by Brenda Ford
“I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already,” I reply honestly. “It’s gone so fast. You’ve done so much for me!”
I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges in my throat and avert my eyes, so I don’t have to look at her while I get all weird out by this. Tami Johnson is twenty two years old, far too young for me, I still stand by the original argument I gave Angelo when I told him that she couldn’t possibly be perfect for me, but…
God, there’s the big ‘but’ which makes it so hard. The ‘but’ I definitely can’t admit to anyone because it scares me how right my brother might be. Despite her being so much younger than me, we have a lot in common. Tami understands some of my trauma, which most people don’t. Those who have been lucky enough not to lose a parent don’t get the hole it leaves behind. The void that no one else can fill, no matter how hard they try. We also have the same taste in movies, books, and music, which is incredible. The same sense of humor also. The more we share a small talk, the more we get to know about one another which we have been doing today, the more I realize that we share a lot and we could have a really good time together… if things were different.
She’s exactly the sort of person that I would consider long term with… but she’s just too young. At twenty two years old, I didn’t know myself at all. I was wild and stupid, I needed to make mistakes. I was a completely different person to who I am now. She is the same. As she grows, she will change, so she can’t be the one for me. She isn’t ‘perfect’ as Angelo described. She never can be, can she? Who knows who she will become?
“I er, might bring in a bottle of wine to celebrate on Friday,” I say with a much too bright false grin. “Since you have been such a good assistant this week, I think you deserve a drink.”
“Drinking on the job?” She cocks a playful eyebrow at me. Her smile is heart stoppingly beautiful. She is unlike anyone else. “I never would have thought that about you. I always thought you were much too serious.”
Serious? Does she really think that? Does everyone think that? I suppose I do come across that way.
“Well, I was thinking on a drink after work. We need to discuss your promotion as well.”
“We do?” Her eyes light up. She mustn’t have thought that I really meant it.
“We do. I will have to tell Angelo that he needs to hire someone new, but I don’t think he’s going to be too mad about that. He has a lot of belief in you, you know?” Same as me. Actually, probably me more.
“Well, that’s really nice to hear. I’m glad Angelo thinks that about me.” She looks so chuffed with herself.
I can’t let him have all the glory. I want some of that smile. “Well, I think it too!”
She glances behind herself, almost as if she’s checking to see if there’s anyone else in the building. There isn’t. The last person left about ten minutes ago, when I told Tami to get out of here as well, but she insisted that she needed to just finish up the filing. Almost as if she wanted to stay behind for another reason.
As Tami clocks onto the fact that we’re alone, I see a shift inside of her. She isn’t uncomfortable, in fact more anticipating what’s going to happen next. That’s something neither of us know since this is the first time we have been by ourselves. I’m aware that nothing should happen, but that doesn’t stop my craving…
No, stop it, I warn myself as I run my eyes up and down her, almost devouring her beauty with my gaze. Just because she’s lovely, doesn’t mean she’s on offer. I have already decided that she’s too young.
I just need to find a reason to put myself off of her. To ensure that it can’t ever happen.
“I er, I’m sure that you won’t want to celebrate with me for long though on Friday. Your boyfriend…”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she interjects much too quickly. “I’m all by myself.” When I don’t reply, mostly because her answer has left me a little breathless. “But I do have a friend’s engagement party to get to, so I suppose I will have to leave at some point. But I can definitely stay for a drink or two. Talk about my future.”
“You have a friend getting engaged?” I ask, stunned to the core. “At your age? Isn’t that a bit crazy?”
“Why would that be crazy? I have a couple of friends from college who are already planning the wedding.”
“But you’re in your early twenties. Isn’t there a lot more living you want to do first?”
“I’m not that young,” she snaps wryly. “Certainly not stupid. When you know, you know. Not everyone needs to sleep around to know who they want to be with. Lots of people get married at my age.”
When you know, you know… is this some kind of code for me? Does she want me to read into it, because I am. I’m reading everything that I probably shouldn’t be, imagining that she wants me to just grab her and kiss her already. There isn’t desire in her eyes, I’m just putting it there because I want to see it. That isn’t lust, it’s just… a look. It means nothing. And the age thing… she’s just defending her friend. Not suggesting that me and her could be together no matter how young she is. I need to just sort myself out.
“Right, well I suppose I should get going.” She grabs her bag. “Get an early night…”
I don’t know what comes over me, I think I’ve lost my mind. All I know is that I’ve grabbed her waist, I’m holding her close to my body, and I’m staring deep into her eyes really seeing the lust now. It’s definitely there, I’m not imagining it. Tami is attracted to me, and I’m filled with intoxicating sensations for her. I want her in a way I haven’t ever wanted someone before. This isn’t just the anticipation that comes before a one night stand, this is deeper, I’m drowning in it and all of her, fills my lungs. I breathe her in and she’s delicious…
“What are you doing?” she whispers softly, her eyes darting between mine, trying to read me.
“I don’t know,” I admit just as quietly. “But it feels right, don’t you think?”
She gives me just the slightest nod, the green light to go forward, so I crash my lips against hers and kiss her, bringing all of my fantasies to life. Even though I know this is all kinds of wrong, that she’s too young and she works for me, it feels incredible. Fireworks explode deep inside of me, every fiber of me screams out for her. I cup my hands on her cheeks and keep her face there as the kiss deepens, my tongue exploring her mouth, her hips rolling against mine. This is moving quickly, any minute now we could have one another’s clothes off, this is intense and powerful in the best way possible. I just want to go along for the ride no matter what happens…
“Sorry, I…” Suddenly she pulls back, shattering the magic of the moment. “I better…”
The color drains from her face, she’s shaken and terrified, looking at me like I have lost my mind. Maybe I have, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting her. I try to reach out and touch her, to bring her back to me because I already miss her like crazy. For a moment, my body felt whole with her pressed up against me. Now I’m empty. I’m lost, floating aimlessly with no purpose. I really need her back here.
But she isn’t coming back. Not a chance. Tami backs towards the door with her bag gripped tightly to herself and she runs. Her shoes clip clop along the floor as she vanishes taking all hope and wonderful feeling with her.
“No, wait!” I call loudly, but it doesn’t make any difference. It’s too late. She’s gone.
Fuck. My eyes hit the ground and sorrow floods me. What the hell have I done? Why has she run away?
A door bangs and it makes me jump. Excitement flows as I think it’s Tami coming back for me… but then I spot Oliver’s face, and everything drains away. Of course she isn’t back here! She doesn’t want me.
“You’re still here?” Oliver asks. “Again? What is going on with you?”
“Oh, I’m… just headed out,” I reply with a fake smile. “I was just finishing up.”
“Again? Is everything alright with you, Brad? Is there something that I should know?”
I c
ould tell him and get some real advice here. Oliver might not have much of a love life himself at the moment, as far as I know, but he could give me some real insight into this. But what if he yells at me because Angelo was right, and Tami is perfect for me… yet I’ve just fucked it up by moving much too quickly.
“Er, nothing.” I will tell him when I know what is going on. “I’m okay. Just busy, that’s all.”
“Right, well I’m leaving. Are you coming?” I nod, barely able to speak. “Come on then.”
Oliver talks as we leave, filling in all the silence with whatever he can think of. I answer ever so often when it seems appropriate, but really, I’m lost in my own thoughts. My lips are still tingling from that amazing kiss. I want more. I still want to be able to hold her, but she didn’t, so I need to be much more careful. I can’t let that show when we’re together next. I really don’t want to freak her out.
“Did you hear that?” I suddenly jump, spinning around. “Am I losing my mind here?”
“What did you hear?” Oliver gives me a curious look. “I didn’t hear anything.”
I touch the back of my neck where my hairs are standing on edge. I definitely have a weird feeling like I’m being watched… but since Oliver seems just fine, I have to assume that it’s in my head. I’m going crazy because I’m so lost in thoughts about Tami. What the hell am I going to do with myself?
“Sorry, I just thought that I heard footsteps, that’s all.” I wobble my head. “I don’t know.”
“I didn’t hear anything,” Oliver replies. “I think it’s been too many late nights for you.”
“Ironically, it hasn’t been,” I try to laugh. “I’ve been behaving for a change.”
“Well, maybe that’s a problem,” Oliver laughs. “Maybe you need to get some.”
God, if only he knew how much I needed it. But it really feels like I only need it from one person, and that’s a problem. Tami made it clear by running away that this isn’t what she wants as well so I need to get that idea out of my head. Maybe another one night stand is what I need, just to cleanse my pallet.
Chapter Five
Tami
I can hardly get my feet through the door because I’m so terrified. This is terrible, I’ve made such a mess of things, and now I need to try and work out how I’m going to face the music. Last night, I decided to stay behind to see if I had feelings for Brad, and it ended up in us kissing. Like, seriously kissing, all passionate and everything. It was amazing, the hottest thing ever… but I had to stop it. I can’t kiss Brad Smith even if there are feelings in the way. I don’t know how I let Ruby talk me into that. I’ve dipped my pen in the company ink and now I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to face Brad.
“Hey, Tami.” Angelo’s voice rings out behind me like a warm and enveloping hug. “What are you doing loitering out here like a hoodlum? Just because I’m not your boss anymore, doesn’t mean you get to slack off.”
“Angelo!” I grab his arm desperately, afraid to let him go. “I need to talk to you.”
“Is everything okay?” He narrows his eyes and examines me closely. Not that he’ll be able to guess what’s going on. It’s too wild. “You look kinda freaked out. Has something happened?”
“I don’t know how to answer that. I just need to have a word with you.”
“Right. Okay. Come into my office where we can have a proper talk.”
My whole body shakes as I follow behind Angelo. My eyes hit the floor, so I don’t have to look and talk to anyone. Least of all Brad. He must be here. He’s in before me every single day so I don’t see why today will be any different. I can’t even begin to think about seeing him until I’ve had this conversation.
Not that I have even the slightest clue what I’m going to say. How do I even begin to explain this?
“Right, okay.” Once we’re alone, Angelo closes the door behind him, and he takes a seat. “What’s happening?”
I sit opposite him, a place that I have been a million times before, but never like this, and I sigh. I really don’t want to end up losing my job because of this and there’s no telling how Angelo will react. He’s a great guy and he would probably be really sympathetic, but this involves his brother and the Smith family are tight.
“I… I want to come back and work for you, Angelo. I miss being on the creative team.”
“But Brad needs you,” he shoots back quickly. “You’ve been helping him out a lot.”
“I know, but I think I’m done. I can’t see what else I can do for him really.”
Angelo knows that I’m lying. We both do. But I really need him to just buy the lie. Just for now.
“Okay, is there any other reason that you want to share with me? We can talk about anything, okay?”
I shrug rapidly. “There’s nothing else, that’s the only reason. I just want to get back to my real job.”
“You can.” Relief fills me up… but only for a moment. “On Monday though. For now, Brad needs you.”
“He really doesn’t though. He has everything more than under control. It’ll be fine.”
Fucking hell, Angelo won’t bend to me. He seems to understand that there is more going on, but he won’t allow me to leave because of that. Is it because I’m not being honest? I need to silently communicate that I’m desperate. That I really need him to just understand and help me out.
“I would much prefer you to just stay with him for the last couple of days. My brother is a sticky one, but he needs you. He really does need you. You are working wonders with him.”
I slide my eyes closed for just a moment and imagine what it will be like to see Brad again, to work alongside him after that kiss, and it’s just unthinkable. It makes me shudder hard.
“It’s only two more days, including today,” Angelo continues. “You can do it, Tami.”
I can see it in his eyes that he isn’t going to back down. There’s not a chance in hell. He really wants me to stay with Brad and there has to be a reason for that. Angelo hasn’t ever let me down before, so I need to roll with it. I’m going to have to suck it up and go with it… it has to be career focused, doesn’t it? Maybe I won’t get the promotion if I walk away from Brad now. It’s like a test of endurance or something.
“Okay, fine. Two more days.” I nod. “I can do that, but then I want to be back here.”
Angelo laughs and nods at me. “Okay good. Looking forward to having you back here.”
I try to calm my racing heart as I finally make my way to Brad’s office. I’m going to have to get it together just enough to make it through today. Then tomorrow, but I can’t worry about tomorrow. I need to just focus on the present moment first. The first bit will probably be the worst, won’t it? When I see him again knowing that the last time, we were together we were frantically kissing like crazy. After that, we can just carry on as normal.
I suck in a couple of deep breaths, pushing the intense humiliation to one side, and I finally step inside. My heart beats in my mouth, my whole body stops as I finally clock him. Fuck, does he have to be so damn handsome? Making it even harder for me to be around him. Now, I’m just waiting for him to see me too.
“Ah, Tami.” His eyes slide upwards to meet mine. “You’re here. Good. I’m glad to see you.”
“Er, yes, I’m here. Erm… right…” Fuck, I can’t find any words. “I… what do you need me to do?”
“Let’s just carry on as normal, shall we? Act like we didn’t lose our minds last night?”
A laughter bursts from me. I can’t help it. I was expecting things to be all weird, but this is better.
“Okay, fair enough. I think we can do that.” I nod slowly. “So, get back to filing then?”
“If you don’t mind. I think that’s for the best. Whatever you can see that needs doing.”
I smile and nod at him, feeling all of the tension simply rolling away. We just lost our mind last night, that’s all. There isn’t anything for me to worry about. It isn’t going
to be weird, nor will it affect my promotion. It’s going to be fine. I just need to crack on and get through the next couple of days.
I’m surprisingly glad that Angelo made me stay. Now we can just get past this. I don’t think that Brad ‘needs’ me as much as Angelo made out, but that’s okay. I’m just happy that I can complete what I started. I won’t have the regret that a silly ill-advised kiss has ruined my promising career.
“Girl, what is going on with you?” Ruby laughs as she sits across the table from me. “Dinner twice in a week? That isn’t like you at all. Usually, it’s impossible to get you out on a work night.”
“You know that it’s been one of those weeks.” I roll my eyes. “With Brad and everything.”
“Yeah, so what’s going on with that? One minute, you hate him, then it seems like you might have feelings for him, now… well, I don’t know what is going on now. You need to fill me in.”
I lean forward and clasp my head between my hands. “Oh, I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
“This sounds juicy! You have to fill me in. My week has been so boring. I need some excitement.”
“This isn’t so much excitement. More stress. I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Is there something there between you and Brad then? Did you figure it out?”
I shrug helplessly. “I guess so, yes. Since last night we ended up kissing…”
“You what?” Ruby exclaims much too loudly. I’m sure that everyone in the restaurant is looking at us. “You kissed him? Are you serious? That is some crazy gossip, you know that, right? For you to act that way…”
“It’s really out of my character, isn’t it? And now… well, I don’t know how to behave.”
