.”
He scrunched his nose, and I laughed when he put his truck in drive and headed toward my house.
I SAT ON THE couch while Dad stood over me, yelling. Finn didn’t want to drop me off here, but I had nowhere else to go. If I went to Jane’s, her mom would’ve known that Jane was probably drinking too. If I’d gone to Finn’s, his mom would have really hated me. The first and only time we’d met, I was banging on her door, demanding to see her son like a crazed lunatic. The last thing I needed to do was come over as drunk as a damn skunk, wearing her son’s shirt, and asking to use her shower.
“I should’ve known you were up to no good! Are you on drugs too? Dammit, Elena! What’s wrong with you? And you expect me to believe all the horrible things you say about Nancy? I know she might treat me badly, but she’d never treat you that way!”
I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. Of course this would turn into something about Nancy. I had no energy to fight with Dad. I just wanted a shower and to go to sleep.
“You are irresponsible! And were you with Finn, Jane, and Tryston tonight?”
“Yes, but they had nothing to do with me drinking. It was my choice,” I said into my hands, so it came out muffled.
“You can’t see them anymore. As a matter of fact, you go to school, work, and then come straight home! You got it?”
I looked at Dad. “You can’t! I can’t be here alone with Nancy when you’re working out of town! Dad, she’s—”
“Don’t! She’s nothing but good to you and just wants to be your friend! Stop making yourself look like the victim here!”
I opened my mouth to say more, but he pointed toward the hall, telling me to leave the living room. I stood and went to the bathroom.
My tears washed away with the water from the shower. Dad couldn’t ban me from Finn, Tryston, and Jane. I’d be eighteen in a month, and at that point, I could do whatever the hell I wanted. I could get a second, or even a third job if I had to in order to pay for my own place. I got out of the shower and went to my room. I dug in my purse until I found my phone and texted Finn.
Me: Sorry about tonight. I didn’t mean to ruin it.
Finn: You didn’t ruin it. But from now on, I’m limiting you on beer. lol
Me: Finn… I’m so embarrassed. Sorry.
Finn: Stop apologizing! Are you okay now?
Me: Not really. My dad yelled at me for a while.
Finn: How long are you grounded?
Me: It’s not how long I’m grounded, it’s from who.
There was a long pause before he texted me back.
Finn: Who…
Me: You, Tryston, and Jane.
Finn: Dammit, Ellie. No. Not gonna happen.
Me: I’ll figure it out. Just give som
e time to let him cool off.
Finn: Will I see you before Monday?
Me: Probably not, unless you come see me at work.
Finn: Text me your hours, and I’ll come see you on your break.
I texted him my hours and then turned my phone off. I just needed to sleep.
FINN HAD TO WORK longer hours at the shop, so he didn’t get to come see me on my break. I sat outside behind the store and smoked. Smoking was becoming more frequent for me, and as disgusting as I knew it was, it worked to relieve stress.
I had just finished off my cigarette when I heard my name being called. I looked out at the parking lot to my right where H&R Block was and froze when I saw Channing.
Dammit! Who the hell told him where I worked?
The last time I’d seen him was at Dillon’s funeral. We’d left there on good terms, but that didn’t give him the right to come see me. Ever. He shut his truck door and came over to me. I looked at my cell phone. I still had twenty minutes left on my break, but I’d cut it short to get away from him.
“Elena? Can we talk for just two minutes?”
“What?” I pulled another cigarette from my pocket.
“No one has heard from you since the funeral. We’re all just wondering how you are? Alyssa said you’re not responding to her texts. I know how close you and Dillon were and—”
“I’ve been busy! And why didn’t Alyssa come instead of you?”
He shrugged and put his hands in his jean pockets. “She didn’t want to bother you. She told me to not bother you either. She said you’d come around when you were ready, but I just wanted to see if you were okay. You’ve been through a lot, and—”
“I’m fine, Channing. But you should probably leave.”
“Why?”
I looked over my shoulder and then back at him. I decided not to tell him about Finn. I didn’t know how he’d react, and I didn’t want to find out.
