by Sara Crest
“Now, I’m gonna give you all a few minutes to decide. You can either hand over the man that shot my brother, or you can all die here and now. The choice is yours.”
The crowd of brothers turned to me, I guess this was it. Walsh didn’t care about me enough to try and negotiate the meth deal, I wish I got to hear Barron’s reason why. Even if I tried to negotiate with Clay myself he would just think I’m grovelling and put a bullet in me, I had no grounds to talk things out, no man is gonna want to hear his brother’s murderer try to argue his way out of his death.
I took a deep breath and began to walk forward, I never thought that this would be the way I would go out. I always assumed I would die raiding as a minuteman, not in front of hundreds of people in order to atone for my sins.
As I approached the edge of the crowd we all heard the sound of a woman calling out.
“Wait! It’s not their fault!”
I turned frantically to see Emma running down the street, completely out of breath. The damn girl must have ran non-stop for miles all the way here.
“Emma? Emma what are you doing here!?” I called out as I tried to get through the crowd.
“I’m doing the right thing, I’m not going to let you die when it was my fault!”
She ran up towards Clay as he crossed his arms and looked down at her. She took a few seconds to catch her breath while I desperately tried to maneuver my way through the crowd. My brothers began closing in on me, holding me in place so I couldn’t stop her.
“Just let her go man, this is what’s best for all of us…” one of them said to me. I fought against them but I just couldn’t get out of the crowd.
“Emma! Stop!” I cried out.
She looked up at Clay, I could tell that she was holding back tears, but I knew that in her heart she thought she was doing the right thing.
“Clay, I’m the reason why your brother died. I didn’t pull the trigger on him but I’m the reason he’s dead. He was my stepfather, he was an asshole, and he deserved everything that came to him. Take me and do what you want to me but leave this town and leave these men alone!”
He chuckled, it was a deep chuckle that echoed throughout the silent streets.
“So you’re the fucking broad that my brother has been saving for a special occasion.”
He grabbed her hair and pulled her head back “if he didn’t get what he wanted I guess it’s up to me to fill that spot.”
She started crying, barely holding herself together.
“But if you take me away, you’ll leave town and let these people go?”
Clay’s chuckling turned into outright laughter and his grasp on her hair became tighter.
“My brother’s death is only reason number one of why we’re here. We have other beefs with this club and we’re not leaving until we’re sorting them out. You, however, you’re definitely gonna keep me company while we deal with these fucking lowlives.”
I could see the fear in her face, she had given herself up and even then it wasn’t enough for Clay. He was gonna kill us no matter what because of Walsh’s arrogance for holding onto our meth racket. I couldn’t let him take her away, I couldn’t let him have her.
I kicked one of the men holding me, hit him right in the side of the knee causing him to fall over and freeing my right hand.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my gun, I would only have one shot at this and I had to make it count.
I aimed for Clay, right for his arm, just enough to hurt him but nowhere near enough to kill him.
I squeezed the trigger, firing the round accurately enough just to graze his arm and cause him to let go of Emma in pain and fall to the ground. He was so old that I was afraid even that would be enough to kill him.
Emma stumbled onto the ground with him before scrambling to her feet and rushing towards our crowd. I pushed people aside as both sides drew their guns ready to fire.
I ran out of the crowd and stood between the two parties who were ready to let hell fly at each other. Emma took shelter behind me as I pointed my gun right at Clay’s head. As he struggled to try and get up I let my intentions known.
“If anyone takes another shot I’m putting him down! I’ll make sure the next shot doesn’t miss!”
The Empire Rollers all looked at each other hesitantly, still aiming their guns right at us but unsure of what to do. Hundreds of men were standing right there ready to light me up and drop me for hurting their leader and not a single one called me on my bluff.
I walked over to Clay and picked him up to his feet, holding him hostage with my gun to his head.
“You fucker, you’re not gonna save anyone” he said to me. “Even if you don’t give me that fucking girl I’ll find the bastard who killed my brother and put him in the ground right next to him.”
“Find him? You’re looking at him Clay” I said as I slowly started to walk down the street away from both clubs while still holding him hostage.
“Shouldn’t have told me that buddy, maybe I would have let my brother’s death slide with just that nice piece of ass hiding behind you but now I’m making sure that I personally end your life. I’m taking over your fucking meth production too, your whole little club is barely even gonna be a memory when I’m through with it.”
From deep within the Empire Roller crowd I heard someone call out “Fuck this!”
Three shots rang out, hitting someone in our crowd before a barrage of bullets started flying.
“Emma run!” I called out, pushing Clay away and grabbing her by the hand, running away from the shootout that was unfolding in front of us.
I led her to behind a nearby building where I hid my bike, the sounds of bullets landing near us and hitting the buildings around us rang out as we heard men getting on their bikes trying to escape being a statistic in this carnage.
Emma wrapped her arms around me as I started the bike up, I had no idea which direction to go in, all I knew was I had to get her out of here.
I hit the throttle and we sped off, we both looked back behind us to see at least 20 men lying dead on the ground as everyone else on both sides scattered. Never did I think we would live through the worst case scenario, never did I think that Clay would want more than just revenge for his brother. Yes he knew about what we were doing with the meth but I thought we could have talked this out.
“I failed Sven” I heard her sobbing. “I failed and now people are dead all because of me.”
“We all failed Emma, it’s not your fault. We all failed…”
I had no idea what to do next, all I knew was that both of our lives were in danger. We wouldn’t be able to tell who we could trust.
Chapter Twenty-Six
(Emma)
“You shouldn’t have saved me! You should have let me sacrifice myself!”
We had pulled up to the cabin where we had stayed at days before, it was the only place we could think of where we could hide.
“You heard him, he said that you weren’t enough. He said he was going to kill all of us right then and there and I wasn’t going to let you die in the crossfire Emma! I love you too much for that!”
“I could have convinced him, somehow I could have convinced him. Even if I had to give myself up totally and completely to him I could have saved all those men who are now dead and dying on the street. I could have saved everything you shouldn’t have taken me Sven!”
“You shouldn’t have even been there! I told you to stay at home! Maybe if he had gotten the actual man who killed his brother I could have stopped all of this from happening.”
“Well it’s too late now” I said sitting on the bed holding back tears. “Now people are dead because of my family issues, now I have to live with that.”
“Emma… you know this wasn't how I expected any of this to happen.”
“What did you expect to happen Sven?”
“That a man in Clay's position would be reasonable, that he wouldn't put hundreds of his own guys in danger all for his perver
ted fuck of a brother. That we'd be able to talk something out and maybe all walk out of this alive.”
“Sven your brothers didn't even want to talk it out, they wanted to give us both up and have him kill us. I just wanted to take responsibility for once and make sure you weren't hurt because of me.”
“The Freedom Riders would have come around, they wouldn't have given me up I know that in my heart they would have changed their mind!” he said. “You don't give half of your life to the brotherhood for them to give you up like that! They would have only let me walk if they knew I was ok with it.”
“Do you really believe that Sven?” I asked looking into his eyes, seeing regret in his stare for the first time. “Do you really think they wouldn't have just forced you to give yourself up? That they wouldn't have gone as far as to kill you and give Clay your body just to save their own lives? You might think you had a choice but we both know that it was going to be either both of us got killed or only one of us got killed. I wanted to make sure that the man who's treated me better than anyone else came out of this alive.”
“And I wouldn't have been able to live knowing that you sacrificed yourself for me, can't you see that? I saved you from one sadist and I'm not going to stand by and watch you give yourself up to another.”
I looked down at the floor, everything had been set in motion and I was too late to stop it from happening. Mom and Milly took our cars so I had to run all the way back to town just to try and stop the shootings from happening. The blood on the street was on my hand.
“This was all my fault.”
“Don't say that, Clay said so himself he had beef with us over our meth production. This could have happened no matter what we did to John.”
“If it was just the meth then maybe you could have worked something out, add in John’s death and it's my fault this all spilled over…”
I looked up at him again with tears streaming down my face.
“How do you live your life knowing there's blood on your hands Sven? I feel like I want to die and I didn't even pull the trigger, although I might as well have.”
“Emma I’ve been asking myself the same question for years.”
“So, what do we do now?” I asked him.
He looked heavy, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, like there was so much to be done but not enough time to do it.
“They won’t be in this town for too long. Chances are the Freedom Riders will try and rush back to Boston, and I imagine the Empire State Rollers won’t be too far behind. Your town will be fine in a few days but until then I have to get you and your family out of here, far away where nobody can hurt you..”
“So we’re leaving? You’re taking me and we’re leaving?”
“I’m not leaving Emma, I have to be here for when my club needs me.”
I stood up and grabbed his t-shirt in frustration “they were ready to give you up just an hour ago and now you’re ready to walk right back to them? They’ll sell you out! They’ll kill you they’ll give you to Clay and I’ll never hear from you again!”
He leaned down and kissed me, it was a kiss that made me want him to love me forever, a kiss that made me want us to run away from all of this. To cut our losses, realize all the bad we’ve done when we took John’s life. I know I had to take responsibility but the shots were fired, I don’t think that even if Sven and I gave ourselves up things would stop now, too much blood has been shed. I wanted us to just run away together and start a new life far away from here.
“I’m sorry Emma, this is just something I have to do.”
“You can’t just walk into my life, have me fall in love with you and then just walk out. I could live with me giving myself up if it meant that you were safe but I can’t just run away and leave you here to die Sven.”
He took my hands, holding onto both of them as he squeezed them together in his grasp. “I made my promises, when I killed John I promised to always protect you. When I joined the Freedom Riders I promised to always stand by them. I have to honor both of those promises, I’m sorry. I love you but this is how it has to be, I couldn’t live with myself if I just ran away…’
“And how am I just supposed to live without you? I wanted to build a life with you.”
He hugged me and ran his fingers through my hair “I know it hurts, it hurts for me too. I didn’t want it to be like this. Eventually it’ll hurt less, and you know I’ll always love you.”
I was angry at him, angry and hurt and betrayed and confused. How could he just leave me like this, I know how close he was to the Freedom Riders but they were going to give him up just to save themselves.
I pushed him away from me. “So what you’d rather go and die for them than live a happy life with me? You’d rather die in a gang war that’ll probably never truly end then run away with me and build on the love we have?”
He opened his mouth but he couldn’t say anything, I knew that he really didn’t want to go back to the Freedom Riders, I knew that he was only doing it because he couldn’t live knowing he let down his club brothers and his late father. I knew just from the way he was looking at me that he wanted to be with me but it didn’t matter when his actions wouldn’t match his desires.
I didn’t want to look at him, I didn’t want to think about how he pulled me in and loved me and now he was going to leave me.
“I’ve carried around the weight of the men I’ve murdered for so long Emma” he said looking deep into my eyes as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears. “When I’m with you the weight of what I’ve done is lightened but for how long will that be the case? Would you really stand by me when I wake up at night, haunted by their faces? Would you really want to deal with me when the deaths of not only the men I’ve killed but the Freedom Riders brothers who are now dead eventually break me?”
“Sven I would have stood by you no matter what. You helped me when nobody else would, you freed me from the pain of my stepfather. What you’re feeling now is something that we’re both going to have to go through, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather go through it with. I don’t care that you’ve killed men because I know that you regret each time you pull the trigger, because I know that you always thought you were doing the right thing one way or another.”
He looked at me deeper than any time he had ever looked at me before.
“Emma I… I need some time to think.” He took the gun out of his pocket and put it in my hands.
“You stay right here, and this time I really mean it” he said. “I know you don’t ever want to use one of these things ever again, but I’d rather you deal with the guilt then come back to find you dead.”
He walked out the door and I quickly followed him “you’re just going to leave? Sven please we need to talk about this.”
“I don’t need to talk about this I need to wrap my head around all of this. I’m going for a ride I’ll be back.”
“Sven wait!” I called out to him as he started up his bike. I ran to him and grabbed onto his t-shirt. “How do I know you’re not going back to the Freedom Riders right now? How do I know this isn’t you leaving me?”
He looked right in my eyes for a moment “if you trust that I’ll come back, I’ll come back.”
He accelerated, speeding off as I lost my grip on his t-shirt causing me to stumble forward and catch myself against a tree. I watched him speed off, leaving me behind. I had a feeling deep down in my stomach that wasn’t there even when he left to help his brothers with Clay, it made me feel like this was the last time I would ever see him.
I wanted to call out to him, I wanted for him to come back and take me with him. With all the confusion going on in his head, all the conflicted feelings of regret, the weight of being the man he was, and feeling torn between me and his MC I was starting to think that he was pushing me away to protect me. He was protecting me from a life he didn’t want me to live. I wanted him to understand that I could help him, that even though my hands weren’t as soaked in bl
ood as his that I was starting to feel the same regrets. That we could work together and get through this.
I wanted him to believe in us the way I did.
But… maybe we couldn’t fix each other.
Maybe we would just be a constant reminder of the events that happened in this town, a visual trigger that put the weight right back on our shoulders.
If I had to carry this weight, there was nobody that I would rather share the burden with then him.
Maybe I was just being naive.
So there I stood, alone and surrounded by the creaking trees of the forests of Vermont hidden in the hills. With a gun in my hand that made my palm sweatier by the second, and a longing feeling in my heart that just wouldn’t go away.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
(Sven)
I drove faster than I ever drove before, the wind whipped my hair around as I swerved through the mountainside. I narrowly avoiding the edges of the roads, barely saving myself for hillside drops that would most certainly lead to my death.
I wasn’t running from anything physical, hell I was starting to think I was driving so fast that I was trying to leave my own confusion behind. Never in my life has my mind been this muddled. I was choosing the brotherhood over her, over the woman I loved, over the only real happiness I had felt since I joined this fucking club.
I glanced down at my initiate tattoo, remembering how damn proud I was the day I got it. Nothing had turned out the way it was supposed to with the Freedom Riders, but I couldn’t just leave. I couldn’t abandon my oath, the only people to ever give a damn about me after my parents passed away, the only people I have ever called my brothers.
“Brothers don’t want you to give your life up to save themselves.”
The thought just kept ringing in my mind but I pushed it out every chance I could. Would I not do the same thing? No, I would have fought, if it was another man in my shoes and I would have fought for him because that’s what being in a fucking MC is about. It’s about fighting for the man next to you, somewhere that bastard Walsh changed this club into something else entirely.
