by Pace, Pepper
Charisma asked her what was wrong but the only answer she received was the slamming of the door.
Vanessa hailed a cab, not worrying about the fare. She rubbed her hands together tensely and felt anger boiling inside of her as the cabdriver navigated through the traffic.
She couldn’t believe what she had heard. Kiki’s tired ass was now in the business of ripping off other people’s shows? That was just too much! She’d been inconsiderate of people’s time either expecting them to change their schedule when it suited her or making them stay late because she was late.
She made enemies by talking down to people or even acting too high and mighty to join in the celebrations or to interact with the other performers. That’s why she was a prima donna. And now she was a thief, too!
Vanessa flung the bills at the driver as she dashed out of the taxi and hurried into the hotel. Chucky, the bouncer saw her at the entrance of the club and Vanessa saw him use his walkie talkie. Sneaky bastard was calling Jackson on her!
Vanessa walked past the few people lined up to be admitted to the club and stopped when she saw the billboard with a poster of Kiki wearing an exact replica of her outfit with her hair pressed back into finger waves.
Vanessa felt a blur of red hot lava flow past her vision. They had planned this. It would have taken days to get the poster made …
“Yo Eve, what are you doing here?” Chucky asked stiffly. A year ago he had tried to pick her up until she had flashed her engagement ring. Afterwards he had no time to say more than hi or bye to her.
“I’m going in,” she said sternly while walking to the entrance. He blocked her and she looked at him in surprise.
“Jackson’s on his way. Just be cool, sister.”
“I’m not your fucking sister,” She bit out angrily. And then Vanessa heard Kiki’s voice singing and it was to the song that she had been rehearsing for the last week!
Vanessa craned her neck to see beyond Chucky because it sounded as if Dino was playing the piano … had he been in on it too?
Jackson appeared suddenly and his expression appeared regretful.
“Vanessa. I didn’t expect you to come.” He looked at Chucky. “Let her pass.”
Vanessa stormed into the club but didn’t go further than the main entrance where the performance of her show was already underway.
Everything was set up just the way she had practiced with several make-shift card tables set up with performers seated at them cat-calling at Kiki to ‘take the money’. Kiki was dressed in a slimming evening gown that hugged her curves perfectly. Everything looked just the way Vanessa envisioned with one exception.
Dino was not at the piano playing. Stanley was there pretending to play while the karaoke version of the song was piped in over the sound system.
Vanessa stood there silently and watched the entire show. Jackson stood next to her, not speaking. When it was over and thundering applause filled the room Vanessa looked at Jackson with burning tears filling her eyes.
“I didn’t want it to be like this Vanessa. Let’s go into my office and we can talk about it.”
“No.” She jerked her arm out of his reach. “There is nothing to talk about. You’re dirty-“
He shook his head. “It wasn’t my idea. Kiki … I can’t tell her no. Everything I do is all for her. I’m sorry-”
Vanessa shook her head. “You could have just told me that you wanted the show.” She took a step back.
“Wait. Don’t leave like this-”
“I quit.” She turned and stormed past the crowd. “I’ll have someone pick up my things tomorrow.”
“Vanessa!” Jackson followed her. “I’m sorry-”
“Go to hell!” She hurried outside, her eyes wet with tears.
She felt a hand on her arm and was about to swing on the individual in a fit of rage when she saw that it was Dino.
She glared at him. “Did you know about this?”
“Not until today. Kiki came to me and said we were putting on the show tonight. I thought she meant you but when I asked where you were she told me that she was doing it. Of course I told her no, not that it stopped her from doing what she wanted.”
Vanessa looked at him in misery. “I can’t believe she stole our show.”
“I heard you say you were quitting.”
She wiped tears from her eyes. “I’m through-“
A cab pulled up to the curb but they ignored it.
“Vanessa, don’t do that. You have a baby to think about and I know you need to keep your job to pay his doctor bills.”
She frowned. “How do you know about that?”
He looked uncomfortable. His dark eyes shifted from her. “I admit that I know a lot more about you than I let on. Look, I know the way they handled things was fucked up but we get paid good money and even though I chewed Kiki and Jackson new assholes I still need this job.”
Vanessa crossed her arms in front of her. She didn’t look at him or reply. In another year she would qualify for health insurance and then she wouldn’t have to do it all herself.
But she couldn’t work another year with these people—not even another minute. It had been years since she’d felt such burning hatred for another individual but in this moment she hated Kiki and her man that indulged her to the point that they thought it was okay to steal someone’s hard work.
Vanessa shook her head. “I can’t.” She darted for the next cab and disappeared into the busy traffic.
Charisma said that she knew a few guys that could break Jackson’s legs and slice up Kiki’s face—or at least poke holes into her implants.
Vanessa knew that Charisma was only trying to cheer her up and not planning an assault. She even managed a smile.
“I think I’ll let karma handle those two.” Vanessa leaned back in the reclining chair and covered her eyes.
“Looks like I’m out of another job.”
Charisma sighed. “Maybe that Dino guy is right. What’s he look like anyways?”
Vanessa scowled. “I don’t want to ever see Kiki again. And Dino …” Vanessa thought about it.
“That bad, huh?” Charisma asked.
Vanessa shook her head. “He’s cute. He’s tall and has dreds. He’s talented too. He arranges all of our music and plays every instrument imaginable.”
“Hmmm. Are you trying to hit that?”
Vanessa stopped rubbing her eyes. “No.”
Charisma scowled. “When are you going to get back on the saddle, Vanessa? You can’t still be waiting for that man in prison! He dumped you. A killer in prison dumped you!”
Vanessa couldn’t believe that her friend was talking to her like this. Where was this coming from? It was way out of line—not to mention that it hurt her feelings.
“You got a lot of nerves Sheryl.” Vanessa hadn’t used her friend’s given name in years. “You’re not exactly the poster child for romance. The last guy you dated had a girlfriend and you knew all about it. So don’t tell me.”
Charisma looked at her friend in surprise. She got up without saying another word and walked into her bedroom where she closed the door behind her.
When she was gone Vanessa sighed, regretting her words. Charisma had saved her life countless times. Without her she would have never made it. Thoughts of Jalissa came to mind. For most of her life she and Jalissa had been like two peas in a pod. They had been as close as sisters. And then one event had changed everything. Vanessa thought about how vicarious her life felt and she was unwilling to risk the friendship that she had with Charisma.
Vanessa got up and knocked on her friend’s bedroom door. When she didn’t receive an answer she walked in.
Charisma was wrapping her hair and pretending to ignore Vanessa.
Vanessa sat down on the end of the bed.
“I’m sorry.” Vanessa stated.
Charisma shrugged. “No need to apologize. I should have minded my own business.” She stared into her mirror as she tied the scarf firmly in place over her h
air.
Vanessa studied her fingertips. “A long time ago I told Scotty that he was my soul mate. I hardly remember what it feels like to be in a relationship. I certainly don’t know what a soul mate is. All I do know is that when I think about being with someone other than Scotty it feels impossible. It’s like no one can make me feel the way he makes me feel.”
Charisma turned to look at her friend. “But you don’t give anyone a chance. I’ve seen so many men try to talk to you, Vanessa. And no matter who they are you act as if they aren’t good enough.”
Vanessa shook her head. “No, it’s not that. All I know is Scotty. We were friends for a long time before we began a relationship. I just don’t know how to deal when someone comes at me in a different way.” She wouldn’t admit that aggression scared her. If a man came on too strong—as they often times did, then thoughts of Donald entered her mind and she would remember how quickly a man could overpower her.
“You can’t wait fifteen years or more for him to get out of prison. You can’t do that to yourself.”
Vanessa rubbed her hand across her face tiredly. “I’m not sure what I’m doing. All I know is that it doesn’t feel right when it has to do with other men. Maybe that’s what makes Scotty and me soul mates. Because no matter how much time we’re apart I can’t forget him.”
Charisma shook her head sadly but didn’t argue with her over her feelings.
Chapter Five
The next day the doorbell rang and Vanessa knew that it couldn’t be good news. People didn’t just invite themselves over, not to the home of two performers who were rarely home.
Charisma had already left for her latest job. She had a part in a musical which included a speaking role. She hoped they would get picked up to travel across the country. For her, the idea of living out of hotel rooms for a few months was exciting.
Vanessa had to admit that it sounded exciting to her as well. But she could hardly do that with a baby who needed frequent doctor care.
Vanessa hurried to the intercom while Crash crawled after her in case she tried to leave the house without him. It was sad that she always had to leave and that he knew to expect it.
“Mamamamamama,” he called from behind her.
“Hold on, Mommy’s not going anywhere.” She pressed the button on the intercom. “Who is it?”
“Vanessa? It’s Dino.”
She was surprised to hear his voice outside her building.
“Dino? Uh … how did you get my address?”
Crash began to wail loudly to be picked up. She bent down and scooped him up, propping him up on her hip. Instead of quieting he reached for the floor crying out cheese cheese cheese.
Dino was talking and she hefted her son up on her hip while he kicked to get to something on the floor. She looked down and instead of seeing a piece of cheese she saw one of his toy cars. She reached down to get it and handed it to Crash who gurgled happily.
She pressed the intercom button again. “Hold on a sec Dino. Tell me again how you got my address.” Jackson had more than a lot of nerves handing out her address and talking about her personal business. She was becoming pissed again.
“Jackson … well he keeps a file on all of his employees. I saw yours. I’m sorry for snooping but …” he sighed and chuckled. “Well I was interested.”
Vanessa felt a jolt of shock. “You were … interested? In what?”
“Before I answer that, I’m going to ask you about that ring on your finger. You got a man, Eve?”
She inhaled a long breath. “Nope. It’s just a prop.”
Vanessa looked down at the piece of jewelry on her finger. She’d never removed it and there was a part of her that knew it wasn’t just a prop. It had real meaning for her. Unfortunately, the giver had released her long ago.
“Then to answer your question, it’s you I’m interested in. You; Eve or Vanessa, or whatever it is you like being called.”
Vanessa touched her lips feeling an odd but intriguing shiver run up her body. Dino liked her … She hurried to the front window and looked down at the tall handsome man standing there telling her that he was interested …
Vanessa hurried back to the intercom while Crash made zooming noises with the car, driving it up her arm and shoulder and across the side of her face.
“Uh … okay. But why are you here? The telephone would have been easier-”
“I wanted to try to talk you out of quitting … and to ask you if you’ll have lunch with me.” She heard him hesitate. “Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to see you.”
Vanessa felt a grin spread across her face. Dino was asking her for a date? Oh my God …
“Well?” He asked.
“No to the first. Maybe to the last.”
He chuckled. “Do you think I can come up? I might be able to change your mind.”
“Not about the first, but maybe about the last,” she replied while her lips tugged into a playful grin.
He laughed again and she pressed the buzzer to unlock the door. “Come on up. But since you didn’t call first I won’t apologize for the condition of the apartment or how terrible I look.”
“Duly noted.”
While he came up the stairs Vanessa dashed around the living room picking up Crash’s toys and straightening up the mail and magazines. By the time she heard the knock on her door Vanessa had her ponytail smoothed down and was wondering why she felt so giddy. She hadn’t even thought about whether or not she felt attracted to Dino before yesterday. But after her discussion with Charisma she was beginning to wonder just what she was waiting for.
Maybe it was time to give another man a chance—and time to give herself another chance to love.
Vanessa opened the door. Dino looked good in jeans and a Bob Marley t-shirt. His dark dreds complimented his lean face along with a slight Billy Goat beard covering his chin. His smile was bright and it caused butterflies to flutter in the pit of her stomach. No she was not beginning to crush on this man!
“Come on in,” she said shyly.
He entered the apartment slowly, looking at Crash with a perplexed expression.
Not many people had ever seen an AFO with a bar connecting them. It looked like a medieval torture device and Vanessa had agonized over it in the beginning. She wanted to take it off but knew it would be counterproductive and might even cause all the hard work of the last year to revert right back to where it had begun.
“Vanessa? What …?”
“My son was born with club feet and he has to wear these special sandals to twist his feet into the proper position.”
Dino didn’t seem to be listening to her. He was frowning while staring at Crash.
“Is that a white baby?”
Her mouth fell open. She looked at Crash who was studying the stranger while shyly leaning his head against her shoulder, his toy still clutched in his chubby fingers. His blond curls fell into his face but big blue eyes stared back. He had never grown brown—not even his ears or scrotum. He looked white, but he was multiracial just as she was.
“This is my son.” She stated firmly, her smile disappearing.
Dino stared at the baby while shaking his head. He looked at Vanessa and his expression had changed as if a shield had come down over him.
“Vanessa, I had no idea …” Even his voice had grown firm.
Vanessa stared at Dino as she switched Crash to her other hip.
“No idea about what, exactly?”
“I didn’t know you rolled with the white boys like that,” he said while staring at her son.
“Uh …” she could not have been more surprised at his words.
He held up his hands innocently and took a retreating step back.
“Look, where I come from you don’t mix with the whites and I don’t roll like that. You even got a baby with one of them.”
His voice was filled with distaste.
“I can’t … can’t believe what I’m hearing.” She looked at Dino, still in shock at the magnitude
of his racism.
He shook his head in disappointment at her and she could see disgust mixed in with the look.
“After being enslaved by white men, being treated as their cattle, after generations of being raped by them and beaten by them, how could you ever willingly lay down with one?”
Her voice was tight with anger when she responded. “By that token, why would I ever trust a black man again after one drugged and tried to rape me?! I don’t happen to have a personal history of being enslaved but I have been assaulted. And where I come from you judge a man, not by the history of his race but by his own actions. My child’s father has always treated me with respect!”
“And yet he’s not here taking care of his business. He knocked you up and left you with a baby that will never truly fit in the white or the black world.”
She shook her head. “I’m multiracial too—or did you not notice that?! Just get out Dino! Get out of my house!”
Dino opened the door and left. Vanessa slammed the door after him and then opened it and called down the stairwell after him.
“And for your information the father of my baby is in jail for beating to death the man who tried to rape me! And that’s why he’s not with me now! So don’t judge me or him!”
She slammed the door again. Crash was whimpering and tears had filled his eyes. She hugged him, knowing that her angry outburst had confused him.
“It’s okay. Mommy’s okay.” She kissed his sweet face and then silently counted to ten. Dino was too ignorant to allow him to affect her. She sat down on the floor and put Crash down. He immediately climbed back into her arms and she sat there rocking him quietly.
She wiped away her tears of hurt and disappointment. And for the next few minutes she alternated between anger and sadness, wondering if all black men would look at her as a disappointment to the black race.
She got Miss Barbara to babysit Crash and then she called a taxi to take her to the club.
All the performers were in rehearsals but Jackson’s assistant Nikki saw her enter the club and hurried over to her. Vanessa was happy for the diversion. She was afraid that she would snap if she saw either Kiki or Jackson.
