“What does the red light mean?”
“If it flashes—which has never happened—we have sixty seconds to restore power or the frozen vials will thaw and be destroyed. While the green light flashes, youths will continue to be born every twenty-five years.”
Born from glass tubes. No fathers or mothers—only liquid.
I’m not sure why this saddens me. I’ve always known I was created in a lab. But Milly has changed me. Her memories of laughter, hugs, and parents makes lab-creation seem unnatural.
Lila taps an indented panel on the cold box. “Inside are two thumb-sized solar batteries. Sun-based energy keeps the vials frozen—sun and ice working together toward the goal of life. I love ironical twists of science.”
I nod, fascinated. I imagine Lorelei yawning with boredom, and while Marcus would be interested, he’d rather be digging in the dirt for crawlies. But I’m the far opposite of bored. Science reminds me of mixing recipes in Rosemarie’s kitchen; even when you know the outcome, there are always surprises.
“This ends our tour.” Lila taps a wall switch and the room goes dark except for the pulsing green light on the frozen box.
“Now what should I do?” I’m not only asking about today but also the larger questions about my future. Can I stay here without a work-role? I’ve only seen scientists, assistants, and drolls. Luckily, I escaped being a droll. And while it would be coolsome to become a scientist like Lila, that’s impossible. As Visla said, you’re either born a scientist, or you’re not.
But an assistant—I could do that. I’d work hard for Lila and be the best “sista” ever. I hope, I hope, I hope ….
Lila studies my face. “I suppose you’re wondering at my interest in you.”
Uncertainty lumps in my throat. I can only manage a nod.
“Don’t look so fearful.” She smiles. “I’m on your side. Remember when I promised to take you for a walk along the cliff trail?”
“Yes—but I never expected it to happen.”
“I don’t make idle promises. The night of your Celebraze, I asked if you wanted to join the Cross Family. If you’d said no, I would have taken you from the Crosses and brought you here. No Leader would have stopped me.”
I’d suspected this but never really believed she’d want me. If only I’d told her the truth that day. I wouldn’t have shamed the Cross Family and become an outcast. But I wouldn’t have saved Nate either. I can never regret that.
“I never fit into the Cross Family—except with Rosemarie,” I tell her.
“I suspected as much. But I couldn’t interfere once you joined a Family. Everything changed when you came here.” Her face shines. “I can’t repair what’s happened, but I can give you a new start—beginning with three surprises.”
An assistant. Please! I think, crossing my fingers.
She regards me with a searching look. “You need to consider your future. You can’t go back to the Cross Family or anywhere else in ShareHaven. If you step outside our boundaries, the Uniforms will arrest you.”
My memory slams with the sound of hammers building an execution platform. “I’ll watch my step,” I tell her.
“You’re only safe within our boundaries.”
“Does that mean I can work for you as an assistant?” I ask hopefully.
Scientist Lila shakes her head. “No.”
“Oh … but I thought ….” Disappointment rips through me.
“I have no need for another assistant.”
“There’s nothing else for me.” I reel back, sickened. “Not a droll!”
“Never a droll.” She tenderly strokes the uneven edges of my shorn hair. “I want you here, working with me.”
“But not as an assistant?”
“No. I’m offering you the memdenity of my sister-inlaw, Angeleen Dupree.” She holds my gaze. “A scientist.”
THIRTY-FOUR
Me? A scientist wearing purple and silver robes? I’ll make amazing discoveries like bread that never molds, unstainable fabric, or a weapon to destroy all claws and snakes so the Fence can come down. Instead of being enemies of ShareHaven, Nocturnes will be our neighbors. Also as a scientist, I will cure all ills and bring peace to the world.
I want to shout, “Yes!” but Lila cautions me to think it over before giving my answer. What’s to think over? Compared to my other options—a droll or execution—becoming a scientist is a yes-plus.
“This would be a good time for that walk I promised you,” Lila tells me.
She leads me out of the lab and back to the hall, where the floor shows no sign of Tamsin’s blood, as if her injury never happened. The elevator swooshes open, and Lila presses one on the keyboard. We enter a hall I’ve never been in before and pause at a locked door. Lila quick-fingers a code, which I memorize, and we step into brilliant daylight. I glance back at the door we came through, and it’s camouflaged so well it seems to disappear into the sloping, grassy hillside.
“This way,” Lila says, her purple robe flying around her in the sea breeze.
We step into dazzling sunshine and a sweeping view of a cloudless blue sky. I walk with Lila up a trail rising into rugged rocky cliffs. I suck in salty mist and delight in the panorama of sparkling sea.
The dirt trail follows the cliff’s edge and is surrounded by wildflowers that wave like flags and windblown grasses. Someone must tend to this trail often, clearing away debris. No bristly weeds like on the cliffs near the Edu-Center. With high cliffs like a fortress, there’s no need for the Fence. Far below, the sea foams against the rocky shore. My heart swells with the rushing waves, hope in and dread out, a future stretching on like the diamond-sparkling sea. We walk in silence, although there’s nothing silent about my thoughts.
A scientist! It’s more than I ever hoped! But if a clever assistant like Visla—trained alongside scientists—can’t become a scientist, how can I?
Yet Lila says it’s possible. I’ll be Angeleen Dupree, smarter, important, respected. More than anything I ever imagined—more than Jennza.
I have so many questions: Memdenity wasn’t created until after the Attack, so how were Angeleen Dupree’s memories stored? Did she die in an accident? How long ago did it happen?
My thoughts spin as I walk beside Lila on the cliff path. I’m uneasy about getting another memdenity so soon. How much can my brain hold? And is it fair to cover Milly’s memories with someone new?
Yet I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything. My yearning for adventure, feeling out-of-place, always longing for more from life makes sense now. I’m not good at following rules because I’m not meant to be a follower. I’d rather lead so others can follow me.
Lila stands at a cliff jutting over the sea, her toes slightly over the edge. I come up beside her. “What do you see?” She points at the blue-green horizon.
“The sea,” I say.
“I see infinite possibilities,” she says. “Each water drop is an element united into a cohesive mass stretching around the world. Ideas sail like boats, carrying us to new places.”
“Boats?” I repeat with a queasy feeling, remembering the miserable boat rides when I came to this island. But that wasn’t me. “I’ve never ridden in a boat, although Milly did. She lived near San Francisco.”
“A lovely place—at least it used to be.” Lila sighs. “When I visited San Francisco, I took a boat ride out to Alcatraz Island—where prisoners were once locked away from civilization. It seems ironic now; we’re here safe in our island utopia, while the outside world is trapped in destruction.”
“Do you ever wonder what’s outside our island?” I ask.
“Devastation and disease.” Her lips press together. “We’re safe here—that’s all that matters.”
I’m glad for her kindness but aching too, for the people I may never see again. Marcus, Lorelei, Instructor Penny, and Rosemarie. The ache grows into a lump I can’t swallow. And I feel guilty too, for how badly I hurt Arthur. All he wanted was his wife back, but because of me, that wo
n’t ever happen.
I turn to Lila, picking at my thumbnail like Marcus does when he’s troubled. “Lila, can I ask you a question about something that might be … um … a forbidden topic?”
“Of course. But I can’t promise to answer,” she says.
“Does someone’s soul come back with memdenity?”
Her eyes flash, surprised. “As a scientist, I should answer no. Theoretically, soul does not exist. But recently I had a dream where Angeleen, who died centuries ago, talked to me. It was too real to be a dream. And when she hugged me good-bye, I felt warm arms around me. How can that be possible when her memories are saved in a tube?”
“Were you close with Angeleen?”
“Very close.” Lila nods. “She was my friend before she was my sister-in-law. Since the dream, I’ve had a sense that she’s with me—not in body but in spirit. If you bring back her memories, I think her soul might stay elsewhere. It’s been very confusing to me. I shouldn’t admit this to you, but it feels good to talk.”
“You can tell me anything,” I assure, which makes her smile.
“It was easier when I believed science was the answer to everything. But lately I’ve had opposing thoughts about science versus religion. Where does spirit go when people die? Into a tube or some place beyond this?” She waves her hand from cliff’s edge to sea to sky.
“You’re smart—can’t you figure out the answer?” I ask her.
She laughs wryly. “If only it were that easy. Answering the complexity of existence would be like explaining how to bake an apple pie to an ant. To us, baking apples into a pie crust is a simple process, but an ant only sees its path in the dirt. Yet if a scrap of apple fell in the ant’s path, it would recognize the apple as food. No understanding of making the pie, only knowing the bite of apple can give sustenance. Am I making any sense?”
“Um … not really. But I love apple pie.”
“Simply put, as humans facing a giant apple pie of a universe with unanswered questions, we can only be grateful for the scraps of sustenance—knowledge, food, and love—that come our way.”
“I am grateful,” I say solemnly. “To you.”
Lila touches my chin softly, turning my gaze to hers. “Are you ready to give me your answer? I will only ask you this once, and no matter what you say, I will keep you safe and you can stay here.” She sucks in a heavy breath, then asks, “Do you want to be a scientist?”
My gaze is like a breeze blowing in every direction, from Lila’s solemn face to the sea, then back to the hill that conceals the scientists’ compound.
All of this can be mine.
“Yes,” I say, agreeing to the sea, Lila, and myself.
Lila opens her purple-sleeved arms wide and draws me close into her sweet perfume. “Welcome, Angeleen.”
THIRTY-FIVE
“Since that’s decided,” Lila says, “are you ready to learn your second surprise?”
“I don’t need anything else,” I protest. “You’ve already done so much.”
“Because I chose to. This is an appropriate place to share this with you—both of us poised at the edge of possibilities.”
Or the edge of disaster, I think with an unexpected foreboding. My gaze drops to the distant rocky shore below, where boulders are under attack by relentless crashing waves. I shake off these dark thoughts, rising on a tide of hope.
“Do you know of the retro concept of birthdays?” Lila asks me.
“Yes,” I say, as the memory of balloons, gifts, and laughing faces singing, “Happy birthday to Milly” floats through my head.
“The custom was abandoned since no one ages anymore, and most don’t care to count their years. But I have fond memories of my childhood birthdays and want to share this tradition with you.” Her dark eyes shine. “Your second surprise is a birthday party.”
The following week thrills with new experiences, although I rarely see Lila. She busies herself in the lab, leaving me with Visla. I enjoy being with the energetic assistant who talks fast, jumping from topic to topic like a busy squirrel climbing branches. We fall into a routine of breakfast together, where she talks so much I’m saved from thinking deeply. Her face always softens when she speaks of Tamsin’s improving health. They’re best mates like I am with Lorelei and Marcus.
Except for noon walks on the cliff trail with Lila, I stay in my room. I’ve yet to meet the other sistas, although I know much about them from Visla. I asked why no one else is allowed near me, and she says it’s for my protection. She won’t say any more, but I know it has something to do with Scientist Daniel and Frost. Surely any threats will end once I become a scientist.
Lila brings me two retro-books with stiff backs and thin, yellowed pages: Tanglewood Tales and Pippi Longstockings. I treasure these books, reading them carefully so as not to rip the pages. When I ask Lila for more, she says she’ll look around, but paper books usually are stored at the Edu-Center or protected in glass at the museum. They’re fragile because they come from the pre-digital era. Technology failed during the mind-plague and all digital books were lost.
Every afternoon on our walks, I ask Lila how much longer ’til my memdenity. Her answer is always the same. A head shake and “soon.” Since I can’t go to the health-workers, Lila will perform the procedure. She warns me that this is a secret and I must not tell anyone, not even Visla. I trust Lila—still, I’m nervous. I’ve grown to enjoy the random images and conversations from Milly’s memories, and I’m adapting better, recognizing the shifting in my mind warning me that my thoughts are tumbling into Milly-life. I vow to hold onto to both Milly’s and my memories, even after all three of Angeleen’s memdenities.
The night before my birthday party, my mind whirls and I can hardly fall asleep. I read until my eyes ache, and when I do drift off, it’s to a dream—or memory—of Milly before she came to the island, when she turned thirteen.
Rosemarie is in the dream too—a younger version of her, but there’s no mistaking her gentle smile or her skill in the kitchen. She carries a cake that trails a plume of smoke from thirteen candles. I’m sitting at a large table—my parents added a piece to the middle so it could fit all of my friends. My most recent best friend, Mandy (she’s left-handed so I call her my Leftie Bestie) sits beside me. There’s an empty seat on my other side saved for Rosemarie. My parents sit across from me with my brother between them, licking frosting off a mixer beater. In a corner of the room, gorgeous wrapped packages cover a table. Rosemarie saves wrapping paper for recycling—but I’d rather rip them open. She can’t keep a secret and has already told me I’m getting new boots for competitions.
Competitions? The word gives an image of a spirited quarter horse jumping barrels, and I’m leaning tight in a saddle, flying with hoofbeats. I taste dust and the musty scent of a sweaty horse. I hear applause, from an audience sitting in bleachers, and in the front row, my family stands and applauds for me.
I wake up with a wistful longing, missing Milly’s family and a world that no longer exists. When I cross the room and pull back the yellow curtains, I’m warmed by sunshine slanting into my room. I belong here.
Opening drawers, I try on pantons, shirts, tunics, and privacies. There are fresh flowers too, in shades of morning—orange poppies and yellow lilsies. Visla must have left them for me.
That’s not all she’s done. Reaching up, I touch the smooth edges of my short hair. After Visla left my evening meal, she took scissors to my hair, shaping my curls into soft layers above my shoulders. When she held up a mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself, but I was pleased with this new me. Angeleen, I thought.
I reach for the brush Visla gave me and run it through my hair. Did the real Angeleen have long or short hair? In what shade? Were her eyes brown, green, blue, or hazel? I remember the surprise of seeing a picture of Milly, how different she was to my imaginings. And Milly was shocked by our new appearance. Will Angeleen be a surprise too? I’ll gain the first memdenity soon, but I’m impatient to know everything n
ow.
Why not ask Lila? I think as I button the laces of my tunic.
Lila has told me she has root tea in her lab every morning before beginning her work. So I head for the lab.
This is the first I’ve entered the elevator alone. My hand wavers uncertainly over the numbers. I reach for number three button, but hesitate when I notice a number four. Four? But there’s no fourth floor. Curious, I tap the number four, expecting it to stop on the third floor as usual. But it continues to rise, slowly. I’m positive Visla said there were only three floors. So why is there a fourth button?
My curiosity rises with the elevator. When the elevator stops, the red lit number four goes dark. But I don’t move.
In my head, Milly’s voice warns me to leave. Jennza would stay to investigate. But Milly thinks before diving into trouble. There could be a danger on the fourth floor that Lila doesn’t want me to risk, like poisonous chemicals or Lila’s brother and his cold-hearted assistant.
The elevator stops and the door slides open.
Quickly, I push the close-door button. The elevator swooshes back down to level three. I blow out a deep breath, proud of myself because I thought before rushing into trouble. If there’s something on the fourth floor that Lila wants me to know about, she’ll tell me.
When I tap on the lab door, Lila opens it with a startled expression that widens into a smile. “I expected someone else, but this is even better. Would you like a cup of root tea?” she asks, pulling up a chair beside her desk.
“I’d love it,” I say.
She crosses the room to the cabinets, then returns a moment later with my hot tea. I blow on my hot tea, inhaling rich, earthy scents, before asking her about Angeleen. “Is there a picture of her?”
“Hmmm … there must be. Now where would it be? I’ll have to look.” A knock at her door brings her to her feet. “That must be Visla.”
When Lila opens the door, she lowers her voice to a whisper. Visla bounces back and forth on her feet, even more excited than usual. What are they talking about? I wonder, biting my lip so I don’t rush over and demand to know what’s going on.
Memory Girl Page 24
